Cav's Place

This will be short, but I just wanted to say that I got this week’s run out of the way yesterday and decided to go for 5000 meters, so 12 laps and a half, instead of 4000. A part of the reason was that, since I forgot my watch the last two times and couldn’t compare my times with certainty anymore, especially considering the sprints and that obviously particularly fast final lap I managed two weeks ago, I should just move to another stage and start over, but the more important reason was that I was already considering to stick to 5000 meters in under 30 minutes as regular training in order to perhaps take part in a ten kilometer race within a year or so, and an event that included a half-marathon, a ten kilometer “individual race” and a three and a half kilometer “popular race” just took place.
Though the kitchen was, as it frequently tends to happen, blocked before I left and I therefore ran after eating only the last three squares of a chocolate I had in my room, the time was 28:22 or so as I crossed the line, though I stopped the watch a few steps later and it said 28:23.75. Add the possibility of having started it slightly before crossing the start line and I rounded to about 28:20, to stick to the usual rule of rounding to the nearest value divisible by five seconds. The time for 4000 meters was about 23:12, so not the best, and the final lap took me just over 1:50, so clearly the fastest one I actually timed so far but I know it was still noticeably slower than the one I managed two weeks ago, which I didn’t time. It must, however, be noted that I stuck to the first lane most of the time, since the track was almost clear, while my other timed runs were mostly on the second, which required covering a slightly greater distance.

Also yesterday, I decided to finally start reading The Name of the Wind, though I can safely say I already dropped the idea of also finishing it by the end of the week, since I only read 53 pages yesterday and none at all so far today. With my mood still being what it is and Eurovision also taking up three evenings, the final also taking up the whole night since I’ll once gain try to do what I usually do and post my thoughts about this year’s edition before going to bed, it would have been difficult either way, but last evening one of the activists also pointed us to some materials to read and I also can’t seem to just let everyone else sort it out and take myself out of this whole mess for too long despite saying that I will just about every day, when all my attempts to get people to work together and at least try to get along again fall on deaf ears on all sides. And when you also add the fact that I’m exhausted but still sleep so poorly, everything looks bad. But, at least when it comes to the book, there’s no rush, is there?

A few other small related protests took place, both before and after last week’s march, but I’m not actually getting back to writing full “protest reports” and in fact I didn’t even search for that much additional information, so I’ll simply skip those. I won’t however, skip two particular events that took place this week and which should have helped us and the cause significantly, but ended up harming instead, greatly in case of the latter. Not that this is unusual or unexpected, unfortunately, but the kind of alliance which had been formed for this purpose did offer some reason to hope that some things could change, at least temporarily.

The first event I’m talking about is the United We Save Community Forum, which took place Monday. These Forums, which I heard were initially, in the autumn of 2013, called Plenaries, are meetings usually held in bars or clubs where the important decisions should be made. At first they were public and anyone could take part, but seeing as I knew I wouldn’t be able to say anything face to face I never attended one at the time, and eventually they stopped being public after the attendance had grown to unmanageable numbers. However, last autumn, after the elections and after the group had somewhat settled on this decision to break away from the administrators of the United We Save page and form the United We Save Community, it was announced that these meetings will once again be public and I have attended every one of them since, if only in order to be informed of what was to happen.
To return to what happened Monday, the 45 or so people who attended made it the biggest Forum in a long time, only the first one or two after they were made public again having perhaps a similar attendance, at least from what I recall. In addition, this was taking place two days after a particularly successful event, representatives of a number of major NGOs were present and the topic was clearly specified as deciding the next steps of this effort to protect forests, plus that one could have easily assumed that the attendants would feel more serious and responsible after the first part of the meeting was dedicated to the former general manager of the Romanian Geological Institute, who was present to tell us how he and others who refused to change their positions regarding the dangers of fracking and cyanide mining were abusively removed from their positions and how he has since survived what he sees as two assassination attempts, and which definitely seemed to at the very least be very determined attempts to frighten him into silence. As such, despite knowing the mess such Forums tend to turn into, there was reason to believe it will be at least somewhat different.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t, and after the first part mentioned above, which either way ended with a few becoming rather angry, people were once again talking over each other, adding topics or jumping from one to another, delaying discussing the May 16 protest until it ended up being pretty much ignored during the meeting itself and some volunteered to form a separate group and meet at a different time to discuss the matter. Worse, however, was that, in typical fashion, accusations started flying, a few activists vehemently attacking the representatives of some of the major NGOs and the meeting ending in what was pretty much a pointless scandal despite all the efforts of the more reasonable members. A dialogue group meant to bridge the differences between what Alex called the “disorganized” civil society and the “organized” NGOs was formed, but later events prove that, at least so far, it definitely failed in its purpose.

