Cav's Place

I have an old post on this topic, but it is something I think about often so I’ll write about it again now. Of course choosing this moment for it has everything to do with what happened on Wednesday. Have to admit that stumbling upon a corpse that’s the result of suicide would make anybody think of it, don’t you agree?

Several suicide cases have made the news around here recently, including one that has been on the front pages for quite some time now. This in turn prompted various reactions from various “experts”, aimed at preventing such acts and instructing the friends and family of a suicidal person as to what to do for this purpose. Typical, “we know what’s best for you, we know what you really want better than you do”…
Why is that? Why is it something that must be prevented at all costs? Why don’t people have the right do die on their own terms? It should be one of the basic human rights if you ask me. Of course, nobody does, but that’s not the point. You keep hearing to be responsible, take your life in your own hands. If this is not taking your life in your own hands, I don’t know what is! But, strangely, at that specific point somebody decides you should no longer have control over your life and takes it in their hands to “save” you, though you have no desire to be saved.

Suicide used to be honorable. Still is in some cultures. So where did we go wrong, what changed? Isn’t this a symptom of our flawed society? Treating only the effects, disregarding the causes, that’s how things work these days. It doesn’t matter that you have a reason for it, what matters is only that you don’t do it. It doesn’t matter that not doing it means a life of suffering, without meaning, without purpose, without hope, without the chance of ever producing, becoming, achieving anything, you just have to keep going so they won’t look bad.
That’s probably what it boils down to, actually. Mental health professionals make a living based on the assumption that they know what you really want, that they know what’s right for you better than you do. And they earn quite a lot from “fixing” people. They earn even more by convincing people that they need “fixing” when they don’t. If they can convince you to keep going when you see no reason to, you will keep needing their help to make it through the day, while a dead man has no use for them. Also, once they have pushed their view that suicide is wrong into the mainstream, each such case may be seen as a failure, a potential dent in their reputation. As it usually happens when those in power make mistakes, they didn’t admit it then and are too proud to admit it now.

Then you have religion. Certain mainstream religions say that humans do not have the right to decide when they die, that only a Higher Power can decide that. Pardon me for being blunt, but that’s nothing but manipulation. It’s a means of taking power away from the followers and putting it into the hands of the leaders of said religions. And once you get people to believe that you represent a being that controls how and when they die, it’s not that hard to start controlling how they live as well.
It’s quite ironic. The foundation of most religions deals with what happens after the body dies, yet many focus a lot on preventing that from happening unless it happens according to their principles. Makes one think that someone, somewhere, knows what really is out there, that it’s not what they say it is and that people might somehow bring back that knowledge to those that are still living if they die under certain conditions, so they strive to stop this from happening. Food for thought…

Another reasoning usually given is “think of those you’ll leave behind”. That should, of course, apply when you are responsible for another, like a child or a pet. In that case it’s no longer your decision because it no longer affects only you, so you should think what it would mean to them if you’ll die.
But in other cases, the problem is that often those you leave behind are exactly the cause. One of the most idiotic lines I heard has to be “think of what the one you’d be doing it for would feel”. Excuse me, but why the fuck should I? They didn’t think about me, or I wouldn’t be considering this in the first place! Heck, forget about me, they didn’t even think of themselves enough to consider how they’ll feel if I’ll do it. Either that or they did and decided it won’t bother them that much. But it does pose a good question, though: Assuming you still have a connection to your soul and can feel something, what do you feel when you know that somebody took their own life because you hurt them?
And don’t even get me started on the “what would your parents feel” topic. That’s just stupid, saying don’t do it because your parents will feel they failed. They probably did anyway. The only acceptable parent is a perfect parent, and nobody’s perfect. And not doing it doesn’t redeem them in any way. Actually, if they’re the ones who stop you or if you change your mind because of them, they just failed yet again. Besides not giving you a life worth living, they didn’t let you get out of it either.

And then you have the “it’s not worth it” line. Oh, really? Says who? It may not be worth it for you, but how can you know what’s worth it for another? How can you know what another thinks is worth dying for to say it didn’t happen? Or how do you know what another thinks is worth living for to say it’s still happening? There are probably things that would make you at least consider suicide as well, and if they’re different it doesn’t mean they’re any better or any worse. Each of us has different reasons to live and different reasons to die… You might not know yours yet, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.
But you know what’s truly scary? If you would really never seriously consider this, regardless of what happened. If you could never be hurt badly enough, if you could never realize that you can no longer achieve your purpose, if you could never look around and see that the meaning of everything is gone. It means you have no soul and no mind. And what’s worse is that you’ll probably live long and prosper if you’re like that, despite the fact that you should be wiped off the face of the Earth…

That may be it, actually. Maybe more than anything else, those who get to this point show that they have a soul, or a mind, or both. Admittedly, many may be misdirected, but the fact that something can hurt them badly enough to make them want to die shows that they have a soul. And the fact that they realize there’s nothing left to live for means they have a mind and use it, or perhaps that they care enough for others not to stick around and waste resources when they know they’ll be unable to produce their share. And people who can think for themselves are dangerous for those in power. Those who can also feel are even more dangerous, because they’ll fight even harder once something worth fighting for will come up.
While they’re happy they might not be interested in how things stand in the world, but when they are no longer happy at all, which has to be the case if they want to kill themselves, they become a potential problem. If they succeed in killing themselves, they’ll make the news. In case they happened to stumble upon something until that point, it will probably be dug up and it will also make the news. Still, that risk is tiny, the serious one appearing when the attempt fails. You now have a person who can think freely and has nothing left to lose, so they must be controlled. Lock them up in a mental institution, have them take pills to block certain reactions, have them report to a certain mental health professional and tell that person everything, the methods are many, but they work just as well.
Paranoid? Perhaps, but sometimes the question is not if you’re paranoid, but if you’re paranoid enough…

I wish I could say that I admire those who have the courage to do it, but… Actually, I envy them. They could do what I couldn’t, what I’ll never be able to because I’m so weak. They quite literally took their lives in their own hands and I’m stuck here with no control, in a life not worth living, with nothing left except memories and the fear that even they’ll fade away, with no hope of better days and the knowledge that I’ll never be able to accomplish or become anything, that I’ll never produce more than I use, that I’ll always be a burden on the few that didn’t give me a swift kick in the ass already, never able to make up for anything… Yes, thinking of suicide might mean you’re a coward, but doing it proves you were brave. And, according to that, I’m as yellow as they come…
But… Perhaps there is still a purpose for my life. If seeing how I feel after what she did to me will make somebody else not do the same thing to another, it might just mean something in the grand scheme of things.

Just think of this for a moment, all of you who think suicide is wrong and claim that you have the best interest of the person you’re trying to stop when you try to stop somebody from doing it: What’s worse, to die or to survive without living?