Over here it’s traditional to eat lamb on Easter, just like it’s traditional to eat pork on Christmas. Which of course implies a large number of those animals being slaughtered just before the respective holidays, some of them in very public places, either actual markets or areas that temporarily become markets, so the meat will be as fresh as it could possibly be when the customers make the purchase. And there are also traditional methods of slaughter, so there’s a high resistance to these new norms that’d supposedly attempt to make death less painful and less stressful for the animals, at least on paper.
I’m sure it made perfect sense to someone at some point to celebrate the resurrection of an adult man by killing the young of some other species and the birth of that same man by killing the adults of yet another species, but to me it seems about as wrong as you could possibly get when it comes to something like this. Despite this, a tradition related to a religious event becomes part of the religion in question, which turns this slaughter into religious sacrifice, even if the ones doing the actual killing aren’t priests. And that only adds to the hypocrisy of Christianity…
Easter was the only Christian event that ever held any real significance for me, but this slaughter of lambs has always bothered me quite a lot. I guess the reasons why this bothers me much more than the slaughter of pigs before Christmas are that lambs are “children”, that I don’t usually see lamb meat at any other time and that I really don’t see sheep as an animal raised for its meat, so the whole thing feels very wrong to me. Not that killing any animal capable of realizing what’s going on with it simply for the sake of tradition could ever be anything other than very wrong, but those reasons make this particular slaughter even worse.
And it doesn’t actually serve any religious purpose either. The religions that required sacrifices in ancient times had a purpose for them, and same goes for those that are still practiced in modern times and openly include such rituals. The purpose of such a sacrifice was to be a very appealing offering, for the believers to offer a life to a deity, spirit or whatever other entity or force they worshipped or invoked, in the assumption that a life is more valuable than anything else they could possibly offer. And this offering was either a payment or a bribe, given in exchange for certain services that were expected from the entity or force in question or in an attempt to appease said entity or force when it was perceived as being angry. But you don’t see any of that here. You have a slaughter under the guise of religious tradition, which would therefore appear to be ritual sacrifice demanded by the religion in question, but real reasons for it aren’t even provided by that religion. And that makes it killing for the sake of killing, simply because people are used to it…
So why aren’t things done differently? In fact, why don’t the religious authorities involved in this try to change this tradition? Especially now, when a certain level of awareness regarding animal rights can be observed in certain areas of society, such a course of action would seem not only morally right but perhaps also appropriate from a political point of view. And politics and morality so rarely have anything in common that such moments should not be wasted!
Others can try, but this is a religious tradition and therefore any significant change is much more likely to catch on if suggested or even just supported by the relevant religious authorities. Believers could be encouraged to focus on the less harmful traditional activities and other options for the traditional dishes that are thought to require lamb meat could be provided. Those options could include recipes based on various other types of meat, vegetarian alternatives and even completely different dishes and activities. Sure, creating “traditional” recipes based on various other types of meat may not actually reduce the number of animals slaughtered at this time each year, but making multiple types of meat equally acceptable and desirable would spread the demand and therefore significantly reduce the need for any such focused slaughter, plus that this would obviously be perceived as the least significant change and therefore be the most likely to catch on.
It seems to me that a religion whose followers claim to be so good and kind and righteous can only suffer when stained by such cruel activities done in its name. It’s simply hypocrisy; Christians claiming they’re all that while at the same time supporting and participating in something like this. They should do something about it even if only because it makes them look bad, while everyone else should do something about it because it’s not right to allow this practice to continue as it currently is.
Who knows, maybe things will change in a few years. I can only hope… It’d be a big step in the right direction even if people would just start thinking about this and all the other things they do in the name of religion or tradition, taking the reasons and the consequences into account instead of just going through the motions because that’s what they believe they’re “supposed” to do.
If that’d happen in this particular case, it’d be a nice day for the lambs. If it’d happen in general, it’d likely be a very nice day for the whole world, as a lot of harm has been done, and continues to be done, in the name of religion or tradition. If only more people would apply moral filters to these things instead of defining morality according to them, we could end up being on the right path for a change and, while tradition can never drive progress, it could at least stop hindering those who try to make improvements.
My old headphones broke on the left side as well some time ago, after breaking on the right side perhaps about two years ago, and attempts to glue them back together failed. Not that the failure was surprising. Considering how badly they broke and that the glue on the right side was holding really well, it was obvious that the left side had to give when I was bending them to put them on or take them off, as it became a clear weak spot.
I used sticky tape for a while, but that wasn’t working. A first attempt, before the glue, gave me headaches because they weren’t positioned properly on my head anymore. The second attempt, after the glue and my attempts to put them back together by melting some of the plastic failed, was a little better, but still not quite right. So I eventually gave in and ordered some new ones…
And that sure was a mistake… Some of the rules that apply to clothes apply to headphones as well, meaning that it’s very hard to make the right choice on-line, and this was very obvious just now. The ones I eventually settled on were SteelSeries 3H VR, because they seemed to be like I wanted them in the areas that interested me, despite the fact that they also had a lot of things that I’ll never need, such as the microphone or the fact that they’re designed mainly for FPS gamers.
