Cav's Place

This will be a short post, because I just want to say that Tuesday I went to actually contest the fine. Good thing dad came with me, since we couldn’t figure out where to go and he had to ask people several times, which I definitely wouldn’t have done, but signs did exist, even if not where we expected them, so I guess I’d have eventually figured it out on my own as well. Would have probably attracted even more unwanted attention from security by wandering around, but I had a small problem regarding that either way, being completely surprised by needing to go through a metal detector at the entrance, having my keys catch in the belt when I simply threw them on it and then realizing I had forgotten all the used batteries in my pocket, so the guard ended up quite wide-eyed by the time I finished taking them, as well as a pen and a mint, out after he told me to empty that pocket, waving me through without even checking again.
Either way, once that was done and we found the room where I was supposed to go, it went well enough, the person there seeming rather relieved to have to deal with someone who had everything ready and wasn’t talking, since the woman who was there before me kept complaining even as he started going through my papers and then even came back a moment later to show him something else. The odd part was that he handed me back one set of copies of the notification and the envelope and asked for the originals, which he filed away, which seemed to even confuse the lawyers somewhat when I sent an e-mail after I got back asking why was I told to go there with two sets of copies when I needed the originals as well, and I also saw a picture made by another protester who framed his notification after filing the papers to contest it, so he obviously got to keep the original, but at least now there’s no risk of me losing those and then needing them again later…

Otherwise, I’m certainly pushing well past any limits I have and don’t know whether I can keep doing this for much longer. When I rushed out for Monday’s protest I was shaking all over, but it seemed that being so scared made me act as if I wasn’t, since I even ended up approaching one of the Gendarmerie’s negotiators to ask some things, which would normally be completely out of the question. But I’m completely drained and exhausted, and not necessarily physically, and when you also consider the problems the movement has and the clear messages sent by certain known activists to those who don’t do what they deem to be enough, or don’t act as they think everyone should…
I sure wish I could simply get back to what I was doing before September 1, without checking several sources for news or calls for action several times per day and definitely without going out and being among people so often. In fact, if I wouldn’t have to go out now, it’d be difficult to even get myself to poke my nose out once per week, as I’ve been doing since the first part of 2007, and I’d definitely be extremely careful not to end up in a situation where I may need to interact with another person, but shit keeps happening and I have to somehow keep doing what little I can for these causes until either we win or I break down completely and there’s nothing left.