Cav's Place

I once again need the first post of the week to be a non-personal one and, while it’d have been easy to write a short comment about one of the many current crises, it’d be inappropriate to treat such matters in such a manner, so I want to avoid it if I can. And an article I stumbled into on The Guardian, about local councils failing to offer adequate alternatives for children who can’t attend school because of social anxiety, offered me the opportunity to do so, leading to this quick post that deals with both a general issue and a personal one.
Many years ago, I ended up writing a post about how school was for me because of this anxiety after being surprised to find an article about the topic in a newspaper from here. However, even after all this time, despite the fact things have clearly improved since then, at least when it comes to the issue being recognized, seeing it presented in the mainstream in an understanding manner, with calls for acceptance and alternatives instead of “advice” aimed at making those with social anxiety fight themselves and change, sadly remains highly unusual. And, as that article proves, even in places where the official discourse has evolved to that level, things are very different in practice.
Admittedly, even that article mentions autism or ADHD in the specific examples given, which are different matters that enjoy, if I may use the term, far better recognition and at least a somewhat higher degree of acceptance, but the fact that the title and first paragraph are about social anxiety makes the difference, making it clear that the main topic is that those who are too afraid to attend classes need adequate alternatives, so they won’t be forced to live in such terror in order to go through school. Over here, the very idea would likely still be quite shocking, and the articles about anxiety when it comes to attending school that I found on Romanian sites after a quick search, while written in a more understanding manner, still focus solely on “helping” the child or teenager overcome or at least cope with the anxiety and attend anyway, but the fact that some parts of the world have finally evolved past that level, at least in terms of the official discourse, offers some hope.
Admittedly, having such alternatives wouldn’t have really been a benefit in my case, and in fact it would have likely done more harm than good, since I don’t see what I’d have gained from more formal education, considering what that meant then and, for the most part, what it still means, and having ways to continue without actually attending would have meant not dropping out and therefore at the very least being unable to dedicate myself to the relationship with Andra as much as I did, if it wouldn’t have prevented that relationship from existing in the first place, which would have made it the greatest possible harm for me, regardless of how things turned out. But, moving away from these completely personal concerns, such alternatives absolutely need to exist, to allow those who want formal education to obtain it in good conditions despite the anxiety.

The vet did give her back to us Thursday morning, and she did seem much better, but clearly not well and it was only downhill from there, so maybe it’d have been better to do nothing Wednesday afternoon, maybe just staying with her for what was probably the last hour or two instead of rushing her back there. As it was, she struggled until this afternoon, though she had clearly given up at least since Friday night. And she probably cursed me in her final moments, for giving her that gel and some water and wanting to force her to take some more food, since when I went to take the food from the fridge I banged my head hard against the freezer door even though it was closed, and was in the kitchen, holding some ice on that spot, when she died.

I keep remembering that my parents got her in 2004, but her documents list May of 2005 as her birth, and dad said today that he remembers taking her to the vet in June and being told that she was about a month old, which was why that date was listed. But I recall him telling me, years ago, that when he took her there he was told that she was about four months old, and the date when the certificate was released is listed as January of 2006, which is actually eight months away from May. On the other hand, he also said that he first took her to a vet that someone recommended, quite far away, while the certificate is from a clinic that’s not far from here, and all the vaccinations and checks during her first few years seem to have been done there, other names appearing as of 2009. So it seems quite clear that I’m wrong about 2004, but it’s possible that he first took her to that other vet just to have her checked out and only registered her, at this other clinic, some months later. Either way, she was 17.
Back to what I guess was 2005, I was living with Andra and I’m quite sure that my parents were still separated, but on the way to working out the arrangement they later made, which also included remarrying, so when dad found her in his car’s engine, he gave her to my mother. And yes, I did just say that he found her in the car’s engine. He heard some meows while driving, kept looking, couldn’t figure out what was going on, eventually stopped to have a look and found a tiny kitten in the engine. And he was apparently not allowed to stop where he did, and a traffic cop was in the area, so he came over to ask what was going on, but just turned around, quite bewildered, when dad pulled her out and told him that his car apparently runs on kittens.

Skipping to March of 2006, when I was thrown back here, I wasn’t depressed only about losing Andra, but also about losing Bubu. In fact, while Andra had returned and I had therefore also seen her again just before getting thrown out of there, she had left five and a half months earlier, while I had spent all that time with her cats, and caring for Bubu, so while it was obviously incomparably lesser, that loss was much more sudden, and I clearly didn’t want to “replace” him, especially after dad had sent me an e-mail at some point saying that they also had a cat, as if they’re all the same, interchangeable, after I had told him that if I’ll have to leave I’ll also miss the cats, or at least Bubu. However, instead of being wary of the new person, possibly even aggressive, Micky came to me as soon as I walked through the door, so my first impression was just that she was trying to replace Bubu, and that kept being reinforced by the fact that she kept trying to be around me whenever I had to come out of my room back then, and I rejected her completely as a result. So you can say that I couldn’t stand her during those early years, when I was so messed up and she was also very young and active, and I usually kept her away from me as well as I could.
However, things started gradually improving as time passed, since I became somewhat more functional and she got older and less active, so I sort of got used to her, and in more recent years to having her around in the kitchen, when I ate at night. And after my mother moved with her mother, I pretty much took on the role of caretaker. I still wouldn’t say that I was emotionally involved, probably not even to the extent that I was with Pufi or Bijou, not to mention Bubu, but I was relatively comfortable with her, we were mostly getting along, and I mostly took care of the food and litter box for her.