By “later events” I’m referring to all the arguments and accusations that still continue, but most of all to the way the great opportunity offered Wednesday evening, when several activists were invited on a prime time talk show, was turned into a terribly damaging mess. Instead of displaying a united front and making a clear and persuasive case for our objectives and the next steps to take while also explaining, as was agreed on Monday, that the specific demands released are still a work in progress and the less immediate ones are likely to suffer changes and clarifications as a result of the continued discussions between the “disorganized” activists and the major NGOs, what people got to see was a crusade launched by Maria, occasionally backed up by Hetti and one other person I didn’t know, against the WWF representative who was also invited, others who weren’t even there to defend themselves and pretty much everyone else who didn’t share their views to the letter.
To be more specific, this can be said to have started from point eight of the initial list of demands, which called for owners of protected forested areas to receive full compensation for being unable to exploit them for income, which certain activists vehemently oppose. Some oppose the very concept of private ownership of protected areas, or even of forests in general, regardless of the manner in which the area ended up under such ownership or of whether that happened before or after it became protected, demanding them to be nationalized with no compensation, while others claim to want safeguards in place to ensure that only those who own small areas and depend on them for survival and a basic income will receive compensation before such a proposal will be acceptable, but at the same time seem to oppose even discussing it so vehemently that adding such safeguards becomes just about impossible. And, of course, the fact that these proposals came from the Forest and Pasture Owners’ Federation and were pushed forward by WWF, who were after all the ones who fought for years to improve what was initially a dreadful Forest Code proposal, definitely doesn’t help, as quite a number of activists oppose having anything to do with the forest owners and a few, Maria most of all, seem to have a personal battle with WWF for quite some time.
As such, the message that those who were supposed to be the representatives of the activists, of this supposedly large coalition fighting for this cause, presented on prime time television, in a serious and quite respected talk show, was that there is in fact no alliance, but separate groups which try to pull the movement one way or another, infiltrating it and struggling to take over in order to impose their hidden agenda on those foolish enough to fall for their ploy. Therefore, the result was at the very least creating confusion, even the talk show host saying he doesn’t understand anything anymore and asking for more detailed explanations during a commercial break, and more probably sending many potential supporters running for the hills faster than any of our opponents might have. Which only proves once again something I keep saying, which is that we don’t need to look for people who may actually be infiltrated to undermine our efforts, because there are plenty within the movement itself who do an outstanding job of that without needing any outside help.

After all of that, and also considering some confusion with a protest against killing stray dogs which was to take place in the same spot and end 30 minutes before the one against deforestation was to begin, even some media channels mixing the two, we had good reason to fear that yesterday’s event will end up being a failure. Some, myself included, had been uncertain about it from the beginning anyway, but once others decided, rather on their own, to announce it, canceling was not an option, especially since such a course of action would have left room for interpretations that’d have been even more damaging. So people were asked to gather at the University Square fountain from 5 PM and everything else was left to be decided on the spot, depending on numbers and mood.
In the end, there was no march and I see that media reports tend to put the number of participants at around 200, which is in line with what I feared but seems too little compared to what I saw. There were some estimates of 300 or 400 from participants and while there I was thinking we were about 500 at the peak, including all those around the fountain and not only those who had come forward to more or less gather in front of it when the speeches and chants started, but I didn’t actually try to make a more proper estimate and 500 is in line with my initial expectations, before the mess, which may have influenced me when I was tempted to pick that number. I guess you can try to see for yourselves from the pictures I took, if you want.
After getting over a tense moment when one person who had also been responsible for some of the mess at the end of Monday’s Forum started accusing all NGOs of being corrupt and in league with the politicians and shouting that we need to separate ourselves from them, there may have been one opportunity, around 6:30 PM, when we might have attempted to leave. We were probably not enough to take to the street, but if the moment wouldn’t have been lost it may have been possible to use the sidewalk at first and then see whether more would have joined us on the way. Admittedly, it was lost in part because some gendarmes started carding a few participants around that time, informing them that they’ll be fined if they won’t leave and resulting in a tense few minutes before they seemed to have thought better of it, probably after seeing the energy dissipating and some starting to leave and realizing that the maneuver had been successful, if that had indeed been the purpose.
There were attempts to get back to the matter at hand after that, but between those who were leaving or preparing to, the few who saw it as a good opportunity to forget why we were supposed to be there and restart their personal battle with the gendarmes and the rest who tended to split off into separate groups and chat away more than before, they weren’t successful and the protest slowly died down, around 7 PM some of the known activists starting to say the call to end it should be given, reminding people to attend what is hoped to be a bigger one, on June 5. A few did try to keep things going a little longer, however, being eventually persuaded to give up by 7:15 PM, when the attendance had probably fallen in the dozens.

