Cav's Place

I’m going to completely ignore what’s supposedly the day’s event on the international stage, but I’m going to point out a piece of news from yesterday that seems to have received less attention than it should have, which is the fact that, shortly after releasing an updated COVID-19 Strategic Preparedness and Response Plan, which should cover the next two years, the World Health Organization has apparently decided that COVID-19 no longer constitutes a public health emergency of international concern, now being “an established and ongoing health issue”, even if “the global risk assessment remains high”. However, it was also pointed out that tracking and reporting has declined significantly and access to treatments and vaccines remains inequitable, and it’s certain that such a decision will drastically worsen those problems.
Sure, the WHO made a set of “temporary recommendations” that include sustaining the national capacity gains and preparing for future events, to break out of the cycle of panic and neglect, integrating COVID-19 vaccination into regular vaccination programmes, continuing to gather and report data, bringing together information about multiple health threats from varied sources, preparing regulatory frameworks to support the authorization of medical countermeasures, to ensure long-term availability and supply, and continuing research. But the far more likely outcome is that the announcement will offer an excuse for those who can’t wait to sweep any lessons and potential positive developments from these past three years under the carpet and get back to that cycle of neglect and panic that was mentioned… Though I’m still certain that the developments that make things even worse for almost everyone except the particularly rich and powerful will be maintained and built upon, as always.

I wrote about the morning of February 10 in the post about the cold, so I’ll start this post with what wasn’t included in that one and say that I got up a few minutes after 3 PM, even did the day’s squats, and when it was almost 5:15 PM I went out, taking some trash, which I dropped down the chute, and the recyclables, which I dropped off in a bin on the way to Tei, getting what I wanted from there and one more tea that I happened to spot.
I’m not sure how much it helped in terms of time, but I had dad’s metro card and was barely starting to recover, so I took the metro and spared myself some of the effort of getting to Penny and Auchan, putting the purchases in the backpack while waiting and entering Penny with them. And, after adding the purchases from there in the backpack as well, I also walked into Auchan with it. None of that bread that I wanted to get for dad was left, however, and while I waited for 7 PM and saw that more bread was brought out at that time, that kind didn’t seem to be among what was in the carts, and when I finally managed to ask the employee she said that no more of that kind will be made that evening. So I got some liquid soap and some other kind of bread for dad, using what was still on the store card and also recovering the small amount lost on January 31, when the cashier from Auchan Obor apparently didn’t scan the store card, by entering all of dad’s breads as the cheaper kind at the self-checkout, though two were slightly more expensive, the total difference being just 0.05 RON more than what was lost then.
After getting back to the metro and rearranging what I had in the backpack in order to also add the liquid soap while waiting, I went to Carrefour Orhideea, where I ended up leaving my things on top of the cabinets, since the guards said that no free ones were left, and just got some chocolate for dad, since those vouchers were being offered for chocolate those days, ending up waiting a lot at the checkout, since both self-checkouts that also accept cash were out of order and I picked a line with a person who had a lot of products and apparently wanted to use multiple payment methods. But at least I used the voucher that I had, from previous purchases, and the receipt wasn’t taken away.
After retrieving my things and adding the chocolate in the backpack, I walked to Kaufland, put everything in a cabinet, used the toilet and entered the store when it was almost 9:20 PM. No more of that bread was left, nor any interesting sweet pastries, and the remaining buns didn’t have an evening discount, but I saw that one kind had what seemed to be a regular offer, six for the price of three, so I scanned some labels to confirm that everything was correct and then I saw that the employee seemed just about to clear away the buns that the deal applied to, so I asked her about it… And she initially said that it wasn’t like that, only confirming after I pointed out the label and she came to look at it. So I took six while a man who had heard the exchange held that glass up, after which I held it while he also took six. Then I just added green onions, which had an evening discount, since I couldn’t find fabric softener and had no time to dig through the grapes that also had an evening discount. I was in line at the self-checkout when it was announced that the store had closed, had no problems with the machine, retrieved everything from the cabinet, took some time to put the green onions in a bag and then in the backpack, and made my way to the metro station.
I got back here just after 10:45 PM and it was only about half an hour later when I went to shower, after just putting a few of the purchases in their place. After that, I ate a banana and a sweet thing, put some more of the purchases in their place and had a quick lunch, starting at 12:45 AM and finishing at about 1 AM. But dad had left greasy things that I had to wash, and there were some more purchases to put in their place as well, so the only way to at least stay close to the schedule was to once again have dinner in the kitchen, starting a couple of minutes after 3 AM and finishing just after 3:45 AM.

On February 14, I had bad dreams in the morning. Then I had lunch and shaved, and just before 6:45 PM I went out, once again with a FFP2 mask. After not finding anything to get from Carrefour, I got a lot of that bread for dad from Auchan, also “rewarding” myself with some of those corn puffs with powdered milk and having no problems with the self-checkout. Then I put the corn puffs in the backpack and went to Penny, entering with everything and getting a couple of things. The cashier asked whether what I had in the bag that hangs from my neck was from there and I partially pulled out one bread, showing her that it’s from Auchan. Then I continued to Kaufland, putting the other things in a cabinet but just forgetting that I also had the backpack, with those corn puffs in it. Either way, I was at the toilet and it wasn’t even 8:40 PM when bakery discounts of 75% were announced, so I rushed and, while no more of that bread was left, I could get one of another kind. The new discount labels weren’t yet placed, however, so I scanned several labels and found that the actual discounts varied, many products having 80% but that bread having only 62.5%, while a bun that I had actually grabbed just had the 30% regular discount that it had those days, so I put it back. Still, I grabbed a number of products that had good evening discounts, plus some discounted vegetables and one thing for dad that was among the expiring products, and I was at the self-checkout when the closing announcement came, having no problems with the machine. Then I retrieved what I had in the cabinet and arranged everything, walking away a little after 10:05 PM and then seeing a cart with a coin in it, so I connected it to the others and retrieved the coin. Then I tried to use another route on the way back, being close to getting it right but getting confused at one point and deciding to use the simpler but longer variant in that place.
I got back a little after 10:50 PM, with about 13.5 kg. Then I put most of the purchases in their place, washed something for dad, ate the bag of corn puffs with powdered milk that I already had and some of the discounted walnuts with chili which I had grabbed from Penny, which meant over 1000 calories in total, and it was 12:25 AM when I went to the toilet and to shower. I was done at 1:10 AM, then I finished putting the purchases in their place, washed what was in the kitchen, dealt with my bread, and started eating dinner at 3:05 AM, though I actually finished at 3:35 AM. And, if I hadn’t coughed while I was out and had only done so occasionally after getting back, after dinner I once again started coughing quite badly, though it got better after I got in bed.

