Cav's Place

I’ll start directly, with last week’s runs. Plural, because the forecast for this week was rather worrying while the weather was very good last week, so I ran both Wednesday and Friday. If anything, the temperature may have been a bit high on Wednesday, 28°C being reported when I went out, and I was also a bit tired after wandering around the two days before, but it worked out in the end. And the forecast for tomorrow seems good enough, even if there may be a bit more wind than I’d care for, so I should be running then as well, leaving me with one more run to add to the buffer that has to last me over the winter, covering any weeks I’ll have to skip then.
Back to last week’s runs, Wednesday’s time was 48:44, with sector times of 4:29, 5:12, 5:53, 4:26, 5:03, 5:57, 4:39, 5:09, 6:04 and 1:52, making for lap times of 15:34, 15:26 and 15:52. While Friday’s time was 48:29, with sector times of 4:30, 5:09, 5:58, 4:26, 5:04, 5:48, 4:32, 5:11, 6:01 and 1:50, making for lap times of 15:37, 15:18 and 15:44. So that makes for ten ten-kilometer runs in a row with times below 49 minutes, though Wednesday broke the streak of such runs with times below 48:30, leaving it at four. Quite poor final sectors both times though, but an excellent second lap on Friday, on the other hand, in good part thanks to that great sector three.

