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Five to One Now?

Picked this up from Gabi a little while ago. Actually, picked up the things to say from there, as the original asked people to ask for one or more of these things in the comments and the poster would have to answer each time. But it struck me that, since I did that “ten to one” thing a while back and I have five things here, I could do this one like that as well. Especially since the order they were listed in seems to favor such an approach, at least from my point of view. So let’s get to it, shall we?

I. Five things that turn me on.
Let me not go through what I already wrote in the turnons section of the “ten to one” post all over again, instead pointing out some individual turnons, things either less important than anything written there or details not quite covered well enough in that section. Note that I’ll likely get carried away while writing this, going through scenarios in my mind.
5. Chokers, and I don’t recall ever telling anyone this before. Certainly not in a “heavy” BDSM sense, those are serious turnoffs, but anything starting from plain bands of some relatively hard material that cover about half of the girl’s neck and going through all sorts of more delicate designs usually makes for a very arousing look. Note that I go with full nudity during sex and the neck certainly must be accessible, seeing as I like to kiss that area quite a lot, so there’d be no place for any such thing once we’d really get to it, but before that point…
4. Warrior women. Of course, this is pure fantasy, but there you have it. Just to be clear, I certainly don’t mean the “hot chick in plated lingerie” stereotype. What I mean is a woman who of course doesn’t have any physical features that’d really bother me but otherwise looks like she could at least hold her own in a serious fight with medieval weapons and is wearing something that would actually protect her body. No helmet though, because I want to be able to see that she’s a woman… Naturally, being turned on by her ability to fight, preferably with swords and related slashing weapons, means I’d want to see her get out of that armor and anything else she may be wearing underneath it, but that comes afterwards.
3. Long, healthy and straight or slightly curly hair. There is something to be said about color too, but my response to that is related to body type as well. In general, if it reaches at least halfway down the back, isn’t too curly and looks healthy, a certain part of my body will react, at least until I’ll notice any other details. Yes, if not somehow hidden, hair is quite certainly the first thing I notice when I look at a girl from any direction other than the front, and sometimes, depending on the distance and what other features stand out, possibly even from the front. Still, if it goes past the butt it’s too much even for me and can quickly become a turnoff.
2. A woman with large, soft breasts, lying on her back. Obviously naked, or at the very least naked from the waist up, and not having any of the physical features that’d really bother me. Certainly without having them spill on the side or otherwise getting all out of place, but just sort of flattening themselves under their own weight. And then it’d obviously be even better if I’d get past looking and also play with them, feeling the softness. Significant bonus points if her hair would also be as described above and it’d be spread on the bed around her. Saying again, this doesn’t apply if they’re large and hard, which can be achieved either through surgery or perhaps though rigorous exercise of a very specific kind. Yes, this means that they’d hang when she’s not lying down, but I really don’t see that as a problem at all, in fact I quite like it, as long as that doesn’t mean they’d threaten to reach her waist or something like that, of course.
1. Watching my girlfriend have sex with someone else. Yes, that includes another guy. In fact, that could even be recommended, as in that case I’d completely ignore him and focus on her actions and, more importantly, reactions. Would be unpleasant if I’d be in the same room and just watch though, as in not do something with her as well at the end at least. If she’d just get me to orgasm once they’re done, which at that point would most likely require a mere touch, it’d be great. Still, it could perhaps be better if they’d do it without me around but somehow film themselves, in very good quality, so then I could watch the film with her, starting to play while watching and then really going at it once it’s over.

II. Four weird things.
I’m going to assume that this is asking for weird things about me… Once again, I’ll avoid repeating what I already wrote in the section that asked for things about myself in that other post.
4. I started working out shortly after cutting contact with Andra the first time, after she had pretty much stopped telling me anything and then announced that she was going to stay on until her visa would expire. One could believe that it was in some sort of misguided attempt to end up looking better and become more attractive for her later on, but it had nothing to do with that. Had nothing to do with any good reasons for starting something like this either. I simply did it because I can’t stand working out and it was another way to punish myself for the mistakes I made that caused her to be open to the possibility of leaving me in the first place. Now I keep going mostly out of habit, but that original reason is still a significant part of the motivation even after all this time. It’s not like it’s enough for any real health benefits, so it can at least be just another part of the punishment…
3. Bondage has always been present in a significant portion of my sexual fantasies. And I’m not talking about me being tied up, nor about anything light! I’m talking about tying her hands above her head and her legs spread wide, and perhaps also gagging her, and “torturing” her until she just can’t take it anymore and then some. Sometimes said fantasies briefly include a little spanking or pulling her hair, but nothing else that could be associated with this. Instead, the basic idea is that I’d either arouse her until she’d just go crazy before even thinking of giving her any release or, quite the contrary, giving her way more than she can handle in every way that I can, quite often including all sorts of toys as well. Or perhaps first doing one and then the other. Why’s this weird? Because it’s coming from a guy who, in reality, would run away at the mere thought of anything but the lightest forms of bondage and prefers her to take the lead most of the time.
2. When I say my brain always works with numbers, I sure mean it. And it strongly prefers certain numbers, namely one, three, seven, twelve and any that can be divided by five. This is quite loose, as it may be that only the last two digits count, so 103 or 6512 would look “nice” to me, and sometimes it may even be just the last digit, so anything that doesn’t end in four, six, eight or nine can be all right, but I really try to avoid creating or keeping things in amounts that would be expressed by those numbers. This is most frequently noticed when I create music playlists, slice bread or grab certain small edible things, such as cookies.
1. I can’t cry when I’m alone. This is common knowledge for anyone who knows me, but it’s certainly weird enough. I need to have a person that I feel close to next to me, even if that person is just why I’m crying, otherwise I just can’t. Or, all right, it is sometimes possible, with difficulty, if triggered by something like a song or a massive battle scene in a movie, but that happens extremely rarely. It’s been years since I last cried… And seeing as I’d need such a release so much, it’s quite a problem… Among many others.

III. Three things about people I care about, without any names.
I’ll take this to mean saying something about three different people… Nothing confidential in any way, but could perhaps make for a little guessing game.
3. Though many perhaps didn’t realize it, seeing as she almost always kept it in a tight bun, her hair was at least waist-length almost constantly since her early teens, if not even longer than that.
2. She said a guy gave her flowers on the street on her birthday once, after apparently overhearing her talk about it on the phone. He simply wished her happy birthday, told her she was beautiful and then continued on his way, leaving her quite stunned.
1. For some reason, she seems to be extremely proud of her toes.

IV. Two things I dislike about myself.
2. Cowardice. No other explanation needed.
1. Being unable to properly express what I’m thinking in a way that others are likely to understand. The fact that my command of words proves completely inadequate when it comes to using them to express my thoughts, so what comes out, if anything comes out at all, is often quite different from what I actually meant to say, though I have no idea how I could possibly say it any differently. But even worse is the fact that all too often I don’t even start saying what I should be saying because I just can’t figure out how, or because I know it’ll come out too different and there’s no point in even trying. There’s so much that’s waiting to get out and can’t because, apparently, I’m not even good enough for my own mind…

V. One thing I like about myself.
1. I always think for myself and don’t bow down to what others say I should do, no matter who those others may be. I don’t care for what the current norms say I should do. If I can’t or am not allowed to do anything else, I simply do nothing at all, but I won’t give in if I disagree.

That’s it… Now I’ll go back to feeling like shit and panicking…


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