Cav's Place

In the previous post I wrote that I was leaving out Monday’s wasted trip and Thursday’s mess, so that’s what this one will be about. Will need to start a little earlier though, because it was Sunday when I just happened to check another store and find The Lady of the Lake at a price about 40% lower than the one listed by the store I prefer to order books from, and from which I had ordered it, at that price, back in February. By then, since it was still just listed as having been sent to Romania, so still on the way, I was already wondering how much of an ass I’d be if I’d delay picking it up until the fair and see whether they’ll have it cheaper there, in which case I meant to buy it from them there and cancel the order, while if it wasn’t cheaper I intended to see whether I could pick up my order from there, so I won’t have to make another trip. But that was a huge difference in price and I assumed I could just pick it up from one of the stores right away and therefore likely even finish reading it before the fair, so I went to bed seriously considering being even worse of an ass and woke up having decided to go for it.
I did check the status of my order again before leaving, and at the time nothing had changed, while this other store listed it as available in all locations, albeit in limited quantities in the main ones, so the plan was to just go to the nearest location and pick it up. However, when I searched for it on the computer there, it showed up without the 20% discount listed on the site, albeit still about 25% cheaper than the supposedly discounted price I had ordered it at from the other store. And when I finally found it, not where I expected it to be but on a table where others did have a 20% discount sticker on them, I saw that it indeed did not have such a sticker on the front and the one on the back listed the same price that showed up on the computer.
Did actually ask and the guy checked and confirmed that it wasn’t discounted, saying that the discount applies to orders made on the site only. But I had the metro card, so instead of asking whether things could be different in another location right away and sparing myself the trouble, the wasted time and the walk in that weather, especially when I was still not feeling quite well, I just went to their main location and looked for it there as well. Then, since it didn’t have the discount listed there either, I walked to another location, actually meaning to check out two more that are nearby but getting confused and failing to find one, so just going to the second. And then, since it wasn’t discounted there either, I went back to the main location, picked up a copy and asked again about the discount, being again told that it applies only to orders made on the site. Then I actually did ask whether it may be a different price at another location, and was told it won’t be, at which point I just left it there and said it’s messed up, to be at the main location, with the book in hand, and not be able to get it, the girl I talked to seeming to really want to explain that I may indeed be at the main location but the site and the stores have separate offers and that’s why this happens before I walked away.
So I got back and checked whether I could order it on-line and pick it up from a store, to actually get it at that discounted price, without any shipping added, and found that I could, but only if I paid on-line as well, while orders that are delivered can be paid with cash on delivery, making it another thing that’s messed up. Still, decided to wait for dad to get back and ask whether he could use his card to pay for it and he did so, and I left the amount in the living room despite him telling me not to. However, the listed information stated that orders made before 4 PM can be picked up the next day and it was just about 4 PM when dad came, meaning that the order was made a little after that time and for that reason I had to wait one more day, being notified that I could pick it up only Wednesday afternoon, actually also just after 4 PM.
But to return to Monday, making this order meant I had to cancel the first one, and that felt even worse when I checked the status again just before sending the e-mail and saw that it had changed and was listed as being ready, though I hadn’t yet received a message notifying me that I could pick it up. Actually wrote in that e-mail that they’ll probably want to curse me out and apologized, but got a reply pretty much right away, telling me that it’s all right and the order’s canceled. In a way that made me feel even worse, since they’re always really nice and I know them and despite the fact that I only make one order per year, and this year I probably won’t actually make any, they seem to know me, the founder, or one of them, even recognizing me right away at a book fair. But the price difference was huge, and I could also get the book sooner without making a separate trip just for that… Or not that much of a separate trip, at least.