Back to Wednesday, just after I came back after my run and was thinking of starting to make myself something to eat, dad also came in, a whole lot earlier than I thought he would, and asked me to help him catch the cats and put them in the cage so he’ll take them to the vet to have their claws trimmed, since they, and Liza in particular, definitely don’t want my parents to do that and they decided to stop trying and pay the vet for it after a few early attempts, when they had me catch and hold her while my mother tried to get it done, unless she ended up feeling too sorry for how she struggled and gave up, leaving me with scratches and bites without even getting to the end of the task that was the reason for said scratches and bites.
Either way, with Micky it seemed to go well enough, as he already had her in his arms when I got the cage down and then I just had to hold it vertically and take the door out so he could drop her in it. When he came back with her, since he takes them separately, and wanted to take Liza, on the other hand, things were quite different, leading to quite a long standoff between me and Liza and some pretty deep bites in my right index finger, plus a few smaller marks elsewhere on that hand, despite the fact that I wore kitchen gloves for protection.
She was in the top part of the closet in the small bathroom when he came back and he said he wanted to trick her with some snacks she’s addicted to, which is an addiction he readily feeds when mother’s not here, as I think I heard that she at least tries to limit her to one per day, while he said he gives her one whenever she seems to ask. But I thought he’ll take pity on her if he won’t manage to grab her and put her in on first try, which he did before, plus that I don’t want that addiction fed even more, so I said I’ll handle it and just closed the bathroom door in his face when he meant to come after me, saying you can’t grab her when she’s up there.
Admittedly, I was very optimistic when I thought I will be able to just grab her, as she tried to scratch me as soon as I showed up there, so I quickly went to the kitchen to grab the kitchen gloves, for protection, and eventually let him bring a chair for me to climb on, since I didn’t exactly feel comfortable standing on the washing machine. By that point, she was already somewhere between panic and rage even though I kept pulling back whenever she screamed like crazy or meant to scratch or bite, which was whenever I moved towards her in any way. Didn’t want to fight her or to just reach in and grab her forcefully, initially hoping she’ll pay less attention for a moment and offer me an opportunity and then meaning to tire her, but there seemed to be no chance of that, so after I had the chair I used some of the things that are up there to make her jump down while still keeping my hands away from her.
Once down, it was a matter of just grabbing her, little else to do, but I still tried to go about it somewhat more slowly while she was jumping around the little room, trying to find another place to hide. And since she kept screaming like crazy, I soon heard dad tell me through the door that I should just give up and we’ll try again some other time, which was the very thing I wanted to avoid. So I said that was it, she lost her last chance of not being handled roughly, and I just grabbed her and pinned her down, not giving up even after her teeth went through the glove and deep in my finger. I just took her bite as one more thing that helped me hold on to her and neither of us loosened our grip on the other until dad brought the cage and she could be put inside.
I didn’t even realize how bad the bite had been at first, just giving him the gloves when he said he’d better have some way to protect himself too and only noticing that I had left blood on the side of the table after taking the chair back to the kitchen after he left with her. And then I actually took a few pictures before washing the blood away, then a few more when the bite marks could clearly be seen, and then I put medicinal alcohol on it, trying to clean as well as I could, ignoring any pain or stinging. Then again, I can’t say that I even felt that much, probably being too angry to notice.
Either way, when dad came back with Liza, he said she was breathing heavily, and indeed she had her tongue out and was panting like a dog, and that the vet told him it could be a reaction from the substance placed behind her neck against parasites, since they both had that done as well since they were taken there. He seemed quite upset with me for not letting him try to trick her as he wanted to and my initial reaction was to lash out at him over how much they kiss her ass, but bit my tongue and even apologized, grudgingly but I might have masked that to a reasonable degree, when he went out again, to pick up the gloves he had forgotten there. I had reminded him of them when I told him I gave them with my blood inside, but then the vet called as well to let him know, and also to tell him again that it might be a reaction from that substance, especially if she was already in such a state, and to wash it off her, which he had already started to do, so that was done and paid for pointlessly as well.
Minutes after he went out the door again, my mother called me, asking how she is, as he had apparently called her to tell her how she was acting. By then, after “crying” after him just after he went out again and then panting very loudly as she climbed on the kitchen table behind me, Liza had gone to the living room, lying on the floor and being quiet, no longer panting, but hissing loudly and getting ready to fight if I tried to even approach the living room door. And she mostly stayed there until dad came back, though she did come whenever I played with the wrapping of one of those snacks which dad had opened for her, which I did a few times after the call, since my mother had asked me to keep an eye on her and even if she should find a way to get back earlier to take care of her, which was a question I answered only with silence, since any of the angry replies coming to me at the moment would have just caused trouble for no potential gain. Back to Liza, even if she did come when I played with that wrapping, she just froze at the kitchen door, hesitating for a long moment, looking between me and the snack, and eventually walking away each time. She didn’t even come to eat it when I wasn’t in the kitchen, only doing so after dad came back.
Right. That cat is an annoying spoiled brat and I treat her like I treated Don when Andra’s grandmother was bringing him along when she was coming, which is to say I want whoever’s guilty of spoiling her silly in this manner to deal with her and keep her the fuck away from me. If parents are away and I’m alone with them, I’ll clean the litter and give them food when needed, but otherwise, if we are to be in the same apartment, me and Liza should just ignore each other and not be in the same room. Andra’s three cats were those I recognized as mine, inasmuch as the term can apply, and especially Bubu was the one I had a connection with, but that doesn’t apply to these two. Now that she’s old and generally just wants to find a good spot and sleep, Micky can stay with me just fine as long as it’s not in my room, even if I had that very bad reaction to her when I got thrown back here and it seemed that she wanted to take Bubu’s place, but I don’t want Liza around. And she doesn’t want me around either, hissing and trying to scratch and bite if I get near, which she was doing even before this, so I guess we see eye to eye on this matter. If that means giving up any “cat lover” credentials, so be it, but my reaction and connection is to individuals, not species.
On that note, before ending this long section, I also want to mention that Liza’s been screaming like crazy ever since, especially at night. At first she wouldn’t stop until dad woke up and moved to mother’s bedroom, as he sleeps in the living room, to sleep with her there, and then after mother came back too she keeps following her even more than before, not letting her do anything, and at night she’ll scream her heart out and launch herself into the door after my mother closes the door there, making them wander around and eventually switch rooms when dad goes to sleep as well, until they find an arrangement that Liza’s sufficiently content with to keep quiet. And my mother still says that spoiled, domineering brat is the nicest and most loving cat ever…

