Cav's Place

Note: This used to be a page, but I decided to remove that lyrics section, since I never developed it anyway, and added it as a post instead, preserving the original date and time of the page.

I didn’t pay too much attention to Antichrisis at first, after hearing some songs from “Cantara Anachoreta”, despite liking “Requiem Ex Sidhe”. To show how little attention I paid to the other songs, I thought they were singing some sort of black metal and, seeing as I can’t stomach the genre, there’d be no reason for me to be interested in them.

That all changed much later, after I happened to listen to “Epilogue – Arcanum in Anchorage” from the same album. That song stopped me in my tracks, made me listen to pretty much everything else they have released and research everything I could about them.
I had a few other periods when I was kind of obsessed with a band since she left, but I don’t think any of them lasted for more than two weeks or so. None but the one concerning Antichrisis that is. I said since she left because that’s when I started listening to music a lot. I’ve only ever listened to music when I was extremely depressed. And since I’m extremely depressed constantly since she left, makes perfect sense to have music playing pretty much constantly, don’t you think?

My initial assumption was that you can’t write something like this without feeling it, and that assumption was proven true. I relate too well to Sid, who technically is the band. Not only regarding the lost love and what feelings and relationships mean to him, but also regarding pretty much everything else I could make out by reading the English Q&A page on the official site, with the exception of his take of pornography.
Pity that page is no longer there now. Instead, answers to both English and German questions are piled together in the form of blog entries. Guess he already had this blog, but I can’t figure out why did he take the Q&A section down when he revamped the site. Having them all put together in one place and split according to language was certainly handy…

That said, you just have to listen to Antichrisis, there’s nothing I could say to do them justice. Just listen to a song, read the lyrics, listen to it again, then move on to the next. Having been dumped by your girlfriend and giving a tremendous importance to love and relationships, as well as being (Neo-)Pagan, or at least having some knowledge about what it means, certainly helps in relating to the songs, but I don’t think it’s required in order to appreciate them.
Of course, this is a purely subjective opinion and you might not like them at all… Still, it’s nice to find songs expressing such feelings written from a man’s perspective. Normally I’d listen to songs written from a female perspective and keep having to replace things in the lyrics to be able to relate, but in his case I keep wondering how can he know what I feel… Of course he doesn’t, he just says what he feels, but damn!

Oh, one more thing: Don’t try to fit them into any genre. Each album is very different from the others, songs on the same album also differ significantly and you can even have a single song go through multiple genres.

Cantara Anachoreta (1997)

Requiem Ex Sidhe

And will the vows be heard
Of immortal desire
A breathtaking darkness
Into the abyss we dive
As you were mine

And as memories fade
Just like trails of smoke
On a midwinter’s night
You kept holding me tight
As you were mine

On came the nights
When storm-clouds veiled the skies
All heavens stood still
And all the worlds collide
“Oh, forgive me – I failed!”
Lovelorn I will die
Nothing more than a dream
That you were mine

And when the time has come
Everything ends
But this love of ours
Oh, it leaves us behind
As you were mine

In my cold white hands
A lover’s bequest
There were stars on our side
Eva – Please, one last caress
For you were mine

On came the nights
When storm-clouds veiled the skies
All heavens stood still
And all the worlds collide
“Oh, forgive me – I failed!”
Lovelorn I will die
Nothing more than a dream
That you were mine

“My friend: The most precious gift”
Said the fool,
“Is a love that follows no rules:
There’s no use in turning away!
So why are you turning away?”

