Cav's Place

Last year, this day fell between the series of three runs in five days and walking the route of the marathon, and I was saying that I didn’t want to go out that day, but this year they moved the date of the marathon a week later, so I’m yet to start that series of runs… And I was just about to write that, while I still don’t want to go out on this day, this year I will. But I really don’t think I will. It’s not appropriate to get into other matters in such a post, so I’ll just say that I should go, especially since last year I missed something because I didn’t even check whether it was taking place during that period, knowing that I won’t be going anywhere else during that series of runs, and unless I’ll go today I’ll risk missing something else this year that I really can’t allow myself to miss, but now that I saw that the forcast changed and it no longer seems much better to start that series of runs on Friday instead of Thursday, it means that I can do it like that, stay in today and then see what I’ll manage to do about this other matter after the runs and, I hope, on Tuesday, since that should be the last day. This does leave me without green onions before the first run from that series, but so be it.
Other than that, the date did hit me tonight, while I was in the kitchen, and I stopped and whimpered and then pretty much forgot what I was doing for a moment, but I eventually managed to pull together again to some extent. If dad would have kept coming there, as he had started to, I’d have definitely started to really cry, but after I told him to leave me alone the second time he came back to ask whether something was wrong, and when I said that the date hit me he seemed to get it and did leave, though a moment later I also mentioned that this was a very bad night back in 2005, to make things clear.

I did manage to post what’s above right at 4 AM, and I guess it might have been enough for a quick post, but in the end I decided to also add this paragraph before going to bed, just to say that the usual search didn’t result in anything new, or even in any updates regarding what I found in July. As for the point of mentioning this… I guess it’s just a way to tell myself that, on the one hand, she seems to be fine, and on the other, there’s still no real reason to believe that my worst fear became reality. Nor any confirmation that it didn’t, of course, but I really should stop there…