Cav's Place

The problem is that memories are fewer and more faded as time goes on, and flashes even more so. The beginning and the end are very fresh in my mind and most flashes are either from one or the other. The more I advance into the relationship, the less I seem to remember. A good part of the time we spent living together is just a haze, until it becomes crystal clear once again towards the end. Pehaps it makes sense, for a lot of reasons, plus that it seems I’m forgetting the bad things more often than not, but how many good moments are slipping away as well? But I’ll just pick up from where I left off in my last post… Just the flashes, moments frozen in time, many of them likely in the wrong order… This is deeply personal, treat it as such.

Getting picked up from the train station, her mom’s (future) boyfriend driving and pointing out the best places to find prostitutes. Us struggling to keep our eyes and hands off each other while in the car.
Getting to her place. Her brother opening the door. Wondering what am I getting myself into.
In her room, seeing the cats, asking how can she tell them apart. Funny, considering that at some point I became able to figure out what each of them meant to express by their posture, facial expression or the tone of their “voice”. Then, later, saying “it’s so nice to have some little souls around you like this”.
The time I apparently punched her in my sleep when she was trying to wake me up. She locked herself in her brother’s room and for several hours I thought I was alone in the house, wondering where everyone was. Took quite a while to get her to let me in, then even longer to figure out why she was so upset.
Trying to make her let me send dad an e-mail to “cancel” the one I had sent before, after a fight. Actually, first trying to get into his account and delete it, but I didn’t manage that.
The time we had sex while she was upset with me and said we were just friends. Both of us close to orgasm and me asking if this is what friends usually do. Her saying yes while breathing heavily. Then looking at each other in a way that said more than words ever could.
Waking her up one night because her brother had apparently unplugged a cable, Internet access was down and I was too shy to go to him and say something.
Watching a porn movie she said she liked. She wouldn’t do anything during it so I just played with myself for all the two hours it lasted. Her asking how could I even keep it up for so long.
One time when she initially didn’t want to do anything since it was that time of the month, but then decided she wanted to “play” with me and said to tell her when I’m getting close so she’ll stop because she doesn’t want to go all the way. So I do, but she just gets more determined. I say “you should really stop now if you don’t want me to finish”, she doesn’t… Afterwards she just says “you could have made more effort to stop me” and laughs.
The time I “tormented” her for some two hours before finally getting her over the edge. She was wild that night, threatening to tear my clothes off (since I kept them on most of the time), trying to get me to get her off by force after a while… Never saw her like that again, though I always meant to do something like that for her one more time. Never got around to it and I really regret that.
All the scratches and bites I was getting from Bubu (the male cat), which surprised everyone since he was so nice all the time. But she was “his”, so I had to fight for my right for a while I guess.
How Bubu always got in between us when we went to bed. How he knew the moment we got in bed and rushed in even if he was in another room.
The face she made whenever I went to kiss her after doing oral to her.
Her saying “I make a lot of noise in my head” and me replying with “this might come as a surprise to you, but I’m not a telepath” whenever I complained that she was so quiet during sex and I had nothing to guide me.
Last night before coming back here. Candlelight sex. Tears. Regrets. Hopes.
Her coming here for my birthday. Giving me the first three Harry Potter books and the teddy bear in the evening, after keeping them hidden until then. My usual reaction to gifts, especially since I felt quite embarrassed for getting something like that… If I only knew then how that teddy bear would become my lifeline…
That night, her driving me crazy and pretty much paying me back for the two-hour “torment” I mentioned above. She never did something quite like that again either. It was quite a struggle before she allowed me to do something for her too… At some point she was riding me and said I should assume I hired her for the night, so to just tell her what I want and she’ll do it because that’s her job. That sort of spoiled it for me a little because that’s not how I wanted to see her, not even for a moment, but overall that night was the best present I ever got, though just the fact that she came to spend that day with me would have been enough in itself.
A moment, I don’t know if it was that same night or some other night when she was here and had me far too worked up, when she was trying to very gently put a condom on me so I could get inside of her and come like that. It didn’t work, I was too close and the touch brought me over the edge. The instant she realized I’m past the point of no return she switched from being very careful to touch me as little as possible to masturbating me vigorously. That loss of control was great, though afterwards I felt like shit and she had to struggle to calm me down.
While I’m at it, that look she used to give me when I was about to come after she was already satisfied and everything was well between us. It simply made all problems go away each and every time. Also, giving her orgasms, mainly when I could see her face right at that moment. Probably has a lot to do with how I see sex, as something far beyond the physical.