With the deadline being either today or tomorrow, I dropped off the papers I needed to drop off for the Gendarmerie’s appeal this morning, getting all of about two and a half hours of sleep in the morning as a result. Then again, I think I dropped off what I needed to, because the women who were there were busy with the coffee and chocolate they had just been brought and didn’t seem to pay much attention to me, so I hope the fact that I wasn’t asked for the envelope and notice was because they somehow knew it was still before the deadline and not because they simply didn’t care to and I may end up later learning it was considered that I submitted that too late as I didn’t add any evidence to the contrary.
Like I needed another reason to be worried about this, on top of simply needing to deal with the Court again, being scared by another protester at the end of Saturday’s protest, when he told me you need a lawyer for an appeal and aren’t allowed to represent yourself, and learning last night that another whose appeal date already passed lost, the original decision being completely changed. Another won it, however, meaning that the original decision was maintained, so I’ll have to check the others I know as well, two more having dates set next week, and get an idea of what each panel of judges thinks of the matter, to see what I can make out of it. And then, of course, hope that the part about needing a lawyer isn’t true.

Moving on, after getting back I put in the cable needed for my TV tuner to finally have sound once again, since the new motherboard no longer has a four-pin audio port and the external cable which the tuner should have come with and which could have been used for this as well was probably left back in Iasi when I got thrown back here. It works now, but it took so long since it would appear that Leadtek no longer has any partners or distributors in Romania and this type of audio output hasn’t been in use for quite some time, so I couldn’t simply find the required cable, with a small four-pin connector on one end and a 3.5 mm jack on the other, and therefore asked dad whether he knew anyone who could make one, which finally happened yesterday and he brought it last evening, when I was in no state to deal with it right away.

After that, went for this week’s run as well, which once again ended up being slow and untimed as I yet again forgot my watch. Remembered sooner this time, but still didn’t feel like getting back for it, which was actually better since after so little sleep and having already been somewhere else and back, and also considering the higher temperature and the state I’ve been in lately, I’m quite sure the time would have been disappointing even if I would have pushed. As it was, once again pretty much everybody passed me, several multiple times over the ten laps, and I didn’t even try to sprint anymore, even needing to slow down on the last lap after a better start. Could have probably gone about a minute faster in total, maybe two if I really pushed, but while I don’t know the time I did have, I firmly doubt shaving even two minutes off it would have gotten me even close to the previous record.

Did at least eat properly after coming back from the track, since nobody was around and I could just go to the kitchen and make myself something which I then took to my room. Also showered after that, and then managed to get another two or so hours of sleep, waking up only once despite the washing machine running for a while and various other noises. And now I’m going to watch the Europa League match, finally with sound once again, as I was saying, and then I guess I’ll just spend tomorrow getting ready for the next protest, scheduled for Saturday. I was considering reinstalling Windows then, trying to get things done properly, but at the moment I think I’ll wait until the week after the next.

After losing about a year to internal conflicts, splits, egos, stubbornness, indecisiveness, poor planning and unwise choices, the United We Save movement seems to have finally managed to become relevant once again, thanks to yesterday’s protest against deforestation, triggered by the recent developments regarding the Forest Code and the actions of certain companies and the politicians which appear to serve their interests, which include the President. Admittedly, for the main event, in Bucharest, the gathering place was in the same location as a festival dedicated to NGOs and a large number of organizations, including the Romanian branches of major international environmental ones, supported and promoted the event, and even directly participated in the efforts to organize it. But this may actually mean that the success was even greater, due to managing to create such a consensus and persuade some organizations that don’t usually work with others to do so this time.