It’d have helped if I’d have selected to pick it up from the main location though, since after Andrei Gheorghe’s death I definitely wanted to go pay my last respects if some event would be announced, as long as his body won’t actually be there as well, and such an event did take place in a gallery that was close to that location, Thursday and Friday. But I wanted to grab a few things from Carrefour and Kaufland as well, so I was going to go to where this other location is as well and decided to just do everything on Thursday, not going there as soon as I received the e-mail letting me know that I could pick up the book, Wednesday afternoon.
The problem was that I sure made a mess of things when I went to that gallery. Again got confused on the way, my mental map of the streets in the area, which is very rough either way, apparently being reversed, since I’m used to get off the metro at University Square instead of Romana Square and therefore reach any place that’s between the two from the other direction. But finding the place was the easy part, the real problem appearing after I got there and tried to leave the candle I had brought, which was in a plastic jar with a metal lid, which lid I had trouble taking off. Did feel something just when I finally managed to do so, and ended up dropping and bending it, but I didn’t pay attention, just picking it back up and wondering how was I going to light the candle, as I had brought no matches or small candles and could see none there either, and there was no way to light it from another candle in a jar. Did see one thing I first thought was just some paper, so I tried to light it from another candle in order to use it to light mine, but when I saw it didn’t burn like paper should I had another look and realized it was a homemade cigarette, probably containing weed, considering the scandal that caused his “glory years” to end.
At that time, before 5 PM, the only other person in the room was a guy who, having been alone before my arrival, had sat down and was writing a long message in the condolence book. I also had a long message to leave, but knew I couldn’t sit there and write so much, so I had written it on a piece of paper before leaving and meant to leave it in the book, only writing a few lines and mentioning that I had left more separately. But I was in a gallery and there were other things left on display, even though the lights were off, so I just left my candle there, unlit, and walked around to have a look, then also arranged the ribbons on the wreaths that some had brought a little, giving the guy time to write his message. As I did that, a few other people came, one having a box of matches which she left next to the candles, so I used a match to light my candle as well… And that’s when I noticed that there was a lot of red on my hands. And I do mean a whole lot.
At first I didn’t realize what it was and looked at the candle and the jar, but the candle was white and the jar, while red, would have had to pretty much completely melt all over my hands to cause that to happen and that was obviously not the case. Then, realizing that it was blood and considering how much my nose was running, even though I never recall having a nosebleed I wondered whether I didn’t have one then, what was on my hands being a result of wiping my nose. But that was not the case either, and that left me just staring at my hands, rather in shock. They were simply full of blood and I was starting to realize that I had cut myself somehow, but couldn’t figure out how, nor where exactly the cut was.
At that point a guy who was there noticed me, asked whether I had done something to my hands and I said I believed I had cut myself. He asked where, I said that I didn’t know, he suggested my coat, probably referring to the zipper, then told me to go to the bathroom to sort it out, leading the way, as I obviously had no idea that there even was a bathroom there and the door was hidden behind a curtain. Somebody was inside at the time, but he knocked on the door, told me the person inside will come out right away and left me there to wait.
Once inside and washing my hands, I could finally spot a deep cut on my right index finger. That was apparently not the only injury, but it was the only one I could spot then, and I couldn’t get the bleeding to stop, so I did the only thing I could think of, taking some toilet paper and wrapping it around that finger, hoping it’ll buy me enough time to just write a short goodbye message… And that was pretty much all I could do, because after washing my hands I had taken the paper my longer message was written on out of my pocket and found it full of blood as well, as I had taken it out of the small notebook I had it in earlier in order to put it in my pocket and that had obviously happened after I had cut myself. It was probably then that I realized that I had most probably injured myself while trying to take the lid off the candle’s jar, especially since I think it may not be the first time I scratch myself in such a lid, or the edge of such a jar. Any other such scratches were pretty superficial though, definitely nothing like this.
With the bloody paper flushed down the toilet, as there was nothing else I could do with it, I went back out, waited my turn, since a few others had arrived by then, grabbed a pen and tried to hold it in such a way as to avoid leaving blood on it, as it was already seeping out through all the layers of toilet paper. Under those circumstances, I wasn’t sure what to write anymore, but quickly mentioned that I had more on a piece of paper I wanted to leave but cut myself in the candle and the paper ended up full of blood, which may somehow be fitting but I obviously couldn’t leave it there like that, after which I added I believe three quick lines and signed my name, after noticing that the couple of messages before mine were signed. Then I tried to wipe the pen, but since it seems that I had scraped some skin off my right thumb as well, which I hadn’t noticed at that point, I wonder whether that didn’t actually cause me to get blood on it in the first place, after perhaps managing to avoid doing so while writing.
Also wonder how much blood I left on my candle, the matches or those ribbons I arranged before noticing how my hands looked. And I just now realized that the thing I most likely did leave blood on was that homemade cigarette, as I actually picked it up and held it right after the moment when I most likely cut myself, and that’s likely to lead whoever looks at it and at my message, signed as it was, to conclude that I was the one who left it there. And with the media filming and taking pictures, including of the messages written, over the two days, who knows what else it may lead to. But at least I’m quite sure I got no blood on the page of the condolence book.