To finally move on, Saturday an event took place in support of legalizing civil partnerships, mainly as a way to legally recognize same-sex relationships, but for heterosexual couples looking for an alternative to marriage as well. And I went to express my support, even if I didn’t have any sign and didn’t really do anything other than wander around, take a bunch of pictures, and eventually just sit down at the edge of the area and read for a while. That caused me to miss the opportunity for the group picture, since it was only about 4 PM and the event was supposed to last until 5 PM, so I didn’t expect that to happen then, but they ended it early, since plenty had already left by then.
To quickly describe what happened as well, mock civil partnerships were officiated on the spot, and the event description states that all members of the Chamber of Deputies will receive a notification regarding the number of partnerships officiated. And participants were also asked to write what love means for them, the pieces of paper with the answers being displayed on one side of the area, on ropes tied between some trees. Did keep meaning to write an answer to that as well, but gave up on the thought each time, so I didn’t even do that.
An interesting moment was when a bride and groom appeared, the bride showing up first and standing around somewhat awkwardly for a bit. I believe they intended to take some pictures in the area where the event was taking place, but upon seeing what was happening they just quickly took a few at the metro entrance and left, despite being invited to join and even having the Wedding March played for them. And, even though this event wasn’t about marriages, but in part actually about those who want alternatives to marriage even if they could get married, that pretty much just highlighted the problem, as they could do what they had just done while many of the participants aren’t allowed to.

After leaving from there at 4:20 PM, I first went to Cismigiu Park and read there for about half an hour, then just quickly checked out a small gallery that was nearby and could be visited for free starting at 5 PM. Not much there and nothing to interest me, but I know the photographer from protests, she maintains this “aura” of not quite living in this world, and I had noticed that Alexandra had also liked her page recently, so I took pictures and sent them to her, just in case she was interested.
Then I got back to reading on the way back, not only on the metro but also after stepping off, actually walking almost all the way back with my nose in the book. And I read some more after getting back as well, which got me on track to finish Magician: Apprentice Sunday and therefore make the quick review for it last week’s second post after all. Was actually quite surprised by that, since I wasn’t even sure I’ll read at all that day, but between taking the book with me and getting back way earlier than I thought, leaving that gallery so quickly and giving up on the idea of going somewhere else after that, I ended up getting far enough to easily finish on Sunday.
The problem was that Saturday night, not long before going to bed, I started feeling like I used to feel back when I was little and my parents were rushing me to a doctor every couple of weeks or so, as I felt my heart keep stopping and was all messed up, though I was told there was nothing physically wrong. In other words, I was about to have a panic attack, and the timing was bad too, since fighting it off just enough to avoid ending up like that again would have been hard enough without needing to be calm enough to go to bed in about an hour too. But I eventually managed it, somehow, though it still felt like it was going to return the next day, obviously even more so when I posted that quick review on Bookcrossing as well, since that book’s registered there… And Andra was probably notified of it, if she still uses the e-mail she has listed there and hasn’t blocked everything from that site, since I used it to try to reach her a few times, long ago.

On the topic of reading those books from back then, despite being unimpressed with the first one, I moved on to Magician: Master right away and I’m currently on track to finish Sunday. Not sure if I’ll manage to read anything tomorrow, since I mean to go somewhere in the evening as well, after running in the afternoon, but I should just manage it either way, even if it may require a bit of a push over the weekend. And it is noticeably better than the first, somewhat oddly, considering the fact that it’s in fact a single book, only split in two in this extended edition. So the quick review for that should be this week’s second post.

