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Stubbornly, Unapologetically, Refuse to Adapt

You always have at least four choices. You may die, one way or another, even if not necessarily physically. You may adapt to the conditions and simply push through, leaving little trace of your presence, eventually not even within yourself. You may fail to adapt without doing so on purpose, therefore being crushed. Or you may stubbornly, unapologetically, refuse to adapt, and do what you can to force the conditions to adapt to you.
You may fail. In fact, you certainly will the first time, and it will be painful, embarrassing, disheartening. You may feel it’s all hopeless, and that you are completely powerless and worthless. But if you somehow pick yourself back up and try again… Well, you’ll most probably fail again, and again, and again. It will still be painful, it will still be embarrassing, it will still be disheartening. But if you do it right, it will be slightly, ever so slightly, less so each time. You will fail, but you will fail better.
Then, one day, if you persevere long enough, you may just about, infuriatingly, demoralizingly nearly, manage not to fail. You still will, but that will be the key moment. If you’ll learn from that as well, and try again despite it all, the next time you should, just maybe, sort of, highly arguably, succeed. If everyone else gets your version first. And they look at it from the right angle.
Once you’re there, however, the hardest part is over. It’s just sad that so few ever get that far, and so many don’t even start on this path, fearing the costs of time, of sweat, of tears. But you know what? Time will pass anyway, and tears will be shed for one reason or another, whether by your eyes or by your true inner self, lost, abandoned, perhaps murdered, by you and you alone, in the struggle to adapt, to be “normal”, to know your place.
As for the sweat… Well, it is a struggle to be alive. It is a struggle to be anything, in fact. It is a terrible struggle to be someone you’re not, not truly, not if you’d care and know yourself. So why not struggle for the chance that maybe, just maybe, one day, perhaps far into the future, it may all become easier? Not just for you, but for everyone who deserves something better, or nobler, or at least something kinder.


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