That meant that the cough was not a problem on the morning of February 15, but the bad dreams were, once again, and I just felt too tired to get out of bed. But I eventually did, and in the evening I finished Broken Sword: The Shadow of the Templars, though I was feeling even more tired and out of it, so I then got back in bed and stayed there for most of the evening, only managing to post the quick review for the game after midnight. My throat seemed to be getting better, but it was still somewhat sore, and while my eyes otherwise looked and felt fine, some crap still appeared on them when I was in bed. And my back was still bothering me, after having done so while I was out the previous day as well, and there was also some pain in what seemed to be the muscles from my chest and sides, so it was probably caused by coughing.
Since dad had sent me an e-mail to let me know that he was once again going to bring many things when he’ll get back in the morning, when I went to the kitchen I sliced three of his breads and then tried to make room in the freezer, also taking some cheese out of there. And I kept thinking about the next day, when I was going to finally run again, after which I was going to be on a tight schedule and also had to pay the maintenance bill, so I was panicking and starting to shake, and having to make that room without knowing exactly what for but knowing that he was going to come after I’ll be in bed and would want to sleep only made it worse, as did the fact that he had set the clock from the kitchen, which had been running ahead by quite a few minutes, to the correct time without telling me, so the time wasn’t what I expected it to be and, in that mental state, I couldn’t understand why I no longer had that “buffer” that I was used to having. And then I also bumped by head hard, after bending to put that cheese in the fridge, and my vision was getting cloudy and I was panicking even more, wondering whether it was because of that or because of the panic, which led to a vicious circle. Either way, I started eating dinner at 3:20 AM and finished at 3:55 AM, after getting back in the kitchen and putting some jam on the last slices. And I once again started coughing after dinner, but not quite as badly.

On February 17, I had lunch, did the day’s squats, and left a little after 6:25 PM, with 11 bottles, though one was a small one from cough syrup and some had been straightened, so I wanted to see how the machines from Penny were going to accept them. But I first went to Carrefour, putting the bag with some of the bottles in a cabinet but entering with the backpack, where I also had bottles, and getting some beer for dad. Then I retrieved the bag from the cabinet, added the beer in the backpack, and continued to Penny, setting aside that cough syrup bottle after the machine rejected it the first time, but retrying until I managed to make it accept the straightened ones. Then I put the backpack in a cabinet, got what I had gone there to get and asked at the checkout whether I had to do anything in order for the receipt from the recycling machine to be entered in the raffle, being told that it’s entered automatically. And the cashier rounded down the amount that she asked for, but I had already placed the exact amount on the counter and didn’t take back the 0.01 RON coins.
After retrieving the backpack from the cabinet and arranging everything in it, I continued to that Kaufland, finding a cart with a coin in it in the parking lot and connecting it to another one in order to retrieve it, and then once again putting the backpack in a cabinet. I still couldn’t find that pack of two bottles of fabric softener, but I saw an employee scanning the labels of the bakery products and stood around, waiting a little longer after another employee asked the first one whether she had entered the discounts and said that they didn’t show up yet, at which point the first employee said that she had just entered them and it’ll take a little while. But when I took the label for that bread and scanned it, I saw that the 50% discount did apply, so I took a glove, since I hadn’t washed my hands, and grabbed one bread, after which I also spotted a sweet pastry that I like and which hadn’t been sold there before and took two of those as well, after scanning the label to make sure that the discount applied, since it was only while I was doing that, a little before 8:30 PM, that bakery discounts of 50% were actually announced. Then I used the self-checkout without problems and retrieved what I had in the cabinet.
I washed my hands when I got to Auchan, then I entered the store with everything and bought slippers, once again having to make do with size 41-42, since the next size was 43-44 and that’s too large, and also an undershirt, only two of size M being left and both having small problems that I noticed as I looked over them, so I picked the one that seemed better, deciding that strengthening that spot by sewing a little should be enough. And then I saw that 20% was going to be returned on the store card for all milk those days, so I got two of their own brand for my mother, meaning that 25% was actually returned, since 5% is always returned for those products, and it therefore ended up being slightly cheaper than other store brands. But when I scanned the undershirt at the self-checkout, a message appeared that told me to wait for a supervisor, so I called one over and she entered the code manually, and then she also scanned the slippers.
After just throwing the purchases in a bag, I also rushed to the other Kaufland, getting there when it was past 9:50 PM, putting that bag and the one that hangs from my neck in a cabinet but rushing in with the backpack and finding that the bananas had a higher evening discount than what I had seen at the other location while I was there. Those that were left were bad, but I managed to quickly grab three that were somewhat less bad until an employee came to take away the boxes and I left him to it. And that was it, since I still couldn’t find that pack of fabric softener, nor anything else that I cared to get, and I rushed to the self-checkout when it was announced that the store had closed, having no problems with the machine when my turn came. Then I retrieved what I had in the cabinet and took quite a long time to arrange almost everything in the backpack, with the exception of what I had in the bag that hangs from my neck and two bottles that go towards that other voucher from Penny that I had picked up. And struggling to close the backpack when it was so full resulted in part of the zipper key breaking off, though it remains usable. On the other hand, as I walked away I found another cart with a coin in it, so I connected that one to another as well and retrieved the coin.
On the way back, I quickly checked that Mega Image that closes at 11 PM, putting the backpack in a cabinet and then retrieving it, and then I also entered the one that’s next to Tei, putting the backpack as well as those bottles in a cabinet and finding that food for Rocky. But I was uncertain that the sale included that specific kind, so I told the cashier that they should be four for the price of three and she scanned four and said that they weren’t included, at which point I said that in that case I didn’t want them and left, retrieving what I had in the cabinet.
I got back at 11:15 PM, with almost 13 kg, put some of the purchases in their place, ate a banana and one of those sweet pastries, and went to the toilet and to shower at 12:20 AM. I was done a little before 1:10 AM, after which I put the rest of the purchases in their place, dealt with my bread and also moved some cheese in a jar, so I started to eat dinner at 3:10 AM, but I still finished at 3:40 AM. After not touching it since I had gone to bed that morning, it was only after I started eating dinner that I got on the computer, after turning on the monitor minutes earlier. Otherwise, I took a pill that should have helped with my throat, since that was the problem at that point, though the pain seemed to be at the back of my tongue and mouth, or more exactly under and on the sides of my tongue and at the back of the roof of my mouth, not actually in my throat. And, after coughing just a few times while I was out, always when I was indoors at the time, I started coughing a fair bit while making the salad, and continued coughing after dinner, even if it wasn’t as bad as before. It was past 5:25 AM when I got in bed, and while I coughed less after that, the pill didn’t seem to help with the pain.

