Cav's Place

One more messed up thing I didn’t mention in the previous personal post is that at one point dad apparently called someone else over and gave him his cards and PINs and asked him to withdraw money and bring it over, when my cousin had already brought some before we legally had to isolate and we’d have nothing to do with cash during this time anyway. And he had apparently also asked that guy to get him some other things from the pharmacy and take whatever he’ll spend out of what he’ll withdraw, and the fact that he sounded surprised when he gave me what that guy brought and I told him the amount indicated that he had no idea what had been withdrawn and what had been spent. That seems like a pretty crazy risk to me, with potential consequences even further down the line, and for no benefit whatsoever…

To get to what I did mean to leave for this post, last Wednesday started oddly, with a message letting me know I had received a gift offering me unlimited calls and messages in the operator’s network for 15 days, and postponing the deadline to reactivate my credit with that time. Asked dad about it and he said he didn’t ask anybody to do that, so if I’m to believe him, I have no idea what that’s about, but what’s clear is that instead of needing to use that recharge code I rushed to get before entering isolation that day, I didn’t actually need to buy it then at all. Not that I could have known that this was going to happen, of course…
Either way, when I got up and asked dad, I found him making pancakes, saying he craved some even though his smell and taste were obviously affected and he wouldn’t admit it, so he kept saying that just about everything was going bad and throwing a lot away. Well, since they were being made, I suddenly craved some as well and told him that, but not if he made them and they stayed there in that air, so I wasn’t sure how to go about it and changed my mind a few times, first telling him that he should at least cover them well, then that I should perhaps make the rest, or that he should just make what he’s certain to eat and I’ll make my own after that. So he took what was already made, with just a napkin thrown on them, so they had probably been completely uncovered until then, and left me to make the rest, but also left a jar of jam in the kitchen, though I had told him to just take what he’ll eat and then put it back.
As I was about to have my turn in the kitchen, he told me he threw away three eggs, because he didn’t like them… And I snapped, swore at him for throwing things away, hit some things, he went to the bedroom without saying anything else, I hit some more things, but eventually calmed down enough to clean up after him, make a few pancakes for myself and get something else to eat as well. That was just the beginning, however, as I later threw away some other things he took and left there for days… And at night, when he went to bed, I saw he had taken another jar of jam to the living room and kept it there in front of him on the desk, and those pancakes he had taken were still there as well, having been there all day. So I asked if the pancakes shouldn’t be placed in the fridge and he said he didn’t know because he used too much oil or something, didn’t like them, and will likely throw them away as well. Told him I’ll “tax” him for everything he’s throwing away like this, which at the time he seemed to accept, and also told him to at least finish that jar of jam, to which he said it had been closed… Yes, closed, but inches from his face as he kept coughing, so I didn’t want it back next to other things. Not that other things weren’t, since I also saw that he had placed a chocolate in the fridge after having had it in the living room, completely in the open, on top of the packaging, for probably over a week…