Getting to this last part of her life, I only became aware of some concerning symptoms some time after they appeared. I was noticing that there was much more pee in the litter box and eventually realized that she was the cause, and that she seemed to be drinking more, but only realized the extent of it after she stopped staying with me in the kitchen while I made dinner. At first I took it as an oddity, but wasn’t too concerned, thinking that she might have decided to stay with dad for some reason, that situation changing after I learned that one of her old oddities got to a new level. I mean, she always licked water from the bathtub or kitchen window, so it didn’t immediately raise a red flag that she had started rushing to the bathroom even when I went there, before I could close the door, and looking quite desperately for traces of water in the bathtub, and eventually learning that dad had started leaving the water running for her while he was there at first made me think that he had trained her in another bad, or at least strange, behavior. But when I put all the elements together after she actually started spending the nights in the bathroom, clearly hoping to have the water turned on, despite having water in four places, it started to become clear that something was wrong. And the fact that dad kept feeding her salty things, having gotten her used first to some cheese, for a long time, and more recently also to salty snacks, made the situation even more concerning. Still, I tried to push away my concerns for a while longer after mentioning them to dad and having him say that if she pees so much it just means that her kidneys are working well, and also that he asked the vet and was told that if she likes those things and they don’t make her ill, he can keep giving them to her.
Then again, trying to press sooner probably wouldn’t have made any difference, seeing as dad refused to take her to get checked out even when it was clear that something was very wrong and I did talk to him about it, and had kept finding excuses to avoid having her tests done for years, even though I now learned that the vet had been trying to press the matter for at least half a year, obviously because he didn’t want to know that something was wrong with her, sticking to his “don’t think about something bad and it won’t happen” mindset.
I mean, it was clear to me that something was really wrong two weeks ago, and I actually found myself thinking that I just hoped that she’ll make it until the weekend, when my mother was coming, so she’ll see her one more time. But at the same time I was looking for an easy option as well, thinking that perhaps she just had problems with her teeth. Either way, on June 22 I finally tried to press dad about it, after I asked him how she was and he said that she was weak, so he was finally forced to admit that something was wrong. However, after I said that the easiest option would be a tooth ache, he said that something like that wouldn’t be an emergency, he’ll just feed her the sauce from her food, blowing me off when I asked whether he’d be fine to be left with a tooth ache and saying that emergencies would be problems with her liver or other organs, which would need tests done, and that was another thing that he was obviously not going to do. So I first just tried to feed her some treats that day, and while the fact that she kept struggling to drink water kept worrying me, and at one point she quite clearly seemed to be in pain, that evening she ate really well, and also kept begging for attention, suddenly seeming herself again. But after another day or so, things went downhill again, and by the time my mother got here she was obviously doing badly, so even though my mother stayed until Monday and went with dad, to make sure that he took her to the vet, it was probably too late.

Since I didn’t even manage to finish the paragraph above this one before midnight, I posted what I had and then edited it soon after, in order to complete that paragraph and add this one, which I edited a little more before going to bed. And I’ll also mention here that it seems that I even forgot to change the date of that scheduled post that I keep scheduling for 11:59 PM on Sunday, to appear in case something would happen to me, so the fact that it was visible for several minutes, until I edited this one that first time and noticed it, was just a mistake on my part and didn’t mean anything. As for the rest of this post, I only managed to add what follows Wednesday evening, in fact only getting as far as the moment when Micky died at that point, then editing it again a little before midnight, modifying even what I had initially written about Friday and then adding the rest.

Getting back to Micky, my parents came back without her from the vet, since she ended up being kept her there for two days, with an IV, the blood tests showing that she had lost three quarters of her kidney capacity. And the following day dad left a little before I did and said that he’ll go check on her when he’ll get back, around 5 PM, so I said that I also wanted to go and the idea was that he’ll call and we’ll meet there if I’ll also be back in time. However, he called just when I was picking something up, so I quickly said that I was at the Post Office and hung up, and then rejected the next call, which came seconds later, after which he didn’t try again. So I went there on my own, not even meeting him there, since he ended up not coming at all, and talked to the vets about the diet and the supplements that Micky will need to be on after she’ll be released. She looked much better, pretty much seeming to be herself once again, but when I asked for an honest outlook I was warned that the improvement may just be thanks to the IV and her kidneys won’t get better, so it’s a matter of using the diet and the treatment to help her hold on with what little she has left, which might be as much as a year, but at the same time she might relapse within a day and not last the week… Which ended up being what happened…

Returning to the chronological order, dad brought her back Wednesday morning, a little after 10 AM, and since I woke up at that point I saw that she seemed really well, wandering around, looking for food, and after I weighed her and gave her the daily dose of the dry food that she was supposed to eat, she quickly ate most of it. Then dad left, taking Liza to my mother, and leaving me alone with Micky until the next day, which was quite an unpleasant surprise, since I thought that he was going to come back before leaving for work in the evening. And I was also really sleepy, so after a little while I got back to sleep, but I did keep checking on Micky, since my kidneys had started working more properly again, the typical side effects of a run as long as the Dream Trek starting to wear off, so I was waking up to pee almost every hour… And didn’t like what I was seeing, since she didn’t eat the little food that she had left in the morning and as time passed seemed to be getting lethargic again. But I did expect her to get worse before she got better, thinking that the effects of the IV were going to wear off well before those of the diet and supplements will really kick in, so I didn’t see it as a real reason for concern until, a little past 2:30 PM, I found her under the living room couch, seeming to want to hide and leaving when I placed her food there. But she still didn’t look bad, and leaving when I’d try to give her food that she didn’t want to eat at that point was her normal behavior, so I got back to bed once again.
I woke up again a few minutes after 4 PM, when dad called, and when I got up and went out of my room, Micky meowed after me and I found her drooling and having difficulty breathing. So, while I first went to the toilet, I soon gave up, beeped mother from the landline, told her when she called back that Micky looked bad and I’ll take her to the vet, and then did just that, grabbing her and carrying her there in my arms, not even thinking to take the blanket that she sat on when she was in the kitchen.
At first the vet said that maybe she had eaten something, chewed on a plant or a bug that caused that reaction, because it seemed unlikely that she’d relapse that badly that quickly, so he gave her a shot and said that he’ll keep her under observation for two hours. So I used that time to go to Park Lake, first to my provider’s store in order to charge with 1 EUR and activate the credit, to be able to call if needed, and then checking that Carrefour and getting two expiring yogurts. Then, since it was still early when I got back, I waited for a while and left again just after 6:30 PM, taking that blanket, since I expected to take her back.
Well, when I got there the vet said that she wasn’t doing well, had a hard time breathing, which was why she was drooling. He had put her on oxygen, but it looked bad… And she looked bad, far worse than she had when I had taken her there. Frankly, when I saw her it became quite clear that she wasn’t going to make it. But I wanted information, so I asked whether it was pulmonary edema and the vet said that maybe it was, but it didn’t quite sound like it, so what he could tell me was that something was wrong with her lungs and she also had problems with her heart, which I really didn’t know about, and the problems work against each other, so they can’t give her the typical treatment for the lung problems because it’d completely destroy her kidneys and vice versa, and the heart problems add yet another complication. He couldn’t understand how did it happen so quickly, still thinking that she might have eaten something to trigger it and saying that many cats with kidney problems get to that point, but that happens because of the IV, usually within six hours of starting it, not of being taken off it. Either way, he strongly advised against taking her back, saying that she probably won’t make it to the next day in that case, but you just needed to take one look at her to know that, so I said that I was quite prepared for it, but if it’s really bad, I’d want my mother to see her one more time as well, and he told me that in that case I should tell her to come in the morning, after they’ll open, at 9 AM, and we’ll see how things stand at that point.
So I tried to beep mother after getting back, but got a busy signal, so I then tried dad and told him what I had been told, and then my mother also called and I talked to her as well. Then I showered… And forgot to take the towel, so I had to go to my room naked and grab it. And I weighed myself again after that shower, seeing 47.1 kg, so exactly two less than in the morning, when I had weighed myself with and without Micky, to calculate her weight, showing just how much accumulated fluid I had finally passed out. Admittedly, I also hadn’t eaten anything that day, only doing so after that. And, after going back to the kitchen at 1 AM, I spent an hour washing the glass baking tray and another quarter of an hour slicing a bread for dad, and could only recover the hour, so I started eating dinner at 3:15 AM and finished at 3:55 AM.