I slept a lot, however, waking up multiple times but only going to pee once and getting back to sleep quickly each time, and I only got up after dad got back, around 4:30 PM. My plan was to cook, but dad said that he’ll make mici again and there was also something that he didn’t want, so I ate that plus one of the mici… Even though he left the packaging on one side of two of them, including that one! I peeled it off and grilled it a little more, but that was some sort of plastic, so the fact that it had been grilled like that the first time definitely wasn’t healthy. Either way, I did little else that day, just writing some of what I posted the next day, since in the evening I crawled back in bed and even napped a little more, feeling really tired again, and also noticing how swollen some of those additional lymph nodes were, which explained that pain. And, after deciding to move something in a jar just before starting to eat dinner and seeing that I’ll fail to start before 3 AM as a result, I also washed a rag used by dad and started eating at 3:05 AM, though I still finished at 3:40 AM. I got in bed at 5:25 AM.

On the morning of February 20, I got in bed at 5:20 AM, though it could be said that it was past 6:05 AM when I actually went to bed, since that was when I got back to bed after getting up to find room in the fridge for the few things that dad had once again brought, and he got back a few minutes before 6 AM and I’m not sure whether I had just fallen asleep or I was just about to at that point. And it was quite a long time later when I finally managed to actually fall asleep, and the situation repeated after getting up to pee at one point. But things were much worse when I woke up to pee the second time, since my eyes were running again and I started coughing and just couldn’t stop after getting back in bed. My eyes were bloodshot when I eventually went to try to blow and spit, and I spent about half an hour doing that, stopping when I simply had no strength left, since I still felt that a little more was there. But at least that solved the cough, and by that point my eyes also looked normal once again. I couldn’t get back to sleep, however, so I got a total of about three and a half hours of sleep that morning.
Those lymph nodes no longer felt swollen and the pain was gone, but I was so exhausted that day. I spent most of the evening in bed, but I just managed get a few pretty short naps and they didn’t really seem to “count”, so I felt like I was barely conscious and so terribly weak, I barely moved, shivered, felt cold… And some of the pain seemed to have returned after I finally got up, though at least it wasn’t bad anymore. On the other hand, after taking quite some time to wash what was in the kitchen, which meant what dad had left but also doing my best to scrub the pot which I had burned to some extent two days earlier, I took it too easy, thinking that I had plenty of time, and once again ended up starting to eat dinner at 3:05 AM again, though I still managed to finish at 3:40 AM. And it was 5:20 AM when I got back in bed.

I really should have finished writing this post today, but I didn’t, and since there was more to write for February 21 and I got back on the computer too late to finish that part before midnight but the short sections about February 25 and 28 weren’t a problem, I initially posted this without February 21 and then added that part in between, below this paragraph, before going to the kitchen Monday night, so in the first moments of Tuesday.

On the morning of February 21, I had a really hard time getting back to sleep after going to pee a little after 9:45 AM, in good part because of the noise coming from the upstairs neighbor, but I guess that wasn’t the only reason. It was almost certainly past 11 AM when I even managed to get in that state that’s in between being asleep and awake for a while, and then there were brief naps that I was waking up from with a start. After finally falling asleep at some point, I woke up again after dad did, checked the time after a while, saw 1:39 PM and went to pee again… And my door kept banging because of the wind, since dad had opened a window or the balcony door, but after a while I somehow fell asleep again and didn’t even wake up when dad left, only doing so a few minutes after 3 PM, though it was almost 3:30 PM when I finally got up.
After having lunch, including a chili pepper that really burned, I went out at 6:45 PM, taking the old MX518 and an old ball mouse that dad had dug up, to throw in a bin for electronics. Still with the FFP2 mask, I walked to Obor and, after quickly checking two sports stores, I asked about socks made of wool at that place that’s in front of Carrefour, being told that just two pairs were left and immediately seeing why, since one no longer had the label and one sock from the other pair was a little damaged, so I didn’t buy them. On the other hand, I found a bag of spoiling Fuji apples in Carrefour and bought it, since those apples really are tasty, plus some peanuts, using both of the vouchers that I had at the self-checkout. Then I put the purchases in the backpack, entered Penny with it, got something for dad, added it in the backpack and returned to Carrefour, once again entering with everything. I thought that they might add bakery products to the expiring ones, but it ended up being a waste of time.
I finally dropped the mice in the proper bin when I got to Kaufland, then I washed my hands and entered the store, once again with everything, at 9:15 PM, getting some bakery products that had evening discounts. I was scanning labels in order to see the current prices and the discounts eventually increased a little for some of the products, but not for any of those that I had taken. Still, the discounts that applied to those were already higher than what had been announced at the time, and some also had regular discounts those days, so I wasn’t sure whether the higher discount that was announced after I walked away from that area had already applied or it didn’t apply because those products had been cleared away before a certain hour… Though one hadn’t even been cleared away when I got back there for another look, so this latter scenario couldn’t have possibly applied to all of them. Either way, bananas also had an evening discount and, after digging through them, I found some that I could get. And then I added just two potatoes and, after digging through those as well, a handful of red onions. Regular discounts applied to those and the prices were still too high, but at least they weren’t quite so outrageously expensive. On the other hand, I completely forgot to check for the food for Rocky, even though I really should have bought some if any would have been left. That type of cat food was discounted for just two days and that was the last of them, so I don’t know whether any would have been left, but I didn’t even look, spending the last few minutes searching once again for that pack of fabric softener and still failing to find any before it was announced that the store had closed, at which point I rushed to the self-checkout, having no problems with it. Then I took some time to put everything except the bakery products, which were in the bag that hangs from my neck, in the backpack, and it was several minutes after 10 PM when I walked out.
I decided to check some Mega Image stores on the way back, and I entered the first one with everything except a plastic bottle that I had picked up, even if it was damaged, since at the time I thought that, if it’d be accepted, it would go towards that voucher for Penny, not yet knowing that only those of certain sizes counted. Either way, I left that bottle at the entrance and just checked for discounted bakery products… Though I had a strange feeling while doing so, ending up wondering whether the store was actually still open at the time, so I left quickly and retrieved that bottle, once again leaving it outside when I entered the second Mega Image. But that time I also put the backpack in a cabinet, though I once again left after a quick look, retrieving my things. And then I wasted some time by crossing to a third Mega Image only to find that it had closed at 10 PM.
I got back a little before 11:15 PM, but a few minutes later I went to throw a bag of trash down the chute. Then I put the beets in the oven, ate the banana that was still here and a sweet pastry that I also already had, finished that expired drinkable yogurt which had been brought by dad, mixing oats in it, and put the purchases in their place. I finally went to the toilet and to wash when it was almost 12:50 AM, finishing at 1:40 AM and once again starting to eat dinner at 3:05 AM, but it wasn’t even 3:35 AM when I finished.
Physically I felt quite well, no longer being exhausted and just coughing a little after eating, but mentally I was messed up, just really crashed, and realizing that I had forgotten about that cat food made it even worse. And at night I had Vivaldi check for updates and saw an error, which led me to find out that version 5.7 requires at least Windows 10, and to the fact that they had actually announced dropping Windows 7 and Windows 8.1 support back in November. But, while I have no idea what other browser I could possibly switch to if needed, that will become a problem in time, and so far I’m still using this one. On the other hand, the MobyGames redesign already was a problem, and still is, so I had to just about give up on what was pretty much the one site that I still felt comfortable using.

