Not in the mood to write here anymore. I don’t know why, I just feel it isn’t worth it… That’s why I haven’t been keeping up with updates that much.
Friday we had a test at Programming Language. Diana and Rosemarie copied exactly after me, they got 10, I got a 7. Why? Because the last three exercises asked for the program output but the teacher wanted everything that appeared on screen, including the input! And, while I was doing two of them and Diana the third, Rose got bored and wrote the input on the paper. Then Diana thought it was a good idea and wrote it too, but I didn’t have time to write that too, I finished exactly on time… So I did what the exercise asked for, the hard stuff, but because I didn’t write some stuff that it didn’t ask for, the easy stuff, the teacher didn’t give me any points. Not 0.75, not 0.5, not even 0.1, nothing! I want to strangle that guy!
Other than that… Yesterday we had to write our names on a sheet of paper if we wanted to take a Spanish class (instead of Turkish, we hope) and 17 of us (out of 21) wanted that. Rose started writing the names on the paper; she wrote the first five and I was supposed to be the sixth. She wrote the number 6 and then turned to Diana and said “What am I? A secretary?”. Without another word, Diana took the paper from Rose and put it in front of me so I could write my name myself, but Rose took the paper away from me and gave it to someone else. I took it anyway and wrote my name afterwards… But what was that for?
Other than that… Small stuff.
Bye all.
Just a brief entry…
During Romanian class, our teacher was talking about a short story that she said was a warning for young men not to let themselves get hurt or even killed while chasing impossible love (but in the end she agreed that sometimes you can’t help it, and it’s not your fault if you fall in love after all), and a message for girls not to hurt guys who love them. Then she said it’s the same thing the other way around (just that the story was about a guy).
The teacher at one point said “it is like boys are tempted by the devil” and Alexandra said “you mean by us girls”. I looked at Alexandra and smiled, then turned and gave Rose a look that I didn’t know I was capable of, I sure looked upset, I know it… But, as usual, I got over it in about 1 second. Then Diana did something, she told Rose “see, that’s you”, Rose looked at her and said “Huh? Did I do anything to hurt Vali?” and Diana just gave her one of those looks and turned away. Now Rose sure was trying to make it look like she didn’t get the message, but I know she knew who Diana was talking about.
Seems like I finally got my Internet access back.
I’m in such a bad mood, I’ll make it short and try not to say anything bad. I just came home, slammed the door, threw my schoolbag on the floor, my coat and my shoes wherever, then came into my room, slammed the door here too, put a chair in front of it and turned up the music. I really have no idea who’s at home and what are they doing and I really don’t care!
Second hour of English today, we went to the Video Room to see a movie. I was sitting as usual in that room, behind Rose. After a few minutes she said she’s cold and Diana, who was next to her, turned and looked at me, then looked at Rose and said “want me to bring someone to keep you warm?”. Rose said (on a bitter tone) “depends who” and Alexandra, who was next to Rose on the other side, asked what’s “his” name. Diana immediately turned back and looked at me (since I asked her to try not to talk about Rose’s boyfriend when I’m around because it hurts), but I was actually feeling fine about everything, so I smiled and answered for Rose, said that his name is Vali. Diana smiled back at me but Rose made one of those “I’ll kill somebody” faces.
Then I moved in front of them and when Rose realized I was planning to stay there she frowned again. Then, before physics (we had a test at physics), Rose did her best to not even look at me!
I don’t know why but all of this affected me too much, I just couldn’t think of anything else except her during the test, I handed in the paper with nothing on. Well, there was something on, but just crap, the teacher read it and told me nothing’s right and I said “I know” and just walked away… I snapped at Alexandra and Elena during the class when they tried to talk to me… I don’t know how I’m going to say I’m sorry to them tomorrow.
I didn’t go to school today. I haven’t felt this bad in some 5 years! My throat hurts so bad that I can’t speak, I feel so dizzy that I can’t even always walk straight around the house, can’t see well and so on. You know, that general crappy feeling.
I knew this was going to be a lonely birthday for me, nobody invited or anything, but to feel like this too… Hope it won’t last until Sunday!
As of this morning, I have a bad cold. Sore throat, sneezing, running nose, even occasional chills. I was at school today though and I think I’ll go tomorrow too.
These days I didn’t have Internet access, hopefully it’s back for good now.
With Rose… I don’t know, she actually said a whole sentence to me on Monday, but it was bitter. And three words today, on a neutral tone. Well, still better than not speaking to me at all, right?