With dad going back to mother after work and bringing her here again in the morning, the plan was to go to the vet together, and I thought that we were going to go as soon as they’ll open, which made me wonder what was going on when I woke up to pee and saw that it was just before 9:30 AM. But I first went to the toilet, then spent some time rinsing what seemed to be a fair amount of blood out of my mouth and trying to get a better look at what seemed to be a blackened wisdom tooth which I hadn’t noticed before. Then, since dad was still sleeping but my mother was here and in fact said that she hadn’t slept at all, I finally asked whether they had talked to the vet and she said that she thought that we’ll just go there directly. So we did, just the two of us, even if she wasn’t feeling well at all, on top of the lack of sleep.
We met some neighbors as we were about to leave the building and my mother started talking to them, so I first ended up standing around awkwardly and then went ahead, crossed the road and sat on a bench, waiting for her to finish, which at least didn’t take too long, so we got there just after 10 AM… And found that Micky wasn’t just still alive, but actually seemed much better! The vet did repeat to my mother what he had told me about her problems working against each other and preventing the use of the typical treatments, but said that they had solved her breathing problems by making her pass out as much fluid as they could and that, while she was going to drink a lot, the two shots that he’ll give her should prevent them from returning for at least 12 hours… Which didn’t sound too reassuring to me, since that just meant that they could return that night, after they’ll close. But there wasn’t much more that we could do, so I held her while he gave her those shots, being surprised that she didn’t even complain, even though he wasn’t, even telling me right away that she was so obedient and won’t cause any problems with the shots, and then we took her back.
Dad was awake when we got back… Or, at least, he had woken up, even though he was still too sleepy for “awake” to really be an appropriate term. So we all just looked at her for a while… And the fact that things were not fine quickly became obvious. She had seemed quite fine at the vet, but she had been in a cage and then held in my arms, so it was only after she got here and finally took a short break from drinking water that we saw that she even had trouble standing. She also didn’t want to touch the new dry food and just licked the juice from the wet one, otherwise just returning to the water time and time again… And lying down every few steps, looking like her hind legs were giving out, and meowing plaintively. She did, however, seem to want food, but her old one, since later she started waiting by the fridge, continuing to meow plaintively, trying to get in the fridge and look in the box where her food was whenever the door was opened and checking the food when it was brought to her or moved, but she barely touched that food that we had to give her, and in fact usually jumped away from it as if burned.

By the time I woke up on Friday, dad had placed dry food for her in three rooms and new wet food in two, giving her both kinds of wet food, so also opening the can purchased from the vet, which they had said that she had eaten while there. She wasn’t touching any of it, however, so I wanted to try to mix that food with some of her old one, just to have her eat something, and first gave her a little bit of one kind of her old food, to make her see that it was her old food, and she did eat that. But she once again refused to have anything to do with it as soon as I mixed it with some of the new food, so then dad gave her some of the other kind of her old food as well, without mixing, and she did eat some of it again. She didn’t finish it, however, and didn’t touch it again after that.
I don’t know the details about the rest of that day, since I was out, only coming back after dad had left, but when I got back she kept trying to walk out the door, though she lied down again after I finally managed to get in without allowing her to get out. And I saw every kind of food, both old and new, laid out for her, and when I talked to dad on the phone he said that he had indeed given her everything, but it didn’t seem to help, and indeed all of it looked like it was going bad, considering the heat. And, while she eventually drank a little water after I changed it, placed it in front of her and sat there with her for quite a few minutes, the rest of the time she was sort of just staring even at the water, barely moving from one spot to another, her legs shaking when she was getting up, and looking like she didn’t care to do anything anymore, giving the clear impression that she had given up. And later I saw her place her head on or even a little in the bowls of water, still without actually drinking, and her mouth really reeked, likely showing that she wasn’t eliminating toxins from her body. So, after placing some more wet food of both of the new kinds in front of her and seeing that it didn’t do any good, I didn’t just put that gel straight in her mouth, but did the same with some food, giving it to her piece by piece, like pills. I could only give her five or so pieces until she became too desperate to escape and I had to let her go, so even though I did this three times that night, it was still only a very small quantity… And she hated me for it, and I ended up with a few bites as a result, even though she was so weak. But at least that little bit of food had ended up in her stomach, to get her through the night.

Not that Friday night had left any real room for hope, but yesterday it was absolutely clear that it was all over. She was barely crawling from one spot to another, sometimes placing her head on water bowls but not drinking, and spent nearly the entire evening next to the water on the hallway, in front of my room. So I still gave her that gel twice, as we had been told, soaked a bit of absorbent cotton in water and poured it into her mouth that way, and wiped her face, but I didn’t risk forcing any more food down her throat, since she seemed too fragile and I feared that something would break if she’d try to fight me that hard. And at night, after dad went to bed, she barely managed to get herself to the door to his room, and when I went to brush my teeth, before going to bed, she seemed to want to crawl towards me, but barely managed to move a little before giving up.