On came the nights
When storm-clouds veiled the skies
All heavens stood still
And all the worlds collide
“Oh, forgive me – I failed!”
Lovelorn I will die
Nothing more than a dream
That you were mine

Epilogue: Arcanum in Anchorage

This is the end

This is your end

This is the end

This is your end

Oh, Goddess
Sister of Night
Mother of Life
Guardian of Time

To You I raise my voice
For I have walked in darkness
Through vales of pain
And I drank from springs of tears

Oh, let my body burst into blossom again
Of flourishing beauty
Or bury me deep in Mother Earth

Let my eyes be passionate messengers
Of my undying love again
Or close them forever

Let my lips drink from hers again
The enrapturing liqueur of desire
Or seal them forever

Let my soul touch hers again
Oh, let her heart yearn for mine once more
Or drown me forever in the sea of oblivion

Let her love be inflamed for me again
In deepest passion and lust
Or burn me on the pyre of unfulfilled desire

May out of this darkness arise a new dawn
Or let these words be my epitaph…

Earth, awake
Streams, awake
Air, awake
Fire, awake

Earth, dance
Water, flow
Air, arise
Fire, burn

Earth, awake
And streams, awake
Air, awake
And fire, awake

World, awake
Streams, awake
Storm, awake
And flames, awake

Comment: My first reaction when I heard this was “You sure I didn’t write this myself?”. Expresses exactly the way I’ve been feeling and what I’ve been wishing for all this time. Ok, it’s less of a wish and more of a spell, so probably not what I’d have written, but familiar territory even so. Still, have to say it’s probably the best written spell text I have seen in a song, except the fact that it calls the elements after the wish. Then again, that might also be correct, can’t honestly say I know that much about the issue. But… Yeah, have her come back to me or kill me…

A Legacy of Love (1998) / A Legacy of Love – Mark II (2005) [re-recorded]

Nightswan

Linger on, oh waning moon
This midnight hour has come much too soon
By the crystal lake we stand
With our names in the sand
Believe me, my Love: I will wait for you
And I will return if you still want me to

With the song of the nightswan
And I’ll be in Heaven!

The lark heralds the break of day
No longer by my side can you stay
In shrouded mists you disappear
Like a ghost bayadere
Where are you my Love? I’m calling your name
This spell can be broken: Love’s ignited the flame

Like the song of the nightswan
And I’ll be in Heaven!

Oh, believe me, my Love, I will stand
Laying siege to this fortress of time
With the glory of you in my heart
Charge before the sun touches the rime

The Beltane fires upon the hill
Your hand in mine by the old water-mill
Fairies sing our wedding song,
Now the moon lingers on
Stay with me, my Love, my Angel, my Life
We walked this dark maze so now we will fly

On the wings of the nightswan
And we’ll be in Heaven!

Trying Not to Breathe

Oh, this void inside tears my soul apart
Why did you lie? I lost my faith in you!
Once there was purity, but now only perfidy and pain
Because you’ve been untrue!
You broke all promises and now our love is bound to die
And so am I
I die! Suicide

Lost forever within the debris of my dreams
I put my trust in you!
How could you leave me in a lurch
After all that I’ve gone through
What the hell did you do?
Down on my knees I pray:
Save me, save me, save me, please!
But no hope anymore
I die! Suicide

I’m trying not to breathe
I can’t stand this anymore, therefore I’ll leave
I’m trying not to breathe
And so I’ll leave this world behind
Broken by faithlessness of the killing kind
I’m trying not to breathe

Remember when you called my name?
I’ve been always there for you!
To me it’s more than just a game
I loved you too much, and still I do!

Now your body’s so close to mine
I kiss your lips goodbye
To lie in your arms for a last time
Before I die!

And he dreams of days gone by
Floating down to the other side
A thousand Angels cry
Firing squad against the walls of light

Not again another day
Now his love has lost the last stand
Oh Angels, hear him pray
As he’s passing away into her hands

I’m trying not to breathe
I can’t stand your loss, your lies:
Therefore I’ll leave
I’m trying not to breathe
And so I try to leave the pain behind
Of treason that became the killing kind
I’m trying not to breathe!

But you swore you’d love me forever
And it was only yesterday
Oh, what have I done to deserve this?
Am I destiny’s fool?
And I hate you, and I love you
For what you’ve done to me
Oh shit, why did you leave me in such despair?