Unlike the largely unsuccessful, and at times completely failed, other attempts that some activists have made over this past year, this protest started from an idea and one person who became truly dedicated to it, but almost immediately seemed to take a life of its own. It wasn’t a matter of a few people trying to force an issue on the agenda or struggling to gain support even within the movement by spending a great deal of energy only to persuade the rest that their priorities should be those of others as well and that a particular course of action is worth pursuing at a particular moment, but a case of an idea that caught on and spread, with many, from all over the country and even from abroad, jumping in within the first few days, trying to coordinate and do their best to help organize what was obviously going to be a major event, with protests taking place in dozens of cities.
Of course, there were still misunderstandings, disagreements and conflicts, some of which still far from being solved in any way, but that feeling from September and perhaps October 2013, when what needed to be done could usually still somehow be done in spite of all the differences, did tend to return, and the end result speaks for itself. It’s what happens when people fighting for a cause manage to remember that what they have in common is more important than what sets them apart, which is something that over this past year seemed to have been forgotten even more than it had been ever since this movement stopped being merely a method of channeling all discontent through a quick reaction against a specific threat and enemy and became a way to actually fight for goals and ideals, and in some cases unfortunately also for personal gain.

But to return to the day of the march, people were asked to gather at the main entrance of Herastrau park, where a festival dedicated to NGOs was also taking place, starting at 4 PM, what will happen next remaining to be decided according to the numbers. As such, I was pleasantly surprised to see quite a crowd already there around 4:15 PM, when I arrived myself, and perhaps even more pleased to see so many known faces, including some who had unfortunately ended up on different sides and in open and at times particularly heated conflict over this past year. Some were still notably absent, but those who were there, as well as some of the banners and speeches and the way in which things already appeared to have been organized, were enough to give me a good feeling about what will follow. Enough of a good feeling, in fact, to do what I usually tended to do and take a fair number of pictures despite the mood I was in otherwise.
That feeling was proven correct once again not much later, when we started moving at 5:10 PM even though it was said that the march will only begin around 6 PM. In fact, though a route was eventually decided on and made public a few days before, the march was not only not planned from the beginning but not entirely certain even with mere hours remaining, as it all depended on how many people will be present and how long they’ll need to gather, considering past experiences. However, some estimates say we were already around 2000 when we got moving and, while I’m no longer used to estimating such large crowds anymore, I think it’s entirely possible that we were in fact even more.
With the gendarmes not causing any problems, we were then able to stick to the planned route and reach the Government at 5:45 PM, where we stopped to display the banners and chant some slogans, and apparently also to have the anthem played through a loudspeaker. By 6 PM, however, we were once again on the move, making a second stop at 6:50 PM, in front of the Presidential Palace, where the smaller place made it more difficult to arrange the banners properly and people seemed to mostly try to find a way to fit inside the square as those closer to the gate once again led some chants and slogans.
By 7:10 PM we were moving again, and not much later those who had the loudspeakers started announcing that some media channels were reporting that we were 8000 or even 10000. However, at the time I actually told someone that we were probably only around 5000, thinking that 6000 was also quite possible but more was unlikely, and these numbers actually seem to be what many sources eventually settled on after the protest ended. Even many of the activists seem to agree on these or even lower values now, with others limiting themselves to saying we were “thousands”, even though a fair number tended to get carried away and insist on 10000 or 12000 at first, getting upset when seeing the significantly lower estimates reported elsewhere.
Back to the route, we made another brief stop, lasting only about five minutes, in front of the Cantacuzino Institute, which is known for manufacturing vaccines but may be closing its doors after being brought to its knees in recent years, causing problems in hospitals and additional expenses and even an increase in the incidence of side effects as quite a number of products now need to be imported and some aren’t quite suitable for most Romanians. I’m actually not sure whether this was planned from the beginning and simply not announced or not, but those who support the Institute, while carrying banners stating their support for our cause as well, were definitely identifiable as a separate group from the first moments, mainly due to the white medical robes they were wearing. There was also a petition to sign regarding this issue, and activists had mentioned it even before the start of the march, albeit rather in passing until we actually ended up in front of the gate, where it became the main focus for those few minutes.
Once we got moving again, it wasn’t long before we reached Izvor park, crossing it and then, at 8 PM, making a brief stop at its main entrance, which is across the road from the Chamber of Deputies entrance of the Palace of Parliament. Barely a couple of minutes later, we were on our way once again, going around and reaching Constitution Square at 8:15 PM, the march ending there even though the initial plan called for it to end about 100 meters farther on, in front of the Ministry of Environment. Either way, our numbers were already decreasing by then and therefore some activists asked the rest to sit down as some of the banners were laid on the street before a final round of announcements, speeches and chants. The call to end the day came around 8:55 PM, when no more than a few hundred were left.