As for today, dad left around noon, having told me last night that he’ll be gone until 5 PM or even 6 PM, and to call him in case it’s over, “but maybe it won’t be”. And she was still alive when I woke up, at 2 PM, again lying in that spot on the hallway, so I jumped into action, giving her another gel, placing her in the litter box after I saw a little crap when she tried to crawl away and holding her so she won’t collapse in it while she peed a little as well, wondering how to give her some more water and ending up taking her to the bathtub and, after seeing that she wasn’t drinking on her own if I just turned on the water, holding her so a little water flowed on the lower part of her mouth, so it won’t get in her nose and drown her. Then I wiped her face as well as I could, also tried to wipe the parts of her body which had gotten wet a little, and placed some more of the food that she used to eat in front of her. But she was just pushing the plate away, seeming unable to do anything more, so even though she was obviously stressed and even more fragile than the day before, I meant to once again try to give her some of the new food directly.
Well, I didn’t even get a chance to try, because when I took her new food out of the fridge I somehow ended up bumping my head, hard, against the freezer door, even though it was closed. So I cut some ice out of the freezer, looked for something to put it in and went back and forth between the bathroom and the living room, to find a way to use the mirrors to see exactly where I should hold it, and I was in the kitchen, holding the ice on that spot, when I thought I heard a faint meow, soon followed by another, which I clearly heard. But I decided to stay there for a few more minutes, holding the ice on that spot, before checking on her once again… And when I did I found that she had died.
At least the last thing I did was caress her a little, after wiping her, instead of stressing her even more by trying to force some food down her throat… Though it’s tempting to say that I bumped my head in that manner because she cursed me out for stressing her as much as I already had, and what’s quite obvious is that she’d have lasted a little longer, maybe at least until dad got back, if I wouldn’t have done so. But suffering for perhaps a few more hours wouldn’t have done her any good… And dad didn’t want to see her again before she died either, admitting when he got back that he had left just so she’ll die without him here, and therefore that he had lied last night, when he wanted to give the impression that he didn’t want me to be alone at that moment, though he again tried to put himself in a good light by saying that he had been told that maybe she didn’t want to let go while he was here and he saw that she was suffering.
Either way, when her body jerked a little when I touched it, I first thought that I had perhaps been wrong, failing to see that she was, in fact, still breathing. But that must have just been one of the reactions that may happen just after death, because I checked her thoroughly and she was indeed dead. So, after trying to close her eyes and being unable to, I first went back to the kitchen, taking a little more time to think about what to do next, before beeping dad and letting him know when he called back.
He had said last night that in that case he’ll drop what he was doing and come back, but I wonder whether he was actually doing anything. But at least he probably wasn’t that close, because he said that he’ll be here in about an hour. Still, that didn’t give me that much time, since he was going to take her to my mother, to be buried there, and I wanted to wash her first, so I tried to do that as well as I could, and then grabbed the hairdryer and started drying her, before realizing that wiping her with some paper towels first might be a good idea. So I did that, then got back to using the hairdryer, initially still in the bathroom, before trying to smooth her fur a little and finally taking her to the kitchen and placing her on that blanket. And I had just resumed trying to dry her when dad got back, in fact some three quarters of an hour after we talked, so I turned off the hairdryer and covered her with the blanket before he actually walked in.
While dad was getting ready to take her away, I threw away the entire contents of the litter box, washed it a little and changed some of the water, and after he left I also washed the floor in the small bathroom, where the litter box is, Micky having obviously failed to get in it on her own towards the end, and on the hallway, albeit rushing and only using water. And then I threw the clothes I had been wearing into the laundry basket and showered… And ended up having to get back to my room naked and wet, because I again forgot to take my towel. But at least dad decided to wait until tomorrow before bringing Liza back, so he didn’t leave me alone with her tonight, when she hadn’t been eating or even drinking on her own since she was taken there and we don’t know how she’ll behave after being moved again, even if in order to be brought back here.

To start with the early hours of June 9, I started eating dinner at 3:10 AM, also having some peanut butter again, and finished at 4 AM. Then I set the alarm to ring at 2 PM, but ended up getting up just before 1:30 PM. An SMS from my provider woke me up at one point and I wasn’t even sure that I had napped again after that, but certainly must have, maybe twice, because it seemed that almost right away I just saved a cramp, and then it again seemed like hardly any time passed until I felt like peeing again and got up it, but the SMS came at 12:37 PM and it was 1:29 PM when I got up, so I must have gotten back to sleep quickly both times. And I was sleepy enough to probably fall asleep right away once again and catch another little nap, but decided that getting up 30 minutes earlier would be more useful, since I had a schedule to stick to… Only to spend most of that additional time getting Micky to eat actual cat food. Either way, I then had the usual stuff plus almonds, with the sweet thing being the last of some pumpkin pie brought by dad from mother, with added honey, and left a little after 4:10 PM, wearing the full running gear. The reported temperature was 25-26°C, holding steady or even increasing by 1°C by the time I finished.
The time was 1:17:32, with sector times of 4:21, 5:02, 5:46, 4:25, 5:00, 5:53, 4:32, 5:04, 5:53, 4:37, 5:10, 6:00, 4:40, I think 5:12 and I think 5:57, making for lap times of 15:09, 15:18, 15:29, 15:47 and 15:49. About those last two sectors, I initially wrote down 5:12 and 5:55, which didn’t add up, but I only noticed that when I looked again, three days later, and while everything seems right up to that point, I’m not entirely certain that I corrected that part properly. It seems very likely, but it might have also been 5:14 and 5:55, I just couldn’t remember, having too many times to keep in mind.
I was wondering whether to try to stay under 1:18 again, not taking it easier, and then see what I’ll have left for the second run when I’ll get there, or leave a little in reserve and only aim to stay under 1:20, but the first lap was better than expected, mainly thanks to sector three. Then, after lap two was also better than expected and I was a fair bit ahead of the pace for 1:18, I aimed to avoid losing time compared to that pace on lap three as well. And when I actually gained a little more time yet again, staying under 1:18 became quite certain and the target became to complete all laps in less than 16 minutes, which I also managed. I would have preferred it if the last lap wouldn’t have been the slowest one, but I couldn’t avoid that… Which also meant that I just failed to stay under 1:17:30, which was a little frustrating. Then again, the possibility hadn’t even crossed my mind until I finished, even though a lap five that would have been faster than lap four would have guaranteed it.
I had to briefly stop on sector two of lap one, because of a woman with a dog, the dog going across the lane in front of me, and also on sector two of lap four, because two little girls started to run across the lane right in front of me. It’s possible that I also stopped for just an instant when I went wide in order to make sure that I avoided a guy on a scooter who was coming from another path, on sector two of lap five. Otherwise, I felt the heat mainly on sector two of laps one and two, since there were some clouds on sectors one and three of lap two and sector one of lap three, and after that, even if it was sunny again, I didn’t feel it that much anymore. Also, while there was little wind in a few places, it wasn’t a serious issue. Maybe I felt it a little more on the long straight of sector two of what I think was lap three, though there’s also a chance that it was lap four, but the other places where I noticed it weren’t on straights and, either way, it wasn’t bad. As for physical issues, I felt some warnings from the right knee on sector two of lap two, which initially went away but returned from sector three of lap three, though they remained faint all the way to the end. Also, from the start of lap three I had to try to spread the toes of my left foot, because the corners of nails were digging into a couple of them, but that didn’t help too much, since there was blood when I finished anyway. And another problem that became even more noticeable when I finished was the burn on my right arm, caused by some mamaliga splashing on that spot while I was making it, on June 5. A blister had formed, breaking the previous morning, but the spot’s right where the stopwatch stays and I only later started doing more to protect it.

