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As Expected, Shutting Down Because of Connection Situation and Dad

This week’s run was Monday, and the time was the third fastest so far over ten kilometers, 46:31.39, with sector times of 4:13.24, 4:58.22, 5:39.20, 4:24.32, 4:57 (4:56.20), 5:43 (5:42.93), 4:23 (4:22.96), 4:51.11, 5:35.72 and 1:48 (1:47.49), making for lap times of 14:50.66, 15:04 (15:03.45) and 14:49.79, which also means a new fastest lap three. And to think that when I left, a bit after 3:40 PM, I was allowing for the possibility to go for 16 kilometers if I’ll be too slow for ten again. And I was worried at first, feeling like I couldn’t sustain that pace after I started, but then saw that the pace in question was a fast one on the first two sectors and decided to really go for it, complete a lap in less than 15 minutes again, then allow myself to slow down later if necessary. But I was only a bit slower on lap two, which nevertheless remained faster than any lap since the end of November, not counting the one completed just before it, and then lap three was actually the fastest. Felt better during it as well, and really pushed on its second sector, helped by the fact that the straight was quite clear and I could really go for it there, start to end.
Woke up when the alarm rang, at 1:30 PM, and it seemed a bit windy when I looked outside, but after I actually went out I realized that it was fine, and only felt some wind on sector two of lap two, and a little more on sector two of lap three. The reported temperature was 4°C, so I had the shirt on, and the undershirt and t-shirt I wear inside under it, plus gloves, and of course the jacket for the walk, tied around my waist as I ran. But there weren’t many people and they didn’t cause any notable issues, only requiring some weaving and going the long way around. My left knee bothered me a bit on sector one of lap two, but it got better after that, though I then spent the next two sectors trying to snap my back the right way and regulate my breathing to make my liver stop hurting, eventually managing to do so and being able to really push for that great time on lap three. There was an issue I noticed on the way to the park though, when I felt something jabbing my left foot and I stopped on a bench to take that shoe off and remove what seemed to be a small splinter from it. And since I returned to what happened before the run, I’ll also mention that I had the usual stuff, again with a doughnut with jam as something sweet, and again had to try twice before managing to take a crap.

Got a reply from the manager of that Carrefour from the park in the evening, first just with some basic stuff about their sales changing on Thursday and being unable to list all the items included, but then asking for a copy of the receipt to see what could be worked out. So I sent pictures of both the receipt and the jacket’s label and mentioned again that I could have taken the jacket there in a bag to return it as unworn, then either ask to buy it again, or get another, either from there or from another location, or just give up on it and possibly cause them even more of a loss, and I’m sure that others would have done, and do, that, and end up rewarded for being dishonest, so it seems awfully unfair to be refused if I honestly stated what I was looking for from the beginning. However, I’m yet to receive a reply, so last evening I sent another message, not accusing directly, but instead asking whether my reply was received or perhaps filters blocked it due to the images, offering to upload them somewhere and send the links in that case, if the filters won’t block links as well.

Back to Monday, made myself mamaliga at night and felt rather off as I was going to bed, and the next day as well. It’s possible that it was because of the yogurt I added, since it was the last third of a large cup which had expired on the 15th, and I had last eaten from it on the 17th and didn’t freeze it, thinking that anything would be killed if I’ll put it in at least half an hour before taking the mamaliga off the stove, boiling it in there all that time. But maybe I was just exhausted after that fast run, and either way it wasn’t too bad.
I did just about need to rush to the toilet once again at exactly the wrong time on Tuesday, but that was because I was about to install this month’s Windows updates, since I hadn’t done that until then. But since I wanted to get that done before going, I was in my room when my phone rang and saw the number of that delivery guy again. Hadn’t received any SMS before and there was no point in answering, of course, but I realized he was going to bring me my phone back, so I rushed to turn the intercom on and got it, the guy just handing me the parcel and leaving, not even asking me to sign anything. And so far the problem didn’t reappear, but it’s of course way too early. Unfortunately, I removed that protection screen before sending it and I can’t really put it back, a lot of air bubbles being left under it and the lower part not seeming to want to fix itself at all. But I’m leaving it like that for now and in case it will actually bother me in time, I’ll decide what to do then.
Otherwise, once again there were no visits in either view that day, the fan speeds were once again stuck after updating, so I eventually, at night, turned the computer off and then back on in order to fix that, and Ascension to the Throne crashed twice. Since it hadn’t done that before, I wondered whether the updates caused it, but it didn’t happen again since then and the first crash was at the start of the second fight in a series, after I used the brief moment between the fights to level up my character, while the second was when I quit the game after starting it again to check that it still worked, so it might have been caused by something it still hadn’t cleaned up. And, to return to the phone, I also took the opportunity to put the SIM card back in the old one and sort through the numbers saved on it, deleting some, including the network guy’s, Susana’s and Jen’s, separating the rest and removing the duplicates caused by moving those from the new phone’s memory to it before sending it to be fixed, since the new one can’t edit what’s on the SIM card like that, nor does it allow multiple numbers for one entry.

