Cav's Place

Note: This used to be a page, but I decided to remove that lyrics section, since I never developed it anyway, and added it as a post instead, preserving the original date and time of the page.

Mortal Love‘s songs range from pretty bad to decent, never more than that, but I really relate to the lyrics. Also like the continuity. And I’m not just talking about the actual songs, but also about little things like album and song titles.

Put album titles together and get a phrase: All the beauty I have lost forever will be gone.

Then put the song titles from “All the Beauty” together, ignoring the title song, and get a little poem:
Crave your love, beautiful one
Falling for you in the sun
Hate to feel, I want to die
Mortally beloved…

Then look at the titles from “I Have Lost…” in order: Existence, Serenity, Spine, Adoration, Senses, Empathy, Reality, Sanity, Identity, Hope, Memory, Everything. Just fill in the blank after the album title with each song title in order. They say they meant to show the actual stages of grief after the one you truly love leaves you, because, contrary to what psychologists say, in reality acceptance is never one of them. True that, and I’d say they got the order right too. Very true that hope is not the last to die, memory is…

Then put together the titles from “Forever Will Be Gone” too and get a little story:
I make the mistake of keeping the fire down while everything dies. My shadow self in the end decides to choke you now, so I betray the mission. Still it has only just begun. As we can not be one, forever will be gone.

All the Beauty (2002)

In the Sun

I feel like I am dirt to you
You hate me ’cause I love you
Tell me why I’m so low to you
Didn’t I mean anything?

Does it make you happy to see me sad
To break my heart and leave?

Here we are
You and I
In the sun, in the sun
In the sun we’re gone

Your happiness is my sorrow
My sorrow is my way
My life is a failure
Growing bigger every day

Does it make you happy to see me sad
To break my heart and leave?

Here we are
You and I
In the sun, in the sun
In the sun we’re gone

“I’ve got something to tell you
I don’t love you anymore
I’m seeing someone else now.
I don’t love you anymore
I love someone else.
I hope you don’t mind
Then we still can be friends.”
“No! I love you!”

Here we are
You and I
In the sun, in the sun
In the sun we’re gone

Hate to Feel

My heart is still broken
Forever my soul is frozen
Still watching the rain to fall
Forever standing in the cold all alone

Scent of destruction

I’ll stay here to the end
Another day to start
Another day to break my heart
With love, still no romance
The fragile pieces of my soul
Belongs to you

I hate to feel
I wish I couldn’t feel at all

Don’t ask why I have to leave
Don’t know why I still breathe
Don’t understand why I’m still here
Hiding all my thoughts from you
Saving all my love for you
Once again I’m living inside myself

I hate to feel
I wish I couldn’t feel at all

Comment: Don’t hate to feel and don’t wish I couldn’t feel, but otherwise…

I Want to Die

I’m too tired for this life
I just wanna die
And all I need is my big sleep
I just wanna die
You are so far away
I love you to death
In love with someone else
So I just wanna die

Another day passes me by
I just wanna die
Another day filled with pain
I just wanna die
You are not here
I love you to death
You are with someone else
So I just wanna die

Create hate
Hate myself for loving you

“We have touched for the last time
You are long gone, in love with someone else
I now fear nothing but life itself
And I have learned that living is just a slow way to die
I do not believe in life or in love anymore.
The joy I feel are joys of the emptiness
I hate myself for loving you
The fear I feel night after night has developed into a disease
No one can see the emptiness in my eyes.
To escape life itself now seems the only solution
With relief I look foward to letting go of the pain
Finally… there is peace in my soul
To lie dead without a concern, without a tear,
You own my heart
And life without you is so immensely painful
Just to think of you, talk about you, dream of you makes tears stream down my face
I cannot imagine happiness without your beautiful smile, your angelic face, your wonderful body and your good heart:
You are everything, I am nothing
I want to die
But really… I am already dead”

Another day passes me by
I still wanna die
Another day filled with pain
I still wanna die
You are so far away
I love you to death
You love someone else
So I just wanna die

Create hate
Hate myself for loving you

Comment: Start to end, expresses it perfectly, and the spoken part made me freeze the first time I heard it. I was just listening to songs, this one came up and all I could do when it got to the spoken part and I realized what it was saying was stop, close my eyes and bow my head. Talk about that “You sure I didn’t write this?” feeling…

Mortally Beloved

Thank you for everything
Every moment you shared
I appreciated your stay
Every smile you gave away

What’s the reason to live when I cannot love?
(I can’t get over you)
What’s the reason to live at all?

Thank you for leaving
Now I clearly see the dark
Embraced by agony
I fear nothing but life

What’s the reason to live when I cannot love?
(I can’t get over you)
What’s the reason to live at all?

“I hold all the beauty in this world
I crave you
‘Cause you’re beautiful
And I’m falling for you, but you are not.
You and I, we were in the sun
And that’s why I hate to feel
And now I just want to die
So watch me, my beloved.”

What’s the reason to live when I cannot love?
(I can’t get over you)
What’s the reason to live at all?

Comment: Certainly not thanking for leaving, but the chorus is right on cue and I like how they summarized the whole album in the spoken part… Speaking of the spoken part, I couldn’t find it anywhere so this is what I could make out, might be a little off.

I Have Lost… (2005)

Reality

What I wouldn’t give for
A chance to feel
What I wouldn’t give for
A chance to heal
What I would not give for
A chance to cry
What I wouldn’t give for
A chance to die

All the beauty I feel
I know it’s not real
All the beauty I see
Will never belong to me

I tried not to hide
But I fell apart
Why do I try
To desolate my heart

What I wouldn’t give for
A chance to hate
What I wouldn’t give for
It’s all too late
What I wouldn’t give for
A chance to need
What I wouldn’t give for
A chance to bleed

All the beauty I feel
I know it’s not real
All the beauty I see
Will never belong to me

I tried not to hide
But I fell apart
Why do I try
To desolate my heart

All the beauty I see
Will never belong to me
All the beauty I feel
I know it’s not real
I know that it’s not real

What I wouldn’t give for
A chance to feel
What I wouldn’t give for
A chance to heal
What I would not give for
A chance to cry
What I wouldn’t give for
A chance to die

All the beauty I feel
I know it’s not real
All the beauty I see
Will never belong to me

I tried not to hide
But I fell apart
Why do I try
To desolate my heart