A dark cloud was coming when I finished and it rained a little after that, but it didn’t last long and served both to make it significantly cooler and to apparently cancel the play that was supposed to start at 7 PM, clearing the final straight for my second run. The theater seemed to have just about finished setting up the stage, at what for me would have been the start of the final sector’s straight, when I finished that first run, but there wasn’t as much as a trace left when I got back there. And yes, that means that, as part of my training for this summer’s Dream Trek, I ran twice that day, having a banana and a muesli bar, drinking the rest of the tea and making another, putting some things in the pocket of my tights, clipping the toenail which had jabbed the toe, bandaging that toe a little and leaving again a little before 7:50 PM. The reported temperature varied greatly, between 18°C and 23°C, depending on which site I checked, so it was pointless to look at how it was supposed to change by the time I finished, but it was 17-18°C at 11 PM, which likely meant that it pretty much held steady all evening, since it seemed a little chilly on the way to the park, so I’d say that it was pretty much the same then as well. Admittedly, having dried sweat on me and being weakened by the first run likely had something to do with feeling chilly, but a steady temperature would make sense, the rain stopping and the clouds going away likely compensating for the setting Sun.
The time was 49:07.10, with sector times of 4:23.66, 5:12.32, 6:00 (5:59.03), 4:35.87, 5:14 (5:13.16), 6:00.59, 4:35 (4:34.72), 5:13 (5:12.85), 5:59.31 and 1:56 (1:55.59), making for lap times of 15:35.01, 15:49.62 and 15:47 (15:46.88). After that good first run, I was clearly only aiming to stay below 50 minutes, and after a first sector that was a little faster than I thought, a second that was a little slower and a third that was all right, the first lap seemed to give me a fair chance. So I then wanted to stay under 16 minutes on lap two as well, and when I managed that by some margin I realized that I might just have a shot at staying under 49:30, that first sector being a little faster than lap two’s giving me even more hopes and even making me wonder whether staying under 49 minutes was possible. So I really pushed from sector two of lap three, and continued to do so even when, after it, it was clear that staying under 49 minutes was no longer possible while staying under 49:30 was certain, which at least resulted in a lap three that was faster than lap two. In the end, it was the first time I went over 48 minutes since March, the first over 49 minutes since October, and the worst time over this distance since September. But it was the first time I ran twice in one day, so I was nevertheless very pleased with the result.
There were still a few drops on the way to the park, but the rain stopped as I got there and, while the lane was wet, oddly enough it didn’t feel like stepping on a wet sponge except in a few small spots, so I could use it. But I had noticed during the first run that a hole that’s under the lane, on sector three, got bigger, and on this second run’s first lap I stepped right in it, the ankle complaining a little even if I hold it firm, so I avoided that area on laps two and three. Otherwise, while there were a fair number of people and a few times going the long way around really meant going all the way on the outside and losing time, there was just one roadblock, on sector two of what I believe was lap one, and even then I managed to squeeze through while just slowing, without having to stop. But my legs were complaining, starting with the return of those warnings from my right knee and some new ones from my left hip but soon enough getting to the point that pretty much every part was complaining. And from the start of lap three my arms were also starting to go numb and there was also some pain in the right side of my abdomen. But from sector two of lap three I pretty much felt like I was in runner’s high and tried to give it everything, though those warnings from the right knee became actual pain on sector three of lap three, and it was probably because I was trying to spare it that I then also felt some pain in that ankle and lower leg. But I managed. It was all I had, however.

After the run, I went to that Carrefour, put on the mask as I got on the escalator, but just looked around a little, going back out without getting anything and continuing to Kaufland. I was also considering that newer one, but that’d have meant passing by that Penny, in which case I’d have wanted to check that as well, and there was no time, so I went to the other one, getting there when it was already past 9:30 PM. Then I washed my hands, and was surprised to see that the employee was just then placing the bakery discount labels. In spite of that, only a few things were left, and what I’d normally care about didn’t seem discounted, yet I saw a sweet pastry that was new and asked her what it was, since there was no label whatsoever in that spot. Then I got a bread and a bundle of dill for dad, followed by the new cornmeal which they had started selling, wanting to see how it was, and the canned sardines I wanted, which I scanned in order to confirm that they were indeed discounted, since they were placed in two areas and all the price labels still listed the full price. And then I went back and got one of those sweet pastries after all, even if it didn’t look like what I had been told it was, at best being somewhat similar, in a way, and only the discount label had appeared by then, the one with the ingredients still missing. Either way, after having another look around, I got in line at the self-checkout a few minutes before closing time and was still in line when the announcement came, but had no problems with the machine. Then I went to a table and took some time to arrange the purchases in the bags before finally walking away, the somewhat unpleasant part of the walk back being that no streetlights were on around that cemetery, so I had to be careful where I stepped, to avoid the puddles.
After getting back, a little after 10:40 PM, I ate that sweet pastry, with added honey, and some peanuts brought by dad, finally went to the toilet and to shower when it was almost 12:15 AM, and came out when it was past 1:20 AM. However, I first clipped my toenails, being done with that at 1:30 AM and only then finally starting to make a pizza… Which I had to keep defending from Micky until I threw her out of the kitchen and closed the door. So, despite throwing on the ingredients unevenly, also not quite sticking to the plan I had made for them, and putting another cucumber instead of some more cabbage in the salad, in order to finish it sooner, it was still 3:35 AM when I started eating dinner… And exactly two hours later when I finished, since dad gave me some things to transcribe. At 3:52 AM he even sent me an e-mail to ask if I had finished any, then said that he couldn’t understand how come when I said that I had barely gotten on the computer and started eating, so I had to at least do one of the two, and in the end also did and sent the part of the other that he said he needed quickly.
Since that took me until 6:45 AM, I got in bed at 7 AM… And from 10:30 AM there was noise coming from above, likely the result of the leak which had been slowly flooding us getting fixed, so I was just getting brief naps. I also got up for a little while before dad left, to make sure that he took what he had to take to mother, and while I then got back in bed and only finally got up for good when it was past 3 PM, I got very little sleep during that time.

