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It All Seems So Unreal… And Dad’s Still Awfully Infuriating

The situation feels simply unreal. That’s also because a full quarantine was declared here as well, starting yesterday, but mainly because of the world’s response in general, because all of this is being done for this reason when hardly anything seemed possible for the much bigger problems, and because even those actively campaigning so far seem to be forgetting about anything else, nearly everyone seeming so surprised and shocked by something that wasn’t just predictable, but actually predicted, and which is far, far less dangerous than it could have been. And, more importantly, something that’s far, far less dangerous than those other problems that we hardly reacted to before and that we’re at best ignoring pretty much completely now, in some cases even rapidly undoing even the few steps in a right direction which had been taken.

That’s not why I’ve been sleeping so poorly these days though, waking up after a couple of hours and having a hard time getting back to sleep and staying asleep after that, usually just managing a few more brief naps before finally deciding to get up at some point. Was expecting this, but it actually took one more such situation with dad to get to this point, and that was the talk we had Friday evening, after he had left me a note when he left that day, to tell me that if I don’t want those things, referring to what he bought from that other pharmacy at a much higher price after I told him to only get them if he happens to go to a particular one for another reason and they’re at the specific prices I had seen on-line, he’ll throw them away, and that he doesn’t want to see me buying them from there on my own as well, as that’d be a waste.
Well, I did buy them as well, after running that day, but I wanted more than I had asked him to get anyway, either in case he’ll also want to start taking them after all or to have for a longer time for myself, since the price is likely to only keep going up. But the discussion started from the note I left him in reply, in case he’ll get back before me, where I said I was going to assume that he said what he did by mistake, because he couldn’t possibly intend to harm me explicitly, knowing how I react to something like this and forcing me to accept a bad situation to avoid an even worse one he’ll create otherwise, so maybe he purchased those things either for my mother or for himself but then changed his mind and would rather give them to me while also indicating that, if he could pour that amount into the profits of a pharmacy chain that’s swimming in money these days, he obviously has a lot to spare, in which case it shouldn’t be a problem for him to donate a small amount to some of those fighting to support hospitals and obtain the necessary equipment these days.
I still found that note on the table when I got back, as he hadn’t returned yet, but he arrived while I was still putting away the purchases, so I left some things where they were and quickly went to my room, leaving him to read. Then, after changing and showering, I asked him his choice, if we’re to assume he didn’t intend to harm, and he said that the last thing, donating after having spent more, was absurd, there’s no way he’ll do that, and then kept saying that it’s everyone for themselves, he won’t help anyone while those who decide where the budget goes steal instead of directing all of it where it’s actually needed, only the very rich and the large corporations should donate, and again that it’s everyone for themselves and he just does what makes him feel good. I was saying I’m feeling bad for not doing more to help and he of course got back to saying that he learned from me that nothing must be done. That comes from back in the ’90s, when I had found something along those lines said by a psychologist or something of that sort while they were forcing me to keep going to school, and he’s been using it against any ethical or moral stance I take ever since, but when I pointed out how long it’s been and that I got wiser since then and in recent years I’ve been trying to teach him the “I do my part” thing, which he doesn’t seem to learn at all, he readily admitted that he just takes what he likes out of what I say, and said that’s how it should be for everyone, just doing what makes you feel good, no matter what, and also that doing your part and helping when others won’t will harm you, which can’t be accepted.
The only thing I could think of doing under those circumstances, after saying that I’ll consider those things I also purchased as having been purchased out of what I had set aside until I’ll finish those he purchased, was to make up for it myself, deciding to donate 20 out of the 26.70 RON I had left out of what I meant to allow myself to spend until the end of the month, which meant even reducing the amount of bread I’ll eat and making do with what I already had otherwise. He wouldn’t understand that, at first seemed to take it as a joke or idle threat, then seemed genuinely confused when he realized I was serious and I was telling him how bad the whole thing makes me feel, that he made me responsible for it and I doubt I’ll sleep much over the coming days, which definitely proved true. He was just saying that he has no such qualms, and again repeating that it’s everyone for themselves and all that matters is that he did what felt good for him.

