Cav's Place

I was saying a week ago that perhaps I’ll be able to write two non-personal posts this week. As you can see, that’s not the case. How could it be when I’m just sitting here and whimpering… And somehow arguing with people on the Forsaken World forum and likely setting all of them against me, as I usually do.
Yesterday I also pretty much negated all I had managed to do earlier this week towards a certain thing I’d rather not mention here. Maybe today I’ll make up for yesterday, but I highly doubt it considering my mood. Last night started whimpering and said “just leave me alone” out loud once again when I found a note from dad on the kitchen table, since I’m still not checking my e-mail at all and don’t plan to start checking it again…

It sounds rather weird, doesn’t it? Wanting to be left alone so much yet playing an on-line game and arguing with people on forums… But of course I don’t actually want to be left alone by everybody. I need her and a best friend, who ideally would perhaps become more than that at some point after I’d be in some sort of relationship with her again, and then one or two other close friends on top of that would be nice too. So, while I do by best to shut away the world and kick and scream at it and poke it with whatever I can find lying around if it tries to close in on me again, I also wait for one or two of the few people I’m still in some sort of contact with to perhaps someday decide to do the same, show “real life” a big middle finger and cut themselves from it, ideally finding and settling down in a nice relationship that they’ll fully focus on while also still being able to spare some time for me as well without “real life” topics popping up. But I’m well aware that it’s highly unlikely for that to happen, as things usually only get worse anyway, plus that it’s pretty clear that I don’t know anyone with “best friend” potential, so I’ll still need to find one someday either way.
What does that have to do with the game and forums? Nothing really… It’s just what I had to say right now. What I keep needing to say, actually, since you’ll see something along those lines in most of my personal posts for a long time now. If such a desperate need is not fulfilled, it can only become more pressing… And I guess the game is a way to hide from it for a little while and the forums are just me doing what I usually do, which is seeing people act like most people do and lashing out at them because their behavior is utterly infuriating. Wonder how long until the enemies made on the forums will start affecting me while playing as well, since they obviously know my character name…