Cav's Place

I don’t think anyone’s going to deny that we need good international communication, both at the highest level and among regular people. But that will be very difficult to achieve as long as different people use different languages, so I believe we need to have one world language that everyone should know and use. Other languages could be preserved, of course, as anyone would still be able to learn as many languages as they want and are able to and countries could still use their own national languages in parallel if they so choose, but all of these would become secondary, everyone needing to know this one language before any other.

There have been some attempts, the most famous of which being Esperanto, but they never stood any real chance. One major problem was that nobody already knows a constructed language, everyone has to learn it, and they have to do so from books and other such sources since they couldn’t go somewhere where it’s spoken frequently and try to “catch on”. What’s more, this lack of existing speakers means that people trying to learn such a language would also be unable to practice it in “real life” situations, making the process even more difficult. And then you have the fact that such languages were created to be secondary languages, which means that people might pay less attention to them and many won’t care to study them at all just because they don’t want to bother with a language which is by definition less important than one they already know.
The world language would have to be the world’s primary language and it would have to already exist and be spoken, at least at an intermediate level, by a statistically significant number of people in as many countries and regions as possible. (Variants and dialects would be included when determining this, as long as they wouldn’t be so different as to make even basic communication difficult between those who speak them.) That’d mean that less people would have to learn it and those who would learn it would find it relatively easy to get in contact with those who already know it and practice, including in “real life” scenarios. Also, in order to facilitate this learning process, it would have to be a language that’s already being taught in schools in many countries, so the structure already exists and teachers aren’t hard to find. About the language itself, it would preferably be one that isn’t especially difficult to learn, so one that uses a common writing system, without unique or even rare characters, and doesn’t have a particularly difficult grammar. The use of that common writing system would make it hard for native speakers of languages that use different, less common, writing systems, but that can’t be helped.

The obvious first measure would be to somehow persuade all countries and territories to adopt the world language as an official language and include it into their educational programs from the earliest possible age, so new generations would learn it in parallel with what is now considered to be their native language. But something could be done even sooner than that by using computers and the Internet. If you’d find a way to discourage this current localization trend for software and websites, you could once again have a very good method of making people learn the world language, or at least its written part, as they go, through regular use.
The next step would be requiring everyone who works in a position that’s likely to put them in contact with foreigners to learn it. This is already done in many places, but different languages are sometimes required in different areas, which shouldn’t happen if you truly mean to have a world language. What’s more, this requirement should spread as time progresses, a good grasp of the world language eventually becoming mandatory for anybody who deals with other people professionally, from top politicians to the lowest salesperson. This would ensure that communication would stop being a problem both for top officials and for regular people who travel abroad, no longer forcing them to rely on translators or stick to certain touristic areas.
Later, it should be expected of all people under the age of 35 to have a good grasp of the world language just as it is now expected of them to know their native language. The countries where the national language uses a different writing system should be given a significantly longer amount of time to reach this point, but they would all have to reach it nevertheless. Then this age limit would have to be increased constantly, by at least three years for every two years that pass, eventually being eliminated once it’d reach 75, all people being expected to have a good enough grasp on the world language from that moment forward.
Once so many people know the world language well enough, it must be ensured that they continue using it at least as much as they use their native language, and eventually even more so. Everything intended for public use would have to be in the world language, formal education should see it more and more as the primary language to teach in instead of a foreign language that should be taught separately… Ultimately, people should be expected to use the world language for any communication, or at least any communication which is not specifically intended to be completely private. They should still be free to use any other language in public whenever they choose to do so as long as they don’t demand of anyone else to understand them, of course, but it should become as natural for everyone to use the world language as it is now for them to use their respective native languages, and perhaps even more so.
In the end, the world language would become everyone’s primary language, everyone’s native language, completely destroying this barrier. All other languages would become “foreign”, learned as secondary languages by those who choose to do so. If some of them would become practically extinct as a result of this, so be it. It’s far more important to be able to easily understand each other. Besides, everyone having the same native language would help people realize that we’re all in this together, we’re all citizens of the Earth, not just of our respective countries.

