Cav's Place

At this time, I still don’t know whether anything notable may be planned for tomorrow as far as the protest movement is concerned and I rather doubt I’ll even try to attend if I will see a trustworthy call for an action with some potential relevance from now on, unless of course a significant event that will require such an immediate reaction will take place between now and then. As such, I probably could have waited until tomorrow to write this, since it’s merely for the sake of having a second post this week anyway, but I’d rather not start the year that way, so here it is now.

Last time, I was saying there were games I wanted to play and mobyranks I wanted to submit, so I wanted to make use of that shred of enthusiasm before it’ll run out. Unfortunately, it seems to have done so almost immediately, seeing as I can’t say I played much of anything over these past few days and I definitely haven’t made any more submissions on MobyGames since the start of the year, with the exception of one mobyrank which I resubmitted after being yet again rejected by the asshole. In fact, this continued battle with that guy is the very reason why I even said over there that I don’t know whether I still care to submit any anymore, but everyone else is still approving them as they are and, now that the site has been restored to its former self, stopping because of him when I’m not particularly busy with something else doesn’t sit right with me. At the same time, not stopping will very quickly lead to me resorting to the same, shall we say, acts of civil disobedience that led to me being banned for a month last year, so the result may be the same either way.
That said, I should probably try to play games more instead of going through reviews for so many I’ll never have any interest in only to submit them there. But, of course, there’s that constant problem of wanting to get everything just right when I do play and giving up because I either can’t quite manage it or I’m too afraid to even continue trying once it becomes difficult to plan every outcome in detail and be fairly certain of success precisely according to my definition of it, not to mention that there are also times when it simply becomes too difficult to advance further and I simply move away because “real life” is difficult enough and games should be an excellent form of escapism, not another source of hardship. This is why I only managed to finish a single, old game last year, after remembering playing the first part around the time it was released and deciding on the spur of the moment to grab the whole thing and go through it from start to end, assuming it’ll still work, which it did.

Unfortunately, the above doesn’t mean that I took that time to add more to my story either, though I do seem to be starting to at least somewhat recover from the exhaustion caused by taking part in protests for so long, so over the past few days I actually managed to write somewhat more each night and, believe it or not, even start working that major event into the chapter. That happened suddenly and started with a paragraph written from the point of view of a completely exhausted character while I was also struggling to keep my eyes open, so it’s probably rather confusing and shows I wasn’t thinking straight, but at the same time not having the mental stamina to analyze what I was writing meant I wasn’t rejecting every shred of an idea that happened to cross my mind.
That’s one way to go about it, I guess. I obviously can’t do things right, and at the same time if I’m not in a dreadful state I can’t tolerate doing things wrong, but if I try to do something when I’m unable to analyze the outcome, I may actually get something done. Granted, when I’m in such a state it’s particularly difficult to channel that tiny shred of energy I have left towards being in any way productive, and if I do so there’s little chance of much, if any, quality in the outcome, but as long as it’s not something that’ll affect others as well, it does at least count as doing something… And maybe there will come a day when I’ll be able to fix it.