Lying in bed and her saying she did something really bad and doesn’t know if I’ll be able to forgive her. I ask what did she do, she asks what’s the worst thing she could do to me, I say “dump me”, she says “besides that”, I say “as long as we’re together, other things don’t really matter”. She lowers her eyes, pauses for a moment and then says she read all my passworded documents. I just hugged her and told her to just ask next time.
I was playing Arcanum while she was in bed. At some point she starts to giggle, I turn to look and realize she had just masturbated. I ask why did she do that and she said it seemed I was busy so she took care of herself. I asked if she considered telling me she was in the mood to see what I’d do before deciding I wouldn’t care and she said she just didn’t think it was the case.
Me sending her sex stories I was writing while we were apart again. The day she said she had eight orgasms while reading them, twice her previous “record”. Getting “rewarded” with one written by her involving two flies on the bathroom wall. Too funny to be annoyed.
The time she said she printed out one of my stories and went to read it while taking a bath, but just broke down and started crying and couldn’t stop for a long time. The long talk we had after that, the worries, the frustration that I couldn’t be there to hold her close until all the bad thoughts went away.
The night we tried cybering and after things got “serious” she let me type alone for about three minutes and then said “I’m done, what are you waiting for?”. My first thought was “that was fast”, followed by “I had both hands on the keyboard apparently helping you along, what do you think I’m waiting for?” and then hurrying to “catch up”.
The time she took that pill her stupid doctor gave her for the yeast infection, which didn’t get rid of the problem (made it immune to pretty much everything else) but had her spend the night sitting on the toilet and throwing up. Frustrating that I couldn’t be there with her once again.
Getting a message from her saying she has a really important talk with her family. Later explaining that they went through a lot of topics and she eventually told them what was really going on between us, which seemed to come as a complete shock to them.
Right before New Year’s, here. Her being surprised that the teddy bear looks “so clean”. I asked if she expected it to be all sticky and she said that’s sort of what she was thinking, since it was from her. It never even crossed my mind…
New Year’s. Her getting drunk even though she hardly drank anything and then spending about an hour and a half contradicting herself about a movie. Then she was getting rather bold on the living room couch the moment my parents were leaving the room, even if only for a few seconds.
Eventually we went to my room in the morning and tried to have sex. Didn’t quite work out right, she was still a bit drunk, I was tired… While I was trying to do her from behind she just said “maybe this is a sign we aren’t meant to be”. Not the best way to start the year…
At her place, the first time I went there after she had that talk with her family. Us being in the room, with the lights off and the TV on while her mom and brother were still awake. There was a horror movie on HBO. She put the blanket on the floor, saying “I bet they’re waiting for the slightest squeak to know what we’re doing now”. Having sex while commenting on the movie and talking about other random things.
At her place, during the finals, though I don’t remember if they were the winter or the summer ones. Looking through her Finance manual and asking if I can tear it apart and throw it away after a single page. Yes, it was that annoying!
Around the same time, her wanting to see if she could study while having sex since she didn’t seem to get anywhere otherwise anyway. Me going at it while she was trying to find positions in which she could read at the same time. She said it helped a bit, I was just amused.
She, her mom, her mom’s boyfriend, her brother and her brother’s girlfriend gathering in her brother’s room just to “socialize”. Me being invited insistently, finally trying to go, taking one look inside that room and running back to her room. Pulling the blanket over my head and not coming out for quite some time.
She was trying to study but was feeling naughty at the same time, so she decided to masturbate me through my pants, gently and stopping whenever it seemed I was really getting into it. At some point I forced myself to stop responding completely and she went at it until I came without her realizing it. She was a little pissed…
Her coming from the bathroom with a piece of bloody tissue in her hand (I mean bodily tissue, not the kind you wipe something with) and saying that’s what she has to put up with every month. No, I didn’t get sick.
Her talking with her mom and her mom’s boyfriend about buying sex toys. Me making my way to the living room to listen to the conversation and wonder at how close-minded that guy could be.
Her ordering one of them, being unhappy with it after getting it (box appeared to have been opened) and going to the shop right away to have it replaced. Then trying it out and being disappointed.
Winter. The day she came to me after lunch with her family at her grandparents and said her mom’s boyfriend made her mom want to kick me out and there’s nothing we can do.
Next morning, sneaking out with her and her brother to catch the morning train before her mom woke up, to avoid any scandals. Lots of tears and promises since she couldn’t come with me just then.
Her coming here as soon as she could. The talk she had with her grandmother on the phone, saying she won’t come back or even talk with her mom until I can go back there without any problems.