Currently, it’d make perfect sense to pick English as the world language, as I don’t think any other could even remotely challenge it in terms of suitability. This won’t happen overnight, especially when it comes to people whose native language uses a completely different writing system, but that’s just one more reason to start implementing this immediately.

I remember a day when Andra went to meet with one of her classmates from college, I think it was close to her graduation. When she got back home she seemed quite thrilled about something and lost no time in filling me in. Apparently said classmate brought a guy with her. I didn’t think that was nice at all in itself, seeing as she didn’t let Andra know beforehand, but she certainly seemed to have enjoyed the result.
That guy was… I think 34 or 31, I can’t remember exactly. He was wearing some very worn clothes which were also obviously too small for him and I think she also said he was unshaven and his hair was unkempt, but that he didn’t smell bad. Anyway, he talked circles around both of them and Andra seemed quite awed by all he knew, all he thought about and all the plans he had.
Eventually, after she said she got bold enough to ask, he said he didn’t bother much with schooling and doesn’t work, so his parents support him. They’re not happy with the situation, but he managed to make them get him a place to call his own, pay his bills, buy him food and the other necessities, supply him with books and make sure he has a good computer. In response to her glancing at his clothes, he said they mean nothing him, he doesn’t care about such trappings of society and would often rather go naked, weather permitting. About his place, he said that it’s small, with few furnishings and appliances, just the powerful computer standing out, and that his bedroom basically just includes his bed and the computer desk, plus a whole lot of books and notebooks and other such things piled up everywhere, so that it was quite a task to even keep a clear path between desk and bed. (That problem was one we also had at the time, actually, seeing as we were administering that on-line library.) He said he had no other need for material possessions, was happy with his books and computer and the research and plans he could use them for and just hoped that someday something truly important would come out of it. I guess I’d be nothing compared to that guy when it comes to detailed plans about changing the world…
Moving on, she said she eventually got even bolder and asked right out if him and her classmate were together. They both started laughing at that and eventually he said he’s not “like that” with anyone, but he offers his love to anyone who accepts it and accepts it from anyone who wants to offer theirs to him, though otherwise he’s really not a people person. Then went on to specify that by love he actually means love and that he finds sex quite pointless so he got rid of it from his life. I think I also remember her saying that he told her he didn’t drink alcohol, didn’t smoke and didn’t do drugs…
So she left them feeling quite giddy and got his e-mail address too, though she didn’t use it, not as far as I know at least. Said she thought I’d relate to him even more than she had so she gave it to me too, but since I wasn’t the one who met him (plus that he was a man, and you know I don’t get along with other guys), I didn’t write it down or anything, so that was that.

