A Weird Day… Hopefully Not Getting Any Weirder
I logged on to Yahoo! Messenger around 9:30 PM and saw her on. Or, at least, I saw someone appearing to be using a mobile phone to receive messages on her old account, which I didn’t delete from my list when she switched to the new one. Did send two messages, one after about ten minutes and the other shortly before midnight, but of course there was no reply. Being almost certain that she wasn’t going to say anything, assuming it really was her, was probably why I managed to get the courage to do it in the first place… Can’t say it doesn’t hurt to still be ignored, far from it, but at least it’s a very familiar kind of pain. A reply might theoretically have brought some joy, but that would require changes which would be nothing short of a miracle. Anything I could realistically expect her to say would have likely meant even more pain, and less familiar or even completely new kinds of it as well.
That might be enough for me to call this day scary, interesting, perhaps even somewhat important, but not weird. But I am calling it weird because some other things have happened and there seem to be too many coincidences for a single day.
For one, I got a friend request on a site I hardly ever use from a person who had basically vanished quite some time ago, likely over a year. We first talked some four years ago and bumped into each other a few more times since then, but never stayed in touch for long, so I wouldn’t think much of it if it would have happened on any other day.
Then OkCupid put someone from Iasi in my “quiver”. Since what she wrote in her profile was interesting enough to get my attention, that might have been enough to consider it one more of these strange coincidences. (For anyone who might somehow end up here and not already know the story: That’s because Andra’s from Iasi and that’s where we lived when we lived together.) However, I noticed that I was listed as having edited her profile, but I can’t remember when or why. This might make it count as a double coincidence, since it happened today.
Finally, a guy started chatting with me, also on OkCupid. I’m quite sure it’s the first time someone sends me an instant message out of the blue on that site. He was saying that he read my profile and some of my blog and thinks that we’re very similar, or at least that I am the way he used to be. Then he started asking if I’d be willing to make use of a chance to change, become less fearful and less stressed and be able to enjoy the little things in life more. I asked if he was trying to sell me something and he said he’s not literally selling and doesn’t have any specific thing in mind, but wants to tell me about various things he tried in order to change. He didn’t really get anywhere with me, but we did have a little talk about various theoretical concepts such as how much can people change, the value of pain, caring for others and sacrificing yourself. This might have been rather weird any day, actually.
Putting it all together… I’d say there are at least two too many coincidences for it not to seem at the very least weird.
But, in the end… I only care about her… And I’d still really want to know what’s been going on since I last heard anything about her but am frightened of the prospect at the same time.
Actually… Right now I’m in another of those moments when I’m wondering if we even were together, if it wasn’t all just a dream. Was even talking to someone about it last night, and then I sent Andra an e-mail mentioning it as well. Thought I might as well, since I’m quite sure she has me on ignore so it wouldn’t get anywhere anyway. This only adds one more coincidence to the list, doesn’t it?
