I Need to Get Out of Here!
Remember the mold I mentioned before? The whole summer passed by and nobody did anything, so, as expected, it’s been back with a vengeance as of last month, and it’s about as bad now, at the end of October, as it was last December! Actually, the outer wall is as bad now as it was last December, but now it also fully covered a part at the bottom of the walls all around the room and is spreading upwards wherever it can.
Why do I have to pay for their fuck ups? Dad insists on changing the windows and I end up with mold all over. He loses his keys, changes the locks, the new locks and keys have issues and I can’t get out. He lets the whole summer pass without fixing the leak in the kitchen heater, now keeps it turned off so it won’t flood the place and I’m starting to freeze when I go to eat at night.
There are also the potential health hazards, considering the things they’re doing, or not doing, and the things that are just too gross! Of course, those things wouldn’t be gross at all if done by a person I’d care about, but since we’re talking about them it’s just sickening!
I could write more, this is just off the top of my head…
But there was something else I wrote about in that same post where I first mentioned the mold. He was terrorizing me last year with his ideas of moving in 2008, or even at the end of this year… He hasn’t mentioned it since and so far I was quite happy for it, since this room holds plenty of memories about her and I won’t give that up unless I have something new to hold on to! But now I started thinking…
I really need to get away from them and out of this place! Of course it wasn’t an option as long as things were the way they were, but if I’d be talking with her again and it’d go well I might have a future to think about once more. Ok, so it won’t be what I said before, that I’ll only move out of here to move back in with her, but just talking with her could just make me want to live again, at least for a while, and then see what else happens. So why not take him up on his plan of getting me a place for myself at the time of moving?
There is the problem that it seems he really dropped the idea now, which would make perfect sense. I mean, if I’d want to move it won’t be possible, and when I’ll completely reject the idea again we’ll end up moving anyway. That’s how things always happen, isn’t it? There’s also the issue that I still am completely unable to get by for myself, even if he will come by weekly or so to buy things for me as he said back then he would, but right now I need to get out of here too much to think about that, and for once I actually want to get out of here…
Or I would want if we’d be talking again and it’d go well… As it is, I’m waiting for the sky to fall down on me. We talked for three days and then she went quiet. Of course I had to just fuck it up and now I’m too afraid of what I might find out, or what might happen, if I send something else and try to restart the conversation… And I can’t not be thinking what I’m thinking, and it terrifies me… That’s why this post makes no sense, by the way…