Moving on to June 11, I got up when the alarm rang, at 2 PM, had the usual stuff plus almonds, with the sweet thing being a slice of cozonac brought by dad, apparently from the press conference that he had brought those files that I had to transcribe from, with added honey, put on the full running gear, with some things in the pocket of my tights, and left a little after 4:30 PM, when the reported temperature was 21°C, holding steady. However, it had rained and was still drizzling.
The time was 1:19:08, with sector times of 4:29, 5:17, 6:05, 4:36, 5:15, 6:02, 4:37, 5:11, 6:07, 4:37, 5:11, 6:02, 4:35, 5:17 and 5:47, making for lap times of 15:51, 15:53, 15:55, 15:50 and 15:39. I felt so tired at first, thinking that I’ll struggle to even stay under 1:22, but wanted to at least stay under 16 minutes on the first lap, which I managed. Then, as I went along on lap two, I was thinking more and more that maybe I’ll stay under 16 minutes on that one as well and try to stay under 1:21 in the end. And when I did manage to cover that second lap in less than 16 minutes as well, I thought I’ll go lap by lap and tried to also stay under 16 minutes on lap three, managing that making me not only switch the target to 1:20:30, but also start to consider staying under 1:20. So I really went for it on lap four, thinking that staying under 16 minutes yet again was unlikely but nevertheless wondering whether I could, not thinking about what I’ll have left for lap five. And when that resulted in a lap that was faster than any of the first three, and which made me need exactly 16 minutes on lap five in order to stay under 1:19:30, I just kept pushing, even more on the last sector, just hoping for the 6:08 that I needed… And ending up 21 seconds faster than that, and with clearly the fastest sector three and lap of the day! I pushed myself so hard on that sector that I was drifting off, but just held it together. So it was the first time I went over 1:18 on 16 kilometers since March and the slowest time over this distance since January, but I was again pleased with the result in spite of that, seeing as it came only two days after those previous runs.
The drizzle slowed to occasional drops soon after I started, but what was strange was that the light drizzle returned on lap four even though the clouds started clearing from the end of lap three. But on lap five it was mostly sunny, the drizzle again slowing to just some drops and even those stopping almost completely by the time I finished. However, the lane was soaked in plenty of places, so I avoided it much of the time, and there were also some puddles to go around, but at least there weren’t many people. On the other hand, I felt so tired at first, though I slowly got used to it. What worried me was that something in my left hip hurt from the start, requiring some two laps to warm up enough for the pain to go away. And the right knee also started giving those warnings soon after I started, though those went away more easily.

Since I decided to come right back after the run, I ended up carrying those things that I had in the pocket of my tights for no reason, but I did go back out that evening, changing my shoes and taking the backpack, moving the bags to it and also putting the jacket in there, and leaving again a little after 6:50 PM. I had asked dad for two of those “Meringue” cakes that I had seen, as a reward for staying up in order to transcribe those things just after such a hard day, and he obviously didn’t care, so I went there myself, asking for his metro card and rushing to the Kaufland from Basarab, though I left buying what actually ended up being just one of those cakes for later, after having a look at that confectionery and seeing that there was no danger of them running out of them right away.
It was barely past 7:30 PM when I entered Kaufland, but the employee was already placing the bakery discount labels, so I grabbed a few things, plus two bags of Bake Rolls, deciding to use the money which would have been for the second cake in that manner. But I didn’t actually purchase those products just then, instead putting them in a bag and hiding it somewhere, since I also wanted to check that Carrefour and was thinking that the discounts might increase. So I went out and, even though it was hard to do so after that run, I jogged to that Carrefour and ended up grabbing an expiring yogurt and mustard. Then I had to spend time that I didn’t really have in one of the long lines formed at the regular checkouts, since I didn’t see self-checkouts that could be used with cash, eventually put the purchases in the backpack and jogged back. It was only then that I finally bought one of those cakes, then put it and the yogurt and mustard in a cabinet… And almost forgot the bag with the money, which I had placed in another cabinet for a moment, without closing the door, so it’s a good thing that I checked right away, before entering the store again, and went back for it. After that, I found my bag where I had left it, but decided to replace one of the Bake Rolls with a bag of their bagels, added some salt that dad had asked for, and went to the self-checkout when it was past 8:30 PM, seeing then that the discounts hadn’t increased. But at least I had no problems with the machine, then retrieved my things from the cabinet, arranged everything in the backpack and bags, and went back to the metro station. If I wouldn’t have spent that time arranging the purchases, and maybe if I’d have also jogged a little once again, maybe I’d have caught the metro which had left two minutes earlier, sparing me from needing to wait nine more minutes that I didn’t really have, until the next one came.
Still, I managed to get back at 9:25 PM and went to have a quick shower right away, before the match. Then I ate the cake and started making mamaliga, eating the Bake Rolls over a period of time and then stuffing myself at night. But then I was again unable to sleep, and after dad got back I started reading Postcapitalism, eventually catching a little over three hours of sleep before I yet again woke up and again found myself unable to get back to sleep, despite staying in bed for some two more hours before finally getting up.

This post was initially meant to include all the five runs that I’m yet to write about from before this summer’s Dream Trek, but this is how far I got before midnight and I need a first post of the week today, plus that at least at this point the time to write about Micky didn’t quite come, so I’ll leave it at this. What I’ll end up posting tomorrow, and it what state of mind, remains to be seen, but at least I do have one more slot for a personal post, so all the options are available.

Seeing as I have five earlier runs to write about first, plus that I clearly wouldn’t have the time to write about it today, I’ll leave the part about the actual run for another time, but I will write about the rest of these two days, what came before and after this summer’s Dream Trek, starting with the fact that, despite putting fewer cucumbers in the salad made the night before, I had to get up to pee several times, so it’s a good thing that I could always get back to sleep quickly but still only slept for seven hours, or maybe just over seven hours, despite the more than nine that passed between getting in bed and getting up, at 2:30 PM. That was when dad brought my mother here, but I had already decided to get up at that point, so that worked out. The initial plan was to catch another nap before leaving, but there was no time for that, and in fact even today I only crawled in bed at 8:10 PM, after starting to write this, and even then only slept for a little over an hour before the noise made by my parents woke me. But I didn’t mean to sleep much more than that this evening anyway, so that didn’t bother me that much.
Either way, I first ate the last Pinova apple, saved just for this day, and then lunch, in the form of some pasta and a salad that turned out larger than I meant it to be, eating that between 4:15 PM and 4:50 PM. Then I put on the full running gear, did what I could to protect my feet, bandaging my heels and wearing two pairs of socks, got everything else ready, taking the mask, some garlic, money, my ID card, a few bags, a flexible bottle and, just before leaving, a pack of napkins, some of those things being placed in the running belt that I also took, and I also put on two reflecting bands and two of those armbands used to wipe sweat, one of each on each arm, the purpose of the right armband being to protect that burn, even if it’s healing. Then I also ate the “Greek” yogurt with increased protein content that I had found among the expiring products the day before, with cereals, almonds, and peanuts in dark chocolate, plus the two remaining, really old, wheat things, with jam and honey, and finished the tea as well. It was just as I meant to leave that I realized that I hadn’t sprayed myself against mosquitoes, so I did that as well, albeit in a hurry and not too well, and I finally left at 7:50 PM.
Just like last year, we had been asked to gather at that store from Mega Mall, but from 8 PM, though sunset was at 9:04 PM. The reason was that we were all supposed to sign up for store cards, with those taking a picture with their card and posting on Instagram getting an additional discount, while all those activating their card were going to be entered in a raffle for three prizes in store credit, but after I got there, a little after 8:05 PM, and took my place in line a few moments later, when my turn eventually came the cashier asked for my phone number and then for the code which had been sent to it, which I couldn’t provide, since I obviously didn’t have the phone with me, so that time spent in line was just wasted. But I didn’t really want that store card, and to end up signed up for their marketing messages, anyway, so it was somewhat of a relief, and the number of participants would have made the odds of winning pretty low. And not needing to go through with the procedure only saved me a few minutes, so what followed was what I knew was going to happen anyway: A long time with nothing to do, just standing around and occasionally hovering around this or that group of people, listening to their conversations. But at least that allowed me to pee twice more, all the tea and that large salad making me need to do so even more often, before Radu spoke a little… Or at least coming back from the second such “trip” just after he had started speaking.
After that first little speech and the first group picture, we went outside, but as we started walking away I noticed that a couple of people were still waiting in line in that store, so I caught up to Radu to let him know and he asked me to tell them to catch up to us outside, so I rushed to do that, though once I did so I realized that it probably wasn’t necessary, since by the time I got there only one guy was left in line and I saw that two others had stayed behind, outside the store, possibly just to make sure that we won’t leave him behind. And I saw him outside pretty much as soon as I could have another look around, during the warmup… Which started right at sunset, and a news crew was also there and asked Radu a few questions before filming us there and for the first kilometer or so, and another group picture was taken as well, so it was 9:11 PM when we actually left.

