619.5 Days
Ok, 619 days and about 11 hours to be more exact. From around 4 AM on September 27th, 2005 till around 3 PM today. That’s how long it had been since the last time I got a hug… Also how long it’s been since she left for England the first time… Yes, I did hug her several times during that day between her getting back and me being kicked out of there, but she wasn’t returning those hugs. Still, that’d make it 456 days and about 9 hours since the last time I gave a hug too…
Of course, it couldn’t have been just the good… I made a complete fool of myself today before that moment, and just because I had a completely idiotic idea last night… Like I wasn’t feeling bad enough about what I’m putting the few people that still are close to me through. Nobody but her (and my parents, but they don’t count) needed to put up with me acting like that before and I hoped nobody else would ever have to. Not because I thought I wouldn’t do it again if the conditions were met, it was obvious that I would, but because I never meant to get myself in that situation again. Or at least not have somebody I care about around when I do, so I’ll be the only one in the awkward situation.
And to think I was saying I could never make up for being put up with so far… How about now? Can I PLEASE just crawl into a deep, dark hole and die already?
Trying to sleep since I got back home and no luck. In between the overall feel of being a huge pile of diarrhea splattered all over a road and getting in everybody’s way and the way my teeth and gums feel after going to the dentist today, can’t do anything but can’t do nothing either…