As far as reactions from politicians go, the first came from the Romanian Ecologist Party (PER), who attempted to get involved in organizing the event from the beginning, causing a significant part of the conflicts and leading to some odd situations in the end, as in some cities this resulted in two separate events in the same place, one organized by activists, which wanted nothing to do with politicians, and the other by PER. Otherwise, the National Peasants’ Party – Christian Democrat (PNT-CD) also attempted to associate itself with the Bucharest event, but they’re too small and the event was too big for this to draw anything more than a few snappish comments from some activists. The Green Party and Remus Cernea, on the other hand, limited themselves to showing their support and promoting the event, but seemed wise enough not to do anything which would lead to conflicts.
Then, on the day of the march, the President released a statement in support of the protest and also mentioned some actions he’s planning regarding the matter of deforestation, even though we don’t quite see how those would help and, either way, one of the protest’s main triggers was the very fact that he returned the new Forest Code to the Parliament not due to any of the significant problems it still has but in order to ask for the removal of certain anti-monopoly provisions that Holzindustrie Schweighofer, which uses the majority of Romania’s softwood, complained about. As such, the statement had the opposite effect, people immediately realizing he was merely trying to find a quick and easy way to save face.
It would appear that the Prime Minister also released a statement, saying that it’ll be easier to fight against illegal logging with the new Forest Code, but with activists and protesters set against him for very good reason at least since 2013, it doesn’t matter what he says. So what was more interesting was that the Minister of Environment said that she was open to talk with a delegation of the protesters at the end of the march, assuming we’d have reached the Ministry, as planned. This statement was made at some point during the evening, however, and the fact that I didn’t hear it mentioned when we stopped in Constitution Square and some of the surprised comments I saw posted last night tell me that hardly anyone was aware of it at the time, so selecting such a delegation was never considered.

Now we’ll see what comes next, but at the moment the plan is to continue with weekly marches, and some are even suggesting to return to the model used in the autumn of 2013 and have daily protests as well, to ensure that the matter will remain on the agenda. What the decision will be is uncertain at the moment, but it definitely should be something that’s properly organized and directed but nevertheless largely comes naturally, as I hope certain activists have finally learned some lessons thanks to this success if the repeated failures didn’t seem to teach them much. The most important lesson, however, is that we need to continue working together, and by this I’m not only talking about the different groups of activists that drifted farther and farther apart and even came to blows, at times nearly doing so literally as well, but also with NGOs and experts, and I’ll say also with certain politicians, though this clearly won’t get me any friends among the activists.
Unlike the issues of Rosia Montana and fracking, where greater harm could pretty much be prevented by keeping things as they were, this is a complicated matter that requires analysis and new solutions, the existing situation being the unacceptable one. In addition, it must be kept in mind that the currently proposed Forest Code is the result of long negotiations between politicians and NGOs and a compromise that said NGOs largely support as being significantly better than the current one, even though all admit that it still has flaws and they weren’t able to obtain a few key provisions. As such, as much as I hate to say this when it comes to environmental issues, being too adamant about it will likely lose us the support of allies we can’t afford to lose at the moment and therefore their opinion must be considered very seriously, no matter how difficult it may be for those of us who are stricter environmentalists.