Wednesday I went out again, mainly for toilet paper, and possibly also another one of those bags of oranges, since it was the last day when they were again on sale at Carrefour. Was out at 2:35 PM and took the recyclables as well, but this nearby bin was again full, so I was struggling to make the stuff fit when a woman who seemed to work for the cleaning company shouted at me to put them in her bag instead and came with that bag, helping me do so for what I had left, since the wind was carrying stuff away. Then I walked to the usual Carrefour, left the stuff I drop off at Kaufland in a cabinet I couldn’t lock, got a bag of oranges and an expiring large yogurt, found a €0.10 coin just past the checkout, grabbed those things again, dropped them off at Kaufland, where I could lock the cabinet I put the oranges and yogurt in… But I couldn’t find this kind of toilet paper there. In fact, plenty of things seemed to be missing, including onions, which were another thing I was sort of looking for.
But I had the metro card, so I walked to the metro station, went to the one at Basarab and got toilet paper and onions from there. Used the self-checkout again, and kicked a 0.01 RON coin ahead of me as I was walking out, picking it up before scanning my receipt in order to be allowed to leave, and the guard told me that I could look around every machine and grab dropped coins if I wanted, which was quite obviously a passive-aggressive statement, but I just smiled and brushed it off… And then ended up hoping I didn’t lose any onions, since the next people again stood right next to me as I was using the machine, making me feel rushed, and I hadn’t grabbed the bag with the onions properly and only noticed when picking up my other things from the cabinet that it had come undone. Admittedly, I had ended up pressuring the person ahead of me in the same manner, since someone was waiting next to me, not even behind, and as soon as the guy finished paying and started picking up his things she told me to go ahead, and I did so in order to avoid needing to explain why I didn’t. Either way, was back at 5:40 PM… And timed my squats again that day, the time being 2:11.

