Cav's Place

Haven’t written in a long time, not that I wrote too often before…

I noticed something about myself. No matter how much I say I’m not interested in how someone looks, I still am influenced by some things at the beginning.
I’m talking here only about girls/women between 15 and 30, because I start with a lot of mistrust towards anyone else and it doesn’t go away easily. Actually that’d be the first preconceived idea I suppose, but that’s not what I meant to talk about here. I mean to talk about why and how does someone’s physical appearance, no matter how much I’d try to ignore it, influence my opinion.
Looks influence me as a first impression when I see someone for the first time (whether it is a picture on the net, meeting “in real life”… or whether I see for the first time “in real life” a person that I have previously seen a picture of on the net). Some of these impressions last only a few minutes, but some influence what I think about a person for a long time.
As a general rule, if I say that a certain impression will last in time, I say that actually the plusses will last only if that person raises to my expectations from the other points of view, immediately vanishing when (if) I realize she doesn’t, but the minuses never vanish. If she fits into one of the categories that I put at minuses then the bad impression will not go away, but I’ll keep being displeased and making various comments.
I’m talking about absolutely anybody here, any person that I have to interact with, from someone I hardly know to the person I’m intimate with.

So let me start, in order of the importance I noticed I give these things:
1. Hair
– I probably give it so much importance because it’s the easiest to change. (Of course, I’m talking about the hair on the head, I not in the least interested in body hair, unless she’d be like a monkey. Actually it’s better if she lets it grow so it’ll be soft than keep cutting and pulling it until it gets so thick and hard that it stings even when it’s just 1 millimeter long.)
– I offer a plus if it’s halfway down her back. Another if it’s simply cut straight, without revealing any hint that someone is going through a lot of trouble to make it look in some way. Another plus is if it’s straight (as in not curly), but that plus is somewhat reduced if I find out she straightens it, as it’s not naturally like that. Another plus, smaller, is if she’s blonde, but only if it’s her natural color, not dyed. This seems to look well regardless of body. But there is another option, if she’s a little shorter than me, relatively thin and… has a general image of a good girl in her mid-teens (regardless of her real age), she gets the same plusses if she has brown or black hair, leaves a little over her forehead and either has a ponytail or lets it flow freely on her back, having it go about 1/4 of the way down her back, if you know what I mean.
– A big minus if it’s short, as in not even reaching her shoulders. Another, at least as big, is if it’s dyed. Another, also big, is if it’s curly and I find out that it’s naturally straight, but she makes it curl, if it’s naturally curly it doesn’t apply. Another minus appears if it’s obvious she went through some trouble to give it a certain shape, I want to see it left naturally, the only exception being that bit over the forehead that I talked about above.
– These impressions will not go away.
2. Being natural and simple
– Another thing very important to me, and also completely controllable.
– No plusses here. If I see no trace of make-up, the clothes aren’t either fancy or expensive, etc. then it seems normal, no plusses. I accept, without minuses, a trace of color around her eyes (but not much, and not a color that will catch your eye), eventually also (very) little blush on her cheeks, some lipstick (but I won’t kiss her on the lips nor will I let her kiss me anywhere while she’s wearing it, no matter how much she’d assure me it won’t wipe off) and a light shade of nailpolish (white, pink or something transparent that only leaves a hint of a color) on the nails from her hands, I don’t accept anything on the nails from her feet.
– Minuses for anything else. The more make-up and/or care and/or money invested into her looks, the bigger the minuses.
– These impressions will never go away, using such ways to change the way someone looks seem simply lies to me, and I don’t accept lies.
3. Height
– I don’t like that I’m interested in this, since it’s not too controllable, but I noticed I’m interested in it so I have to say.
– Generally, it’s a plus if she’s about my height (5’8.5″ at the last check), +/- 4″. Might even be a bigger plus if she’s a little (at most 2″) taller than me.
– Could be a minus if she’s more than a head taller or more than a head shorter than me.
– This impression can be drastically changed by weight, I’ll explain there. Otherwise, it won’t go away, but the importance I give it will quickly lessen to a certain value, if I can call it that, where it’ll stabilize.
4. Weight
– It influences what I think about someone only if it’s because she eats too much/little and unhealthy. If I find out it’s because of a disease or some hormonal imbalance, any negative impression about her weight goes away immediately. Note that, when I’ll use the term “fat” below, I mean obese (if her bones are very heavy and her body type is naturally big, then it might even only apply starting from 2nd degree obesity), not just a few extra lbs. And “thin” doesn’t mean “just skin and bone”, but to still have a little bit of flesh on her, if I want to say “just skin and bone” I’ll simply say “just skin and bone”.
– It’s a plus if she has approximately my height and a normal weight, maybe even a few extra lbs if they’re not put on her abdomen. Another plus is if she’s shorter than me and thin.
– Keeping in mind what I said above about negative influences, it’s a minus if she’s either fat or just skin and bone. If she’s fat and very short or just skin and bone and very tall then the minus is greater. If she’s “big” (taller than me and fat) then the minus is clearly justified by the fact that she intimidates me.
– These impressions go away relatively quickly usually, after I get to know the person. Negative impressions will remain only if she’s already at an average weight (or already thin, if she’s more than 2″ shorter than me) and she wants to keep losing weight, if she’s just skin and bone and has no intention of gaining some weight, or if she’s fat and has no intention of losing some weight.
5. Apparent age
– It’s a plus if she looks younger than she really is. This doesn’t apply only to a 30 year old person who looks 25, but also to an 18 year old person who looks 16.
– It’s a big minus if she tries to look older than she is.
– These impressions go away immediately after I get to know the person normally. Still, the negative impression left by someone who is trying to look older than she really is will always annoy me.

Another thing that really bothers me, speaking of looks, is change. After I get to know a person I associate that person with a certain image. The first reaction when I see someone I know looking differently than I remember is “who the fuck are you?”.

I keep saying I want to have no interest in someone’s looks, but I see that I still have some things left, at least where the first impression is concerned. I wonder why I can’t get rid of them…