Now I don’t know whether anything he told her was true or whether what she told me was true. I don’t even know if we were even together anymore, I keep saying that, just seems too unbelievable that something good actually happened to me once… But she sure was right when she said I’d relate to him. This really stuck in my mind. That’s what I’d want, never to worry about necessities and bills without having anything to do with the “real world” myself, a little place to call my own that won’t need frequent repairs and which would be in an area without bothersome neighbors and preferably surrounded by a lot of Nature if at all possible, just the necessary furniture and appliances, a very good computer which I’d be able to replace every few years and a good supply of books. And the peace of mind to make use of them just like that, for plans and research and building my own (anything but) little world, hoping that someday at least a part of it will become reality. Likely such a person gets labeled a loser, wasted, a parasite, useless and other such things by the tremendous majority, but so be it, I never cared about the majority…
But… I’ll never have any shred of peace of mind without someone to share it all with. (And that sharing would include sex too, thank you very much. That’s the one part I didn’t like.) So what’s worse is that she wasn’t that someone, no matter how excited she was about meeting that guy. As I said before, getting my wish to be with her again would most likely just mean being unhappy with her instead of depressed without her. It’d be much better, without a doubt, but I’d still be between a rock and a hard place either way.
So… The thing is that, as I was saying before, nobody understands me and I don’t understand anybody. Even the few people I manage to keep in touch with for a while end up diving into the “real world” and leaving me behind sooner or later. Usually sooner. They’re looking for ways to make money, get jobs because they “have to”, go through the “expected” formal education, think of careers, enslave themselves to banks to buy what they want on credit or to others in order to rent what they can’t buy, want “normal” families, marriage, put their relationships on the back burner because of all these things, try to fit in or at least to be able to “function” within this society and ultimately lose any ideals they might have had just to become little cogs in the machine. As Sarah proved, some want children too. Of course, when that happens they die to me, but the other things are huge disappointments as well. I certainly wouldn’t want any of them to drag me along, but I’d really want at least one or two people, and preferably three or four, to stick around here with me, to shun all those things and try for something different, at all costs, do everything for their relationship(s) and their ideals. (The ideals I agree with, that is. After all, I’m looking for a friend, not just a random idealist.) Someone who’d just screw this society and its expectations and demands.

I guess another huge problem is that everyone I’ve ever felt close to didn’t feel nearly as close to me, or at least the relationships meant far more for me than for them.
There are the four I’m talking about when I mention the “list”, the only people I ever felt close to that I also met in real life, which, in order of “closeness”, would be Andra, Elena P., Jen and Elena G.. Andra left and killed me in every way but the purely physical, not to mention that even while we were together I quite obviously needed her way more than she needed me. Elena P. vanished after only a few months and it’s possible that it was all a lie anyway. Jen is really not the kind of person who’d allow me to get as close as I’d like even in ideal circumstances, plus that she can’t stomach that I’m still so in love with Andra and she’s been just a cog in the machine for quite some time now anyway. And Elena G. is just a ghost, I get in touch with her every couple of years only so she’ll vanish once again soon after, not to mention that whatever closeness I thought existed back then might have been fake too.
Then there are those I felt very close to without ever actually meeting: Kristi, Sarah and now Alina. I’m inclined to put Alina first because with the other two there was also some sort of an attempt at an on-line relationship for a while, way back then, so the closeness was partly explained by that, which is obviously not the case here. But Kristi vanished at some point, many years ago, when it became hard for her to get on-line for a while, and that was that. Things first cooled down with Sarah after finding out she’d been lying to me about something all that time, then there were some other issues later on, and now she’s really dead to me after this. As for Alina, I feel that “kinship” with her that I can’t really explain, but she has plenty of “real world” elements in her life just as well, not to mention that I feel I’ve just been shoving myself down her throat for the past year or so, likely aggravating her all the while.
And then there would be the two that I never felt that close to but who were nice enough for long enough to become somewhat important to me just as well, namely Mandy and now Andreea. Things cooled down with Mandy after I noticed that she was starting to go down that “real life” path as well, and since she now appears to be a relatively “normal” member of society I can say I was right. And now Andreea is really going down that path too, which actually is what triggered this train of thought just now.
Everyone else I ever got in contact with was either obviously a far cry from anyone I could ever get close to or left me behind even before we could get a chance to get close in any way… So I’m still just as alone in the crowd as usual… Is this how it will always be?

