Cav's Place

The procedure for contesting the fine I received for taking part in the November 7 protest is slowly moving forward, so last Monday I got a letter stating that I had ten days to submit all evidence and the name and address of my witness. Strangely enough, the letter also stated that I needed to pay the 20 RON fee, though that was paid and the original receipt submitted along with the other documents when I first filed the complaint, but one of the lawyers helping the protesters with these things told me to simply state that in the letter I’ll submit in reply, so I hope it doesn’t mean there was a problem.
There clearly was one with the witness, however, seeing as it implied contacting someone and asking them to go through this trouble for me when I could barely think of a couple of people who may have anything relevant to say. After all, I go alone and try to avoid socializing, so it’s unlikely that anyone noticed my actions in particular and, with the exception of the known activists, there are few protesters I know how to reach. However, I did remember one person who was around me for a certain period of time on both sides of the road and who did one of the things I specifically mentioned in my complaint, which after all is based on existing laws and the behavior of the protesters as a whole, not mine in particular, so he was the first choice and thankfully he agreed. Did ask me to call him first, however, so that marked the first time I called someone since whenever the last time I called Andra was, obviously no later than 2005, and probably the first time I called anyone but her or my parents since early 2000, when I called Rose those few times. Needless to say, it was frightening.

Once that was taken care of, it was a matter of adding his name and address to the letter mentioning the documents already submitted and the fact that I’ll also add CDs containing material I filmed that evening, and submitting everything Wednesday morning. Not that there seems to be any need to do so myself, since nobody seems to ask who you are, but I did go myself both times, dad coming with me but waiting outside. I handled it far better the first time, however, as this time I don’t quite know what I did in there. I definitely wasn’t looking at the woman, barely said anything and at one point I was just standing there while she wanted me to do something, and when I walked out I was in shock. Obviously didn’t think to check anything right away, though I kept stopping to face walls or garbage cans and search aimlessly through my backpack, prompting dad to ask me what did I lose a few times, until I told him I had lost myself.
Since he had to go to work soon and I wanted to go buy something too, since I was already out, we went our separate ways after that and it was only then that I thought to check what papers I was left with and somehow end up convinced that I still had one more copy of that letter than I should have, obviously meaning I had submitted one less. That shocked me even more and I didn’t quite feel as being inside my own body as I walked to the hypermarket I meant to go to, barely putting one foot in front of the other and probably not exactly keeping a straight line, so I’m sure some people thought I was drunk, but at least I reached the place and decided to browse two other shops first, thinking that may help calm me.
Well, it did help me get over the shock, but I jumped straight from it to rage and had a difficult time not smashing things, particularly while walking past plates and glasses. Somehow held it together until I got back and tripped on a cabinet door that doesn’t stay closed, on the hallway… Stopped hitting that when my leg hurt too much to stand anymore and I had a bit of skin peeled off one hand as well. Then threw things, but tried, and managed, not to break anything on purpose, only knocking over and spilling a coffee cup. I did break one of the CD cases, since I was told they couldn’t be added to the file like that and I had to remove the disks from the cases, which I brought back, but that was completely accidental, as I had placed them on top of my clothes and they fell when I meant to take them all back to my room. Either way, I can’t recall the last time I was in such a state. I do recall one time, in early 2002, when I also punched a door until I slightly hurt my hands, but that wasn’t nearly as bad either. I imagine the fact that the next day was February 13 and the one after it is what I’m now calling Heartbreak Awareness Day played a part as well.
Still, after cooling off somewhat in that manner, I closed myself in the kitchen, made myself something to eat, ate it and cleaned up before finally making my way to my room. Then I lashed out at someone who had just pestered me about, in her opinion, choosing to remain afraid of people in a way that made her add herself to the increasing list of people who block me, took a nap, and only then checked the papers once again. Thankfully, doing that made me realize I had been wrong the first time and had in fact been left with exactly what I should have been left with. As such, everything should be in order and the case should go forward, but the next listed date is nearly a month from now, so I won’t know for sure until then and the actual court hearing will be even later, probably in late spring or early summer.

Moving on to an entirely unrelated topic, I have to say that I finally managed to reread some of the sections I had recently finished adding to my story. Had ended up with no less than four of them to read again and make corrections to, which is a new record, but now I’m down to only one and I’m planning to take care of that as well. Since I’m keeping my word and proofreading the new edition of Darkness Rising, getting myself to put in the time and effort necessary to do this is even more difficult, but now that I got myself started, I’m sure I’ll manage somehow.
Unfortunately, having done that is part of the reason why I’m now falling behind with the proofreading, as I currently have two more chapters I didn’t even glance at yet, which is actually down from the four I had yesterday morning, despite largely only proofreading, the fact that I put in some 30 minutes per page into the first chapter, to more specifically explain some of the reasons why I complained so much about the way the first book was written, being the only real exception. Still, it should all be manageable if I’ll avoid further breakdowns.

That’s highly unlikely at the moment, however, particularly considering what I did last night. Did something the night before as well, but while that can perhaps be said to be more direct, it was almost certain to have absolutely no result, so it didn’t frighten me too much. This might, on the other hand, so I’ve been sitting here all day, avoiding checking messages and fearing it may come back and bite me in other ways as well.
I guess I’ll somehow need to check later tonight, but I don’t know what I’ll do if my admittedly very poorly thought out attempt will actually have a result, and if it won’t it definitely won’t be good news either, so I have no idea what the next days will bring. I’ll need to write another post over the weekend, by which time I may also know more, so I guess there is a chance I may explain better then, but I highly doubt I’ll be in a good enough state of mind to make much sense and I’m also not sure I actually want to be specific, so I probably won’t.