Now, as I said, I’ll skip the actual run and move on to what happened after we finished, most participants arriving at University Square at 5:28 AM, when I had already been there for a few minutes. A few boxes of sweets and a couple of bags of bagels and one of some other salty snack were soon placed there and I grabbed a number of things, but only ate a few more bagels and a small handful of that other salty snack, just taking a couple of sweet things, and then rushing to eat a handful of the other kind of bagels and take a couple more sweet things after the stretching exercises and the end speeches, which came after the draw for the day’s big prize… Which was apparently won by the same guy who had won last year! Once again, the first name that was drawn was of someone who wasn’t there, and in fact who had been unable to participate at all, and his was the second one, making the one who made the draw show the result to Radu and to the others who were around her after announcing it in a rather bewildered voice. And there’s no rule against one person winning twice, so that was how things stayed.
After that part, which also included the final picture, was over, there were some conflicting instructions, the girl who seems to be the one who handles most of the administrative matters saying that the car was nearby and anyone who wants water should come with her, while the guy who was offering towels to those who had completed the entire route said that his was behind the fountain, so we should go through the passage and meet him there. And, considering the unexpectedly large number of people who completed the run, Radu had already said that he didn’t know whether there were enough towels for everyone, so the large majority rushed there, making me need to catch up to them after grabbing the few more things I already mentioned and quickly asking the girl who had sat next to the boxes since the end of the run, not taking part in the stretching exercises, whether she was all right. She definitely didn’t look like she was, but she gestured in a way that indicated “so and so” and when I asked what was wrong she said that she was just nauseous and thanked me for asking, so it didn’t seem like it was a significant problem and I walked away.
After receiving my towel, I saw that the other car was there as well, possibly having been moved, so we won’t need to walk back in order to get some more water or anything else, so I quickly took another small bottle of water and a couple more sweet things. I’m not sure whether I ate a few more bagels then, but I know that I had another handful of some other salty snack just before leaving, when that girl told us to take some more things, “for the road”, holding the box with the remaining sweet things… And yes, I took some more of the sweet things then as well, ending up with four protein bars, one of the small sweet things and two of each of the three other types which had been available. Adding that to all that I had eaten during the run, I definitely felt quite bad about how much I had taken… But they did still have quite a few things left, and after initially saying that the supplies were limited and we needed to make them last and use them efficiently, Radu did say that the point was for them to be exhausted by the end, not for him to take anything back home with him, so maybe it wasn’t that bad… Though I still have the feeling that I took more than anyone else, both there and along the way.

It was a couple of minutes before 6 AM when I walked away… And if I managed to get through the entire run without any injuries, not even my feet suffering because of the shoes anymore, on the way to Unirii some guys were having fun on the sidewalk, ahead of me, and when we reached a building where some work is being done for a very long time, requiring people to walk under the scaffolding on that narrow sidewalk, one of them suddenly grabbed on to one of the bars and pulled himself up, which made me need to stop just as suddenly in order to avoid walking into him, and as I did so I instinctively moved my arms to the side and scratched my right elbow in one of those rusty metal bars.
I couldn’t do much about that right away, but after reaching that Carrefour, which is now open non-stop again, and first putting on the mask, which I hadn’t worn until then, and then putting my things in one of the cabinets, I first used some disinfectant on my hands and then put some on those scratches as well. And then I looked through all the eggs being sold by piece, initially taking all of those with code one that didn’t seem to be cracked at a quick glance, since there were no bio (organic) ones there, and then also grabbed two things from the expiring products area before finding a spot to check those eggs more carefully, selecting 11 of them and then taking the rest back. Then, after having a look upstairs as well, I got back to the expiring products area and saw that more things had been placed there, so I also grabbed a pack of pancakes, even though they’re that imported kind, and replaced that expiring thing that I had picked up for my mother with another. Since it was so early, they were probably just bringing products to that area, so maybe there’d have been even more options if I’d have waited a little longer, but I didn’t care to do so, being content with what I had found and walking to the checkouts… Only for the cashier whose line I had meant to stand in to tell me to go to her coworker, who was free, even though she only had the customer she was already checking out… Which only resulted in lost time, since that other cashier said that her machine froze after she finished scanning the products, and after someone else also had a quick look she ended up sending me back to that first cashier anyway.
After taking some time to arrange the purchases, I went back to retrieve my things from that cabinet and walked back here, the Penny from Decebal still being closed when I passed by it, as were the confectionery and the pastry place that I made a tiny detour in order to check out. So I was back here just before 7:55 AM, put the purchases and the sweet things I had grabbed in the fridge, took the backpacks and some more bags and money… And that also included 30 RON in coins, which I wanted to take to Penny, since they also have a campaign, rewarding those bringing them 30 RON in coins with a 3 RON voucher for purchases of over 30 RON, the problem being that I couldn’t find the terms on their site and when I sent a message to ask I was told to ask in the stores for details. But that was not the first problem, that being that the first stack of 0.01 RON coins collapsed and scattered as I was trying to count it, so it took me a while to find all but one and then lost even more time trying and failing to find that last one. But at least I had several more of those with me, so I eventually gave up and replaced it with one of those, finally leaving again just before 8:50 AM.

