Managing Panic Attacks and Not Much Else
Writing something’s even harder when I seem to be struggling with panic attacks again, but I can at least try to write about these, seeing as they started last night. It probably was just after midnight when I suddenly got very dizzy for a moment, there was the obvious adrenaline rush, which caused a momentary feeling of panic, and then the usual vicious circle of getting scared that something was wrong, feeling worse because I was scared, getting more scared because I was feeling worse and so on. That only subsided shortly before I went to bed, but then the panic came back some hours ago, and I’m not even sure if this time it was preceded by a moment of dizziness or it caused it, because it was far less noticeable and not exactly unusual for how dizzy I normally get during such attacks.
Rather long time since this last happened and at least the intensity is relatively low this time, in the sense that I’m not convinced that I’m just about to have a heart attack or a stroke, but it lasts a long time and trying to keep it somewhat under control is using up even what little energy I still have, so if it was next to impossible to get anything done before…
The thing is that I should be getting stuff done now, seeing as I’m trying not to do much on the computer to avoid putting any more stress than I have to on this old HDD, since I don’t have a backup anymore. I definitely should be writing that review for Two Worlds II now, while I’m waiting for a replacement and not even thinking of playing anything else, and the fact that I have a pretty thorough list of what I want to say in it means that it shouldn’t be that hard once I manage to get started, but getting started is always the worst part.
Meant to finally continue reading Tongues of Serpents too, thinking I’ll get through it in a few days now that I’m not doing much else, but then I gave up again after only a couple more chapters and I really can’t say why. It’s definitely not the book’s fault in any way, and I definitely like to read and want to read, but… I can’t get myself to do anything at all anymore. That’s all there is to it and you can see that in what happened to my MobyGames submissions as well, where I had managed to somehow claw my way back and end up being only a month behind the “schedule” I had set for myself at the end of September, but then hardly submitted anything at all during October, so now I’m a good two months behind with only two months left until the end of the year.
But let’s see if I’ll manage something over the weekend. I mean, I certainly need to post one more thing, so maybe I’ll somehow manage to make it something non-personal… And possibly submit at least a few more things on MobyGames as well, like I somehow managed to do today, though it took me significantly longer than it normally should have.
