Cav's Place

There is a bit in The Wise Man’s Fear where Denna tells Kvothe it’s nice to be able to take a vacation from herself every once in a while… And it sure would be, from all of it, and books and games should offer that, but with how little I’m reading and playing for so many years now, and how much I have to push even to do that much instead of it being something I throw myself at every chance I get… For example even now, regardless of how much I enjoyed The Name of the Wind, I’m starting to need to push myself to even continue reading this one, and not because of the book itself, though it is somewhat less awesome, if I may use such a term.
The thing is that such a break would also mean a break from these little trappings I created for myself, such as the two posts per week here, the bit added to my story every night, the protests… But serious non-personal posts have been few and far between for years, and even fewer if you remove those about protests and any reviews, the additions to the story went down from a minimum of 300 words a night to barely 100, or not even that at times, and rarely taking the story anywhere or even making sense, and despite appearing more involved in the protests, seeing as I attend those meetings and am active on the main group, which didn’t happen before the end of last year, there’s less of me in any of it and I’m even more of an observer instead of an active participant when an actual event is taking place. However, it’s still these things, and a few others like them, that tend to be why I can still crawl out of bed for something other than to simply go to the toilet and return, and staying in bed would trap me even more with myself… And very noticeably without her, or even a best friend that’d fit my definition of the term, though by now I’m not sure how much good even that could still do.
So here I am, throwing this on here after starting the rant in a message I sent someone last night, just to say I have a second post this week, if nothing else is coming. And there I was last night, after that message, throwing another pointless and meaningless paragraph in my story. And there I’ll be tomorrow, trying to attend another protest even though recent events make the topic likely to switch from the environment in general and forests in particular to demanding the Prime Minister’s resignation over certain charges brought against him, which is something I already expressed my firm opposition to, as we should stick to causes, not forget them and focus on merely changing one person with another yet again while things in fact remain largely the same. And there I’ll be doing a few other things besides those, though I couldn’t even say why anymore, except that, even if it brings me down even more, even a pointless routine is at least not frightening, while any change is, as the computer situation proved, and there’s no way to make things better anyway, at least not without miracles that have nothing, or all too little to matter, to do with me.
Then again, speaking of staying in bed and only getting up to go to the toilet, it’d help if I’d get more than five or six hours of sleep, and even those split in several parts, and not needing to pee so often would help with not splitting at least, if not with the total duration. Used to need to get up once, even only two or three hours after going to bed at times, considering when I eat and drink and the salads as well, and possibly twice if I have watermelon to eat or put more tomatoes in the salad or it’s particularly cold, but lately there are times when I barely get one hour of sleep before needing to go again. And there’s actually quite a lot to release most of the time, to the point that it starts to hurt from the strain of holding it in if I manage to stay asleep somewhat longer, which I have a rather hard time explaining, since I’m not putting more fluids in and the hotter temperatures should mean more of them are used for sweating.
Probably eating more, and more of what my body’d need at this time, if I could figure that out more exactly, would help as well, especially considering the running, and the fact that even without that I seem to be going out slightly more than I did in the past, excepting the autumn of 2013 of course. And doing it during the day would be even better, of course, and I actually managed it a few times lately, when nobody was around, but that’s not the case most of the time, and annoyingly often the kitchen isn’t clear except for a quite brief time in the morning and then again at night, or maybe for some brief periods in the evening. Which is another reason why I get little sleep, as I take the opportunity to grab my yogurt and cereals and some fruit if I wake up when nobody seems around, and then can’t get back to sleep.
But this was supposed to be just a brief post and it ended up what you see here… So I guess I’ll stop now and try to get back to reading, since I doubt I’ll manage to do much of that tomorrow, when that protest may even cause me to miss the race, or at least to get back during or, at best, likely if I’ll get fed up and leave early, just before it. And then maybe I’ll manage to play through another year or two of my new King of Dragon Pass tribe as well, as I finally managed to get myself to restart that. Just hope I won’t do as poorly as last time yet again.