Cav's Place

Not that doing anything else is any different, but since sticking to the rule of having two posts per week is pretty much the one thing that I haven’t given up on but writing’s just harder and harder and ever more pointless, I was seriously thinking of giving up on that idea as well this year, possibly sticking to just one post per week, if even that, and no longer caring about the personal ones being less than half of the total either. But, at least at this point, I’m thinking that I really shouldn’t do that, because it really is the one thing left in a year for which I really have no goals.
At least 2024 worked out from that point of view, achieving the actual major one of completing a marathon with an official time below four hours before turning 40. And I also finally got a new computer and started using it, even if it still feels like something improvised, the lack of security software, or even a proper backup routine, being good reasons for that, along with the uncertainty about the main NVMe, though the problem is yet to reappear after that second time. Either way, I also, however barely, managed to continue the streak of reading 12 proper books per year, and even managed to finish five games, even if 2020 remains the last year when I fully achieved the gaming goal, which would involve finishing at least four “proper” games, something that I’d just quickly get through being allowed as an optional fifth, and in 2024 there were three “proper” games and two little things that I just quickly got through at the end of the year, plus that I still haven’t gotten around to writing the reviews for those three games and I’m wondering more and more whether I ever will, things being as they are when it comes to writing. I mean, the marathon result was such a major achievement I hadn’t even started writing about that run by the end of the year, and now that I finally did, I had no chance of completing the post even one week after starting it, so I left it as just a first part and tomorrow, when I once again plan to go out, I definitely won’t be able to post more than a placeholder for the second part.
So I guess that the one thing that I can still push myself to do is just this, to still post here, and maybe this will also lead to writing those reviews, as well as those for what I’ll finish this year, and I hope that finally having a new computer will make me play more. Then again, I did feel more like playing games again in 2024 as well. And that order of books that’s already a month late should give me more to read when it’ll finally arrive, so this year’s reading list shouldn’t be an issue either. But other than those regular minor goals, I don’t have anything. I mean, that’s pretty much it with the computer, and in terms of running, I didn’t and won’t register for this year’s marathon, not wanting to put myself through that again just yet now that I achieved the goal and would be highly unlikely to do so again, and not meaning to start looking into ultramarathons quite yet. I wouldn’t even say that running one is a specific goal at this point, so I’ll just say that I’m tempted by the idea, maybe even by that of running 100 km at least before turning 50, if not even 45, but I don’t exactly have options around here, or even in the country, since I definitely wouldn’t go for trail running, and either way I don’t want to start preparing for that this year, the idea at this point being to run the marathon again in 2026, see where I stand at that point and then go from there. As for shorter runs, yes, I’m registered for the half marathon, but after completing it with an official time below 1:45 in 2022, I no longer have goals for that, as it seems unlikely that I’ll achieve such a good official time again and simply completing a half marathon, in less than two hours, because more than that would be truly embarrassing, doesn’t count for anything.
And yes, this is also something written just in order to have the week’s first post, my initial idea having been to make the year’s first “New Finds” post instead but not having enough bands to include in it right away and really not feeling like specifically looking just now, plus that when it comes to new music it’s getting harder to be certain that it’s not AI… And in fact I’ve been noticing surprisingly good AI-generated music and was wondering about actually making a post about such “acts”. But that’s a matter for another time.
To return to the lack of goals for 2025, I had been thinking about this lately, and in fact ever since I ran that marathon, and I simply have nothing. I had that target that seemed so dauntingly out of reach for several years and, after that initial feeling of accomplishment, I found that finally achieving it left me quite empty, because it wasn’t a stepping stone to something else, like the half marathon targets had been, and it’s not something that I think I can or even want to try to repeat or sustain. And I had also been thinking of getting a new computer for so many years and now that I finally have it, I must settle on it, consider this as being something final, because I’m anxious enough about it anyway and can’t allow myself to think of possible changes. And, other than those regular reading and gaming goals, and this one about the blog that I was so close to giving up on, I have nothing else. And I really don’t want to have anything else; I have no drive to do other things and really don’t want to just start looking for something. After all, I never wanted to exist in the first place, and that only changed during the periods when things were going well between us while I was living with Andra… And look what that led to…
On that note, this September 27 will mark 20 years since she left, so talk about a milestone year, only in the worst way possible… If you look at it from that point of view, it’s no wonder I’m feeling so empty. I mean, just surviving this would be an achievement in itself… Not that there’s any shred of a reason to want to, except the same one as always, that dying after suffering through life and without something happening to somehow make it be worth all of that would be terribly disappointing, to say the least… And so we just keep struggling along, adding to the pain and suffering, our own and that of others and of the world as a whole…