To make a long story short, the sound quality is great, the microphone doesn’t bother me since it can be slid away and they look easy to clean, which was an issue I had with the old ones, but the problem is that I was looking for headphones that go around the ears, like my old ones, not just on them. So I eliminated a lot of others during my search because they went on the ears and then went and picked these ones because I didn’t realize they were just the same!
My first reaction after I got them was to throw them away and start looking for new ones, but I have no idea what to pick, because I looked for quite some time and didn’t find anything else that I was satisfied with. For one, it’s incredible how few headphones have a volume control on the cord, when for me that’s so crucial when using them for a computer that I didn’t even think there could be any that didn’t have one until I started looking more carefully! So I’ll give them a chance for a while, see if I get used to them, but right now my ears hurt quite badly and I’m a very unhappy customer. At least it’s just my ears and not my head, though I’ve worn them for hours and even tried them with my glasses on, which almost immediately caused headaches with the old ones since they’d press the frame of the glasses hard into my head…
But the real problem with replacing those headphones is that she bought them back then, so they were an item I had on me for many hours each day that was somehow connected to her. And now that’ll be gone… And yes, knowing that I was going to need to replace them was one reason for feeling so awful lately. And now that they are replaced, and with something so unsuitable as well, it’ll only get worse. Though at least the bad choice is my own, so I’m only paying for my own mistake…
Four and a half years since she left and things are only getting worse. But the amount of time is just an excuse, both to write this now and not to write it earlier… I’ll have to keep this pretty short because I have certain rules about how a post should look on this blog and I’m really not up to writing things properly or even making much sense in any way.
Been too close to too big of a breakdown to be able to do much of anything for the past several days. I’m just sitting here and trying to keep my mind on something all day long, because I can’t have that breakdown. I couldn’t even tell about some of the causes to anyone I know. I don’t feel nearly close enough to anyone for that; haven’t since she left. And nobody’d understand most things anyway. All right, likely she didn’t understand either and perhaps I wasn’t close enough even to her, not for this, but of course things couldn’t possibly get anywhere near as bad with her around, so this wouldn’t exactly be an issue…
On top of the main problem and the fact that nobody understands me and I can’t get close to anyone, I find myself needing to replace some things that she bought back then because they can no longer be held together and this just tears me apart… And there are some other things, but I just can’t talk about those even here. It’d take someone who’d know what I’m talking about, who’d wish for what I wish for, whose eyes would get moist at the same time mine do… But it’s just impossible to find anyone like that. Even the very few who ever seemed to care, at least somewhat, admit that they don’t understand or are convinced that things that are very obviously completely wrong would be right for me or just feed me platitudes that do more harm than good because they just prove how alone I am once more…
Look, there’s no point in writing this. I can’t say what’s on my mind anyway. Though it may appear that I said enough already, I didn’t. I’m sitting here, arguing with myself and getting nowhere. The most I could achieve would just be a scream in space… At least if it’d be in water there’d be bubbles… So I’ll keep sitting here and basically not doing anything, not even really worrying about the issues I care about anymore, because I just can’t do anything anymore. So I’ll just see for how long I’ll be able to keep my mind stuck on meaningless things…
I need her, all right? There is no right person for anyone, or at least not for me, but there is the person you love, as wrong as they may be for you… And I found two of those, but the first one never even considered giving me a chance and the second decided that I’m not good enough after a while. And if the fact that we never were together allowed me to bury what I felt for Rose, the fact that I was with Andra means that’s it. There’s nothing higher or more powerful than being in a relationship with the one you love, and my promises are forever.
I just need to hold her again, all right? And look into her eyes while talking to her, even if sometimes she wouldn’t understand any more than anyone else. And to hold hands with her again while going out instead of just forcing myself to walk out there alone once per week because I got this idea that I have to. (By the way, this week I just went out of the building, unshaven and wearing the clothes I wear around the house, and then turned around and came right back in. Couldn’t do more.) And kiss and caress and cuddle and put up with her occasionally annoying demands. And give her orgasms, have sex and make love. (Yes, those two are different things.) And be there, useless as I am, when she’s sad or happy or scared or excited or thoughtful or angry. And go to bed and wake up knowing that she’s next to me, or at least that she will be. And caress her hair and whisper that I love her every night after she falls asleep. And be unhappy with her instead of depressed without her if those are the only two options.