Otherwise, wandered around to buy a few more things both Monday and yesterday, though I shouldn’t have rushed, because I just noticed today that the offers I thought ended yesterday actually last until next Wednesday. And going again yesterday meant my mother asked me to grab some more cat food and some milk for something she baked today, which caused me to get into some money I had set aside for a pizza and something sweet I mean to get after I’ll take part in the autumn cleaning at the Botanical Garden as well. But I didn’t get one thing I meant to get for myself and found some cheap milk, which meant I still at least have enough of that for the pizza, assuming they didn’t increase the price. And, either way, that’s not needed now and I’ll be getting more from them these days, so it’s not a problem in itself, but only in the sense of it not going exactly according to plan.
And since I mentioned the autumn cleaning, yes, I mean to take part in the cleaning of the Botanical Garden again. Probably still just once, and the plan was to pick either next Saturday or next Sunday, so one of the days of what should have been the second weekend, but now it’ll be the first one at best, since it was supposed to start this weekend but the forecast made them push it back a week and it remains to be seen if the weather will be good enough to start even then.
While on this topic, as I was coming back last evening, carrying a pretty large pumpkin along with a smaller one and a couple of other things, I thought I saw the woman who pretty much brought me into the mix back in spring. Knew I recognized the face, and the hair, but wasn’t sure who she was until some time after passing by her. Not that I’m actually sure even now, but sure seemed like her, even though it would be a rather strange coincidence and it may therefore be a case of my mind making a connection, since I’m thinking about this now again, even if the person I saw was just someone who happened to look a little bit like her. On the other hand, I know enough faces by now to no longer be surprised when I just happen to spot one somewhere.

But I really should be finishing this, so let me also mention the fact that I’m now using the spare mouse again and have been doing so since last week. The Kone XTD was double clicking badly again, so I plugged this back in and used it for a day, then used the main one again for a while, then put it aside and have just been using this since the end of last week.
It’s obviously quite an issue to no longer just click a mouse button for Alt+Tab, or to open Notepad, Calculator or Task Manager, or to show the desktop, or to no longer have horizontal scrolling available when needed, plus that it’s smaller and far less comfortable, the sensor is far from accurate and the wheel doesn’t feel right either, and occasionally scrolls twice when moved only once. There have also been a few moments when it just stopped responding for a few seconds, three of them on that first day and just one since, and I remember that happening when I used it before as well, but I have no idea whether that’s because there’s a problem with it or because of that USB port or because I have two mice connected and this is the second one and I don’t care to try to figure it out. It’s just a very cheap toy, after all, and I’m comparing it to one of the best mice out there, and very likely the very best one for me personally.
Just wish the Kone XTD would have been more reliable, or that I could repair it, because buying a new one will be quite a problem, considering how terribly expensive it is. Still, I’ll try to get back to it soon enough and see what can be done. Maybe the problem will just fix itself again for a while, as it has done before. And, if not, it seems that they just released something called KONE AIMO, which at least has the same number of buttons again, unlike the Kone EMP, even if it still doesn’t mark a return of that button above the wheel that I really want, adding even more useless lighting isn’t earning it any points from me, and it also uses their new driver instead of this one which I at least know to be very stable and compatible with everything. But, even if I’d really rather not buy a new one, it may be an option, depending on price, since I see the EMP being significantly less expensive than the XTD here and the AIMO apparently being released at the same price as the EMP.

One last thing: I mentioned the bad weather this week, and in fact the day when the weather was actually bad and not just not quite good enough for me to care to run was Tuesday, and that’s when a tree fell on my parents’ car, making a hole in the roof and shattering the rear window. A pole also fell and people say different things, some claiming the pole fell first and the cables dragged down the tree and others saying the tree fell first and the cables dragged down the pole, and that will make quite a difference in terms of who should cover the damage, but the point is that at the moment the car just has some plastic put on it. But it can still be used if actually needed even before repairs and it was a piece of junk which probably shouldn’t have even been on public roads for quite some time already… And I have a serious problem with having a car in itself, especially if it’s not an electric one, so I’m just shrugging and passing it off as a little thing to add at the end of a post. They’re quite troubled by it, on the other hand.