Either way, decided to not go to pick up the book like that, so came right back here, and it was when I took my glove off to have another look after getting off the metro that I noticed how my right thumb looked as well. It wasn’t bleeding anymore though, and when I was back here and took off the toilet paper I saw that neither was my index finger. Still didn’t mean to go back out though, but dad said there had been warnings about the weather on Friday, schools will be closed, so I thought that meant it’ll be worse then and I should just get it all over with that evening after all. In the end, Friday proved to be quite a nice winter day, possibly with the exception of the morning, but I was asleep then so it wouldn’t have affected me anyway. But going back out right away also made me decide to write my message again and actually go right back to the gallery first, to leave it there after all.
So I did that, cleaning up my finger a little, putting a small bandage on it and just going right back… And probably leaving a bad impression yet again, since there were two people there when I arrived, reading the condolence book and giving me the impression that they were relatives or close friends of his, and after they stepped away after realizing I wanted to write something they got to see me burst out laughing as a result of my eyes falling on a funny message someone had left. Not that I wasn’t smirking already, out of embarrassment due to having returned and the earlier mess, and I continued to smirk as I fumbled with the piece of paper, searched for the message I had written earlier, added “(PS: Bandaged, rewrote, returned, left the paper at this page.)” at the bottom of it, put my longer message there and then flipped back to the page with the most recent messages.
That done, I walked around the gallery a little more and tried to have a look at the ribbons I had touched and at the box of matches and didn’t notice blood on them, but I didn’t look at my candle, couldn’t spot the one ribbon I had likely touched the most anymore, and didn’t think to check that cigarette. Also told an older man who had just arrived, bringing a few candles and asking me whether I had left one, that I had, earlier, barely stopping myself from adding that I had left a blood sacrifice along with it. And I looked at those two people a few times, meaning to go to them to apologize for my inappropriate reaction and perhaps explain the entire situation, but didn’t have the courage to do so. Now I also realize that they, or anyone else seeing all of this, may put together the message mentioning cutting myself, and signed as well, and the blood likely left on what was likely a joint and come to an even worse conclusion. But at the time I just eventually, haltingly, left again without saying anything to them.

After that, I went to the bookstore to pick up the book, also mentioning again that it’s really messed up to be there, see the book, pick it up and want to purchase it, but need to leave it, go back home, order on-line, have another copy sent to that location, then come back again some other day and pick up said copy. Then I sat down outside the bookstore and spent quite a few minutes struggling to open the box the book was in, to check it, after which I went to Carrefour and Kaufland to buy a few things, before finally making my way back quite late, after 10 PM. Spent about an hour in Kaufland for just a few things, wandering around, but what I want to mention happened earlier, in Carrefour, when the cashier gave me 5 RON back when using a 10 RON bill to pay for purchases of 5.09 RON. She asked whether I had a 0.10 RON coin and when I said no she just handed me a 5 RON bill as change, which was nice.

Before ending this, I really, really want to apologize for any inappropriate reactions while at the gallery and, even more so, for any blood left on anything. Somehow, despite the deep cut, I didn’t realize I was bleeding and touched all those things, and I can only hope that I somehow didn’t leave blood on them, or at least that nobody else ended up touching it, since that’s always to be avoided, and it can be easily cleaned off anything that relatives or friends may want to keep or display anywhere.

Also, since I actually typed it before writing it on the piece of paper, so I still have it, I want to translate the message I left in the condolence book and add it here as well:
“However hard to influence I am now, this is partially due to your influence. I have no models or idols, but I can say that, to a certain extent, you formed me. My communication style, the fact that what others say or think doesn’t affect me, the courage to think for myself and advocate for opinions however unpopular, for an important part of the way that brought me here I have to thank you.
Maybe a first contact with the authorities was also thanks to you, when Ralu Filip selected me to contact as a result of what I was writing on your forum. Maybe it was a spark that brought me, many years later, from expressing myself incisively on the ‘Net but almost never poking my nose out of the house to, among others, participating in so many protests.
Maybe, in this world in which the difference between the level of knowledge and the capacity to do good and the practical positive achievements keeps increasing, there was no more room for one like you. I often wonder whether there may ever be room for us, those who care, who fight to change something for the better, and not just for our own interests. Those who think and analyze and are not driven only by our pocket, crotch and stomach. But there sure is still the need.
Goodnight, AG, wherever you may be.”