I recently found myself ending a conversation by saying that if some supernatural being would reveal itself and ask me to choose between making the whole world be exactly how I’d want it to be from this moment forward and being with Andra again, in a relationship which would work out well and would last for as long as we both shall live, which should at least be enough to compensate for the suffering I went through, I’d certainly choose the second option. Actually, even if that second choice would only specify being with Andra again, without any other details, I’d likely still pick it.
That’s one choice I’d probably live to regret, even if only because I wasn’t talking about having to choose between the two, that’d certainly require no pondering, but just about which one of them would be given to me on a silver platter, leaving me to worry about the other. Seems obvious that I’d have much higher chances of somehow ending up with Andra again if the world would be exactly as I’d want it to be than to change the world by simply being with Andra again. But if I’d pick having the world changed for me and then I wouldn’t manage to get back together with Andra on my own I’d regret my choice even more.
But even such a fantastic scenario would still bring troubles. Even considering only the changes I noticed when we last talked, about a year and a half ago, being with her again wouldn’t bring happiness. Not that she appeared to be particularly happy then, but she certainly seemed more at ease with a life which emphasized those parts of her that I had always been very uncomfortable with and added some new elements on top of those, hardly any of them appealing. So asking to be together again in a relationship that’d work out begs asking which one of us would it work out for. Not that I wouldn’t prefer to be unhappy with her instead of depressed without her (with the exception of the children issue, that’s not negotiable and therefore always my worst fear), but that hardly seems like having a wish granted. It should also go without saying that it’d be awful if she’d have to be unhappy to be with me…

I’m saying that I need to make myself hope because I need to hope to live, and I was too much of a coward to kill myself when the time was right so I’m stuck with living, because too much time has passed and after a while I started actually wanting to stick around as long as there was at least a theoretical chance (which means as long as there are no children involved, since that’s the only price that’d be too high to pay for being with her)… Not that I can even know whether that theoretical chance still exists or not, which makes me live in constant fear… But if not even in such a fantastic scenario could I truly hope for things to work out, what’s left?
How and why do these things happen? People lying to themselves, only to notice at some point that the lie no longer holds and that they “change”… And life holding the proverbial carrot in front of our noses until we fall off the edge of the cliff chasing it, ending up holding on to a thread of hope too weak to help us get back up, but which doesn’t let us just get it over with and fall either…
And why does society encourage hurting others when there could be other alternatives, much better ones? But no, those aren’t “right”. It seems that things that make sense are hardly ever “right”, and that it’s far more “moral” to cause pain and destroy lives than it would be to prevent this from happening. Once again I find myself wondering for the briefest moment what are people thinking, but then I remember that the tremendous majority of them aren’t thinking at all. Not truly, anyway.

But I’m babbling and this is pointless… As pointless as anything and everything else I might think, say or do. The only thing that had a real meaning and purpose in my life ended nearly four years ago, leaving me drifting as aimlessly as I had been before meeting her. Every so often I find myself trying to find a purpose to it all, but that’s just the mind of a frightened boy trying to imagine some friendly shadows among those that are constantly creeping closer and closer to him… In truth, there most likely is no purpose to anything. Life, all life, is just a quirk of Nature, its only purpose being death… But it seems to be that much more fun to utterly destroy those little worthless playthings before they die, doesn’t it?

It would appear that British pupils are advised to have an enjoyable sex life. Despite the many indignant voices which immediately challenged this recommendation, it still might just signal an improvement in the officials’ attitudes towards sex and masturbation, which can only be a good thing.
The detractors are, of course, right when they say that there are plenty of wrong ways to have sex, possibly resulting in pregnancies, STDs or injuries, but that’s not the fault of the act itself. If you’re not careful when it comes to birth control, STD prevention and choosing the person or people you’ll do it with, there will be problems. But that’d be strictly your fault, the problem being not that you did it, but that you did it wrong. You can have good and safe sex, preferably within a solid relationship, and therefore ensure that it will be an extremely beneficial experience in plenty of ways. I really think the beauty of it, when done under certain circumstances, should be emphasized way more, so I’m seeing this as a rather surprising step in the right direction for a change.