On February 25, I cleaned my room a little and changed the sheets, despite once again sleeping little and badly. And my nose had been a little irritated and those lymph nodes had started to swell again to some extent, bringing back some pain, albeit at a lesser level, since the run from three days earlier, and those problems were worsened by the cleaning, probably mainly by the dust. However, despite feeling just exhausted when I came out of the bathroom, after washing myself after cleaning, I still made mamaliga as well.

On February 28, I was noticing that my throat was no longer hurting. But, to start from the beginning, the guy who’d be supposed to read the heating meters rang and knocked a little after 9 AM, waking me, though dad obviously kept sleeping. And since I didn’t get back to sleep right away, just after 9:20 AM I went to pee, just in case, and then I also washed what dad had left in the kitchen. I still couldn’t get back to sleep, however, so a little after 10:20 AM I got on the computer, returning to bed an hour later and eventually getting a couple more hours of sleep. I napped just a little more late in the evening, going to the kitchen when it was around 1:15 AM, and since I also scraped something that dad had left on a pot, saying that he was going to scrape it and then obviously not doing so, and also exchanged a few words with him, I ended up starting to eat dinner at 3:10 AM, but once again still managed to finish at 3:40 AM. And before going to bed that morning I went back to playing Diggles, after having stopped on June 17. But I got in bed at 5:20 AM again, after seeing that dad had left the plate with what I had scraped on his desk, along with some trash, so I cleaned up a little.

The comparison with The Silmarillion isn’t wrong or presumptuous, and in fact I’d say that the difference is that Fire and Blood is actually intended to be read instead of mentally “decompressed”. It may be a piece of the history of a fictional world, but it seems as “real” as it could possibly be. It even includes the use of multiple primary sources of questionable reliability in a manner that’s close to perfection, making for a well-intentioned but nevertheless somewhat unreliable narrator and plenty of times letting the reader choose what to believe. This is clearly Martin in his comfort zone, eschewing action, rushing through even the most impactful and extraordinary scenes, in order to focus on worldbuilding, and most of all on a particular aspect of it, the royal court and the noble houses and lineages.
That said, the level of detail, and I’d say the overall quality, improves gradually, as if Martin figured more things out and found better ways to present them as he went along, which he pretty much admits even in the included interview. On the other hand, the flood of names is pretty much impossible to keep track of, or at least it was for me, and after a while I just stopped trying and started skipping over pretty much any enumeration of names that appeared. And, as a comment on the particular mass market paperback edition that I read, they could have picked a font that’s easier to read at such small sizes…