To start with today, I didn’t plant trees, since the event I had signed up for was postponed due to the weather. It was rather windy earlier this week, but otherwise we got some pretty nice winter weather now, with a fair layer of snow as well, especially yesterday, though today it started melting a little already and rains are coming next, so it’ll be nasty for the next few days, before temperatures should get to around 15°C, and then even 20°C. So I hope they’ll reschedule it for next Saturday, though it’ll be on rather short notice since they didn’t say anything by now, because otherwise it’ll end up on April 14, since they quite clearly won’t schedule it for the (Orthodox) Easter weekend, and that’s when the other one I’m already signed up for is scheduled, so I’ll have to choose.
The weather also meant I didn’t run this week either, so I just have last week’s embarrassingly slow run to show for four weeks now. Assuming I kept track correctly, I still have a buffer of three, so that’s not the problem, but not running for so long will certainly make it very hard to get a decent time when I will run again, and I really should cover a half marathon distance the week after the next, which will be quite difficult under these circumstances. And another problem is that, according to the forecast, it’ll continue to be windy even if the temperature will be a lot higher and there should be a fair number of days without rain. But I’ll see what I’ll manage and when, I guess.

Back to today, the qualifying for the Australian Grand Prix was this morning, but I didn’t wake up to watch it and I won’t be waking up for the race tomorrow either. Did end up watching a recording of the qualifying earlier, when I just did a quick search and found it uploaded and not taken down yet, but I didn’t even actually plan to do that and probably won’t look that hard for the race if I won’t also find it so quickly.
I’ve been following Formula 1 since the first half of the ’90s. I believe the first season that was on TV here was the 1992 one, and I watched that, then seem to remember that the season after it wasn’t so I didn’t watch it, know that I did watch the 1994 season, and after that I definitely kept watching the races and the qualifying, with few exceptions. There were the last races of I believe the 2002 season which I think I didn’t watch and didn’t even really think about much, and then some, not sure how many, from the 2003 and 2004 seasons that took place when I was at Andra’s and overlapped something she or someone else really wanted to watch on TV, before getting the TV tuner, though then I tried to follow some commentary or timing at least. Other than that, just a few that I had to give up on due to circumstances outside my control, such as, until around 2000, being taken on some trip by my parents, or the storm from 2011, when I already had to look for streams on-line. But now I actually sat and thought about it and realized I don’t care enough to risk it anymore.
Sure, if it’d be on a TV channel I’d get, I’d keep watching live, including the races that require me to wake up early, though of course I was already prepared to give up on today’s qualifying when I signed up to plant trees, before that event was postponed. But since I need to look for streams, haven’t checked the site I knew for the past few months, so don’t know whether it still exists or whether it still works or how, and I’m more and more worried about malware or other threats on such sites, now I’d have needed to conclude that I really did still care enough about Formula 1 to go through the trouble and, as I sat in bed last evening, realized that I did not. If I’ll keep finding recordings easily, fine. If not, so be it.

Still on the topic of today, went out to have a look at a science fiction and fantasy fair, and actually meant to specifically look for the books I believe I could have purchased from there last year but was likely too sleepy to realize it until I had already left, plus the third and last one in that series, released since then. Still strange, looking for something by a Romanian author, but it seems it could be interesting, and Alma also actually knows her, which was how she was first brought to my attention, and her publisher was there again, and again had 50% discounts on everything, but didn’t have her books. Was actually ready to accept a lower discount, even though those two books that I believe I saw there last year were 50% off then, had enough money set aside specifically for this to afford all three even if they’d have only been about a third off, but after looking twice I even asked the people there whether that was all they had, which prompted a rather surprised reaction from them, and then specifically whether they had anything by her. Since they didn’t and I didn’t find anything else particularly interesting either, I left without buying anything, just once again making a mental note of liking the crowd.
Didn’t want the trip to be a complete waste though, so I took quite a detour on the way back, checking out a farmers’ market to see whether I could find any more cheap apples, despite the weather. There was no chance of that, however, since there was nobody selling outside and, while I had specifically chosen to go to that one instead of the larger one that I could have also reached and walked back here from faster just because there’s plenty of space indoors as well, there weren’t many selling inside either and only one or two had fruit, and they were very expensive. As a result, not wanting the trip to be a waste only resulted in it being significantly longer and still a waste.