Then again, I had slept poorly that morning as well, seeing as the problem already existed, and eventually got up at 11:58 AM, turning off the alarm, which was set to ring at noon. Meant to run a bit earlier, to be able to buy some things after that, getting it all done in a single trip, so I had the usual stuff, with the yogurt being another one of those with 10% fat and the cereals another one of those free servings that came with them, and the sweet thing being honeycomb, then took bags and money with me, plus the mask from that march for clean air, which I had washed the night before, and went out at 2:15 PM. There was some wind and the dark clouds worried me, but the forecast proved accurate and there was no rain, and in fact it ended up being mostly sunny during a good part of my run.
The time was 46:28.80, with sector times of 4:12.12, 4:56.30, 5:42.36, 4:25 (4:24.31), 4:57.12, 5:45.22, 4:17 (4:16.61), 4:54.42, 5:36 (5:35.88) and 1:44.46, making for lap times of 14:50.78, 15:07 (15:06.65) and 14:47 (14:46.91). That means I have a new fastest lap three, which included a sector three that was incredibly fast at that point, and the overall time was the third fastest. I just felt good from the start, so pushed all the way, maybe with the exception of sector two of lap one, the fact that I had such a good time there in spite of that making me realize I could do really well and not sparing myself at all after that. Still, was only really aiming to stay under 47 minutes, and when a guy asked about my time per lap, on sector one of lap three, I said about 15 and a half, since I was only aiming for 15:20 on that lap, after all, and I preferred to round that way.
There were some people, but they mainly just caused me to weave and go the long way around, and there actually was less of that as well, at least some seeming to be more careful, probably trying to avoid contact. There was direct contact, however, on sector three of lap three, when I thought I had room to pass on the inside and found myself hitting a guy’s elbow with my upper arm. I don’t know whether I misjudged the space or he moved his arm towards me just then, unaware that I was coming from behind, but it was quite painful. Otherwise, it was quite windy in some places, and a few gusts made me feel like I was hardly moving. It was better while it was sunny, but dark clouds came again as I started lap three and the wind also changed and got stronger once again at that point, though it fortunately didn’t last long. As for the warnings given by my body, on sector two of lap two the back of my right knee started hurting, soon followed by the back of that hip as well, both getting better after a while but then that knee, as in no longer something behind it, hurt a bit for a while as well. The bag with the stuff I had with me, which I had tried to fold as best as possible to make it easier to hold in hand, bothered me a bit, and after that sector two of lap two I switched hands a few times, also thinking that holding it just in my right hand until then might have had something to do with the issues with my right leg.

Went straight to that pharmacy after the run, putting the mask on as I was waiting in line outside. The line seemed quite long, but after taking some time to listen to others in order to make sure that I was standing in the right one, I took out the piece of paper I had my shopping lists on and the pencil and started writing down the sector times… Only for all of those who were in line at that point to be allowed inside seconds later, after I had only managed to write the first sector’s time. So I went right in and rushed, announcements telling people to spend no more than 15 minutes inside, in order to allow others to come in. I had a pretty good idea where most things were, and I found one of the two things I didn’t know the location of on the way to something else, so I only had to ask an employee about the nose spray. It probably took longer to check the prices, to make sure they were the listed ones, only one price checker seeming to still be available and working as slowly and oddly as the checkers always did at that pharmacy. And then I also spotted the essential oils on the way to the checkout, and that the lemon one of the kind dad had just finished, after apparently starting to use something like that, was actually the cheapest, so I grabbed one of those too, and then waited a while to be able to check its price. But I was still done quickly, and also got the free products I should have gotten, which I later gave to dad to take to my mother, though it was odd when I asked whether the bonus was only for on-line orders and the cashier said it was for any purchase, but asked me whether the site said it was one for each product from that brand or one for two, since she didn’t know… Had to dig through my bag after throwing all the purchases in there for 1 RON more, as I had miscalculated the total despite having checked each price.

Went to the farmers’ market after that, getting green onions and apples, and had a woman ask where I had purchased that mask from, telling her that I already had it, since last year. Then I decided to also have a look through that Supeco, getting cornmeal and heading straight for checkout after a woman told me the price wasn’t the listed one, since the bar code wasn’t the one on the price label. That meant I first wanted to ask what the real price was and, since I didn’t get there from the area where the line had formed and people kept a distance, the line being behind the shelves, I never noticed that said line existed, just stepping in after the person getting checked out then, having the cashier scan the two items and tell me the price, which was in fact the listed one, and only then having the woman whose turn was supposed to be ask out loud why did she bother to stand in line, and what about all those behind her. I turned in surprise, paused for a moment when I saw the line, apologized and didn’t know what to do, but the cashier told me to just go ahead and pay, since she had scanned the items already, so I did that and told the others that I really hadn’t noticed, prompting disbelieving reactions. A man who was farther back also told me to take that mask off, since it’s probably why I can’t see, and I honestly said that was one possible reason as I hurried away.
Did push the mask down on the street, on the way to that mall, putting it back after getting there and going to the toilets to wash my hands and wipe my nose. Then I went to that Carrefour and got some of the things I wanted, and a couple of other things I noticed had good prices, but again didn’t get any bread. Did find some of that kind that wasn’t sliced, but there was no price, and when I scanned it I saw 3.99 RON, when it used to be 2.99 RON, and 2.49 RON about half the time, supposedly on sale, so I said I’ll pass, feeling tricked, not just by such a price increase, but also the fact that they weren’t even listing the price after increasing it. Then, at checkout, I made sure I gave the exact change to get just a 0.10 RON coin back, but the cashier entered that I had given only 0.01 RON more and gave me nothing back, which made me start looking around, which led to spotting a 0.50 RON coin under one of the machines next to the cabinets. So I edged towards it as I arranged my stuff in my bags, grabbing it when I was done… Only to realize after going up the escalators that I was missing the bag with all the stuff from the pharmacy! I had apparently taken the other things out of the cabinet, but not that one, so I rushed back there, breathing a sigh of relief when I saw it still in that cabinet. In the end, was back here at 5:55 PM.

