Over Nine and a Half Years of Days That Didn’t Matter…
I’m sitting here struggling to even breathe, or at least feeling like I am, and thinking of everything I’m messing up, have messed up or may likely mess up, and about how I can only crawl out of bed after giving up on the thought of anything I may have planned to do that day and saying it’s just yet another day that doesn’t matter. But it’s been over nine and a half years of days that didn’t and don’t matter, and no end in sight of them. I wasn’t even 21 when she left, now I turned 30 in October and all this time in between, soon to be a third of my life, just didn’t matter, be it for myself or for anyone else.
Now I just realized I messed up with that book order as well, and no idea what I’ll do about it, since it’s definitely not their fault in the least if after asking about a certain edition I suddenly sent another message just when they were saying they’ll preorder both to say I found some information about it, writing as if it was definitely what I wanted but in fact pointing them to something entirely different, since I never realized I was looking at something else.
And now dad seems to be asking me about buying bottled water in larger quantities, even making a contract for it, and even sent me reports about the quality of tap water in Bucharest to analyze, and I have no idea what to say or do about that. What I know is that I just drink weak tea, usually making a liter at night and putting it in this bottle I have in my room to have the next day, and while I know there are plenty of potential issues that boiling won’t solve, I’m thinking that a water filter would do the job better and without the hassle or the environmental impact, due to transportation and plastic jugs, of buying this way.
And, of course, at the start of next week I’ll need to uninstall G DATA Antivirus, as that trial will be over as well, and install Emsisoft Anti-Malware to continue the tests. But that’s obviously a scary prospect, and while I’ll be quite glad to get rid of G DATA, as there are some compatibility and usability issues that make me say it’s not an option despite the fact that it seems to offer very powerful protection, I’m not sure how uninstalling will go, as it doesn’t seem to have a specialized tool available, and I’m sure not looking forward to needing to sort out who knows what mess or even to reinstall Windows.
Then, after that, I’ll need to seriously start looking into buying that new computer I’ve been planning. Talking of the, shall we say, temporary one which I plan to pass on to dad next year, when I’ll order a much better one for myself. But that will again mean exchanging many messages with stores, making decisions that will cost a fair amount of money, even if most components will be in the “office” range, and needing to sort out some things that shops may not be willing to normally do. Plus, some of the parts I definitely mean to buy are suddenly no longer available, at least not all from the same store, and the worst problem seems to be a legal copy of Windows 7 Home Premium 32-bit in English, as that definitely doesn’t seem to be available anymore. Of course, it wouldn’t be a problem for me, as I have a retail edition of Ultimate, but the idea was to temporarily give this to dad while I’ll use the one bought with the new computer, being OEM and tied to it, in order to be able to give it to him like that next year, so he’ll finally move off XP now and then stay off it without needing to go into territories even I won’t get anywhere near, by which I mean Windows 8 or newer.
And this was just sort of thrown here, as things like the choice of words, the lack of any links and the fact that it’s posted hours after another personal post should tell you. I was pacing around my room, feeling like I needed to explode but my skin, or my body in general, still somehow held me together, and that’s what came to mind, that I have over nine and a half years of days that didn’t matter, every single one of them. In a few cases, I may have briefly thought they may have some importance, but I was wrong, and now I know better. So, unless miracles will happen, I’m only getting out of bed after making sure I know it doesn’t matter… And yet I still end up like this even so, which shouldn’t really happen if nothing matters, should it?