Before ending this, I’ll also quickly mention that I finished the seventh “Divine Empire” scenario in Disciples Sunday night after eating, so in the early hours of Monday, and then the eighth as well, starting it on Wednesday and finishing it that very night after eating, so in the early hours of Thursday. Not that this would be an important thing to mention when I left out Monday’s wasted trip and Thursday’s mess, but I guess I’ll get to those in a post I’ll write next week, because I’m watching a match now and there’s way too much to write for me to think I’ll manage to finish after the match but before midnight, to avoid posting this on Sunday.
One last thing that I will mention is that the match also means I won’t be turning everything off for Earth Hour this time around though. Remember doing so in the past even though there were matches scheduled during it then as well, and I have The Lady of the Lake that I could start to read by candlelight, like I did three years ago with Fevre Dream, but now the truth is that, while I don’t particularly want to watch this friendly match so much, it offers me an excuse not to turn off the computer, as I keep worrying that something may happen even if I just reboot, dreading it whenever I need to do so, usually only when I must install updates that require it, and turning it off completely would make me worry even more and I won’t do it if it’s not necessary.

Last evening, former radio and TV show host Andrei Gheorghe was found dead in his bathroom, at the age of 56. Apparently he had been dead since morning and the death seems to have had natural causes, his heart failing for good after having had problems with it for a while, including previous heart attacks. Doesn’t seem that any of these problems had been public knowledge so far, and even some who knew him say they were not aware of his failing health, but that this was probably just how he wanted it, and that he’d likely lash out at those mourning him if he could.

Now I’m not usually affected when more or less famous people die, even if I appreciated their work and public life. I’m not particularly affected even when people I actually knew die, probably the only exception being my grandfather. But this is somewhat different, because I can say that to some extent Andrei Gheorghe formed me, those communication tools of mine that Liz so well described as being those of debate and conflict. As hard to be influenced by others as I am, that’s in part thanks to him and his shows from his “glory years” at ProFM, Midnight Killer and 13-14, between 1996 and 2002. The way in which I debate and argue, even more so the way in which I did, back when I was doing it far more and far more publicly, the fact that what others think and say about me doesn’t affect me, my willingness and courage to hold and advocate for deeply unpopular opinions, to think for myself and, to whatever extent, stand for what I believe in, even if I stand alone. I don’t know exactly how great the part is, but for some part of all of that, I definitely have him to thank.

As one of the messages I saw last night said, for those under 30 Andrei Gheorghe is nobody, but those of us between about 30 and 40 and who were teenagers, especially in Bucharest, during that time, especially those of us who ended up more vocal, fighting for something, we grew up with him, with Midnight Killer and 13-14, and that stayed with us. His skill at debating, his obvious intelligence, how he readily assumed the role of Devil’s advocate, how he could argue, even brutally, but stick to the matter at hand and not get to personal attacks, the fact that it was said he was undefeatable in a live debate, regardless of topic or opponent, because he mastered the art of it and knew how to use the other’s mistakes and arguments against them, some of that rubbed off on us, made us think better, harder, more clearly, not tolerate stupidity. It made us bolder, more willing to analyze the world, to care, to fight, to try to change it. Made us better.

Unfortunately, his career went down after being caught smoking weed back then, his glory days at the radio were over, his attempts at television weren’t exactly successful and none of the shows lasted long, his attempts to continue his radio shows at other stations rather faded into obscurity and again ended quickly, as did his involvement in politics, at some point I know he ended up working in Moldova… I did listen to the radio again for him at some point, when he had a show with Liviu Mihaiu for a while, watched the one actually successful TV show, a game show filmed in Panama, that he hosted, but while I occasionally happened to bump into one of his posts and most recently saw him when he moderated an event I attended in October, in between I rather lost track of him and his more recent attempts to return to the radio, in the past few years, I think between 2014 and 2016, apparently back at ProFM, doing the morning show, after some years away from the media. He was fed up with it and it was fed up with him, there was no room for someone like him anymore, he bothered too many, too much, and the sort of freedom he thrived in, the audience he had, they’re not to be found anymore.

