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Little Money, More Carrying, Replaced Router, Reading and Playing

Last Friday I got up at 2 PM, when the alarm rang. I had been sleeping poorly for a few hours at that point, but I’d say that the alarm ringing just then was rather fortunate, since I had just woken up after a bad dream about Andra and I’d have ended up in a particularly bad place if it wouldn’t have pulled me out of it. Either way, I then had the usual stuff plus almonds and baked pumpkin, with the yogurt being one of those better ones and the sweet thing those nicer biscuits with added honey, drank most of the tea and went out at 4:05 PM, wearing the full running gear and not taking anything else with me. The reported temperature was 22-23°C, supposed to drop by a couple of degrees by the time I finished running, it was cloudy and there was hardly any wind.
After carrying 20 kg the day before and walking quite a lot the day before that as well, the primary target was just 16 km in less than 1:20, but I had this idea that if I’ll complete the five laps in about 1:18 and still feel capable of continuing I was going to go for another half marathon distance and try to finally get back under 1:45 one more time. That proved to be a lot of wishful thinking, however, and in the end I was quite pleased with 16 km in 1:19:32, with sector times of 4:31, 5:15, 6:08, 4:39, 5:11, 6:06, 4:38, 5:15, 6:05, 4:36, 5:16, 6:09, 4:30, 5:14 and 5:59, making for lap times of 15:54, 15:56, 15:58, 16:01 and 15:43. After that poor first sector, I didn’t think 1:20 was possible, and after the first lap I was sure I was looking at about 1:22 or so, thinking I won’t even be able to finish two laps in 32 minutes, to have the 1:20 pace at least on those, when put together, but I just pushed, trying to at least do that, even if I was going to exhaust myself, and when I saw that I managed to actually stay under 16 minutes on lap two as well I kept it up, just pushing wherever I could, sprinting as much as possible on the straights, counting breaths and steps, and found myself a little disappointed by that poorer sector three of lap four that made me unable to complete all laps in less than 16 minutes. Yet, even though I thought I had pushed really hard on that fourth lap, I apparently still had something left for lap five, which ended up being the fastest even though I had moments when I was feeling rather out of it on its first sector and other people caused some problems on the second.
With the weather being good and my joints and muscles not causing any issues, which was actually quite surprising, the few problems were caused by other people. There were quite a few of them, and while for the most part that just meant weaving and going the long way around, three girls caused me to need to take to the grass and go around a pole, breaking my sprint on that long sector two straight, and then there was a roadblock on sector three of lap one. The only other roadblock, however, was on sector two of lap five, but that sector was rather tricky in general, since I had to keep looking for ways through and weave around dogs and leashes, cyclists, walkers and kids on scooters. Other than that, did start to feel like I had to take a shit early on lap four and wouldn’t say that the feeling went away, but it wasn’t too bad and after a while I just didn’t pay attention anymore, which was particularly true on lap five, when I was just pushing like crazy.
This again makes me think that what I lost during the state of emergency and can’t seem to regain since then, despite the time that passed, is this confidence to push before the end, always thinking that I need to keep enough in reserve in order to avoid hitting the wall and being terribly slow, and being unable to just whip myself in this manner in general. I mean, obtaining such times isn’t supposed to be easy, and if I’d have pushed like this last Monday, I’d have quite certainly managed to get back under 1:45, assuming I really wouldn’t have hit the wall. But I can’t know that I won’t, and don’t want to find myself back in the situation I was in at the start of July

An unpleasant moment came in the evening, however, when I got to the subject of money with dad and was told that he had talked about it with my mother as well and, since her pension increased by less than the amount they had expected, “we all need to share the difference”, so they can give me less than 40% of what was a normal amount, after it was only a little over 60% of that amount last month and I also covered most other expenses out of what I had set aside by then, though at least that amount was paid back now. He also took the opportunity to rant against the government for a while for things I wouldn’t quite say are among the otherwise long list of problems they can and should be blamed for right now, but to return to that unpleasant matter in itself, I don’t quite see how the family’s income increasing by less than an amount that was expected, unreasonably so if you ask me, would logically lead to the amount allocated for something decreasing. One’d think that less of an increase in income would lead to less of an increase in expenses, and likely no increase at all for matters of low priority, which is where I guess I fit, yet that’s not only not the case, but it also seems that all of us sharing that difference between expectation and reality means that a good 60% of it is taken out of what they can give me, while the plans for added expenses elsewhere go right ahead, since later that night he asked me to search again for a freezer, and the next day about a computer a friend of his wanted to sell him… But discussing money is awful under any circumstances and the whole concept just needs to go away, maybe after a period of nearly everyone being given their fair share of the available amount instead of “earning” very different amounts in very different ways that are almost always terribly unfair, so being more or less in what should be my situation, when things don’t get messed up in this manner.