Note: This is one of the books I took with me when I got thrown back to Bucharest, over 11 and a half years ago. A few months later, after learning that Andra returned to England, this time for good, I just stopped reading, and since I don’t reread books, those left became something of a small collection of connections to that period, not to be “used” by reading for as long as possible. Did read a few since, I remember three and there’s a chance that one or two more may be slipping my mind, but those were picked from those not registered on BookCrossing and I don’t think any of those I may be forgetting came after the last one of them that I marked as read, in 2011. So this is the first one “used up” in such a manner in several years and the first one that’s also registered on BookCrossing since way back then, which is also why the rating is out of ten instead of out of five.
I’ve been considering giving in when it comes to it for quite some time, even bought Silverthorn and A Darkness at Sethanon back in 2014, to have this whole part of the cycle, but managed to keep holding off until now. But as more time passes, everything crumbles more and more, so here I am. Definitely not making it available on BookCrossing though.

If I’d try to describe this book in one word, it’d be “immature”. In case of some of the characters, at least before certain points, that makes sense, but the term applies to pretty much everything: Writing style, presentation, dialogues, some behaviors of characters which definitely shouldn’t behave in such a manner, a fair number of events and, in a way, the manner in which everything develops. In addition, it reads more like a series of moments, almost a collection of connected short stories in a way, due to how much time passes between the events that are presented and how locations change and apparently important elements seem to simply get dropped in order to move on to something else.
Still, it’s not a bad book if you take it for what it is, and it does openly present itself as heroic fantasy, therefore not aiming to match the more notable fantasy works released since, as those tend to fall under epic fantasy. You won’t find deep immersion, particularly detailed worldbuilding, notable bits of wisdom, characters to truly care for or other reasons to get emotionally involved, but it does its job to provide another fix of adventure for someone looking for it, and set it in a world that’s not our own. As such, teenage guys seem to be the target audience, but maybe that’s just what fantasy was back then.

Rating: 7/10

Since I haven’t posted anything so far this week and I’ll be out for most of the day, have to give myself one hour now at night and see what I can throw here during it. The rest will probably be in a Sunday update I won’t be able to avoid this week, the only way to do so being to finish Magician: Apprentice, which I did end up starting Wednesday despite this meaning “using up” another one of the few connections left to the only period during which it seemed that there might just be some sort of purpose and point in anything, and have the quick review for it be that second post. But I’m only halfway through it now, so should finish Monday at this pace, and even this will be hard to maintain if I’ll be out most of the day now. Either way, considering that evening’s race as well, I’ll need to decide early on Sunday whether I’ll try to write a personal update or read, because doing both seems out of the question.

To start with Sunday, the note I found on the kitchen table at night, written by dad but supposedly from both of them, just wished me health, which I’ll take, but things got annoying and then utterly infuriating during the day. It was actually rather odd when Alma sent me the typical wish, translated literally as “many years to come”, despite saying she knows I’ll throw a fit and she’d do the same, but I largely waved that away with the typical depressed reply. That was only because I saw her message before the e-mail from my mother, who wasn’t here those days, though, as that was this stinking pile of shit about the day of my birth being the happiest day of her life because God blessed her with me and I became her life’s purpose and so on, which resulted in muscles spasming and me bumping into things as I got up and started composing a message in my mind, starting with the fact that it was obviously the unhappiest day of mine, as without that one none of the others and all the shit and suffering they brought with them would have existed, and then getting really nasty, lashing out with anything and everything I could think of. But I first went to the kitchen and could at least breathe somewhat more normally by the time I got back, so just replied to say she should assume I did reply and that she’s wrong if she thinks she can imagine the fury and the, for lack of a more suitably powerful term, sadness that would have been in that reply, and to just leave me the fuck alone with these things!
If I’d have seen Alma’s message after that one, she’d have gotten a lot of shit, so told her she really dodged a bullet with that one. And I guess Liz did too, as she seems to have decided to send me a message as well, even though we hadn’t exchanged any in quite some time otherwise, and that did come later, but it was inspired by what used to be the typical birthday wish I made for a number of years, until quite recently, so was therefore tolerable. And then Alexandra sent a “happy birthday” on Monday, which I just saw in the evening and just dismissed with the typical depressed reply “reserved” for that.