Still, he had his site and Facebook and used them to continue to lash out at what he saw as wrong, to comment and bother, and to support those protesting, those fighting for something, those thinking for themselves and trying to bring about necessary changes. He was even named by politicians among the “opinion leaders” supporting the more recent massive protests, and he was involved to some extent in protests since they started here, in 2012, 2013, albeit always avoiding being too visible. Maybe he faded for the average person, maybe he was never really noticed by the young, but plenty still did appreciate and respect him, as shown by all the messages flooding since last evening, perhaps most of all by all those from people pointing out how they and him frequently didn’t see eye to eye, frequently argued, yet this never negatively affected their respect for him and their appreciation for how he viewed and approached life.

As for me, on top of, like I said, growing up with 13-14 and Midnight Killer and being formed to some extent by that, I was also particularly active on his forum back in the day, even being made moderator, but never actually acting on it since it happened just when I had become overwhelmed by it and withdrew. My activity on that forum was responsible for perhaps my first direct contact with the authorities, however, since Ralu Filip, at the time president of the National Audiovisual Council, contacted me in order to discuss the Romanian media landscape of the time and how the institution handled it as a result of what I was writing there, which pretty much caused me to be paralyzed with fear when I realized it wasn’t a prank, ending up doing my best to move the discussion to the forum and, sadly, run away. But even so, perhaps that was a spark as well, one more element that led to where I ended up all these years later, still doing far too little, embarrassingly so, yet at the same time so much more, and so much more openly, than all those years ago that I’d likely be unrecognizable for those who knew me before that time and lost touch since.

As a somewhat funny moment, I remember that time when I went to pick up Andra from the train station on my own and we got back after 13-14 had already started, so instead of jumping right on each other we ended up making out on an armchair in the kitchen while watching the show, since it was on TV too at the time, delaying other “activities” until it was over. But I guess that’s the last thing I’ll mention, as this is too long already, and likely going places it didn’t need to go to, and perhaps actually shouldn’t have gone to. So I’ll end it simply: Goodnight, AG, wherever you are.

Starting directly, I’ll just quickly mention that I went out to buy a few things on March 2, 5 and 7. Left early on March 7 and it was already clear when I woke up that something was seriously wrong, but at first I dismissed it as perhaps something caused by getting so little sleep, not that it’s not likely that the lack of sleep had something to do with ending up with this bad flu anyway, knowing that the immune system is hurt by not getting enough sleep.
But this post won’t be about the flu, so I’ll sort of try to write around it and mention the other things, and since I got to March 7, that means the next on the list is receiving the “picnic set” won last month. Somehow didn’t hear my phone ring while I was shopping that day even though it was in my pocket, so I only noticed the SMS and the missed call later and actually called the delivery guy myself while on the way back, thinking there may still be a chance to have it delivered that day, but he told me that my dad had already answered the door and everything was fine even if I hadn’t been there personally. Then again, doubt I’d have received it myself either way, as I’d have likely been asleep at that time if I wouldn’t have gone out that early. But all’s well that ends well, and while I find little use for the plastic plates and glasses in the set and am not keen on the cutlery, since it all has plastic handles, or the small plastic cutting board, some use may be found for them at some point. The most useful, on the other hand, will be the backpack it all came in, as I think dad will start using it at some point, maybe sooner rather than later, seeming just like what he wanted for some time.

I guess the next thing to mention should have taken place on March 9, when dad was leaving and someone was supposed to come to read the electricity meter. He had told me that the note on the building door said the person will come after 5 PM, or maybe 5:30 PM, but somebody rang the doorbell around 11:50 AM, just when he was out for a little while to buy a few more things for me, before actually leaving for those few days. Not sure whether that was a first attempt or it was someone else, as the note definitely didn’t mention that the person will try in the morning as well, but at the same time it apparently didn’t mention 5 PM either, because I still found it on the building door when I went out on Sunday and it said 7 PM to 8 PM, so I’m not sure what dad saw. But what he told me was all I had to work with, so despite being completely crushed by the flu, I tried to stay awake after 5 PM and wait for that person, struggling not to fall back to sleep until around 7 PM, obviously all for nothing. Whether the person tried to come later, at the time that was actually listed, or not, I have no idea, but she did come again at the start of this week, after dad got back, both earlier and later during that day, and he was finally here and able to open the door that evening.

