Broken
I’m feeling broken since yesterday. Not that this is something new, but I just slumped all of a sudden.
I was saying these days that now that I finally have something interesting to read again I just want to sit here and read and tell the world go to fuck itself, which is significantly better than wanting to just sit here and do absolutely nothing and tell the world to go fuck itself, but that only works while I actually am reading. If I stop and don’t have something else to dive into right away, everything crumbles again.
I meant to push myself a little and said that I will finish the first book at the end of this week, which was a little hard at first since I’m so “rusty” at reading lately, but yesterday I reached the page I meant to reach quite early and I made myself stop right there, thinking I might not be able to go all the way to the end and it was going to be quite frustrating to stop just a chapter or two short.
This week I also had some work to do for dad, which I managed to finish Friday night after cursing it and him and anyone else connected to it in quite a number of ways, so I was left without something to channel my anger towards as well. (Speaking of which, having to turn them into puzzle pieces sure takes away any sense of satisfaction I might have had for having those environmental news published in that supplement. But I’ve been saying this for a long time now…)
So I was left with Final Fantasy VIII, which I said I’ve been playing lately, and some recorded shows I had downloaded. Chose the shows, only to find that there was nothing new among them, so just deleted all of them and found myself with nothing I still wanted to do, seeing as I didn’t feel like playing…
And that’s when I crumbled and felt really broken… As I said, nothing new, but that’s how it is. And that’s how it will be unless the cause for all of this will somehow, someday, get reversed. And there certainly doesn’t seem to be any noticeable chance of that ever happening, if it’s not actually utterly impossible already, as I keep fearing.
At least I finished the first book of the series today, so that worked out as planned. Let me see now what the next holds…
Forgot all about the Confederations’ Cup third place match though, which is a pity. Seems to have been a pretty nice match.
