[ View menu ]

Seeing Death

I was complaining that whenever I went out, somebody would approach me to ask me something. Could be just what time is it, or other simple things, but I just wanted to be left alone and this made me feel edgy. Then, I think it was three weeks ago, I went to Cismigiu park and some middle-aged guy sat down next to me when I was sitting on a bench and started talking. It seemed to be an elaborate way of begging, though he didn’t quite look like a beggar, but more like somebody not used to find himself sober. I had to excuse myself and get out of there.

But all that pales in comparison to what happened to me today. What happened forced me to find out something about myself: I don’t faint when I see death… Don’t even throw up…
Yeah, I did… Was walking through the Titan park and looking for the best hidden places possible. Apparently I wasn’t the only one thinking that particular place was a great choice for peace and quiet. But the kid who agreed with me had a more permanent peace and quiet in mind…
I was walking on a secluded alley where apparently some work had been done, since there was a ditch all along it, when I notice something tied to a tree out of the corner of my eye. I turn to look and see a child hanging by the neck from said something. First thought: “not my problem”. One more step. Stop. Turn to take a good look. “The hell it ain’t!” Sprint down to the nearest workmen in that area screaming “Somebody call the cops quick! I found a hanged child up there!”
They stare at me, don’t seem to believe me, finally get a “Where?”, point and start running back calling “Come quick!” to them. Look back, see they’re walking very casually behind me, decide to do the same. Find the spot again, point them to it, they stare in disbelief for a moment, one turns back and seems to need some air, the other calls his boss. The boss doesn’t seem to believe him either, but eventually calls the park guards.
Then the workman looks at me and goes “What about you? You feeling ill?” Meant to say “It’s not everyday that I see a dead person while strolling through a park”, but all I managed was a shrug. He goes “You’re white as a sheet!”, I glance pointedly at the child, he sighs and starts walking back, saying “Come on, guards will be here shortly and take care of this… Oh, God…” So I start slowly walking back behind him, plop on the first bench I see, wait a bit to both regain my senses and see if anybody comes to me to ask for something, I see 3 guards going up, one workman coming back down and then going up again, not even a glance spared my way, so I get up and start making my way back home, going all around the lake in the other direction initially…
The stupid part was when the workman saw 3 girls, aged 15 at most, walking on another path in that area and called out to them to go back or they’ll be scared. They asked why and he explained, which made them rush there to see for themselves, then scream and stagger back. The workman then yelled for people not to go up that path because there’s a hanged child there, and that of course made even more people go up, despite his warnings that they need nerves of steel for it. Some people have strange curiosities.
I probably should have stuck around until the cops arrived, to see if they needed anything else from me, but since the guards didn’t stop me I just left. Felt a rather pressing need to get out of that area… Did see another guard right at the park exit and stared hard at him to make sure he noticed me, thinking that if cops wanted me they’d have been radioed to find me again. No reaction, but I’ll scan the news this evening and tomorrow just in case, see if there’s any mention of cops looking for the person who discovered the body for any reason.

If anybody’s interested in the grim details, the body was that of a child and looked to have died very recently. The lower lip was blue and swollen (or it might have been the tongue, but I’m quite sure it was the lip), but nothing else. I didn’t notice any sign of decay. Seems to have been a fan of a certain team, since he used a team scarf instead of rope. Also might have been wearing a t-shirt of that team, but quite frankly I can’t remember and not sure I even want to. Didn’t recognize the team, didn’t even try. I also noticed a power cord tied to the branch, so I can assume he tried that first but wasn’t strong enough.

Well, I was afraid of nightmares since I’ll need to to to the dentist because of my teeth hurting so bad lately and the last time I did that, some six and a half years ago, I had nightmares for three months afterwards. I guess I might as well go now, since it seems that I have my nightmares cut out for me for a while anyway…

Written by Cavalary on May 30, 2007 at 5:33 PM in Personal | 0 Comments

Excuses…

Neighbors have been drilling, hammering, breaking, throwing and making all other sorts of noise every afternoon for the past few weeks, but today they started early in the morning! Lovely, slept three hours yesterday, split in two parts, and two more today… But that’s not the only source of noise, there is plenty coming from outside the building as well, which makes having the window open a bad idea.
Speaking of open windows, the weather seems to be making the transition from too cold to too hot in just a few weeks, goodbye to all the “just right” days we used to have years ago. Why can’t manmade climate changes only affect those who don’t care about the environment?
Otherwise, I feel like shit because she’s not with me, going out of my mind because I can’t take being here with these creatures and having no control over anything anymore at all, my vision’s going to hell in a handbasket and my teeth and balls hurt.
Yeah, I know, excuses, excuses, but just so you know why I haven’t been writing… Heck, don’t even feel like playing games anymore, much less anything else…

