Cav's Place

I actually lasted a lot longer than I thought I would, nearly two months. But of course the inevitable had to happen, me cracking again while talking to her because it hurts so much that she’s hiding so many things from me… Hurts even more when she says there’s no need to say sorry after such moments because she doesn’t take me seriously.
But I can deal with me being unhappy, more or less, I just wish I’ll never do anything to make her sad or upset. I wish nothing would ever happen to make her sad or upset. I wish I could transform into this layer of energy that would wrap itself around her, so I will be gone along with all the pain I carry inside and she’ll always be happy and safe.
These moments, and the things she’s not saying, make me realize even more how many things she was missing out on while being with me, and how inadequate I was and still am. I know I would do anything and give everything to be a person she’d want to have by her side, but I don’t think it’d be enough. I’m too worthless and I won’t be able to “create” enough “quality” even if I’d give up on everything I want, put every effort into doing what she wants and not care if it’d make me unhappy.
But first I have to find a way to stop doing these things and appreciate that she’s at least talking to me now, even if it’s usually only about superficial things.