Ran twice last week because the wind alone was enough to prevent me from running this week, and Monday and Tuesday it was cold as well, and at times rained and even snowed a bit. For that reason, and also because the new regulations, forbidding people from being outside unless necessary at night and “recommending” the same thing during the day, came into force Monday evening, at 10 PM, I went out Tuesday, hoping it’ll be quite clear. However, as I was getting ready to leave, at 1:15 PM, the President made a speech, announcing that the “recommendations” will become regulations starting the next day, so it was clear that everybody was going to rush out as well.
I still had a chance to get there before others, but seeing as I wanted to check out both Carrefour and Kaufland, it wasn’t going to matter in the end, so I also took the plastic, on top of the things I drop off at Kaufland, got out a bit after 1:40 PM and also took my card and walked on this side of the road in order to check the machine at the bank. There doesn’t seem to be a way to put money in another account though, so I couldn’t make that donation that way and didn’t actually go in, just losing a little bit of time, and then a little more when I meant to put the money on the card using a machine in this mall that Carrefour’s in, to follow the recommendation to not use cash during this period, even if I’m so against using cards, only to have it say that the operation couldn’t be performed, the tray where I was supposed to put the money not even opening. The thing is that I had forgotten some of the money I wanted to take with me and dad had given me quite a list of things to look for, but I fortunately couldn’t find one kind of cat food and another kind wasn’t cheaper than at a nearby store he was going to go to after I got back anyway, so I ignored that and could make do with what I had.
Did first go to Kaufland, which was quite clear at that time, but only to drop those things off and check prices. Then I went to Carrefour and got a few things, again not getting 0.10 RON as change, though I then saw just such a coin right at my feet as I turned to walk away, so I grabbed that… And when I got back to Kaufland, I saw the front doors closed and a long line of people waiting to get in, having to wait for three or four groups to be allowed inside until my turn came, one of those groups ending with the person who was just ahead of me. So I spent quite some time in that line, and a part of it just in front of the guards, getting increasingly annoyed at the one who seemed to be in charge, who was the only one without a mask and who kept making fun of one who had what looked like a gas mask on, though it just had the filters, not protection for the eyes as well. It also seems that I unintentionally organized things a little, as some bollards are there and it made perfect sense to me that people should wait to go in on one side, which already happened, and those going out should do so on the other, so when I ended up waiting right in front of the door and somebody tried to get out through the line, I just told him that he should exit on the other side of the bollards without even looking, making him look around in confusion since a line of carts blocked that way. But I guess the guards realized that this was how it should work, immediately cleared those carts away and started instructing people to go out on that side.
The fact that they were limiting the number of people coming in meant it was quite clear inside, however, so I had no problems getting everything. Well, everything except onions, which were supposed to be on sale these days but which they were out of. And there was also a single bread left of the one kind I’d get from there, but at least there was that one bread, after I couldn’t find a single one of that kind left at Carrefour, despite the higher price, nor any others that I’d find acceptable. So I have bread for the rest of the week, even if getting that far with what I had before required two “let them eat cake” moments, Saturday and Sunday night, when I replaced bread with what was left of that panettone received back in December and a pretzel, after dad bought two and forgot them in his backpack for a day. But, to return to Kaufland, it was really nice that I was the only one using the self-checkout, since the announcements kept inviting people to use them but said that they were for those with 15 items or less and I just had 13 while everybody was filling carts.
I also got myself a cake from the confectionery that’s there, since dad had told me that my mother wanted some, asked what he should get me as well and I said I didn’t want anything from the one he’ll go to but, if he wants to spend the money anyway, I’ll get myself something out of what he gave me for what he asked me to get. The problem with the cake was that the girl put it in the box upright and it didn’t fit, so she was struggling to close the lid and I didn’t react in time to tell her to tip it over, ending up with a box that didn’t stay closed and a cake I didn’t want to touch and which wouldn’t tip over on its own, so I kept struggling with it and ended up squashing it quite badly before finally giving up and just hoping it’ll stay closed as it was. I kept worrying about it, kept checking that bag, but it was fine in the end, and I was back a bit after 5 PM.

Otherwise, on March 19 I finished ShadowGuard, giving up on trying to get all the kills after it became quite clear that it was impossible and pretty much letting NPCs take care of things in the last two areas, only casting a few spells from a safe distance. On the other hand, Monday I finally started The Way of Kings, so now I’m trying to stick to a schedule in order to finish it in three weeks as well. Should be easy though, seeing as I’ll probably only go out once per week and may not even be allowed to go to the park to run, I’ll need to see about that… And also because dad will be working from home for the next two weeks, which means no chance to make mamaliga or be on-line at night during this time. At least he disconnected his computer this afternoon, so I’m taking the opportunity to post this now as well.


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