Written by Cavalary on May 26, 2007 at 11:42 AM in Personal | 0 Comments

May 22nd

I really didn’t mean to write such things when I started this blog, but I certainly don’t seem able to write much else… Or think of much else… And if that’s the general rule, imagine how things stand today. It’s after midnight, so it’s today…
This feels so wrong, their reasons to celebrate being mine to be even more depressed than usual. Makes me feel even worse, if that’s even possible.
No idea why I’m putting this here. No idea why I wrote it in an e-mail last night either… No, not to her. Certainly thought about sending her something, but realized I couldn’t write something cheerful, plus that it’d mean not checking my mail afterwards, seeing as I couldn’t handle a potential reply. Not that one would be likely, and not like I knew what not being able to handle it means, but still…
Sitting here for the past 30 minutes to write this… Wondering if I’ll manage to stand long enough today to go out and see if I’ll get hit by a car or something…
Happy anniversary to you two… Hopefully neither is reading this and nobody who does is telling them, but just to let it out…

Written by Cavalary on May 22, 2007 at 1:40 AM in Personal | 0 Comments

StarCraft II Is Coming!

It’s official, Blizzard announced StarCraft II! There have been hints and rumors for a long time, but never anything clear… Until now.
They say they’ve been working on it since 2003. Four years is a lot of time to keep a project secret, but apparently they did it well enough. Knowing Blizzard, it will still be some time until the launch, as they never launch anything they don’t think is perfect. And it’s really hard to follow up on StarCraft.
I’m not a fan of RTS games, but StarCraft was absolutely fabulous and am quite thrilled that the sequel is coming, so I just had to share this bit of news. They put it better than I could: “Hell, it’s about time.”

Written by Cavalary on May 19, 2007 at 5:49 PM in Gaming | 0 Comments

Visitors from Another World

Let me start with the well-known 1% theory, and use a very conservative estimate for it too. Currently, it is estimated that the Milky Way contains up to 500 billion stars, but I’ll use 100 billion to illustrate a worst case scenario.
Let’s say we have 100 billion stars in our galaxy. If 1% of them would have planets around them, that makes for one billion solar systems. Current estimates are that as many as one in three, 33%, have solar systems, but let’s drop that and keep going with 1%. If 1% of those solar systems contain at least one planet that can support some form of life, it means we have at least ten million planets that can support some form of life. And keep in mind that life may mean many things, some of which we couldn’t even perceive. If 1% of those life-supporting planets actually do have life on them, it means we have at least 100000 planets with life on them. If 1% of those planets contain at least one species that has developed what we call intelligence, it means we have at least 1000 intelligent species.
It is simply next to impossible for us to be the only ones, and this takes into account our galaxy alone, and there are many more out there.

But simply being there doesn’t mean they can visit. Earth is simply a grain of sand within the desert that is the Milky Way, which is in itself just another grain of sand within the desert that is the universe. Finding another grain of sand with certain characteristics requires some very advanced technology, so we need to go one step further. If 1% of those 1000 species developed the necessary technology, it means there are ten species in our galaxy alone that could pay a visit.
This is the worst case scenario, ignoring any possible intergalactic travellers, and the number I will work with: ten. Not that much, is it? But it is greater than zero, and that’s all that’s needed to make it unlikely for us not to at least have received such visitors at some point in the past, if not for them to still be around at the present time. That said, let’s think a little about what would happen in such a scenario.

Some think they’ll be hostile. Why would they be? It’s not that we’d stand a chance against a civilization that could reach us, coming from who knows how many light years away, but just a question of what would they have to gain?
Resources? I’m sure there are many planets that have way more resources than Earth does, considering how much we’re draining it. Plus that trying to mine a planet already occupied by a civilization that would immediately become hostile would be a nuisance they could do without. Our attacks would be nothing more than mosquito bites, but mosquitoes can be pretty annoying. Plus that battles might destroy the very resources they’d be looking for.
Slaves? Members of a species that desire freedom make pretty poor choices in that case, don’t you think? I mean, if they can get to us, it is only logical that they can get to worlds inhabited by creatures that could serve their needs well enough without needing constant supervision or expensive brainwashing methods.
Sport? Come on, how interesting could it be to hunt us down? We wouldn’t stand a chance, it’d be like killing ants. Over 6.5 billion ants… Going through a few might be interesting, but don’t you think they’d get bored really fast? And if they just want a few they wouldn’t need to make themselves known to all of us. Just pick up some, do whatever it is they want to do with them, then move on.
Nope, I’d say that, since in our current situation we’re certainly not a threat, any potentially hostile civilization would simply pass us by.