Rating: 4/5

I still can’t get myself to write about the reason, but just to show how messed up I am, I’ll start this post with last evening. Dad had said that he should be back around 8-9 PM, so I waited, not eating earlier, in case he’ll end up bringing something again, but when it got past 10 PM and he hadn’t even sent a message, I started to get worried, and just before 11 PM I called him and he hung up and called back, saying that he was just about to get on the metro and that nothing happened, the rehearsals just lasted that long. And yes, he was going to bring something again, but what he actually wanted was to make mamaliga, so he asked if I could set water to boil in the large pot when he’ll get out of the metro, if he’ll call me again then. I said that it was already rather late to start making even a smaller mamaliga, but I could start right away, in the newer cast iron pot, specifying that it’s the blue one, and once it’ll be done he could take his part and then I’ll add everything else and cook the rest for a while longer, as I usually do, and he agreed, telling me to not fill the pot completely, so it’ll have room to boil… But when he got back, close to midnight, and he saw the pot, he said that it was too little, since he wanted some to be left for the following days as well, so I said that I had told him that I was going to make it in that one and had specified that it was the blue one and he agreed. He didn’t seem convinced, but said that he’ll make more the next day in that case… And I broke down again, starting to cry and repeating that I had told him and he agreed and asking if I hadn’t explained properly, and he said that I had but I couldn’t be there anymore, so I ran to my room and hugged myself and cried…
That was just the beginning, of course, because seconds later he sternly asked, though the door, whether I was still going to cook it or he should, because he was tired. So I managed to say that I’ll cook it and somehow went back there, but then I said that if it was too little he should take all of it and I won’t eat that night… Only for him to angrily say that in that case he’ll throw my part away, which he knows I’ll always do anything to avoid, so I ended up on the floor, crying even harder and begging him to not throw it away, saying I’ll eat whatever I have to, and he kept snapping that we stick to what we agreed and share it, and that I’m not the only one with problems, he has his own and is tired… So I somehow got back to it, pouring the cornmeal and stirring while crying and shaking, and wondering how I was going to eat in that state. I had also taken the large cutting board out, for the first time in a long time, in order to make salad, but that was obviously out of the question by then, so I was just left with the three cloves of garlic which I had already peeled before he arrived.
Either way, he eventually placed what he had brought on the kitchen table, also saying that we were going to split the two large doughnuts, each of us having one, and I somehow managed to keep cooking while whimpering, though when he was coming back to the kitchen I was trying to hold back, even holding my breath, while on the other hand there were a few more moments when I ended up squatting on the floor and hugging myself and rocking back and forth and crying. But when he seemed less angry and I managed to ask whether I really had to eat that night, he said that he thought that I needed to eat, but I could do whatever I wanted and if I’ll leave something, I could have it the next day, though he just ignored me when I repeatedly said that I’ll do whatever I have to do so he won’t throw away the food. And later I also asked if I had to eat that doughnut that night and he said that I could eat it whenever I wanted to, so I put those in the fridge, along with the other things he had brought… Though I then ended up taking one of the pieces of steak and putting that in my part of the mamaliga, and nothing else. And he only ate about half of his part, leaving the rest for today, when he didn’t have time to make mamaliga again and eat it anyway, waking up only some two and a half hours before needing to leave. And then he went to bed, at which point I took my part to my room… And once again broke down and cried, hugging myself and rocking back and forth for a while… Though I somehow didn’t do that again just before going to bed, when the mug that I keep the toothpaste, toothbrush and dental floss in once again fell in the sink and a few more shards flew out of it, though at least it still didn’t break apart completely, despite the big crack that appeared after the first time that happened, last month.

But this post should really be about this month’s runs, to finally catch up before what should be that series of three runs in five days. Not that I have any idea how I’ll manage to get myself through those if the problem won’t be solved by then, but right now I have these three to write about, starting with the one from April 6, which was the last one before this happened. And in fact I’ll start with that day’s early hours, when I went to the kitchen at almost 1:10 AM, after shaving, and then I had to find room in the freezer for everything, so I first took out what was already there and sorted everything, then I asked dad what should be at the front and what could stay behind and under everything else and managed to fit everything in. That took about half an hour, and then I also had some things to wash, so I ended up eating dinner between 3:35 AM and 4:05 AM, and the salad was small.
I had set the alarm to ring at 2:15 PM, but I started waking up after dad got up, getting ever briefer naps after that point, but at least I kept getting back to sleep, even doing so one last time after a promotional SMS from my provider woke me at 2 PM. So I got up when the alarm rang, had the usual stuff, with the sweet thing being a large doughnut, with added honey, and it was almost 4:45 PM when I left, wearing the full running gear. Since the reported temperature was 11°C and it was windy, I kept thinking that I should also wear the jacket on the way to the park, but in the end I didn’t take it, so it was a good thing that it was quite sunny until I got close to the park, though the cloud that came at that point made that last part of the way uncomfortable. Either way, the reported temperature was 12°C when I finished.
The time was 48:23.61, with sector times of 4:21.92, 5:08 (5:07.94), 5:56 (5:55.90), 4:38 (4:37.63), 5:11.00, 5:56.15, 4:31 (4:30.72), 5:04.50, 5:51 (5:50.75) and 1:47.10, making for lap times of 15:25.76, 15:45 (15:44.78) and 15:26 (15:25.97). I was of course aiming to stay under 48 minutes, but I noticed how much the wind was slowing me down right away and that time on the first sector pretty much made it clear that I won’t make it. The next two sectors and the lap weren’t that bad, but I knew that I was going to get slower, so at the start of lap two I was wondering whether I’ll even stay under 49 minutes, and after that lap’s first sector I was really doubting it. But I had fought against the wind on that sector’s long straight and the next two sectors were once again not bad, the lap ending up right on the “worst case” target for 49 minutes. So I pushed from the start of lap three, the fact that the wind wasn’t that strong anymore helped a lot, and after two sectors I started wondering about 48:30. And the time at the end of the lap just gave me a chance, so I really gave it everything on the final sector and I ended up a few seconds faster than I thought I’d be. It was still a poor time, however.
A gust of wind caught me before the first sector’s long straight and I spent the rest of that straight trying to regain my breath, but it was the long straight of sector one of lap two that was probably the worst, at first feeling like I was hardly moving against the wind. And there were other areas where I fought against the wind as well, both before and after, so that was the main problem, but it was better on the first two sectors of lap three, before I once again had to fight it on the first half or so of sector three of lap three. At least the people didn’t cause problems, so it was just a matter of occasionally weaving or going the long way around, though I did go wider in order to avoid some dogs, since there were plenty of people with dogs, and on the final sector I hesitated for just a moment because of a kid on roller skates. But over the course of the three laps I was mainly picking my way in order to avoid the lane as much as possible, since it was soggy almost all over. And I also stepped in that other hole that’s under the lane on sector three, at the end of that long turn, on laps one and three, with the right side of my right foot, but the ankle held, the warnings that came from it quickly going away, as did those that I felt just after I started running, from the back of my right hip. Otherwise, I started feeling pain in the upper part of my abdomen I think late on the first sector, or at most early on sector two of lap one, so I was thinking that it might be my diaphragm, because I was struggling to breathe because of the wind, but at least much of it was probably once again reflected from my back, and I eventually managed to snap my back well enough for it to start dying down, though it took a while.

