Cav's Place

Since I can barely get myself to write anything, it’s a good thing that the milestone was last year. It’d have felt even worse to just throw a few words here on such an occasion, but when it’s just a “regular” July 12, the 18th lonely one, which would have marked 21 years, and which is therefore the 22nd if you also include the first, I guess it’s somewhat less of a “crime”… And it was worse before, in 2015, which remains the only year when I didn’t post anything at all on this day, and in 2009, when I really just threw a few sentences together…
And I also avoided needing to use another one of those old book reviews in order to make room for this post. Did use one two years ago, but that’s actually the last time I did it so far, after just managing to avoid it last year and apparently managing to find ways to post things that I can somehow pass off as non-personal posts ever since, though in plenty of cases that’s arguable and most of the others are obviously just thrown together in order to write something and not because they’d actually be worth posting. However, that may change right after this post, because I’m at the limit, the next post would again need to be a non-personal one, but I should really write about this summer’s Dream Trek, since I don’t even have notes about the actual run, putting off writing them because I wanted to just write the post directly and being unable to get myself to do so, and the memories are obviously fading. But I still have a few days to decide what to do, I guess.

Either way, since I obviously searched again, I seem to have found another account, but there’s nothing public in it. And there is something else which may be important for her, but I have no idea how involved she actually was or whether the listed schedule will be respected. And that seems to be it, at least as a result of that quick search, and I’m not going deeper, at least for now, in part because I guess I can’t even get myself to do that, and definitely in part because I fear what I may find, I guess preferring to keep both the false hopes and the very real fears as they are instead of risking to perhaps confirm the worst of the latter…

And I guess that’s about it, since I’m not going to write about other things in a July 12 post. Did it in other years, but this is bad enough even so. And it’s a good thing that dad is away for a few hours this evening, so I could stay on-line, go through those previous posts yet again, and struggle to somehow write and post this one, because I really couldn’t get myself to write it last night, and doing so without being connected and going through those previous posts would have been even harder. But now that I have something written in time, I’ll just post it… And see how I’ll manage to get myself to cook, since I should really be doing that today, because it’d be a really bad idea to leave it for tomorrow, when we’re supposed to get 40°C…