Getting to Monday, I wandered around again, buying some things from three different hypermarkets, and tearing another plastic bag in the process. Hadn’t been using it for long, but it had been a while and it wasn’t doing too well before that moment either, obviously not having been made to carry much weight, and when I put the two pumpkins I had bought in it, I was left holding just the torn handles. So I’ll have to look through the pile and pick at least one other, if not two, one of these days, though I made do with another one I already had when I went to get a few more things Tuesday as well. As for that one, I’ll use it one last time when I’ll take out the recyclables, maybe even when I’ll go out this afternoon, leaving it there along with them.

The shopping wasn’t the only reason I went out again Tuesday, however, the main plan for that day being to attend an event during which a report about the massive protests at the start of this year was to be presented, followed by a discussion about what should come next. And I did get there on time, in fact five minutes early, despite leaving a bit late and even running at times to be sure I won’t be late, only to need to wait for the moderator and two of the guests to arrive as well, as they were apparently stuck in traffic. At least the delay wasn’t long, but I can’t say I got anything out of the event other than perhaps seeing a guy I was quite a fan of back in the day, by which I’m referring to the moderator, and the confirmation that he can still dominate pretty much anyone in a discussion and keep such talks in check.
The problem was that, at least if you don’t count the one presenting the report, who did her part well enough, the speakers were pretty much speaking around the questions they were being asked, once the discussion got to that point, and had little of any relevance to offer, some of the ideas even being harmful, at least in my view, and that of others who were there as well. And then the moderator suddenly said he had to leave and everything degenerated into a mess, people talking over each other, some talking for too long, plenty of back and forth exchanges that drowned out what others might have had to say, little order in how questions were taken, and two increasingly frustrated people who seemed to be organizers but who wouldn’t have normally taken any part in the discussion repeating over the last 30 minutes or so that the event really should be ending, even though it eventually ended at 9:50 PM, 55 minutes after the moderator left, and the time listed for the end had been 10 PM.

And that’s as far as I got during the hour. Meant to squeeze the part about the week’s runs in as well, but just as I finished the above paragraph there was a power failure, which was long enough to make me turn off the computer too, even if I waited for a couple of minutes before doing so. So now that the power returned before I went to bed and I see that Internet access is working as well, I’m posting this as it is and sure hope the power won’t fail again, neither this morning, to make the UPS wake me up by beeping, nor Sunday evening, when I’ll need to post this week’s second post.

Considered writing this during the evening and scheduling it to be posted at night, but eventually played a bit more Age of Wonders: Shadow Magic then, so here I am writing it now, late at night, hoping to just throw something here and then read a bit more of my story before going to bed.
Yes, I’m still doing that, though I initially meant to stop after the end of what I consider to be part two and I’m now nearing the end of part three, but I still knew where I wanted to take it at this point, most of the time, and it shows. There are some obvious places where I was at a loss and just tried to type something to get past that moment, but I actually almost liked the last two chapters I read, or at least the last one and the last section of the one before it. If I found myself thinking a fair number of times that these first three sections aren’t quite as bad overall as I thought while writing, having the story and the characters to perhaps allow the whole thing to be saved by someone who can actually write, the only “little” problem being that I’m not that person, this bit actually seemed almost all right in itself. No idea how that happened…

But this post is just about the fact that I’m 33 now, so one more year passed, Earth is once again in pretty much the same place on its orbit around the Sun as it was when I was thrown into this world through no choice or fault of my own and all. Seem to be doing better than a year ago physically though, which isn’t what one would expect after getting over 30, so something I’m not yet aware of may yet come and bite me, but for the moment that’s how it seems. The recent records for ten and 16 kilometers should prove I’m fitter, at least.
In terms of my situation otherwise, on the other hand, and of my mental and emotional state, things are going as expected, which is to say continuing to slowly get worse. Or at least no better and seeming worse because even more time has passed since anything still had any point and there was anything but fear and despair and a dark void leaving no room for any real hope when looking ahead. Admittedly, that was only different during a brief portion of my life, less then a tenth of it by now if you count from the day we met until she left, and in fact far less than that since it only was actually different when we were together and things were truly going well between us.

