Cav's Place

“Great” way to start this day, waking up when dad went to the bathroom, apparently falling asleep again while waiting for him to be done, waking up again when he flushed, seeing that it was just after 11 AM, going to pee, then having a hard time getting back to sleep, just managing to get a few naps that were only minutes long, and even that ending when I was woken up by a loud crack followed by what seemed like an electrical sound, so I jumped to check the computer, and also my phone, which I had plugged in to charge only some ten minutes earlier, and after that I obviously couldn’t even try to get back to sleep. And things were pretty much the same in terms of how I slept yesterday as well, since dad had that guy over for a while, so after getting up to pee at one point I was increasingly stressed, and then he also woke up and there was some noise, so I once again only got a few more naps that were only minutes long before I gave up and got on the computer. And I didn’t sleep much better two days ago either, and Monday evening I ran, on high temperatures, so I’m pretty much drained, but I can’t try to get back to sleep either.
To return to that crack that woke and worried me, it’s not the first time this happens, nothing seems obviously wrong and the bookcase is the most probable culprit, especially since the slight change in weight caused by taking my phone off it might have increased the risk of it cracking, and other options are the desk, the window or even something else that’s nevertheless still harmless, but I’m still worried, especially considering these temperatures, seeing as we’re in the longest heat wave in recorded history, with over a week of highs around 40°C and at least 35°C pretty much the entire month, and who knows what’s coming in August. But, of course, this and worse is what the whole world is facing because of what we have been doing to it, and we refuse to stop even now.
But that’s not the topic of this post, so I’ll just get back to today, yet another July 12 that’s at least not a milestone, being the 19th lonely one, which would have marked 22 years, and which is therefore the 23rd if you also include the first. And at least this time around having a free “slot” for a personal post isn’t a problem, but otherwise there are some similarities with last year, including the temperature, even if last year this period of such heat was far shorter, and the fact that I’m once again yet to write about this summer’s Dream Trek and I was still hoping to write the post directly, so while this time around I do have some notes, the more detailed ones are about what I did before and after, those about the actual run being little more than the few words I hastily scribbled on a piece of paper during some of the breaks, which include one thing that I can’t understand and which refers to something that I don’t really remember either, and other details are obviously fading from memory as well.
At least I seem to be playing games recently, since after finishing Vampires Dawn on June 26, two days later I installed and started Phoning Home, which I could play for a while even if my computer was obviously struggling with it, and after it didn’t work anymore, constantly crashing with an “out of memory” error, even at absolutely minimum settings, when passing through the portal to get to ANI, two days ago I uninstalled it and installed and started Heretic Kingdoms: The Inquisition. It’s been over ten years since I bought this one, but with Intel graphics listed as unsupported, I didn’t even think that I should bother trying to play it, yet now that I did, I found that it does work, and I’ve been playing it a fair bit over these past two days… Which is something of a problem, because yesterday I also started reading The Bone Season, which I borrowed from the Library and which is due to be returned on July 17… Which was a surprise, since I borrowed it and If Nietzsche Were a Narwhal on July 1 and you should normally be able to keep them for 21 days, but I didn’t ask why that wasn’t the case and now I just have to rush through it.
Speaking of that, I was considering going to read in the park these days, late in the evening, maybe even at night, and I even thought about doing so today. I probably won’t, I don’t think I can deal with much of anything today, and having people around, likely seeing couples as well, and obviously plenty of children that will just remind me even more of my worst fear, is very high on the list of what I really don’t want to put myself through at the moment… And I am still worried about that crack, and these temperatures may definitely cause problems, and things seem to malfunction around me when I’m in such a state anyway, plus that there’s the obvious risk of power failures these days, so I’ll see what I’ll end up doing. There actually were two brief power failures two days ago, and while those weren’t a problem, the plan would be to actually do the work that I have to do on the computer when one will force me to turn it off, since I really should also clean some of the dust from it, to help with the temperatures these days. But I hope it won’t happen today, because I really, really don’t want to have to deal with that as well.

As for the searches that I usually do around this time, I just found another little piece of information, but obviously it’s still just a professional matter. A friend asked how she is when I brought it up, probably thinking that I had learned something more notable, so I told her that she knows as much as I do when it comes to her personal life, all I have being some things related to her job that are just a quick search away. So I’m still pretty much where I’ve been all these years, with the same worries and fears, and the same false hopes and dreams that I just have to keep propping up and holding on to, just because I still exist and that’s the only way to… Well, to do that, since I don’t have a better term for it.