Yes, the title has to do with the new computer, and I won’t write about it here, so let me start by saying that last week I managed to run even faster, covering the ten laps in about 22:45. Actually, the stopwatch said 22:46.99, but I’m sure I started it at least some fractions of a second before crossing the start line and hit stop when my foot touched the track after the finish line of the tenth lap, so obviously some fractions of a second after the first part of my body crossed the line, and I always rounded times to the nearest five seconds anyway. And with that rounding, if I recall correctly, the lap times were, in order, about 2:05, 2:25, 2:20, 2:20, 2:25, 2:20, 2:20, 2:20, 2:10 and 2:00.
On the other hand, this week’s run was today, but considering how messed up I am, I forgot the stopwatch. Also forgot my cap, which I realized as soon as I locked the door behind me and decided not to come back for, so I also decided not to come back for the watch when I was already nearly at the track when I realized it wasn’t on my wrist. So I have no idea of the time, but it couldn’t have been some new record because I took it slowly, most people passing me, some multiple times over the ten laps. May have been a new lap record on the last, when I actually pushed, and I likely had interesting times on the fourth and seventh laps as well, when I pushed as hard as I could for 200 and, respectively, 100 meters before returning to a slow pace, but otherwise I struggled to go as slowly as I could, so the time may even have been over 25 minutes. But no way to know for sure, of course.

Something else I want to make a note of is that I attended the Astronomy Day event organized by a science magazine in a park from here. It’s been ten days since then, but since I didn’t get around to writing about it so far, I’ll say now that I can at least finally say I glanced through a telescope and saw Jupiter as something more than a small star and at least three of its moons with my own eyes for the first time, even if the moons in question were just small points of light and I didn’t ask which one of the major ones were missing. Since I actually glanced a total of four times through three different telescopes, I also looked for a few seconds at the Sun, Moon and Venus.
The listed start time was 4:30 PM and the event was said to last until 11 PM, with telescopes set on the Sun at first, then some of them on the Moon from some point pretty much until the end, and the more interesting parts later, with Venus at twilight and Jupiter after dark. So I was there around 5 PM, with my jacket and book in my backpack, and wandered around for a while since they weren’t ready yet. Took a brief glance at the Sun shortly after they had a few telescopes set up, but there wasn’t much to see, so then I read and wandered around some more, caught a quick glance at the Moon too, read and wandered around some more… Was also given the February issue of the magazine organizing the event, as they were giving piles of them away to everyone, and that resulted in me fuming over an adamant pro-GMO article advertised even on the cover.
Still, things did get somewhat more interesting after dark, which was a good thing, since it’d have been impossible to keep reading and I’d have gotten too bored otherwise. Admittedly, a good part of that time was spent waiting in lines, which got quite long, but I did eventually manage to glance at both Venus and Jupiter, although in case of Venus there really wasn’t much to see, the telescope’s magnification showing it as just a fuzzy white little crescent that they had a hard time keeping in focus, moving as fast as it does. Jupiter may have been worth looking at more, especially considering how long I waited in line, as it was about 9:25 PM when I could finally walk away from there, but I guess simply seeing more than I otherwise could for the first time has to count for something.

Otherwise, there’s a protest announced for Saturday, which is supposed to be quite big and taking place in plenty of cities, with activists, environmental NGOs, independent media and green and ecologist parties joining hands… Or attempting to, as most activists are, as usual, determined to have nothing to do with parties and politicians and wary of major NGOs as well, so you have the usual conflicts and the risk of it ending up quite messy. But it’s about deforestation, so of course I’ll be attending, even if I’m such a mess.

And speaking of being a mess, I still haven’t submitted my reply to the Gendarmerie’s appeal, the deadline being 25 days after receiving the notification, so on May 14 or 15, depending on whether the day I received that, April 20, is counted or not. Since another activist I know seems to have the appeal date set to May 12, I’m thinking of actually waiting until the 14th, hoping I’ll be able to see the ruling on the 13th and have more of an idea about which way the wind is blowing, though I’m told that the contestations dealing with that November 7 protest have generally been won as a rule, including the few that had final decisions already. I still can’t imagine going through that again either way, and even without the other issues getting me in this state at this point, so no idea what I’ll do.

And I guess this is about it. The rest has to do with me being a mess and not even being able to say what I’d want anymore, because I know I won’t be able to deal with anything anymore. Not that I ever could, but it’s just worse and worse and… I’m getting too old and have long since been too defeated for this world, and life. I mean, sure, a first week back with her without even getting out of bed except to go to the toilet, eat and shower, all but the first still together, and just knowing I can throw away all these over nine and a half years and somehow pick things back up and for good would be the start, but after that, no idea. Anything I think of, I know I can’t deal with. Just can’t.