I’m trying not to breathe
Though I try so hard to reach the other side
Oh, I’m trying not to breathe
No more songs for me to sing because you leave
Oh, I’m trying not to breathe

I’m trying not to breathe
Now I think I see the light: Goodbye, my love!
Oh, I’m trying not to breathe

Comment: He also says something before and after the part where he switches to third person, but I can’t find it listed and can’t make it out. As for the song itself, what more can I say? At least he could kill Moonshadow… I could kill Cavalary, but what then?

Dancing in the Midnight Sun

Farewell, pretty one:
It’s all over now, you’ve gone
After all that we went through,
You left me when I needed you, girl
Needed you by my side
For the times we shared, the good and bad,
Were the best I’ve ever had
The best years of my life…

For we were dancing in the midnight sun
Our love became too wild
I loved you like a child
The fire went out before dawn
And I broke down and cried
And I drowned and died

Farewell, pretty one:
I’ve put all my faith in you
And I can’t understand:
Did you lie on that night
You said you’d never let me go
Oh, I believed each word you said
I believed until the end
Until the very end
Now it’s so hard to realize
You never wanted me
That close by your side
Perhaps you lied…

For we were dancing in the midnight sun
Our love became too wild
I loved you like a child
The fire went out before dawn
And I broke down and cried
And I drowned and died

And the snow falls back in time
Down the hillside on our sledge we’d ride
We were laughing in the January sun
And for a moment time stood still
As we rode on and on and on…

Still the snow falls on Yuletide
Falls forever on that dreary mountainside
And the ghost of our love stands right above:
A monument of your smile
And our laughter that died so long ago
Lingers on and on and on…

Never will I forget our last winter
Never will I forget the last winter of our love

Goodbye, pretty one:
You broke my heart twice, now I’m done
Lady, now I’m done!
You left me like a dream
At the break of dawn
And I almost died
And even if you’re lying now
In someone else’s arms
I’m still with you in a dream,
In dreams of days gone by
Beautiful days, the best days of my life
Goodnight, my love, goodnight.

For we were dancing in the midnight sun
Our love became too wild
I loved you like a child
The fire went out before dawn
And I broke down and cried
And I drowned and died

For we were dancing in the midnight sun
Oh, our love became too wild…

Comment: Perhaps not as perfectly accurate as I’d want some lyrics I’m posting to be, but I’m just unable to go through it with a fine-tooth comb. Sid sure knows what he’s talking about when he says it’s impossible to have loved and lost and not be moved to tears by this song. I’m just choking on tears, eyes get moist and vision blurry as a result… But it can’t break through the block that makes me unable to cry when alone, not a single tear runs down. So frustrating!

The Farewell

I wanted to live on top of a mountain
But it’s cold and forsaken there without you now

I wanted to dive into the ocean of love
But I got shipwrecked on the shores of broken dreams

For you I sang songs of the nightswan
And each line I wrote was a beat of my heart

Forever burning on love’s funeral pyre:
Stop beating now, my bleeding heart!
For this knife did cut too deep
So for the last time I’m trying not to breathe

Once there was a fire in the lighthouse of my heart:
I gave you so much more than just my love
And you broke so much more than just a promise

Our planet vanished so devastatingly
Amongst the mists of time
There was no treasure to be found at Rainbow’s End
Somewhere behind Andromeda

I’ve been waiting till the end of December
But no more will I ride
For the Winter Solstice’s child
Will pass away silently on a Midsummer’s night

So may you come now, my Dead Romantic Angel
Serenade Kyrahnean Hymns to me
Hold me in your arms
Cover me with elder flowers
And take me down to my beloved sea

Oh, I’m so tired, so tremendously tired
Please wait for me under the midnight sun
Where I will sing and dance again
And my laughter will be heard
Echoing down the hillside again…

Oh, how I tried to believe, how I loved,
How I tried to hold on to my dream;
How I wanted to live – but now I’m going home
To a place where love is more
Than just a four-letter word
And as I kiss the memory of yours goodnight
I’m beginning to see the light…