Speaking of that, had a dream that sure seemed quite real a few days ago. Pretty sure it was Thursday morning, since I know I meant to mention it in the previous post but that had a different topic so I didn’t. I was still aware that it was just a dream at some level, but… I guess I could just about lie to myself for a little while, and it was so clear, and she was so clear, nothing too foggy or missing or completely out of place or impossible in the sense of contradicting the laws of physics or any other such things that happen in dreams, not taking place in one of the settings that tend to be frequently reused in the dreams I remember, and not being about or even starting from a memory either, but instead being about meeting and spending time together for the first time after she had decided to try again. It even mostly fit with what little I could find out about her in recent years, not simply being an image pulled from the past. Not entirely, which was what gave it away that it was just a dream after all, but enough to allow me to mostly ignore those issues and enjoy those moments… And then be utterly crushed when I woke up and saw yet again that it had been just a dream instead of all of this, all the years since then, and in fact all the ones before as well, being just a nightmare.

So much for this just being a quick post, but now that I’m at it and also went through the one I wrote a year ago, when I also mentioned the others I wrote on this day over the years, guess I could also mention the friends, or at least the people I could still talk to, mentioned there and what happened since then. May in fact start with the person I was saying there seemed to have taken an interest in me that evening, who didn’t contact me after all, probably for the obvious reason. I mean, I could easily find her and saw that she was a kindergarten teacher, having pictures with a whole bunch of children, plus that she was sharing all sorts of pseudo-religious stuff and the infuriating kind of inspirational quotes. So I didn’t contact her and I guess once she had a look at my profile she also realized that her interest had been misplaced.
Since I also mentioned Ada in that previous post, may say that things didn’t end there, we could eventually talk again, maybe even more and about deeper issues a few times, after certain things happened with her, but now she does indeed seem gone, and not in the sense of just no longer wanting to talk to me, at least as far as I know. But I seem to have started to talk more to someone else more recently, Alexandra’s her name, and not long ago she actually said she’s thinking she may have found something like a friend in me, which felt nice. Not that we agree on many things, of course, but it seems we can talk at the moment, and that some things are similar, and similarly broken, deep down. And I guess Alma’s still talking to me too, if not much, but don’t know how relevant that may still be, considering how busy she is, the friends she actually does talk to and the recent issues we had.

But I really have to end this now, though there’s one more thing I want to mention, and that’s that I should really start reading steadily from now on if I want to still have a chance to get to the goal of 12 books by the end of the year, since I only read seven so far. And I’m pretty sure I’ll have to finally give in and start The Riftwar Saga, since I bought Silverthorn and A Darkness at Sethanon three and a half years ago but never got to them because the first two are from the books I took with me when I was thrown back here and didn’t read during those first few months, so reading them will mean “using up” another one of the few connections left to that period. But… I guess it’s time, even if it’ll make doing something stupid even more likely. In fact it’s long past time for both of these things, most probably.