On the way to the nearer Penny, I first checked this new bakery and then made a small detour to also have a look inside another one, and then quickly glanced at the two pastry places that are on the way as well. Then I first made sure that the cat litter and treats that were on sale were still available in that Penny and then went to the cashier to ask about that campaign, telling her that I had asked on-line and was told that it was valid until the end of the year but to ask in the store for details, so she first asked the guard, who seemed to mean to say that it was no longer available before she told him that I had been told that it was and that I wouldn’t have come otherwise. But she didn’t seem to know much about it herself, so she called the store manager, even saying that she didn’t want to give me erroneous information by trying to answer, and after he first helped her cancel an item for another customer he told me that it is indeed a 3 RON voucher for 30 RON in coins, and I can just give him the money and receive the voucher right away, along with the 30 RON in bills, and then I can use the voucher when I make a purchase of more than 30 RON. So I gave him the coins, he took them away, and after a while he came back with the voucher, leaving the coins with that cashier and taking the 30 RON in bills from her. It was a little unpleasant that he didn’t return the small bags I had given him the coins in, after splitting them according to value, in order to make them easier to count, but I couldn’t get myself to ask for them, and they weren’t good bags anyway.
Once I had the voucher, I went back inside, but if the original plan was to just take four bags of cat litter and three packs of snacks, the total being a little over 30 RON, I had first changed it in order to add a snack and then decided to change it one more time, giving up on the snack but taking some expiring mascarpone instead, for the pizza I mean to make tonight, even if they only discount expiring products by 30%. And it’s also of their brand and imported, and they also had mozzarella, but that was also of their brand and imported, and it wasn’t expiring, the cost per unit of weight being significantly higher, so I decided to just try using the mascarpone instead, in order to be able to get right back, since I had otherwise meant to check Carrefour and Kaufland as well, either going out again after bringing everything else here or leaving those purchases in cabinets at Penny and coming back for them later… The problem being that, even though Penny lists both the full and the discounted price of expiring products on the discount label, it’s handwritten, the cashier scanning the product normally and then applying the 30% discount, and that mascarpone ended up costing a little more than what was written. So I was surprised when I saw the total, but after having needed to interact so much in order to get that voucher and when I knew that I was going to have to interact some more in order to get the pastries that I meant to get, I didn’t say anything, just taking a fair bit of time in order to stuff one bag of cat litter, the snacks and the mascarpone in the nicer backpack and put the money and the receipt in the pocket of my tights, walking away with another bag of cat litter in one hand and the other two in the sturdier bag.
Just to prove that needing to interact had already messed me up, a little later I realized that I had no idea what I had done with the coin that I had also received as change, ending up turning around after getting halfway across the street, to have another look, in case I had forgotten it there. But I didn’t see it, so I walked away again, later realizing that I had first thrown the money in the backpack and then only took the bills back out of it, so it must have remained in the backpack, which indeed proved to be the case.
After trying to decide what pastries to get and seeing that I could just push my luck a little and get one thing from one of those pastry places as well, spending a little more than I had meant to spend when I had asked dad whether I could buy myself some things after the run but staying within what seemed to be a reasonable amount, I had a better look at what the one which I had initially considered was offering and decided on one thing, but before asking for it I looked at the other place as well, since they’re right next to each other, and saw something that struck me as somewhat better. The problem was that they were still making some of the first batch of products and, while that tray was full, there were no labels yet, so I had to ask what it was and the price, but then I did buy a piece when it was confirmed that it was what I thought it was and the price was the same as that of that other product from the other place. Then I continued to that other bakery, getting two things from there as well, even though one of them is sweet and I’ll leave it for another day, after having so many sweets during the run. And the last stop was that new bakery, getting the two things I had initially decided on and adding one more, which I happened to spot while waiting in line. I received no receipts from any of these three places, of course…
Either way, I was finally back again just before 10:35 AM, having carried 23.5 kg… Plus apparently another half a kilogram of crap, since I was that much lighter after going to the toilet. But I first put the mascarpone and the cat snacks in the fridge, unsuccessfully tried to feed Micky, arranged a few other things, looked for that coin a little more, still unsuccessfully, then finally went to the toilet and washed. Then I spent some time on-line and eventually, after my parents woke up, I told them about the run and also did a few other things, had lunch, in the form of a nectarine, the expired mix of peanuts, raisins and cranberries that I already had, three of those pastries and the “chicken and vegetables” salad, which would actually be a “boeuf” salad and which I had purchased from Carrefour two days earlier. I had initially meant to eat that then, since I had purchased it as an expiring product, the date being June 25, but I eventually decided to leave it for today as well, since it was going to still be good for one more day.
And I’ll also mention here that I talked to my parents about Micky again today, and my mother also pressed dad to take her to a vet, since she also obviously thinks that she’s really unwell and likely dying, at least if we don’t do anything. Dad is very reluctant, and that’s putting it mildly, just blocking off not just the idea that she may need to be put down but even that of attempting a treatment that may kill her because of her age, even if she’s obviously suffering now, but he eventually agreed to take her tomorrow… And then, after I checked her mouth again, what I saw made me even more convinced that at least one problem is coming from there and showed it to mother as well, she said that she won’t leave this evening after all, staying until tomorrow in order to go with him, because she doesn’t trust either him or the vet, since neither of them noticed the problem so far, even though it almost certainly already existed when he last took her to have her nails clipped and was told that she seems fine enough for her age. So now it remains to be seen what will happen.

Some parts from the beginning are good enough, spelling out that Capitalism needs to be replaced urgently and not by going back to other failed systems like Socialism, but by coming up with a new one, making full use of humanity’s level of development, technology and knowledge. However, anyone looking for a vision of a Postcapitalist system and the steps to get there will need to wait until the tenth and final chapter. Or, all right, it can be said that chapter eight includes some good ideas from the past that got lost along the way and at the end of it the author finally, albeit vaguely, gets to what should actually happen, before moving on to some more reasons why the system needs to change in chapter nine.
In between, the book is firmly focused on the past, at best being somewhat interesting from a historical perspective. The pattern is usually to correctly but pointlessly refute some flawed theories from the past before switching to an awfully optimistic view of some current developments, the author occasionally admitting that the change will need to be planned but usually falling into the same trap of wishful thinking as those he points out were so wrong before, being too quick to dismiss the system’s capacity to defend itself and, mainly, having a far too good opinion of the general public, supposedly fighting a small elite that actively works towards causing great harm for their personal gain, when the problems are at all levels of society, if not even worse when it comes to “the people”, as Pratchett was pointing out. In addition, the level of anthropocentrism is terrifying and, while they tend to go in the right direction, even some of the general end goals of that vision of a Postcapitalist system don’t quite go far enough and, either way, the provided details paint a picture of a world that’s halfway there at best, still too anchored in the current system, even presenting some awful aspects as desirable, and maintaining the unfounded belief that most people will just make the right choices.

Rating: 2/5