The year ended and I still haven’t written about the marathon other than to just mention the result that day, not even the notes are fleshed out, and even what I do have was written quite some time after the fact, so plenty of details are quite clearly gone or altered in my mind. And this was my most important run, so I have to enter damage limitation mode, push aside any ideas of doing it properly, writing it all at once or even having a good chance of editing the post in order to add everything by the end of next week, and at least start, even if with only this first section that’s little more than a placeholder, ending at the start and scheduled to be posted at 11:59 PM, because of being out for most of today. But I did manage to make a first edit in the early hours of Thursday, covering the first part of the race, ending with the paragraph about catching and being caught by the pacemakers, so getting a little past the halfway point. And that was it, because it was clear that I wasn’t going to be able to finish this by the end of the week, so in the early hours of Saturday I just added this sentence and changed the title of the post to reflect that it’s only a first part, though when I remembered the bit about flipping off the Russian Embassy I did make another edit in order to add that as well, even if it was so much later, in the early hours of March 6.

To start with the evening of October 12, I tried to make the salad during the national team’s match, also eating a few walnuts and a bag of nicer bagels during that time, but when the match was about to end I had only eaten a few of those bagels, so I then finished that bag, eating about half of it right after the match ended, and the salad was far from being done, and I also jabbed my palm with the knife, though at least it was the left one. And, once done, the salad yet again ended up being somewhat bigger than I meant it to be. But I also made the tea, and then ate dinner, with peanut butter on all of the bread, between 1 AM and 1:30 AM. And then I’d have wanted to take one of those pills against gas, but when I asked dad for two he only found one, which I’d have been wary of taking if I had a choice, since it’s in paper and it was in a bag that he carries around with him, but as it was, I saved it for the morning. Either way, after eating I shaved, then lit the aromatherapy lamp again and got things ready for the morning, writing the emergency information on the back of the number, seeing that the problem’s the material that’s hard to write on, pinning the number on the t-shirt while wearing it and being a little less strict about doing it just right, putting the wet wipes, garlic and Smecta Go in the pocket of my tights and the other things in the bag, just leaving the bars, gel and liquid magnesium to add in the morning, and also putting the cereals, baked almonds with Himalayan salt and raisins in dark chocolate into a bowl, so only the nice, low-fat, high-protein, “Greek” yogurt was left to add in the morning. And, after also putting some cream on my hands and feet, I got in bed at 3:40 AM, with the alarm set to ring at 6 AM.
Well, I couldn’t get to sleep. I might have dozed off for just an instant after a little while, but I’m not even sure of that, and I was definitely wide awake again within moments even if I did, and then I tossed and turned for a long time. I never checked the time, but it was long enough to get annoyed, and I continued to be awake for some time after that started to happen, so I have no idea when I finally fell asleep. But at least I did at some point, for some time, because just before the alarm rang I was awake again, my internal clock seeming to work very well from that point of view, because I barely had time to think that I should probably check the time when the alarm rang. So I then got up, ate the huge Gala apple set aside for the morning and added the yogurt into that bowl and ate that as well. Then I took the supplements, except the second pill of the iron and the one for joints, somewhat surprisingly left something in the toilet, also ate two nicer biscuits, with added honey, took that pill against gas and a Smecta, with most of the tea, and put the bars and liquid magnesium, as well as the last iron pill, in the pocket of my tights. Yes, that means I forgot the gel, though I only realized that when I needed it. Either way, I left a few minutes before 8 AM, with dad, who drove me to the metro station and then came along to insert his metro card, so I could use it to get there even though he was going to need it the rest of the day. I was wearing the full running gear, and the forecast listed about 13°C at the start time of 9 AM and about 18°C at 1 PM, when I aimed to finish.
The metro came right away and when I reached the starting area I saw that it was separated into sectors once again, with entrances on the side that were placed at the front of each sector. But, since the assigned sectors weren’t written on the numbers, the choice of which sector to enter was left completely to the runners. Either way, I was at Constitution Square a little before 8:25 AM and had a look around, only spotting apples and bananas in the Mega Image area, so I took one of each and ate the banana. Then, after taking the last iron pill, I handed off my bag at the wardrobe just after 8:40 AM, did a few quick stretching exercises while waiting in line at the toilets, peed, washed my hands at one of those portable things, and then made my way back to the starting area and initially entered sector C, for times between 3:30:00 and 3:59:59, but then went under the band separating it from sector B, for times below 3:30:00, and advanced a few steps in that sector. That put me very much out of position, but I was far from the only one and it obviously cut some seconds not only off my start time, but also off the first kilometer’s time, if not even more than that. And I ate the fruit bar while waiting for the start.