Ich liebe Dich fuer immer

Comment: Nice way to summarize the whole album… But I have to wonder what the people asking him if that “I’m beginning to see the light” is a ray of hope are thinking. As he put it: “There is no ray of hope at the end of “The Farewell”, but a yearning for everlasting sleep and tranquility.” That “light” is from the end of “Trying Not to Breathe” (“Now I think I see the light: Goodbye, my love! / Oh, I’m trying not to breathe”), so what do you think he means by it? Not to mention that it’s entwined with “Ich liebe Dich fuer immer” (I love you forever)…

Perfume (2001)

Like the Stars

It was late that Thursday night you were coming around
His words a thorn in your flesh, your head a merry-go-round
We were talking side by side about the things that come and done
And you began to realize that he was always on the run

In this black bedsit of yours, well, it occurred to me
That I’ve known you for years, not just momentarily
And when you said you were tired, and your eyes filled with tears
I looked straight into your heart: But where do we go from here?

And as we were stepping out
After midnight
The silver lining of a cloud
Under starlight
For once again I felt alive
Will you stay with me tonight?

Tonight we’re falling like the stars
Whenever we fade, wherever we are
I spend my last flare up on you
Until these dreams of ours come true
Midnight burning blue…

From the shore the ice cold wind blew hard into my face
Well, rain was beating down, the past beginning to unlace
Inside my soul it felt warm, though the night was wet and cold
And as the storm arose I dreamt of being with you so close

I didn’t know what you would do but I believed your aim was true
From the look in your face – some kind of strange witches’ brew
Waiting, anticipating your return
Our love feels so strong and in this fire we will burn

A butterfly, fragile and cold
The breath of love
His wings beginning to unfold
Came from above
This time I know it is for real
Let’s touch the skies tonight!

Tonight we’re falling like the stars
Whenever we fade, wherever we are
I spend my last flare up on you
Until these dreams of ours come true
Midnight burning blue…

My Love, Angel and Light of my Life
I will stay forever by your side
Come to me when nights are cold
I’ll be there for you to hold
Dive with me into the sea
Drown me in the water of love
Sail with me between the stars
And love me till the end…

And as we were stepping out
After midnight
The silver lining of a cloud
Under starlight
For once again I felt alive
Will you stay with me – eternally?

Tonight we’re falling like the stars
Whenever we fade, wherever we are
I spend my last flare up on you
Until these dreams of ours come true
Midnight burning blue…

Comment: This makes me think of a certain talk with her, after she found out about something. Turned out the other way around in that case, of course. Also makes me wonder why is the win-lose mentality so deeply entrenched into our minds? Why can’t we see that everybody can win? Then again, all too often everybody loses. Seems to apply in Sid’s case too, as it apparently wasn’t for real that time either.

Something Inside

And still the seagulls fly
Under a leaden sky
As if nothing had changed
And my life was still the same

No longer here with me
I watch the roaring sea
I think of times gone by
And how we used to laugh and cry

Now on my own again
A lonesome highway man
Throwing stones against the waves of time
And cursing auld lang syne

But once the sun did shine
Upon the mountain thyme
Wind caressed your hair
And there was magic everywhere

Then rain came falling down
And the red-painted town
Lost its colour and turned grey
The day you went away

Something inside
Calls me tonight
Out on these bare hills again
Something inside
Wish I could hide
From the pain

A lonely seagull flies
As sunset sets the skies
On fire but I don’t care no more
Since my love went sore

If I had wings to fly
I guess that I would try
Flying faster than the speed of light
To leave all this behind

What have I become?
Now the broken one
Running through the night
Just tryin’ to keep the flame alight

Oh, gaels come carry me
Far across the sea
Where the Angels lie
Amongst the placid fields of rye

Something inside
Calls me tonight
Out on these bare hills again
Something inside
Wish I could hide
From the pain

L’amore mia
sempre e con te
Nostra eternita
Lei ci guardera

But once the sun did shine
Upon the mountain thyme
Wind caressed your hair
And there was magic everywhere

Then rain came falling down
And the red-painted town
Lost its colour and turned grey
The day you went away

Something inside
Calls me tonight
Out on these bare hills again
Something inside
Wish I could hide
From the pain