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Valentine’s Day

You guessed it, I hate it! Big business trying to make money off everything, including love, be it real or fake. Why do you need a special day to treat your significant other especially well? And why do you need to prove your feelings with things that you buy? What ever happened to simply doing things for each other, putting time, effort and, especially, feeling into it?

But I’m not going to lash out against consumerism again. I only mean to post one of those annoying lists of “things to do to make every day Valentine’s Day”, as you can see them called in various places. In no particular order, simply some things that, to my mind, make a relationship work well and last. Things that people should do way more often but, unfortunately, don’t get done because everybody is too caught up in the rat race to focus on the things that really matter, only realizing what they had when it’s gone.

Say “I love you” and mean it. Don’t throw the word around whenever you think it might be appropriate, save it for the moments when you truly feel the need to say it. And don’t just say it out loud, whisper it right next to their ear. It’s usually hard to say those words if you truly mean them, so that would also make it easier for you.
The best moments are the intimate ones, when there is nobody else around, you are very close and nothing else matters. I’m talking about such moments as during a long hug, while making love, right before going to sleep or right after waking up. Either way, it should preferably happen often since love is what should be holding you together more than anything else and there should be plenty of such intimate moments.

Talk about everything and don’t shy away from arguments when needed, as long as they’re constructive. Know each other and know yourselves, since it’s so easy to do something wrong when you don’t know what the other considers to be wrong.
Communication is the key, and that includes talking about the bad things as well. The first requirement when attempting to solve a problem is knowing it exists, and then defining it in detail. Sometimes that causes bad feelings to be released and hurtful things to be said, but better let it all out and then be able to solve it than hold it in and let it develop into something much worse. Arguments, if handled correctly, can solve many problems that would linger on if confrontation would be avoided.

Set aside time for yourselves. It doesn’t matter what other things you have to do, how busy you are or many others depend on you. Set aside one day per week for each other. Don’t let anyone or anything intrude upon that day. It’s a time for you to spend together, enjoying your relationship, doing all the things you like doing together and spoiling each other. It doesn’t matter what else is going on, during that day you should act like you’re carefree, the only important thing being your relationship.
And you should also set aside at least two hours for each other during each of the other days. Use them to talk about what truly matters, do something you enjoy doing together, show each other you care, cuddle or have sex. Make sure no day goes by without reaffirming the fact that you a single unit, not different people who just happen to occasionally find each other when given a break by the rest of their lives.

Touch, hug and kiss frequently. Physical contact is extremely important and, while this is not the closest you can be, it’s something you can do far easier and in many more places. These things shouldn’t need to be conscious actions. They should simply happen, touching each other at every opportunity becoming second nature.
Holding hands while walking together and a hug and a kiss whenever you see each other again after even a few hours spent apart can mean a lot. But you don’t need reasons to hug and kiss your significant other, it should happen many times during each day. Even brief touches, like brushing your hand against your significant other as you go past them while at home or a small peck on the lips or cheeks or even simply brushing your lips against their hair, mean a lot.

Keep each other sexually satisfied at all times. Don’t use sex as a currency and don’t let other things ruin your sex life. The closest you can be to another person is while having sex and that should be treasured. It doesn’t matter how your day has been and what other things have happened, let it all go and focus on pleasing each other the best you can. You’ll often find that you feel better about the other things afterwards as well.
And it’s crucial to synchronize your sex drives. If you want to have sex more than your partner, do your best to arouse them, keeping in mind that every little thing you do during a day can count as foreplay, if done right. Also gently guide them when you do have sex, so the quality will compensate for any potential lack of quantity. And if your partner wants to have sex more than you, do your best to please them when it does happen and teach them what they can do to arouse you more often.

Make plans together so you won’t risk drifting apart because of different agendas. Yes, it’s important to have time for yourself and even do things you enjoy doing without your partner being present as long as they’re not bothered by it, but, again, it’s very important not to end up acting like different people who just happen to occasionally find each other when given a break by the rest of their lives.
Make sure you always put the relationship first, not doing anything that might jeopardize it. You can’t get very far without deciding together where to go next and only going where the other can follow. Not to mention that simply making plans for a future together gives a feeling of security.

Developing inside jokes, looks and other gestures is another great way to bond. It shows that you understand each other and that you treasure the moments you had together so far. Not to mention that such things can be very helpful when others are around and you might not be able to tell each other what you mean to say in just so many words.
Just like most other things in a successful relationship, developing this “code” shouldn’t be something done on purpose, but something that comes into existence on it’s own, as time passes and you become more connected to each other. Just don’t be afraid to use it once it does or it’ll be wasted.

I don’t think I told anybody anything they didn’t know already. Some may refuse to accept that such things are needed for a good relationship, but many more try to be like this and yet keep failing, usually because they end up too caught up in the rat race to be able to focus on the things that truly matter. Therefore, perhaps the best advice anybody can give is that winning the race isn’t a worthy goal and neither is simply competing in it. The goal should be to stop being a rat.

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