I jogged back, but also had a quick look in the nearby Mega Image, despite not having a mask. Then I had lunch, changed and left again a few minutes before 8 PM, with the plastic and metal, which I dropped off in a bin on the way, ten bottles for Penny, including two of those that go towards that voucher, and ten more, eight of kefir and two of cooking oil, for Kaufland. But the first reason why I went to that new Penny was to redeem the 150 RON voucher, since I had a winning receipt and on my first attempt to redeem it, a few days earlier, I had been told that they were getting ready to close and I should come on another day. So that day I was there at 8:30 PM and told the cashier what I wanted, but she had a line and told me to wait a moment, then asked through the headset… And if I wanted to make use of that time by putting the bottles that I had brought in the machine, I couldn’t because it still didn’t work, so I put down the bag with the bottles and waited until another employee came, checked the receipt, took it and told me to wait… And it took a while, so I eventually started looking around the store until she returned and took me back to the checkouts, placing the papers that I had to fill on the closed one. But that was it, I just had to fill a few things and she handed me the voucher, at which point I also mentioned that it’s a good thing that I used that machine during the previous weeks, since it seems to have stopped working. And that store no longer appeared at all when I last checked the winning receipt numbers, so it seems that they couldn’t fix that machine… Or maybe they didn’t want to, just because the fewest people used it, which was also why I had switched to taking the bottles to that store, to have the best odds.
Either way, after also buying one thing from there, for dad, walking out a little after 8:50 PM and stuffing that thing in an inside pocket, I still had all of those bottles, and since I meant to go to Kaufland Pantelimon and would therefore pass by another Penny, I decided to make that small detour and use the machine from there, also grabbing one more of those bottles that went towards that other voucher just before getting there and putting that in instead of one of the others that I had taken with me. Since they have separate entrance and exit doors at that location, I still had to go through the store, but I just quickly made my way out and, after grabbing just one more bottle from that area, continued to Kaufland… And found that the route seemed to have been cleaned recently, so the pretty few recyclables that I did spot either weren’t easy to reach or were just next to people and I didn’t want to pick them up in that case. Things changed when I approached the destination and ended up on a street with overflowing garbage cans, but for some reason I just grabbed two bottles from the top in one spot, so I ended up with 14 and meant to put in ten and then see whether I’ll find one more around the store and go back, but I started with those four that were in the bag and I apparently took too long to open the backpack, so the machine released a receipt for four, which obviously meant no voucher. So I then put in those ten that I had brought for that purpose, getting two vouchers for small bottles of Pepsi Max for next to nothing. I also kept that first receipt, in case I’ll put in one more bottle and then manage to get myself to ask at the information desk to have the two receipts turned into a voucher, but there was no time to do so that day and after that I was in no state of mind for something like this, so it went to waste.
After washing my hands, I entered Kaufland at 9:40 PM and grabbed a few bakery products, ending up using some of them instead of bread that night, since that bread still wasn’t discounted. I also got some potatoes that had a discount and some more of those treats for Liza, and when it was announced that the store had closed I was searching for that Pepsi, unsurprisingly without finding any. And I had to wait in line for a while, but at least there were no problems with the self-checkout… But I’m increasingly scatterbrained, though at least that evening that just resulted in a scare, unlike two days later… I had entered with that product from Penny, set it aside while scanning my purchases, then threw it in the bag that hangs from my neck, placed the bakery products over it… And forgot that it was there, so after spreading my purchases on the cabinets that are in front of the bathrooms and not seeing it there, I thought that I had forgotten it on the machine and just left the backpack and everything that was in it there and rushed back, looking around and asking an employee who was there whether she had seen something. It was only after she said that anything left would be among the returns and showed me that it wasn’t that I realized the weight of that bag, had a look, saw it there and calmed down, after which I asked the guard to let me out. He told me to wait until somebody else leaves or to use a receipt if I had one, just sort of shrugging when I said that I had the one that I had already used, expecting it to not open the gate a second time. But I tried it and it did, so I went back to my backpack and finished arranging, then put everything in a cabinet when I also went to that Mega Image, getting one of those apple pastries and another pastry for my mother from the discounted bakery products, then retrieving what I had in the cabinet.
I got back a little after 11:05 PM, ate a banana and that apple pastry, put the purchases in their place, also arranged some things, and went to the bathroom at almost 12:25 AM, to use the toilet and shower. I got back in the kitchen when it was almost 1:15 AM, but then I decided to also wash the cast iron pot and another one, so I started to eat dinner at 3:25 AM, finishing at 4:10 AM. I got in bed at 5:20 AM… And I was getting the feeling that there was fluid in my abdomen again.