I started the stopwatch when the announcer gave the start, but I heard the gun a few seconds earlier and that proved to have been the real start, so I had 53 seconds and a lot, almost 54 seconds, when I crossed the start line, but the real start time was almost 58 seconds, making it the second best, after the 53 seconds from 2021. Strangely, this time around it’s not listed separately in the official results, but the difference between the official time and the net time is 58 seconds at the end and at six of the eight intermediate times and 57 seconds at the other two intermediate times.
If I was going to have any chance of staying under four hours, this had to be a particularly calculated and tactical run, so I was slow at first, losing time in the crowd instead of weaving to make my way through or sprinting when there was an opening, and I ended up covering the first kilometer in 5:48. That’s one of the few times that I clearly memorized and included in my notes, but I know that the second kilometer was less slow, even if still concerning if taken on its own, and I was finally in clearer air and could obtain better times from the third kilometer. However, I missed the markers for five and six kilometers, so I never knew those times at all, but it seems likely that the fifth kilometer was the first one covered in less than five minutes, since the total time for kilometers five, six and seven was 15:17, making for an average of less than 5:06 per kilometer, and the first refreshment point was on the sixth and that climb was on the seventh. But the fastest kilometer was, somewhat unintentionally, the tenth, which I covered in 4:49. And another, and I believe the last, kilometer covered in less than five minutes was the 12th, which I covered in 4:58. On the other hand, the first time I went over six minutes was on the 31st kilometer, and it was by a lot. And I also know that I covered the 42nd kilometer in 6:31 and that final portion in 1:12. What’s unclear is whether I ever went over seven minutes per kilometer, since I seemed to do so on the 38th, I don’t recall by how much, but I didn’t see the marker on the road in the spot where the sign was, which made me think that the sign had ended up being placed some distance past the marker and it’s possible that I never went over seven minutes per kilometer after all.
To go back a little and explain why I said that I was somewhat unintentionally fastest on the tenth kilometer, I’ll say that it was a result of noticing a key falling on the road and putting in a burst of speed in order to catch up to the guy who I thought had dropped it, to let him know. It’d have obviously been nicer if I’d have picked it up and handed it to him, but I was already past it by the time I thought to do something and I wasn’t going to go back for someone else, so I just hope that he was the right guy and I didn’t make a different person go back for no reason. The fact that he asked whether it had fallen out of his pocket and then rushed back made that likely, but I was never certain. On the other hand, I’ll also mention here that I flipped off the Russian Embassy when I passed by it the second time, around the 11 km mark, so when I actually was on that side of the road. Briefly and rather covertly, but I had to at least do that little thing.
To also get to the refreshment points, I changed my approach to them as well, in good part after exchanging a few messages with someone, so instead of making the most of each, I limited my intake, quite drastically for the first part of the race, just taking a cup of water at the first regular one, as well as at the additional ones, which were on the 23rd and 34th kilometers, where only water was offered, while at the third regular one I only took a cup of the other drink. As for the other regular ones, I took a cup of that other drink and a piece of banana, though I kept the piece of banana taken from the last refreshment point in my hand for quite a while, only eating it towards the end, since I had garlic in my mouth until then. And I also delayed eating the first bar, which I had initially planned to do at 14 km, on that short but steep climb, until the second half of the race. And that did have the desired result, preventing that pressing need from appearing, and I actually got to the end without any notable problem from that point of view, which was definitely what made all the difference, being the first condition if I was to have any chance, but it led to feeling out of energy after leaving Cismigiu Park, so even before reaching 16 km, and I was obviously slowing, since I was getting passed left and right by others and felt really out of position, and on the 17th kilometer my hands were already going numb, which was a really bad sign. But then I got my head down, accepted and adapted to how I was feeling, and eventually, as I increased my intake, things even got better for a while.
While I’m still at the first half of the race, I’ll add that my targets during that time were the pacemakers for 3:45 and the half marathon ones for 1:50. They pulled ahead early on, when I was so slow because of the crowd, but I caught the 3:45 ones on the seventh kilometer, before that climb, and then pulled ahead. On the other hand, I never caught the 1:50 ones for the half marathon. Despite something seeming to be really wrong with my right knee on the 13th kilometer, making me sort of throw that leg forward, hoping to shake off the problem and apparently managing to do so after a while, I was just about to catch those pacemakers just before that short but bad climb at 14 km, but then I fell a little behind again because of it, even if approaching it slightly differently made it feel somewhat less exhausting, and I didn’t recover that distance before the refreshment point from Cismigiu Park, where they pulled ahead even more. And then, as the effects of that reduced intake were making themselves known and I was feeling out of energy, I definitely had no hope of catching them anymore and could only watch as they pulled farther and farther ahead. However, they were faster than they needed to be, so failing to catch them didn’t also mean failing to reach the halfway point in less than 1:50, which was basically what my calculations were starting from, my official time at that point being 1:49:33. On the other hand, the 3:45 pacemakers had also been catching up by then, in fact being right behind me when I got going again after the fourth refreshment point, so I pushed to stay ahead of them until the halfway point, and then continued to do so until 22 km, only then finally pulling out that bar which I had purchased after getting the race kit, and only starting to eat it right before that first additional refreshment point, as we went past Constitution Square again, where I also took that cup of water and they overtook me.