But right now… Right now I need someone who’d understand. Someone I wouldn’t need to tell anything to, but who wouldn’t mind the fact that I’ll say the same thing a thousand times over. Someone I could understand just as well as she’d understand me. Someone I could be there for just as much as she’d be there for me. Someone who could come over, or someone I could go to, and talk and cuddle and at least be alone together with. I need… I need someone I could cry with, all right? I almost cried a few days ago, alone, fully under the blanket and holding the teddy bear she gave me. Had all of two tears run out of the corner of each eye… Which is quite an achievement without anyone being next to me, but doesn’t exactly count for anything…
But none of that is ever going to happen, is it? There is nobody out there who’d be right for me, nobody out there who’d at least understand me, nobody out there who I could at least really put up with… And the one I love, the one with whom none of these would matter anymore, doesn’t even want to know that I exist… So here I am, undead for no reason. Alive only because I was too much of a coward to take care of that problem when death still had a purpose…
I saw a quote recently: “When I’m lying in my bed I think about life and I think about death and neither one particularly appeals to me.” That’s how it’s been for most of my life… I can’t remember thinking much of anything until I was four, so I won’t count those years. Then there were the two years of living with Andra, when life was certainly desirable. There was also the one year we were together before moving in with her, when life was mostly desirable, with certain notable exceptions. Then there was about one year after she left when death was certainly desirable. And about another year at an earlier point, after I truly realized that I wasn’t going to have any chance with Rose, when death was generally quite desirable. That leaves about 16 years of being undead and not finding much of anything that’d give any noticeable appeal to either option…
How many more years will be added to those 16?
So much for keeping it short or making sense…
Google pulled out of China because it refuses to keep censoring its search results and I think that move deserves some praise and support. Certainly not nearly as much praise and support as, say, seriously working towards improving the chances that the Chinese users would find information that their government doesn’t want them to find, such as by setting up proxy servers and creating and using other technologies that’d circumvent the censorship methods, but it’s a start. Even if the censorship still prevents people from actually accessing all those sites without using proxy servers, they could now be even more aware of what exactly is being censored, because they will see the results showing up but notice that they can’t access the sites in question. And this improved awareness could help to a certain extent.
Sure, it’s just a drop in the bucket compared to what needs to be done, but I think it’s still a bold move and it deserves some recognition. And this recognition could also serve as a rally call, encouraging more people to speak up and act, strengthening the message that censorship must vanish, that it will no longer be tolerated. Or, at the very least, sending such a strong message would simply put pressure on Google to stick to this decision and not run back in there with their tail between their legs, accepting all the Chinese government’s conditions once again.
I’m really in no condition to write any more about it right now, but if there is something that an armchair activist can do for this, do let me know. A petition to sign, an e-mail address to write to, even some sort of official poll to vote in… I think it’s a message worth sending in an organized manner, letting them know that we’re here and we’re watching.
Wrote two game reviews in less than a week. And that’s because I actually finished the second game in about a week. I think I may have finished Splinter Cell faster, in four or five days, because I remember wondering about how short it was back then, but that’s about it. On top of that, Kohan II somehow managed to get me back to what was my regular gaming “schedule” before meeting Andra, which involved playing for four to six hours on an average day, and that hasn’t happened in a long time. For some reason, not even King’s Bounty: The Legend managed that, though I did play it more than I have been playing anything else lately. Perhaps it helped me get back to that rhythm and then Kohan II took advantage of that “training”…
Then again, I guess the main reason is that the way I play RPGs tends to require a lot of care and planning, and I’ve been feeling worn down by it for quite some time now. But it’s very hard for me to like a game that’s not an RPG, so stumbing upon two good games in a row that were not RPGs (though King’s Bounty: The Legend has significant RPG elements, which likely helped a lot) was likely just what I needed. I’m actually not fully over that phase of perhaps seeing RPGs more like a chore than entertainment, but it’s much better now. So it was probably just what I needed, especially considering the mood I’m in pretty much all the time when my mind’s not kept fully busy by a game.
As for the deleted screenshots… I took a few that I thought were really good while playing Kohan II, but I didn’t really check its MobyGames page until after I uninstalled it and deleted the screenshots as well. I only glanced at that page to see that it only has a single review, which made me decide to write my own, but I didn’t look at anything else and therefore didn’t notice how few screenshots had been submitted for it and what small armies were featured in them, if any armies were shown at all. So, by the time I looked again and realized that my screenshots could have been really useful, I was too late…
Of course, I didn’t just keep those screenshots for myself, sending some of them to others as well. Actually, each of the ones I was thinking of submitting was sent to at least two people, one of them being sent to three. So I asked them to send back anything they might still have, but only one of them sent anything. That meant I could only submit two screenshots and it’s possible that only one of them will be approved, since the other is from the end of the game. What frustrates me the most is that the best combat screenshot I took while playing this game was among the two that I sent to others and didn’t get back.
Maybe I’ll also manage to write a review for The Bard’s Tale from what I remember of it, since there are only two listed on that page. I meant to do that ever since I played it, but could find no motivation to write anything more than a short comment about it since I didn’t exactly feel like submitting any potential review anywhere. But now that I seem to get a little involved with MobyGames, I may actually write it one of these days, assuming I still remember enough of it…
Otherwise, I seem to have found another way to avoid writing just those serious non-personal posts that I started this blog for, haven’t I? Posts about the gaming industry or games in general do fit that description, but I’m not sure if writing reviews for the games I’m playing counts… But I can’t get myself to think about anything else for long enough to write about it. I see that finding and playing games that I actually enjoy keeps me somewhat functional and try to do it as much as I can, but that means those games are also what I usually think about lately, whenever my mind can be persuaded to focus on anything other than what whoever knows me is all too aware of…