Another surprise was waiting for me when I woke up the next day, in the form of a note stuck to the door of this bathroom I’m using, with a list of things to order, dad saying he’ll disconnect to let me stay on-line and deal with it, since he doesn’t know where to order from. So I got on it, starting to search the major stores and delivery services, eventually picking one… And doing something wrong. Not knowing how it worked, I picked to choose the delivery time and the order didn’t seem to be getting anywhere, so after wondering what might be wrong, starting to panic, even sending a message and then making a new order, I realized that an order won’t move to the next stage if you choose the delivery time until that time approaches, which meant that the new order, for which that option was no longer available since it was getting late, was assigned to someone first and then the initial one also was, so I quickly wrote a comment to ask for that initial one to be canceled and it was… Only for the reply to the message I had sent to arrive moments later, stating that the order showed up as canceled and asking if I hadn’t been contacted at all, so I had to explain that it had been my fault, for not knowing how it worked, being my first order through that platform.
That wasn’t the end of the issues, however, since the guy the order was assigned to couldn’t find the cheap frozen spinach I had selected and I couldn’t hear him when he called to ask what to do. He could hear me, however, and after two attempts sent a message to say so and explain why he was calling, asking whether it was all right to replace it with the one he did find, which was twice the price. So, since dad wanted his frozen spinach and I couldn’t remove it from the order, I looked it up, but was panicking even more and misunderstood what the guy meant, so when he called yet again I told him I agreed if it was the one I thought it was, not hearing anything he might have been saying, and also sent a message on-line to repeat that same thing… Only to see that the order information was listing that bag as having been replaced not with the 1 kg bag from the brand he mentioned, but with a single 450 g bag, which was even more expensive for the same weight and, of course, was less than half the quantity. Still, I when I reread his message I noticed a word which should have told me that he couldn’t find that 1 kg bag either, and by then it was late anyway, the store being close to closing, so I just sent another message to say that it was too late to change anything, but he should have at least replaced it with two of those… And got another reply, in which he told me he had done so, the platform’s software apparently just assuming that replacements are one on one.
Seeing as my credit was active and he obviously, and frustratingly, just wanted to use phones and not the platform’s messaging system, I replied to apologize for the trouble… And sure was relieved that it was all sorted out that evening, and also without actually needing to talk on the phone, because by that point I was just a mess, shaking, cracking because I had to deal with this, even more angry with dad for behaving as he was, constantly moving around, making a complete mess in the kitchen again and also keeping the window closed as he cooked, adding to the food to be thrown away but making me deal with this to order even more… I was going in and out of my room to update him on how it was going and at one point I just cracked, screamed, ran back here, hyperventilated for a bit, then somehow forced myself to snap back to be able to receive the order when the guy arrived. I was rather in a daze at that point, however, so I didn’t immediately notice that the bio (organic) yogurt and bag of snacks the site stated should be free with every order made those days weren’t included, and doubt I’d have said anything even if I would have noticed on the spot, but once I did notice I sent another message to the person who had replied to that support request, also repeating that it had been my first order and asking whether it had been my fault again, whether I should have done something to take advantage of that offer. She didn’t reply to it, however, so I just added that to how frustrating the whole thing was, since I was planning to munch on those snacks just then. This, of course, coming on top of the fact that, between needing to pick everything from one store, that spinach being replaced with that much more expensive one, the large bag that you’re also charged for and, most of all, the delivery fee, it all ended up costing double the amount I’d have normally been able to get those things for.
Dad wasn’t done, however, and after the delivery he told me to put two jackets somewhere, but then told me to leave them so I won’t struggle with them when I said it’ll be hard to make room. Well, I did struggle with them, angrily, after having hardly done anything that day, barely having anything to eat, not even taking a shit, and knowing I’ll again have to spend a long time cleaning the kitchen before I’ll even be able to start making anything for myself at night. Also said I had meant to cook something for myself the next day but assumed I won’t be able to, since he’ll want to do something with what he had me order, and he started saying he’ll do this or that or change plans, but I just snapped again, screamed at him to just stay the fuck in his bedroom… No chance of that, of course. He was coughing his lungs out, moving awkwardly, complaining of pain in his lower back and some other place on his back, quite clearly having some mind fog as well, but wouldn’t be still for five minutes and firmly refused even that evaluation that confirmed cases should have.

Things changed the next day, however, dad surprising me when I woke up by saying he recalled me saying I wanted to cook that day, so he’ll mostly stay away from the kitchen and let me do that. I had changed that plan, thinking he’ll want to, but after he said that I eventually did cook, and he mostly stayed in the living room, even closed the door, later left the kitchen window open… He also said he was feeling better, and while I didn’t believe him at first, he did seem to be moving and thinking a little bit better, and significant improvements, including those bad and long coughing fits going away, came as of that weekend, and since then he got back to eating pretty normally as well, though spicy stuff continues to bother him. The only obvious symptom left now are the coughing fits he keeps having pretty much whenever he speaks, eats or lies down without being facedown, though those are also much shorter and milder than they used to be.
Back to last Friday, there was a lot of blood when I wiped after going to the toilet, and I thought it might have been caused by scratching myself with the toilet paper, but after not taking a shit the following day, Sunday there seemed to be plenty of it in the toilet, but just on the bottom, and none as I wiped, making it seem as if the first piece had been full of clotted blood. And Wednesday I actually had a good look and definitely saw red areas in the crap, but there was nothing on the paper or dripping in the water and the red areas were scattered all over, not a streak on one side as the hemorrhoids used to cause, and it wasn’t dark to indicate blood coming from higher up, and I had also had a beet two nights before and a bit of red cabbage the previous night, so that might have had something to do with it as well. And, after again skipping a day, yesterday it seemed fine, so I’m hoping that whatever it was fixed itself.
To once again return to last Friday, however, that was when I also called to find out my status, being told that I should stay in for two weeks starting on the day dad was swabbed for the test, meaning that the period ends today. Without any testing, I fail to see the logic of it, since I could have gone through the illness before that, have antibodies and be safe, while at the same time, staying here with him, I could be positive at the end of the period, but if I don’t have obvious symptoms the authorities don’t want to test me at all, so I won’t appear in the statistics if I was infected and won’t know whether I have any immunity or may still be contagious unless I pay to get tested at a private clinic…
Still, to finally finish with last Friday, I did cheat a little bit late that night, sneaking outside to throw out the garbage. That doesn’t imply going out of the building or even leaving the floor, but I didn’t want it to be the first week in all the years since I decided to go out at least once per week when I didn’t, so I also used the opportunity to sneak down and use the building’s back door to just take a step outside, staying there for just a few seconds, with my hand still on the door, and then getting right back in. This was a first, but I did just go out through the building’s front door and then get right back in before, also just to be able to say I went out that week, and while I’m quite sure there were fewer steps and seconds this time around, it should be enough to count, considering the circumstances, while at the same time little enough to not be a problem.

