Not for Your Eyes…
Just said what I felt, in as many words as I could…
Reply: “Right… And do you know how what you’re doing looks like, trying to control me because you feel something? Just pick up and move on, that’s what I’m trying to do! And if you think this is harsh, you have seen nothing yet! Right now there is still some chance we can be friends, but you’re close to stepping over the line, and if you do that you’ll see exactly how vicious I can be! I want to live my life, you get over me go live yours, I’m past reasoning with you.”
I’m trying to control her? Excuse me if I’m wrong, but she was the one not letting me in the same room with her for 3 weeks, she was the one who left for a month, then changed to 2, then ended up staying for more than 5, during which time I never tried to stop her even when she was uncertain, I gave her advice when I could, till I could stand it no longer, and so on…
Just want her to be happy, but can’t handle her happiness requiring me to be crushed anymore, I did for 6 months and don’t hold any of it against her… Couldn’t hold anything against her, nomatter what she did or will do, just love her unconditionally and will do so for as long as I live… Wonder when she’ll see what it means and realize how hard it is to ever have something like this offered by someone…
I sent her pics of my arms, no clue why, she’ll probably say I’m trying to control her even more… I can’t deal with this anymore, just can’t! Someone just kill me, please… Can’t live without her, struggled so far because I hoped we could work smth out when she’ll be back, had to hope that!
I just can’t go on, can’t! I need her like I need to breathe…
This can’t happen! Why can’t I go completely insane and be oblivious to anything and everything, talk to her image in my mind and be happy, why? Damn sanity, damn my mind, damn any instincts and fears keeping me alive, damn life, damn it all!