Moving on to the next run, after a short nap and waking up just before midnight, once I could get myself to crawl out of bed I started April 13 with 200 squats, without knowing whether those made up for the previous skipped day or for the next one. And I still find that I can’t keep track, so I keep erring on the side of caution and doing more. Either way, when I had dinner that night I also opened the cheaper peanut butter which I had purchased the previous month and ate a little, to keep what’s left of the better one for the actual race, hoping that it’ll still be good by then. Then I got up at 1 PM, when the alarm rang, drenched in sweat and with something of a strange taste in my mouth, which was really worrying. But the plan was to cover a half marathon distance, despite my mental state, so I had the usual stuff, also mixing raisins in dark chocolate with the yogurt, cereals and almonds, and another sweet thing was a slice of panettone, with added honey. On the other hand, while I was on the toilet I ended up spending quite some time hunting ants, which were suddenly crawling all over the bathroom, most probably after something had been sprayed somewhere else. Either way, I also drank most of the tea and left just before 3:45 PM, wearing the full running gear. The reported temperature was 18-19°C, holding steady. And I stopped on a bench, in the park, to get something out of my right shoe, also cleaning it up a little at the back while I was at it.
The time was 1:42:54, with sector times of 4:22, 5:06, 5:52, 4:32, 5:01, 5:43, 4:28, 4:56, 5:53, 4:35, 5:06, 5:53, 4:39, 5:06, 6:02, 4:40, 5:13, 6:02, 1:53, 6:02 and 1:50, making for lap times of 15:20, 15:16, 15:17, 15:34, 15:47 and 15:55, plus 9:45 for that final portion. I was hoping to get under 1:45 and the target times added up to 1:44:30, but I pushed a fair bit from the start and, despite being pleased with the first lap, I still doubted that I’ll keep it up and was wondering whether the realistic target shouldn’t be staying under 1:47, or at best 1:46. But sector two of lap two caught my attention, sector three really surprised me, and the lap being faster than the first one gave me a slight hope and I started calculating. I still really doubted that I’ll get under 1:45, but sector two of lap three was great, the lap was again faster than expected and I kept gaining compared to the target times, so I decided to keep pushing for as long as possible and see what will happen. Sector one of lap four was somewhat concerning, but the next two sectors were once again better, resulting in one more lap that was under the target time and finally making me really hope to stay under 1:45. And I gained a few more seconds on lap five as well, despite stopping to grab the second coin that I saw on sector three, after ignoring the first. And then I wondered whether I’ll manage to stay under 16 minutes on lap six as well, really doubting it but pushing hard on sector three and managing it with a few seconds to spare. And I kept pushing hard, starting to think that I had the faintest chance of staying under what I thought was 1:44, still seeing that chance after the final portion’s first sector and thinking that I was right on the limit after the second, needing just the 1:55 that I thought was the best that I could manage on the final sector. So I gave it everything… And ended up five seconds faster!
Seeing as I was only two seconds off my second fastest time over this distance, one might be inclined to say that I’d have managed a new second fastest time if I wouldn’t have stopped for that coin. However, I already mentioned that I thought that I was fighting to stay under 1:44, not under 1:43, so the fact that I could try to get under 1:42:52 never entered my mind and, seeing as at the end I gave it absolutely everything just because I thought that the very best time that I could manage was just what I needed to stay under what I thought was 1:44, if I’d have been a few seconds faster at that point, I’d have likely thought that I was already quite safe and probably wouldn’t have pushed that hard, possibly resulting in a slightly worse time, not a better one.
Just before leaving I had felt the need to go to the toilet one more time and the effects of not doing so made themselves felt quite clearly on sector one of lap two, the feeling going away for a while before returning, even stronger, on sector two of lap three and not going away anymore, though the intensity varied and diminished, remaining manageable and probably never worse than on that sector. Otherwise, there was a little warning from my left ankle at the start, but it went away quickly, and some more warnings appeared from my right knee after stepping in that hole that’s under the lane, on sector three of lap three, with the left side of my right foot. And, while I avoided some parts of the lane, a few because they were actually still wet and the rest because of unevenness or damage, I kept stepping in holes on that sector after that, doing so once each time but one when I was back on that sector, and it was a different hole each time, so the other one that I knew of and two that I didn’t, or at least didn’t remember. But at least those other occasions were less jarring and caused no problems. And the people also caused no notable problems, though there were plenty of them and they did make me weave and go the long way around quite a lot, squeeze through a couple of times and briefly step off the path once, on sector two of the final portion. And I felt surprisingly fine, physically, until the start of sector three of lap six. I could obviously still push even after that, but my hands started going numb, later followed by my arms, and my feet started feeling heavier. There was a fair amount of wind to fight against, however, especially on the first three laps, and maybe most of all on the long sector one straight, but whether it lessened to some extent after that or I noticed it less because I was somewhat slower, I’m not sure.

That pressing need became really bad on the way back, but I still quickly checked the nearby Mega Image, still without a mask, then barely held it in while getting my shoes off, finally rushing to get rid of the worst of it after that. Then I wrote the times and tried to call someone, but that has to do with what I can’t make myself write about, so I’ll leave it for another time and say that, after that, I ate what was still usable of an old banana and a little glucose, finished the tea and made another, and went once more to the toilet, even if only a little more came out, before taking a bath. Then I started the washing machine and ate a bag of those snacks with peanuts, while at night I made a pizza, needing a couple of minutes to manage to get it out of the electric oven, since the plate was too hot and positioned in a way that didn’t let me use that handle without first turning it around, so I started to eat right at 3 AM. But I still finished at 3:40 AM. On the other hand, that night there were once again a lot of ants at the bathroom door.

As for this week’s run, that was Friday and the fact that I’m losing the hope that I still had last week definitely showed. But I’ll once again start with the day’s early hours, when I started eating dinner at 3:20 AM but somehow still finished at 3:40 AM. Then I got up when the alarm rang, at 2 PM, after actually waking up just seconds earlier, and had the usual stuff, with the sweet thing being a slice of cozonac, with added honey. But it’s hard to even move in this state, so I took it slowly and only left at 4:40 PM, wearing the full running gear. The reported temperature was 17-18°C, holding steady… But another potential problem appeared when I reached the park, since the large path was completely blocked off by something huge, and when I got there I was asked to go around, on the grass, because they were filming something. So I did so, and after reaching the stairs and noticing that they were also cordoned off I went around them in order to get down as well. That obviously made me wonder what to do about the final sector, and I can’t say that I know exactly what I would have done if things would have stayed that way, but when I finished lap two it seemed that they were finishing and at the end of lap three the area wasn’t blocked anymore, so I could use the normal route, more or less… Not that it did much good…
The time was 49:24.77, with sector times of 4:27.17, 5:14 (5:13.85), 6:04.15, 4:35.38, 5:12 (5:11.62), 6:03 (6:02.85), 4:35.96, 5:18 (5:17.82), 5:58.06 and 1:58 (1:57.91), making for lap times of 15:45.17, 15:50 (15:49.85) and 15:51.84. I knew that my mental state was too poor to be able to push, so staying under 48 minutes was pretty much out of the question, but I did hope to at least stay under 49 minutes. However, even if I did mean to start more slowly, hoping to be able to focus somewhat better as time passed, the first sector’s time was a bad sign, and the next two sectors weren’t better, that lap time and the fact that I had gone quite clearly over six minutes of sector three making me wonder whether I’ll even stay under 50 minutes. When lap two wasn’t much slower, and in fact sectors two and three were slightly less slow than they had been on lap one, I was quite sure that I’ll at least manage that, but I also knew that squeezing under 49:30 was the best that was still possible, so I tried to push more on lap three, and even more so on its third sector, but I couldn’t even maintain my focus for those six minutes, my mind drifting off a couple more times, which quite clearly resulted in slowing down before managing to snap myself back. And I ended up with one of the worst times in a long time, and the worst since the year’s first run, when the park was so crowded that at times I barely had room to advance at all, while the final sector was also one of the slowest, and the slowest since that very careful first run after getting rid of COVID-19.
And that was the only real problem. Yes, there were still cables on the stairs and trucks on the path, so on the final sector I had to climb on the outside of the curved part of the stairs and then take a tight turn, but that doesn’t even really excuse that sector’s bad time. And otherwise, sure, it had rained and the lane was soggy almost all over, so I avoided what I could, and there was some wind as well, but it wasn’t a notable problem, the people didn’t cause any either, and there weren’t many of them, and I also can’t say that anything was wrong physically. So all I can really say is that I just wasn’t “there”, mentally, and in such a state it’s hard to even move, not to mention to push yourself… And it’ll only get worse, unless this gets solved…