Others think they’ll share their technology with us. Once again I need to ask, what would they have to gain by such an act? Or, even if they’d be inclined to do it out of the kindness of their hearts, how could they, considering what we’re doing with the technology that we currently have?
Just think about it for a moment. We certainly are a hostile civilization, one focused on conquering. We are also quite inventive, expecially when it comes to finding ways for using anything to harm another. With that in mind, would you give us any advanced technology?
Or let me put it another way, in simpler terms. Say you see somebody struggling to cut down a tree with a stone axe. The stone axe is bloody. Next to that person, there is another. Dead. Quite obviously killed with the very stone axe that is now used to cut down the tree. Would you give a chainsaw to the person trying to cut down the tree?
If they’d be concerned about us, they wouldn’t give us anything for fear we’d use it to wipe ourselves out. If they’d be concerned about themselves, they wouldn’t give us anything for fear we’d use it against them. If they’d be concerned about worlds in general, they wouldn’t give us anything because… Well, we seem to be doing a good enough job at destroying one with what we already have, don’t you think?
Nope, I’m quite sure that any peaceful civilization would pass us by as well, just like a potentially hostile one would.

That leaves the explorers and those interested in exchanging information. But, once again, what could they gain by interacting with us?
If their purpose would be to chart Earth, I’m sure they could do it well enough from orbit. Actually, they would probably learn far more about this planet by scanning it from orbit than we know after being on it all this time.
As for the various species living on it, why would they need to ask us? What do we know? Sure, we’re making definite progress with genetics, but we’re still far from the end of that road. They could probably learn more about a species by analyzing a hair from it’s body, to say nothing about a drop of blood, than they would by asking us. And they could observe life cycles from a safe distance just as well. Considering what we can do with spy satellites, it only makes sense that, if they can get to us, they can track a mouse from the Moon just as well. Or they could just grab a few members of whatever species they’re interested in, including ours, watch them for a while, then either kill them or wipe their memories and send them back.
As for exchange of information, don’t make me laugh. That would be a one-sided conversation, likely resembling one between a leading scientist and a retard, and I assume it’s obvious which one we’d be. So that brings us right back to what I said about about peaceful civilizations.
So this case leads to the same conclusion. Whatever their intentions might be, there is no reason for them to make themselves known to the whole world.

The ten species that I mentioned above make visits over the course of our history quite likely. Not because we’re that interesting specifically, but because what we represent is interesting enough to at least keep under observation. I’m saying that because, while there are probably thousands of civilizations in our galaxy alone, they are most likely a very rare occurence, considering the total number of stars and planets. And a potentially hostile civilization, which we are, would warrant even more attention.
It’s actually possible that some of them landed here in plain sight a long time ago, when they knew we wouldn’t recognize their technology for what it really is and they could pass as gods. It is also possible that there were permanent observation posts in place until rather recently. In that case, they probably were completely automatic, probes that sent data back whenever something interesting was going on, or at specific intervals. After all, there’s no real reason to keep actual observers around when “security cameras” can do the job just as well, right?
But then we got a little smarter and such things became a problem. We started to have the potential of recognizing their technology, which made contact a security threat. I’m not denying that certain individuals might have been contacted even after that moment, but they would need to be extremely careful about such encounters, and any event in which they’d be seen by a large number of people is pretty much out of the question.
For a while that still wasn’t much of a problem. If we’re making definite progress on creating an effective cloaking device, becoming invisible certainly would be a simple routine for them. But then the real problem arose. We stopped simply looking up and started going up. Aircraft weren’t that much of a threat, but when we started putting things into orbit, and going out in space ourselves, I assume they had to pull back. After all, being invisible only prevents detection until somebody bumps into you. And, after a certain point, there were simply too many things we created orbiting Earth. The risk became too great to be worth it.

I’m sure there have been real sightings, they were probably what made them pull back in the first place. Or perhaps what happened in between the moment we gained the ability to detect them and the moment they were able to get back here and get rid of whatever it was they left in orbit in the first place. Or maybe some of them don’t get along too well and had to avoid each other, which made them unable to get everything out of here in time. Or the results of accidents or mistakes after that point, as those can happen to anybody.
But I think they got enough assurances to be at ease waiting for us. They know we’re looking for them and they know we’ll find them and make ourselves known well before we’ll be able to reach them. They know we’re not a potential threat yet just like they know we can’t be of any use either.

Isn’t it logical that, as soon as we started exploring our little neighborhood, they marked us as a potential contact, pulled out all their equipment and are just waiting with mild interest for us to get in touch?
That’s the way I see it at least. We won’t see them touching down, climbing out and waving at us. Or, if we ever will, it means they badly need something that for some reason they can’t take directly, so we should be very careful and play our cards right. But that’s extremely unlikely, as I don’t see what we could help them with.
So keep reaching up for the stars, because they won’t reach down for us. But, if one day we’ll figure out how to send the right signal in the right direction, we just might hear a bored security guard mumbling something in a weird language. Something that’d translate roughly to “Hey, boss, looks like the little critters from F140-D32-M3 finally figured out how to call.”

Written by Cavalary on May 17, 2007 at 11:05 PM in Space | 0 Comments