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Winter Solstice Sadness

The winter solstice has always saddened me. I don’t like the day, I don’t like sunlight, I don’t like all the hustle and bustle that comes with them. I can’t say I ever feel in any way which could somehow be described as “well”, haven’t for over three years, but I certainly feel somewhat less bad in darkness.
Others take comfort in the idea that the days will get longer, they enjoy it, most religions celebrate it… I don’t. It feels as if something is slipping away from me. Perhaps as a blanket being pulled off me, leaving me cold and exposed. It’s harder to hear your own thoughts in the light, but easier to see just how alone you are. And it’s much more likely to find yourself alone in a crowd under the light.

I still wish I’d spend a winter somewhere far to the north, as long as the house I’d live in would have very good insulation and heating. Long nights and snow… It’s a dream of mine…
Long rainy nights would be better if I would never leave the house, but I’m quite sure I’d want to go for a walk now and then too. Rain is wonderful for staying in, but awful for going out. Snow, on the other hand, is nice either way. Of course, if I’d go out I’d also need suitable clothing, or perhaps equipment would be a more appropriate name for it, to deal with the cold.
Yes, such a winter would be nice. Several of them could be nice, actually. As long as I would be far away from there by the time summer would draw near, making nights very short and days very long…

But, leaving that dream aside for now, I’m still here and the reality is that days will start to get longer and I’ll be able to wrap myself in the vaguely comfortable blanket of darkness less and less. Winter solstice sadness, as always… Like I needed another reason to be sad…


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