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“I’m Sorry…”
I’m bothered by that “I’m sorry” said after a break up that isn’t too ugly but wasn’t agreed upon by both partners either.
Either way it’s said and however many explanations would be offered, it insults the intelligence of the person it’s addressed to. Saying that I’m not speaking of the ugly break ups I eliminate cheating, betraying or violent arguments, therefore only leaving 3 possibilities: “our relationship met some difficulties and I don’t think you’re worth the effort on my part to do my share of the work needed to sort through them”, “better alone than with you” or “I found someone better than you”. And, actually, all these three are reduced to “you’re not good enough for me”.
Reaching this conclusion, it’s obvious that the one saying that “I’m sorry” is not sorry at all. If they would be sorry they’d fight to make that relationship work, not leave the first chance they get. And that “this is better for you too” idea doesn’t work either, as no person has the right to decide what’s better for another. If you are truly sorry that it’s over, then stay and fight so it won’t be over. If not, then at least don’t say it, don’t insult the other’s intelligence.
Or… If you really met someone else that you realized you have strong enough feelings for to make you want to end your current relationship, then you shouldn’t be sorry. Not for your feelings anyway. But you should think again that it’s not good to give the bird in your hand for two in the bush, and that, once you’re in a relationship (excepting the ones where you clearly said from the beginning that they’re only temporary) you should commit fully to that relationship and fight for it, not end it, whatever happens (there are a few exceptions: excessive violence, drug addiction that the other doesn’t want to try to get rid of, and other such things, but these are extremes).
Am I asking too much? Perhaps… Perhaps putting feelings (after you know yourself well enough to know they’re real) way above any trace of reason is too much for some. And perhaps such commitment in a relationship is also too much for many. But… people have something called a soul. When it comes to relationships, at least then, they should ignore their brains and listen only to their soul.
You are wrong! I have no idea what was the problem in your relationship, but there are people who are sorry just cuz they weren’t capable to make a relationship work. People are weak. They are not capable to control their own reactions and they screw up. Then they feel ashame and they turn against the person they love, and they are sorry. Nobody can erase the past, but many regret it. And they try to get away from that person, so that they can forget. They have the illusion that near another person (or by themselves) they will feel better about themselves. Just maybe… they will not feel so guilty.
And if you don’t want to be bother by the “this is better for you too”, you should make the other person feel good about herself. If she likes how she sees herself in your eyes, you will never hear that.
This is annoying! It was a boring evening. Just quietly wondering around. Now I’m irritated because a kid doesn’t understand regret.
September 14, 2007 @ 12:07 AM
At the time I wrote this, there was no problem whatsoever, was just expressing a view about a general issue…
So you think this is fair, say you’re sorry (and even really being sorry) and then running away instead of fighting (even against yourself) to make it work again?
True, nobody can ask another not to make mistakes. But you CAN ask them to fix them after they’ve made them!
And I never heard that myself either…
September 14, 2007 @ 12:28 AM
I didn’t said is fair. Just running away instead of fighting is typical human. It’s not easy to fight, especially with yourself. It can be confusing. Most people aren’t strong enough. Demanding something from such a person will not bring anything good.
September 14, 2007 @ 12:40 PM
*shrug* I’m not talking about how things are, but about how they should be. If there needs to be an “I’m sorry”, it should be “I’m sorry for what I’ve done” before coming back, not “I’m sorry for what I’m about to do” before leaving.
September 14, 2007 @ 7:18 PM