Fooling around one night. She didn’t want to do anything more so in the end she just masturbated me in a towel using just the tips of her fingers while we were sitting in bed, facing each other. Maybe it doesn’t seem like much, but my mind seems to think differently.
Sort of making out one evening, though nothing much was happening since she didn’t feel like it so we were talking more than anything else. Still, the window was wide open and the lights on. At some point she realized we might as well sell tickets, but didn’t seem as bothered as she would have been at any other time.
Easter, here. Parents away and she wanted to take a shower together. That turned into fooling around, she did oral and said she wants me to come on her tits, which I did. I think it’s the only time she actually asked for that, still don’t know what got into her.
Going on a walk together since she wanted to see the city. I certainly didn’t but just tagged along, as always. Becoming rather lost for a moment.
Discovering used book stores around here. Her getting really excited about it. Spending quite a lot of time in one of them and me pointing out some rather silly things.
Getting oral on the living room couch while we didn’t know when the creature was going to get back home. We were done in time, but just barely.
Me trying to persuade her to do it on my parents’ bed since it was bigger and nicer. We never did, mainly because she didn’t want to see herself in the mirror that’s in front of it.
The morning when she had to leave and then, out of nowhere, said we’re breaking up that very moment if I don’t come with her. I told dad that I’m going and need a ticket and was all packed up and ready to go in 20 minutes, crying my eyes out. Dad kept asking if I’m all right and if I really want to go. I was crying both because I was scared that we might actually break up and because I was happy that I could spend more time with her, but certainly not because I didn’t want to go.
Her also starting to play Arcanum and getting hooked on it. Eventually she got past the point where I was stuck, despite having a really poor party. I never managed to get past that point.
Me picking her up from the train station by myself, barely knowing how to get there and very uncertain I was going to be on time. I was, though.
Getting here after a show we wanted to watch had already started. Both of us piling up on an armchair in the kitchen and watching it while making out. That was an interesting piece of multitasking.
Her telling me to drop my pants so she could get busy the morning she had to leave, just minutes before the time she was supposed to leave to catch the train. Dad was already up and walking around, since he was going to drive. With my door not locking, it wasn’t exactly comfortable, but he didn’t come in. She said I owe her one after I was done.
At her place. Her talking with the creature on the phone, apparently being told to make me go back to school by any means necessary if she really loves me. She replied “I do love your son, ma’am, and just because I love him I won’t do that. In the time we spent together I have come to realize that going back would destroy him and I don’t want that to happen. If you know him less after being with him since he was born than I do after one year, I feel sorry for you.” and ended the conversation.
Her not wanting me to sleep unless she did because she didn’t want to go to bed without me so she wanted me to be sleepy when she was. That caused a real problem when she stayed awake for some 40 hours once. At the end I could barely breathe anymore and she felt like going out. I just very quietly said “you will get in bed and go to sleep, now” and she did, thankfully.
Going to the pottery fair. Her getting stuff and telling me to pick something as well so it wouldn’t be just for herself. I didn’t want anything but in the end I picked something decorative. Treasured items now, of course.
The time she blindfolded me. Initially said she’d tie my hands too, but then changed her mind and only told me not to touch her and she just masturbated next to me. After a while we switched, but when she asked dubiously if I really wanted to blindfold her too I decided against it, just told her not to look while I “took care of her”.
Might have been the same day, just after that part, but I don’t know. I had just finished and she got on top of me right away, causing me to come again immediately. Only time that happened and I certainly wasn’t happy about it, but she was just laughing. I wanted to try a third time but she got bored of trying to get me up again after a few minutes.
Rushing with her to her grandparents’ place when she knew they were away for a short while, so I could take a shower since there was no hot water at her place those days.
Dad picking me up from there. She stayed with me in the car for a few minutes and when she said bye and got out I tried to reach for her hand and hold her back. I missed and wondered all the way back if dad realized what I meant to do. That was when I decided this can’t go on anymore and I need to move in with her.
Me taking her to the train station by myself, early in the morning, wondering how I was going to get back.
Apart again, discussing how I could move in with her there since it was unlikely that the creature would let me if she knew my plans. Her saying that from their talks she’s certain I won’t be allowed to go there again until after my birthday. Making plans to leave as soon as possible after that.
Getting there, knowing it’s for good while dad thought it was just another visit. Thinking things are finally working well for us…

I guess that’s another part of it, the time we spent actually living together will come later… Maybe…
It might seem that I’m focusing too much on sex, but I didn’t ask you. I’m just saying what I remember without really trying to, the flashes I get, nothing more, nothing less.