I managed to get this far before midnight, but getting logged out just when I meant to post meant that I actually ended up posting what’s above seconds after midnight, needing to edit the timestamp after that… And also to select the correct category and add the title once again, since I had opened a new tab and just pasted the text again, hoping to still manage to post in time. Either way, I added this paragraph and what’s below just before going to bed.

After once again quickly checking the nearby Mega Image on the way back, still without a mask, I had lunch and made a call that once again had to do with what I can’t write about, so I’ll move on and say that it was almost 8:10 PM when I left again, going first to Carrefour and finding a single unsliced bread of that kind, which I grabbed even though I weighed it and saw that it weighed a little less than it should. And I also grabbed two expiring products, only realizing on the way to the checkout that the total was just under 10 RON, so I couldn’t use that voucher unless I added something else. And I could add a beet, but after initially deciding to leave getting more of those for another day, I didn’t want to go back after already being directed to a checkout, considering the system that they have there, so I once again left the voucher for another time, after having forgotten to use it three days earlier.
With the expiring products in the backpack and the bread in the bag that hangs from my neck, I continued to Penny, not bothering to use a cabinet and finding enough products to use that 150 RON voucher. The plan had been to get four bags of the cat food that was on sale and six packs of four of the other, since the price of those packs hadn’t increased and it was the cheapest option, assuming that I’ll find enough of those and nothing else, but there were peanuts on sale as well, in case I’ll need to replace something, and I was also considering looking at the bug sprays that were also on sale, because of those ants. And I ended up with four bags and five packs of cat food and one bag of peanuts, since I initially took four of each, then looked around, decided against the bug sprays, since I knew of a better deal from Kaufland, found that they were out of the bags of bagels that were also on sale, didn’t spot anything else that I wanted to get, and when I got back to those packs I only saw one more left. There had been two more at first, but somebody had obviously taken one, so I grabbed that last one and added the peanuts in order to get to the required amount. And there were no problems with the voucher and no personal information was required, I just handed it to the cashier, she scanned it and it applied. Then I took some time to arrange those purchases in a bag and walked out, noticing that the gate to the recycling machine was down even though it wasn’t closing time yet, so it’s a good thing that I had decided to not take more bottles with me that evening.
After reaching Kaufland and putting that bag in a cabinet, I checked the time and saw that it was 9:44 PM, so I rushed straight in, without washing my hands, and put on a glove before grabbing a few bakery products that I could use instead of bread, since no bread that I’d care to get was left. I’d have grabbed more if I would have checked the actual prices, but I didn’t and the labels listed discounts of only 50%, so I didn’t, just adding two cabbages and a discounted coconut and then deciding to grab a bug spray after all, the announcement that the store had closed coming as I was doing so. Then I used the self-checkout without problems, retrieved what I had in the cabinet, arranged a little before walking out, then used one of those tables and took my time to do it properly, finally walking away when it was past 10:15 PM.
I got back a little before 11:05 PM, with 20 kg. Then I ate an orange and a large doughnut, on which I spread a part of the interesting cheese, with raisins and cinnamon, which I had grabbed from the expiring products from Carrefour. And, after putting the purchases in their place, it was past 12:45 AM when I went to wash, and after that I used that bug spray in the bathroom, so it was past 1:40 AM when I got back to the kitchen and I started eating dinner at 3:20 AM. And I took it easy and also wrote dad an e-mail and checked some things on-line, so I finished at 4:15 AM. I got in bed at 5:20 AM.

It definitely feels wrong to write about something else on Earth Day, but considering all the greenwashing it’s being used for and how that’s even encouraged by the year’s theme, which is in fact, and very suspiciously, the same as last year’s and proves that the “official” part of the movement is rushing in the wrong direction just as well, and seeing as I already commented about this last year, I guess I might as well add another post in this series instead.
I probably should at least honor the occasion by focusing on bands and songs with an environmental theme, but I won’t, even if I actually did a quick search for bands that tackle this topic as I started writing this, so I may do that at a later time. However, after happening to stumble upon a band from Estonia and then searching the list and finding just one more from there, over the past few days I ended up having a quick look through other Estonian bands… And finding just two more that caught my attention, and only one that I’ll add here, to at least have that bare minimum of three. The other one will also go on the list, but they changed their style between their two full-length albums and, while I liked their older sound, I’m not fond of the new direction, yet they’re now teasing a new album, so maybe they’ll change direction yet again and I’ll be more inclined to add them in a future post.

That initial new find is Cydefect and the two picks are simple, Moment of Peace and Heal, since there’s little more to choose from at the moment. Sure, you can hear some of the lack of polish and uncertainty that’s to be expected of new bands, but less of it than in most cases, so if this is their starting point, I’d say that they show quite a lot of promise. But it remains to be seen how they’ll develop…

The one Estonian band that was already on the list is Portread and the last activity that I can find was shortly after the release of their one album, at the start of 2020, but I’m going to include them anyway, with the two picks being Saint of Sorrow and Born in Secrecy. I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore, unless they’ll return at a later point, but they sound more polished, and it’s the composition and the instrumental part that caught my attention more than the vocals, though those aren’t bad either.

And the band that I’m including after finding it while searching is Sky Down. They also only have one album, and it was released back in 2017, but they are still active. And the two picks are Shadow of the World and Storm. It’s not exactly a sound that I’d look for, and most of the other songs go even farther in another direction, but they do what they aim to do well enough.