While all of this was going on, I read League of Dragons, starting on March 3 and planning to finish in a week, but eventually ending up not reading anything on March 9 and finishing it on March 10. Was something to do in bed during those last few days, when I could at least do that much, and I just wanted to cry after finishing it, being left without that as well, but of course I can’t cry while alone.
Did order The Lady of the Lake, but I’m not sure I actually want to read that, knowing how it ends, and either way I wasn’t told that I can come pick it up even now, not that I could have done so any earlier. The thing is that there’s a science fiction and fantasy book fair next weekend and the store I ordered it from will be there, making me wonder whether I may find it cheaper there, and how much of an asshole would I be if I’ll wait even if they will let me know I can pick it up earlier and cancel the order and get it from there if so. Or, if it won’t be cheaper, whether I’ll be able to pick it up from there at the price I ordered it at, so I won’t make another trip later.

Moving on, my computer tends to have issues whenever I’m in a particularly bad mood or sick and now was no different. As such, Saturday night after eating, so actually in the early hours of Sunday, I noticed that the mouse sounded and felt like it was scratching on the pad. It still does so even now, so I’m not sure what’s going on, but that night I kept trying to figure it out and at one point, pretty much just as I was giving up, the pointer jumped on the screen. I wasn’t moving the mouse at that moment, but I just saw the pointer suddenly jump quite some distance to the right, which obviously worried me. Can’t say I noticed it happening again since and I guess it is possible that a hair or some piece of dirt had caused it at that moment, but I’m obviously worried that it was a sign of some actual problem, which would hardly be surprising.

I did mention above that I went out on Sunday, and that wasn’t in spite of, but actually just because I was so sick, since I went to a pharmacy to get some pills Alma had told me she had taken and helped. Dad had left me some more money and I still had a little bit as well, so I just got dressed and went out the door a few minutes after 9 AM and got back pretty much exactly one hour later, with the pills and one yogurt picked up from a supermarket that’s right next to that pharmacy.
Got there well enough, despite noticing a few times that I wasn’t exactly walking in a straight line and getting quite dizzy for just a moment at one point, when I turned rather quickly to look at a sign on a tree, somebody looking for their lost bird. The way back was more of a problem, as I really wasn’t feeling well anymore and had started to not see well either at some point, but I didn’t have long to go by then and managed to get back well enough. Felt very bad about having spent so much though, and that only got worse as time passed and I could think about it, even though what I bought proved very useful and likely necessary and that pharmacy tends to be a whole lot cheaper than others most of the time.

Getting to this week, Tuesday dad was cooking a few different dishes, and he decided to use the food processor for one, though I definitely can’t figure out why, since the idea would have pretty much been to do the same thing to those beans as one would do to make mashed potatoes, meaning that the same utensil should have likely been used. But, like I said, he decided to use the food processor, and I actually got out of bed to see what was going on when I heard the noise for a few seconds the first time, asking whether he had washed it properly and made sure that nothing was spilling. Then I got back to bed, yet got back up very soon, as after hearing the noise for a couple more seconds the power went out, a circuit breaker reacting to what was likely a short caused by the food processor, which wouldn’t turn on again after that.
He said he might have pushed it too hard, the beans requiring more power than the motor could deliver, but I asked whether it wasn’t wet, and he realized that indeed it was, pretty much all over. So I guess that’s gone now, and while it was quite old and usually only used by my mother, it’ll be hard to find anything that reliable anymore, at least among the affordable ones. But at least I spared the mixer from what might have been a similar fate, as dad wanted to use that next, but I persuaded him to just use the utensil and leave any appliances where they were.

As for Wednesday, it was already evening when I managed to crawl out of bed, did some laundry, made myself something to eat, but hadn’t actually started eating when dad came and started searching for Micky all over the house, since he couldn’t find her right away and she did slip past him before, or ended up left on the balcony or, actually rather recently, in a wardrobe that she couldn’t get out of until he got back. Since she didn’t seem to be anywhere, he went out and started looking through the building while I continued to look around the apartment… Only to find her when I got back to my room and noticed a lump under the sheet and the blanket that’s under it, as she had buried herself there, sitting right on the mattress, under everything.
I have absolutely no clue when or how did she manage to slip past me and get in here that evening, but there she was, so I picked her up and went out as well, waiting for dad to get back and pointing her to him as he seemed quite desperate. Don’t know what she did while in my room though, but at least my computer didn’t report having been disconnected again, so either she didn’t crawl behind it again or at least did so more carefully and didn’t move that cable that way again, and things weren’t thrown out of the bottom part of my bookcase either, which happened before when she somehow slipped in here without me noticing until much later. Still wondering whether there may be consequences I just haven’t noticed yet, but at least so far it doesn’t look like she caused any problems.