I seem to have picked this up for free at some point, and the fact that it aims to push an ideology on a younger audience makes it the sort of book that probably needs to be free. So, while, unlike what I assume to be the tremendous majority of people, I consider the message as a positive and support it for the most part, even including the depicted methods, my age puts me well outside of that target audience… Not that the, if I may use the term, quite mature level of brutality from the first chapter doesn’t make me have some doubts about that, as do a handful of more complicated words used later, but when the rest of the book features what I’d tend to call cartoon violence, along with something of a fairy tale setting on that extraordinarily advanced ship that otherwise seems like a Green dream, I’ll assume that those are slips.
Then again, some things may make sense at the end, and I must say that I didn’t see that coming, but rather than feeling that things are falling into place, that plot twist made the whole thing feel pointless instead… And it also makes it hard to comment without risking to spoil anything, so I’ll move on to other matters and say that I didn’t like that everything was presented by an apparently omniscient narrator who seemed to even keep spelling out what each character was thinking, even though everything except that first chapter is from Henry’s point of view. But worse is the conflict between the seriousness of the matter and the immaturity of the presentation and of the characters, that target audience only going so far as an excuse. And Barnaby was way too infuriating for any excuse, as was the hazing. And, as a small matter, I wondered what was with those specified and emphasized weights. Not that a few other numbers weren’t also overly specific and emphasized, but those seemed to stick out the most.

Rating: 2/5

It’s clear from the prologue that The Lost Metal is Wayne’s book, but even so it may be hard to believe just how much, the impact and the extent of his development, or more exactly of what is revealed about his character. And that’s far from the only aspect, the other characters also developing, revealing further complexity and allowing the reader to understand more, about them, about people and society in general, maybe even about themselves. And that’s because Sanderson yet again proves and imparts at least some of his deep understanding of people and society, the hows and the whys, in particular when it comes to being broken, pushing through and sometimes, with the right conditions and support, maybe even recovering, at least to some extent. There are some memorable action scenes as well, at least one making me emotional in the way that epic battles with the fate of the world on the table tend to do despite the lack of an army, at least on one side, plus revelations that expand on Scadrial and the Cosmere as a whole, but it was the characters that made the profound impact.
So this isn’t “light” Sanderson anymore… Yet plenty of times it’s held back by still trying all too hard to be. And I’m not just referring to the fact that it remains far from The Stormlight Archive in terms of worldbuilding and depth, that new information mostly being in the form snippets and hints of what’s to come, but mainly to all the attempts at humor and shallowness, once again from Wayne in particular, which do make sense up to a point, but eventually feel increasingly forced and out of place. And then there’s this advancement to a modern setting that so far made me say that I don’t intend to read the next cycle of the series… But at this point I’m thinking that, despite fearing that I’ll regret changing my mind, considering how much I can’t stand modern settings, it’ll be rather hard to stick to that decision.

Rating: 4/5

This is a short game about a cat and a bunny that’s meant to advertise Milo and the Magpies, but in my case just confirmed that it’s nothing I’d ever care to touch. And while Milo, the cat, can be said to be the main character, it’s not the player character, the player interacting directly with certain areas of the screen. And there are few screens, chapter one taking place on two, but chapters two, three and four on the same third one and chapter five on a fourth. So, if you can figure out what you have to do right away, you can finish the game in minutes, even if some animations can be rather slow and the interactions between the cat and the bunny are tedious and serve no real purpose, not even being cute, at least from my point of view, yet the game requires them in order to progress, and in fact chapter four consists solely of this, and includes a part where any attempt at realism is thrown completely out the window.
However, it’s chapters two and three that are frustrating, the puzzles taking me a while to figure out, and in case of the one from chapter three I can’t even say that I did figure it out. I mean, I did feel pretty clever when I figured out the correct placement, but then I had no idea how to use it to figure out the numbers and apparently just stumbled upon the solution while I was actually trying to go for a different number. And while chapter five was easier to figure out, it struck me as strange that the sign wasn’t translated to English when clicking, which has to be a bug. But at least I was able to finish the game in one sitting, albeit only finding one of the secrets. Still, while there’s no way to manually save, if you quit you resume from the start of the chapter you were in at that point.