As for yesterday, cleaned my room a little and made dad’s computer start again, after he left me a note saying that it again wouldn’t start anymore. Still don’t really know how I’m doing that, and just cleaning some of the dust from the CPU cooler didn’t fix it this time, but pushing against the power connectors going to the motherboard and CPU apparently did, though it’s also possible that it doesn’t really have anything to do with that, but with something I don’t really realize I’m doing, with the way I move it in order to gain access, or even simply with turning it off and back on until it just works again on its own. Either way, considering how messed up I was when he asked me to turn it off and it wouldn’t work anymore and that he didn’t even look at me then and just dismissed my concerns and the state I was in, after putting it back in the desk and reconnecting everything I didn’t even check that Windows started again, just entering BIOS and then turning it off.
Well, apparently that led to a much worse mess, since when he got back in the evening he went straight to the computer and turned it on, once again without unplugging my cable first. And he hadn’t done that a couple of days earlier either, again saying he didn’t understand what I meant when I told him to do so before, but that yes, that time he finally got it, despite having said the exact same thing that last time as well… Yet the very next time, since the day before I had unplugged it myself first, he again didn’t do it, and again started explaining that he just wanted to check if it worked since I hadn’t left him a note and didn’t come out of my room the moment he walked in, and I had supposedly walked in while it was still booting up, “there was that white text on black”, though that was an obvious lie since I looked at the screen as soon as I got there and I saw the desktop. So I obviously just lost it, shouted, he shouted back, said that what I wanted was “fanatism” and it annoys him and he won’t put up with that, making it clear than it’s not a matter of not understanding, which would be impossible by now anyway, but of refusing and actively trying to force me to give in and accept to share the connection like that. Which obviously won’t happen.
There was also some shouting about the computer issue, how I shit myself when it comes to such things and he doesn’t care, and he again proved that he doesn’t care and likely sees it as a whim he needs to force me to give up on, and then, when he pushed past me to take something to the balcony, I went back to my room and got under the blanket, shaking but somehow eventually managing to nap a little. Was awake again by the time he left though, because I was about to piss myself, so I struggled to hold it in until he finally left, then took care of that problem and had a slice of that panettone his sister gave us for the holidays and which I kept… Actually, that was the only thing out of the whole pile of sweets we got that I specifically said I wanted for myself, asking for it to be left untouched until we’ll finish everything else, so moisture won’t get in it and make it spoil… Yet he nevertheless opened it and took a slice a couple of days after I said that, and then, some time ago, took some more, in fact a whole third of it, telling me when I pointed it out that he had just forgotten that I wanted it.
To return to the matter at hand, wrote him a long note after eating that night, leaving it on the kitchen table, and then obviously couldn’t sleep. I think he came back late this morning, and I was still awake at that point, and when he went to bed as well, only managing to catch a very brief nap after that, waking up after a bad dream. I was again at my grandparents’, of course, and all of this was happening, and he again said that his computer wouldn’t start, and when I panicked he said he’ll put me back somewhere, at which point I ran to the other house that was there and locked myself in. But he called my cousins and, as I was trying to pull something out in order to arm myself and couldn’t, they somehow unlocked the door even though I had left the key in it. And then my uncle was there as well, walking to me as my dad was trying to sneak in from the side, my uncle telling me to take those things I was trying to pull out and use them for comfort and trust him it’ll all be all right. But I said he was one of the very few in this family that I could perhaps trust back then, but that was then and he died anyway, so when dad also appeared next to me and my uncle got close and pulled out a syringe, I kicked them, grabbed the syringe, jabbed dad in the neck with it, pushed past my cousins and ran to the storage shed, somehow jumping on the roof and then back down on the other side, continuing to run and waking up, after what couldn’t have been more than minutes of sleep. And while there were no other such dreams after that and it was 2:50 PM when I finally got up, I doubt I got more than a couple of hours of sleep, split into several parts…

After writing the first part of this last night, finished it after getting up today and then pretty much stayed in bed, adding this part after I went to pee again, before getting back there. And since I’ve obviously been hiding from dad again, that means I didn’t go to the kitchen, so didn’t even make tea to have something to drink. I guess I’ll leave this here as it is and use the file’s time if I’ll only be able to get on-line to post it after midnight, so what I mean by “today” and “yesterday” will be clear, and maybe in order to be able to throw a very quick second post on here tonight as well, to be done with this week.
Should also finally get around to uninstalling Kaspersky Anti-Virus, since I guess the limited functionality mode also has a limited time, as I stopped getting updates last weekend, a day before it let me know that 30 days passed since the trial expired and it was my last chance to register, likely going for another trial of Arcabit Antivirus, since I know it’s bad but at least works to some extent and I don’t want to have to actually try something else now, but I can’t do that off-line and really don’t want the trouble at the moment at all. A rock and a hard place, this, since I’m already so worried and anxious because of the situation with the connection and both doing something and not doing anything about the security software only makes it much worse. I could, of course, just purchase a license for Kaspersky Anti-Virus, but I’m still hoping I’ll be able to use ESET Antivirus instead, yet that would mean going for another trial and seeing that the problems with Vivaldi are gone, which I rather doubt and, either way, I can’t get myself to do that now, so I’ll just keep trying to delay and hope it won’t worsen anything other than my mental state, at least.


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