This was an embarrassing time, but after skipping the previous two weeks, the first due to the weather and the second due to the flu, I decided to go for it today despite obviously being quite far from recovered. The reported temperature was up to 18°C, but there was some wind, more than I expected after looking at the forecast, and also a fair number of people in the park. But the main problem was how I was feeling, weak and out of breath, at times a bit nauseous and not even thinking well enough to calculate the proper paths around others. Plus that I had to stop for a bit to cough and try to spit crap out just after passing the bridge at the start of lap three, ending up with the crap clinging to my face and then on my hand after wiping it off, stopping again to wipe the hand on a tree, and then on another, after I noticed I still had a bit left.
The time was 54:29, with sector times of 4:45, 5:42, 6:32, 5:00, 5:39, 6:42, 5:20, 5:54, 6:48 and 2:07, making for lap times of 16:59, 17:21 and 18:02. This was the fourth slowest run over this distance and the third slowest through the park, since the slowest one overall was back in March of 2016, on the track, early in the morning, on very little sleep. The previous slower run over this distance through the park was that one from February last year when, on top of the cold and the snow and muck and puddles on the ground, I was first stopped by someone who asked me what time I was covering a lap in and then briefly stopped again to pick up some money I saw, which then somehow flew out of my pocket before finishing. So that leaves a single slower run over this distance through the park when the conditions weren’t very difficult, and that’s the very first one, back in October of 2015.
Other than that, after February of 2017, the last time I went over 52 minutes was in March of 2017, the last time I went over 51 minutes was in April of 2017, when I was also just recovering from a cold and had problems along the route as well, then I last failed to get under 50 minutes in July and last failed to get under 49 minutes in August. In fact, the last time I failed to stay under 48:30 was on January 1, on about an hour and a half of sleep and needing to somehow find my way through all the people filling the route. Even after the last cold, back in November, I managed a 48:43 which sure seemed nice under the circumstances. But now there was just no way to do better…

Still, it is something either way, perhaps even more so considering the sort of panic I was in last evening, after seeing how much blood I kept spitting out each time. It seems much better today, but last evening it sure didn’t and I thought that whatever had made me think I was recovering had been a false impression, because something was obviously still seriously wrong somewhere and it may cause other things to get worse as well. Not that I’m sure that’s not the case, it’s even possible that pushing myself as much as I did today will cause problems, but what I spat out so far today wasn’t red anymore, and that in itself is a huge improvement over the past several days.
Then again, it can be said that I pushed just a little yesterday as well, since I needed bread and yogurt and went to Auchan, to get those and other things as well. Did take the free bus they provide both ways, to spare myself as much as possible, but it still meant going out, being around people, and also sprinting just a little to catch that bus to get back, since I got out with moments to spare.
And speaking of yesterday, since I ended up going there with the bus that passes by here around 12:50 PM and the stop is right in front of the school, I waited rather awkwardly, trying to find myself a spot a bit away from all the parents waiting and children coming out. And as I was waiting I noticed some other guy who seemed to be out of place there, despite the rather “cool” look, and also noticed him walking away apparently without any child. Then, a bit later, shortly before the bus finally came, he came from behind and meant to hand me a 5 RON bill, prompting me to ask him why and then refuse when he told me to just take it. He seemed a bit confused that I didn’t want it, but rather shrugged it off and walked away, leaving me quite confused as well. And I had even shaved the previous evening and I don’t think any of my clothes were dirty or torn this time around, so I don’t think I looked like a beggar. But maybe he had just decided to do a good thing and had more or less randomly selected me as the recipient and I messed up his plans. But maybe he found someone who needed the money more, if he didn’t give up on the idea of giving them to someone.

I guess I’ll stop here, leaving the nasty period and also the several days before it for some other time, assuming I’ll get around to it. Since I still need a second post this week, I may try to cover at least some part of that tomorrow, to again avoid a Sunday update, though it seems particularly difficult at the moment. But now there is a chance, while it would have been impossible according to the original plan, as I had signed up to volunteer at the Botanical Garden again on the 17th, but I just sent a message earlier this evening to say I won’t be coming, and will be skipping this “Spring Cleaning” completely, since I already signed up to plant trees on the 24th, assuming I’ll be feeling well enough then at least. Should be planting trees twice though, if all goes well, since this is something different, organized by an NGO and, actually, Auchan, while the group organizing the events I attended in 2017 and 2016 scheduled their events on April 14 this time around.