Moving on, knowing that I could be even faster, I timed my squats two more times, seeing 1:58 on Sunday! As always when I push for such speed, I didn’t do them too correctly, especially the first half or so, but that was clearly a new record, assuming the time was correct. However, I did them while watching a handball match and when I saw I had done 50 in well under a minute I wondered whether the time had been stopped for a few seconds. But seeing as I know I did the following ones, or at least the last 30 or so, more slowly and I still completed those next 50 in a little over a minute, it seems that the time was the correct one after all.
It doesn’t matter that much, however, since I tried again the next day, timing properly, looking at the computer’s clock, and the time was a shocking 1:51! I really went for it, realizing that there had been something in the way I had done the first 50 or so the day before that allowed me to be faster and more efficient without actually making the way I did them incorrect, or at least that’s how I see it, so I used that method for all of them and that was the result. I was just crushed towards the end, the last ten or so being slower as I was gasping for breath and feeling various body parts going numb, but I just made it, with 54 seconds for the first 50 and 57 for the next 50. A headache hit me just after I was done and I was shaking all over, but I recovered quickly enough. This is not exactly something I care to try again, however, so I’ll just state here, for future reference, that this happened on March 22 and leave it at that.

Sunday’s squats were actually done after sleeping very poorly, and just grabbing a bit to eat, and actually right after eating that breakfast. The lack of sleep probably also had something to do with feeling a bit odd again later that day, but the blood I probably left in the toilet likely did as well, and maybe tiring myself with those squats added to it. And putting all of that together and also adding the fact that I spent over three hours in bed that evening and hardly napped at all likely explained the headache I eventually got out of bed with.
There were few other such issues to make a note of this week, though what certainly got my attention was the panic attack I had to fight off while slicing bread Tuesday night, when it suddenly seemed as if I couldn’t breathe very well, and later there also seemed to be a bit of crap in my chest, and knowing I had showered that evening, spending all that time without a mask and in the bathroom dad uses, made me worry, which likely led to a vicious circle. Then again, also spent the last few minutes before getting everything I needed to eat in my room the following night without a mask, and took another shower last night, after doing some more of dad’s laundry and hanging it to dry, including more of the sheets he had slept in while his symptoms were the worst. Hung the laundry on the balcony, where the window has been open all this time, and even used a new mask while doing so, but all of these things remain reasons for concern, so I hope they won’t come back and bite me.

Otherwise, started eating dinner at 3:15 AM Sunday night, 3:05 AM Tuesday night, again after only having a little during the day, and 3:15 AM again Wednesday night. Monday night I could have started before 3 AM, but decided to do a couple of other things first and then also wanted to listen to make sure I could hear dad breathing and couldn’t because Micky was very insistently trying to get my attention for some reason I couldn’t figure out, so after a while I closed her in the kitchen, listened, then let her out again and ended up taking the first bite right at 3 AM. Ate earlier these past two nights, however, getting to the kitchen earlier to cook Thursday evening, then taking everything to my room and actually finishing a little after 2:30 AM, while last night dad went to bed earlier and I was in the kitchen just after midnight, and finished eating in my room some time before 4 AM, though I was also reading some things and writing a bit and took it slowly. And Friday morning, so after I could finish eating so much earlier, I also went to bed a bit before 5:10 AM, while this morning it was a bit after 5:10 AM and Tuesday morning it was 5:15 AM, those being the three times when it was before 5:20 AM.

The last things I’ll add here happened Thursday, one being that I finally started that sudoku magazine bought last summer, but at the moment it’s still that old one, from 2018, that I keep in front of me on my desk, to put my headphones and occasionally also other things on. More importantly, however, dad told me that day that he called again and confirmed that we can both go out on Saturday. That struck me as particularly strange in his case, seeing as he’s still coughing and nobody tested him again, so having a negative test isn’t even a possibility, yet he again simply dismissed my concerns, even again saying that his cough can be caused by other issues, shrugging me off when I reminded him that he had said that the first time around as well. Also, while at first he at least said he planned to wait until Monday before going out himself, since then he changed his mind and he’s out right now, saying it’s mainly to go to the pharmacy to get some more things another doctor told him to take in order to continue the treatment, and possibly also a couple of FFP2 masks.
On the other hand, a bit later on Thursday I reminded him that I’ll “tax” him for everything he threw away during this period and, after seeming to agree when I had first told him that, just over a week earlier, that time he said that’d mean he’ll pay for those things twice, and when I said that throwing them away meant he could afford it he said it meant he could afford it then, but can’t do so again, so it seems likely that my plans to get a few nicer things went out the window. Then again, how much I’ll get at all is a good question, seeing as I drained everything I had set aside to get what he wanted before entering isolation and when I told him he has more to give back than he has available at the moment anyway, he said we’ll see what he can give me, so I don’t have high hopes for even the lower end of the usual amount for myself…