Somebody was saying that she’d have been quite happy if they’d have recommended only masturbation, seeing as that is much safer and simpler and also very useful in preparing yourself for sex. I guess that’s a valid point, though there are also a few wrong ways to masturbate, but why stop at the simpler thing? Masturbation will very likely offer you that orgasm, sometimes working even better than sex in that aspect, especially for women, but it won’t offer you all those other components that require another person actually being there with you and doing it together. So yes, it can also be a very good thing, but it’s certainly not better than sex.
Instead of stopping at what is now easier, shouldn’t we try to make it easier for teenagers to have safe and enjoyable sex? Because this very attitude exhibited by all those detractors makes teenagers and young adults avoid approaching the topic and therefore makes them less likely to actually put that knowledge to use, even if they did know how to do it right. After all, you need to get those condoms, birth control pills and whatever else you might want to use from somewhere, right? And that can be hard enough in itself, seeing as we’re talking about something that could be seen as very personal, so when you get the feeling that most other people think you shouldn’t be needing those things in the first place you tend to just do without them, which results in all those pregnancies and STDs…

What I’m trying to say is that we really need a more open attitude towards sex, and that something like this could really be a step in the right direction. People must feel comfortable talking about sex from an early age, because that’s the only way they’re going to get the help they need in order to find the beauty of it while avoiding the risks. Even if they can find out what to do on their own without actually interacting with anyone, seeing as the information is quite readily available, they need to feel that others have a positive attitude towards it in order to communicate. And communication is certainly necessary, both with your partner and with others, such as the pharmacists or doctors you might need to get in touch with in order to keep it safe.

Sarah: Hey.
Cavalary: Hi.
Cavalary: What’s up?
Sarah: Not much over here. Sitting around since I’m off work for a few more weeks.
Cavalary: Nothing wrong with doing nothing.
Sarah: Sorry, had a phone call.
Cavalary: No problem… So… You know I have no idea what to say…
Sarah: I’m guessing you’re not talking to me now.
Cavalary: Um, why wouldn’t I? What did you do?
Sarah: Gah! Must not have sent.
Sarah: I’m pregnant.
Cavalary: WHAT?
Sarah: Yeah.
Cavalary: Weren’t you being more careful after last time?
Sarah: Yeah, we were until we decided we wanted this.
Cavalary: Then you’re right, there go ten years, fuck off!

And that’s how a friend of ten years becomes a sworn enemy with one phrase. Sarah was the person I’ve been keeping in touch with the longest, ten years just these days. Granted that it was on and off since Andra left, and for the past couple of months it was “off”, but still… Either way, I’ve certainly placed her firmly in the “enemies” section as of now.

I was just thinking about this over the past couple of months… Used to feel a bit rotten when I’d wish for bad things to happen to people who have children, but then I realized there’s nothing wrong in wanting a person to be punished for a crime they’ve committed. There’s nothing wrong in wanting rapists or murderers to be punished, so if I consider having a child (unless both parents are truly extraordinary individuals, by which I mean proven geniuses or record holding athletes who would also be in perfect health on top of that) as the worst crime possible, wishing the worst punishments on those guilty of it seems fair enough… At least I’d say that rapists and murderers usually deserve a second chance, but people who have children when the world is as overpopulated as it is certainly don’t!
That said, I have one last thing to say to Sarah and Dennis: Hope you’ll rot in the Hell you’re helping maintain on this Earth! (Not that they’re going to read this, it’d be quite impossible at the moment anyway, but I just need to have it out there.)

But of course this made me even more afraid. Anyone reading this should know that I’ll never tolerate this from anyone in my life, so it’s also the only thing I wouldn’t accept from Andra either, which makes it the only way to make things worse. So I keep worrying and panicking that maybe it’s going to happen, or it already has, and…
The fact that I ended up talking to Mandy and Laurel again recently, after four or five and seven years, respectively, and I noticed that they didn’t have any children, with Mandy clearly saying she won’t ever have any either, was mildly reassuring, making me think that there might be a nice pattern here and that it could hold. But now…
Not to mention that yesterday was July 12th, so it would have been quite hard to pick a worse time for this. Not that there could ever be any non-dreadful time for such filth, but still…