Moving on, Tuesday the alarm was set to ring at 2 PM, but I got up at 1:15 PM, after sleeping poorly after waking up to pee at 12:40 PM. Had the usual stuff plus hazelnuts, since my mother had sent some a while ago and I’m running low on almonds, and also some baked pumpkin. The yogurt was again one of those better ones, and for the sweet thing I went back to what used to be the usual stuff, having two of those wheat things with honey. Then I put on the full running gear plus an undershirt, stuffed some things in the pocket of my tights and left at 3:50 PM. It was sunny and there was hardly any wind, but the reported temperature was 16°C then and holding steady or maybe dropping by 1°C by the time I finished running.
The time was 47:06.53, with sector times of 4:10.75, 5:01.13, 5:41 (5:40.33), 4:23.38, 4:57.36, 5:50 (5:49.76), 4:24 (4:23.77), 5:01.49, 5:49 (5:48.48) and 1:50.08, making for lap times of 14:52.21, 15:10.50 and 15:14 (15:13.74). I was just aiming to stay under 48 minutes, but pushed from the beginning and even harder on lap one’s third sector, aiming for a lap in less than 15 minutes again, which I managed. Then I was just thinking that I could afford 15:30 on the next two laps, but kept doing my best to take advantage of the straights, return to a better strategy and have more confidence in the fact that I can push earlier, so I ended up closer to 47 minutes and wondering whether I could have gained those seven seconds too.
There was of course some weaving and going the long way around, but the only more noticeable issues had to do with squeezing past several dogs that had just met, their owners having a bit of trouble controlling them just then, and catching another spiderweb and possibly losing a couple of seconds as I tried to get it off my face. Quite sure the dogs were on a sector two and the spiderweb on a sector three and believe they were both on lap three, but it’s possible that one was in fact on lap two. However, with masks mandatory outside as well as of that day, I obviously had mine on as I walked to the park, only taking it off just before I started running and putting it back as soon as I finished, but was wondering whether even having it off while running was all right and other runners seemed to take all possible approaches, the first one I saw having his on his chin, the next few having theirs on at first but having pulled them down on their chin as well by the time I saw them again, since they were running in the opposite direction, others being like I was, without a mask at all while running, and one having a cloth mask which she kept on over multiple laps. Saw four police officers as I ran, two seeming to be fining someone who was sitting on a bench as I passed them and the other two walking, one of them seeming to glance my way when I first passed by them but not saying anything. Just before I was about to pass them the second time, however, I again passed that guy who was the first runner I saw and he was just pulling his mask back down and gestured to it, probably meaning to warn me that I should also have one on before they’ll see me. I don’t think they’re required while exercising, but I’m seeing plenty of people asking about this, so it remains to be seen.

After the run, I went to that Carrefour, just getting eggs and a bread, and got back just before 6 PM, leaving again a bit after 7:10 PM. Wasn’t quite sure which way I meant to go at first, but ended up checking out the Supeco that’s next to that farmers’ market and getting a couple of things from there, having the receipt from Carrefour fall out of my pocket and end up under my foot, so it’s a good thing someone else pointed it out to me. Then I kept going to the Kaufland at Vitan, getting a few more things, including taking advantage of the evening discounts for cucumbers and carrots, the one for carrots actually being much higher than what was not only listed, but also repeatedly announced while I was there. And that Carrefour receipt really wanted to get away from me, because it again fell out of my pocket when I left the self-checkout area, and again someone else pointed it out to me as I was searching for it, having noticed that it was gone after taking a few steps. But I retrieved it again, and then returned to that Carrefour to also get cat litter on the way back, needing to specifically ask for the receipt, since the cashier didn’t give it to me directly. But at least that was the last thing on the list, and I was back just before 9:40 PM, carrying 16.5 kg… And it actually was just after 5:30 AM when I finally got in bed, but it had been 5:30 AM when I went to bed Monday morning as well.

Otherwise, Saturday I did manage to finish Grim Fandango Remastered, then cooked that sweet thing I had been planning to make for quite some time, having it turn out surprisingly well. And Sunday evening I somehow managed to throw together a review for the game, in order to make it the second post of the week, and just managed to both post it here and submit it on MobyGames before dad needed to start working on-line. In addition, Monday I played one of those additional modules that supposedly come with Neverwinter Nights: Gold, starting the second one yesterday, though I haven’t yet finished it. In between, Wednesday, I also started the book I managed to get from the Library last week and I’m hoping to finish it Sunday, to have the quick review for it as this week’s second post. That will be quite a struggle, but I should just manage it if I maintain this pace… And if I’ll be fine in general, because my heart again started beating irregularly when I got back to my room after eating last night and it kept happening even after I got to bed, even when I woke up to pee, and I felt a few such moments after I got up today as well, along with a panic attack that I seem to just barely hold off…

On the other hand, the router issue repeated itself and kept getting worse this week. Actually, it first happened again Sunday evening, just before I connected to post that review, and then it happened several more times after that, starting to happen twice in a row and eventually, just while dad was working last night and really needed the connection, taking 20 minutes before the connection was restored. So dad called to report the issue Monday, and somebody came to have a look that evening, but he said the router was fine and that someone else will come to check some other equipment they have in the building the next day. Whether that happened or not, I don’t know, but seeing as the problem kept getting worse dad called them again yesterday and this evening someone came again, replacing the router and saying that a power surge had likely messed it up. The problem is that they replaced it with a different one that no longer shows who’s connected, so dad can’t see when I’m on anymore, and this after he had just finally started actually checking and acting accordingly not long ago… The settings are also quite confusing, and the IP changed, so I guess I’ll see what will happen with that and whether dad will have something else to talk to them about.

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