To get it out of the way, I’ll start by mentioning that Monday I wandered around a fair bit to buy some things. Still didn’t feel like interacting with or even seeing people again, but needed bread, so had to go for that, and then had to go to another hypermarket as well because my parents had also told me to pick up some snacks that Liza likes, because she had run out of them, dad hadn’t managed to get back in time to get any more Sunday and she was even more of a handful than she usually is because of it. Still say they let her get addicted to those things and just keep making sure she stays that way, but I guess that’s their problem, and they had also left me over three times more money than the amount of snacks they had asked me to buy would have cost, and two and a half times more than I ended up spending on them, since I bought a bit more.
Either way, with this second hypermarket next to a third, I decided to check that one out as well, grabbing a couple of things from there too and then returning to the second for a couple more that I then knew were cheapest there. But I had also noticed an offer at the first one for something dad had asked me to keep an eye out for before, so after getting back to drop off the purchases I went back there in the evening, also taking the plastic bottles and aluminum cans, this time none of them being crushed… And that not helping at all, since somebody else had left the machine with an error that time, so I just dropped them off and went to spend just about all I had left, including 0.98 RON in small change, a part of that having been found over the course of the day. Interestingly, though I had given the exact amount by doing that, I used one of the “classic” checkouts again, since I was rushing to catch one of the free buses they provide and thought it’d be faster that way, and the cashier apparently got confused and assumed I had given her 1 RON in change, so she gave me 0.02 RON back and I just took them.

After all of that, knew I’d have had to squeeze every last drop to hope to even stay under 49 minutes when I ran the next day, and that’d have just been too disappointing after last week’s record. Also, with the Bucharest Marathon taking place Sunday and considering the fact that I initially meant to sign up for it as well at the start of the year but then left a first attempt at that for next year, had been considering for quite some time to at least mark the moment with a longer run this week. Possibly even a very long one, ten or, ideally, 11 laps around the lake, so 32 or 35.2 kilometers.
But I have never run a distance longer than a half marathon and even doing that again would have required preparation and I had done nothing of the sort recently, so in the end I chose something in between, five laps around the lake, 16 kilometers, this being only the second time I run this distance. The first time I managed 1:24:06, but now I had an ideal goal of getting under 1:20, 16-minute laps. And fucking made it, the total time being 1:19:45, with intermediate times of 4:31, 5:16, 5:58, 4:38, 5:09, 6:02, 4:45, 5:14, 6:06, 4:38, 5:21, 6:19, 4:39, 5:12, 5:57, making for lap times of 15:45, 15:49, 16:05, 16:18 and 15:48.
Those times for the first three laps didn’t give me many hopes, since I had already missed the target on the third and definitely hadn’t gained enough over the first two to be able to afford to continue that way, but settled for a 16:20 target for lap four, to still be on target after four laps, and pulled that off, the 16:18 meaning I had 1:03:57 by then. At that point, with all of two seconds to spare over the course of lap five, I thought the worst case scenario would be a 17-minute last lap, missing 1:20 but staying just under 1:21. But wanted to see if I could actually do it and just went for it, aiming for a 16-minute lap five, even if my legs were starting to feel a bit heavy and my right knee wasn’t too happy.
It didn’t look good after the first sector, since I was four seconds behind the 16-minute lap target of 4:35, so already two seconds behind the overall under 1:20 target, but those sector targets aren’t calculated so exactly, so maybe I still had a chance. And the second sector proved it, as I covered it in three seconds less than the 16-minute lap target of 5:15, so had clawed that lost time back and just needed to stick to the 16-minute lap sector three target of 6:10, or even miss it by one second. And I really gave it everything, not checking the time again before the end but pushing as hard as I still could and sprinting at the very end, leading to the fastest sector three of the run and the second fastest lap. Interestingly, that was also the case back in April.
Didn’t think I’d pull it off. Even during that last sector of the last lap, even during the last couple of minutes, I was seeing myself missing the goal by just a few seconds and being awfully disappointed over it, but I still didn’t give up and there it was. My legs were already cramping on the way back, there was a moment, just as I was crossing the street in front of the building here, when it suddenly became a bit of a struggle to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and it was hard to move again after I first stopped for a moment after getting in, but by yesterday it didn’t really hurt anymore, so that was better than expected as well. I still feel quite exhausted though.