Cav's Place

This was the first year when I started being interested in it several months ahead of the actual contest. Of course, that’s mostly because I keep trying to find things to keep my mind busy with, not that it ever works…
Anyway, I knew all the songs and most presentations, but I did put all that out of my mind and ranked them during the show as I always do. The only change was the fact that I was harsher this time around, knowing that many performances will be good. It seems that it was one of the best ESC shows I’ve seen, big difference compared to last year’s, which was probably the worst overall. Check out the official site for more information.
What Lordi did manage to do last year was open Pandora’s box, a lot of genres were represented this time around. That’s a good thing, but let’s see how things will be after they settle down. One can notice that all the “heavier” songs that were in the semi were eliminated, but also that nothing, not even Ukraine, stood out nearly as much for show value this year as Finland did last year. Then again, the only thing that can even remotely be compared to that performance is Ukraine’s performance from 2004.
On another note, right now, Western countries are outraged by the way the Eastern ones vote for each other and demand changes in the voting method.

Serbia. Excellent song, but it didn’t stand out for me. Apparently this was the backlash from last year, people mobilizing to vote for a good song over a good performance. Yet, there were other good songs that also had something to make them stand out. I think the fact that it was Serbia’s debut as an independent country helped them as well.
Ukraine stood out for show value, albeit a tasteless one. The song was absolutely silly, but it was enough to draw attention.
Russia… As always, they have guaranteed votes. Russia could bring anything and they’d still be in the top. Enough said.
Turkey’s performance was dreadful from my point of view, but what can you do? As I said last year too, there will always be “political” votes at ESC. See what I said about Russia above…
Bulgaria stood out. It was a solid, unique performance. Not enough to win, but clearly something to be remembered. The best overall performance from the top 5 if you ask me.

But, since I mentioned asking me, here is my classification, as I wrote it down during the show (actual place between parenthesis):

1 Slovenia (15)
2 Moldova (10)
3 Bulgaria (5)
4 Ukraine (2)
5 Finland (17)
6 Serbia (1)
7 Lithuania (21)
8 Sweden (18)
9 Romania (13)
10 France (22)
11 Belarus (6)
12 Macedonia (14)
13 United Kingdom (23)
14 Georgia (12)
15 Latvia (16)
16 Bosnia (11)
17 Russia (3)
18 Spain (20)
19 Hungary (9)
20 Armenia (8)
21 Turkey (4)
22 Greece (7)
23 Germany (19)
24 Ireland (24)

Got the last place right. One place off for Latvia. Two off for Bulgaria, Ukraine, Macedonia, Georgia and Spain.
At the other end, at least ten places off for Slovenia, Finland, Lithuania, Sweden, France, United Kingdom, Russia, Hungary, Armenia, Turkey and Greece.

I seem to have been pretty far off overall, so I’ll explain my top choices a bit.
Slovenia had great vocals, clearly stood out even if you’ll say that Latvia also had something along those lines, and I liked the trick with lighting her face while all other lights were a dim blue.
Moldova had an outstanding overall performance. Very good voice, good song, nice stage presence. Probably the best overall value, but there was something that wouldn’t let me put it over Slovenia.
Bulgaria, as I said before, was a solid performance that stood out. Nothing like it this year and I’m not even sure there ever was anything along the same lines.
Also as I said before, Ukraine stood out for show value, though the song was just silly.
And Finland was the “heaviest” entry left, after all those from the semi were kicked out. Didn’t sound bad at all actually, but was lacking something…
Then I put Serbia and Lithuania. Both of them are great songs, but they didn’t have anything to be remembered by. That said, Lithuania scored about as much as I expected them to score, but Serbia… Talk about a backlash, just put this song next to last year’s winner. Hard to find a greater contrast. Oh, and the song title means “prayer”, add that to the contrast.
As for Sweden, Romania and France, they just were interesting songs. Actually, Sweden stood out as well, but not enough for me to put them over Serbia and Lithuania.
And that’s it with the top ten, the rest were pretty much what you’d expect at ESC…

As for the semi, I did better than last year. Six of the ones I wanted to qualify, did. The difference was that I wanted Andorra, Cyprus, Czech Republic and Iceland to make it instead of Belarus, Hungary, Georgia and Turkey. Ok, it was obvious that Belarus and Turkey will qualify and Andorra and the Czech Republic won’t (Czechs got a single point!), also likely that Georgia will qualify instead of Iceland, so the only surprise for me was Hungary qualifying instead of Cyprus, but I’m talking about who I wanted to make it, not who I thought would. No, I’m not at all surprised that big favorites Switzerland didn’t make it. They seem to have forgotten to take their voices along with them for the trip, so it was obvious.

Once again moving away from the previous post in this series, I will now focus on myself. What I’m thinking and what I’m feeling, both emotionally and physically. If you thought I laid my soul bare for everyone to see so far, you’ve seen nothing yet.

I’ll start with the way I’m feeling physically. I have to say that I overreact whenever I notice something wrong with me and not know exactly what it is and how I can solve it myself. While I don’t handle any person that I’m not already close to well at all, doctors and hospitals terrify me more than anything. From my point of view, there is no solution even to relatively simple problems, because I can’t say that I’ll just go see a doctor and get it fixed. That said, anything that can get worse if left untreated, probably will get worse in my case. The only way for me to even consider seeing a doctor is to be more scared by what I think I have than by the idea of seeing said doctor. And that can only happen if I think that I have something very serious and that every day is critical. So, whenever I’m not sure that I can solve the problem myself, and even more so when I don’t even know what exactly the problem is, I assume the worst thing that could possibly cause those symptoms and panic. That said, I will just focus on the facts and not on what I think they might mean.

First, my eyes. I never had a perfect eyesight, but it was good enough and it never got worse. I noticed a few problems shortly after she left and blamed the fact that I was now spending about twice as much time at the computer compared to how it was before. But things started getting worse and worse after I got here. I noticed a worsening shortly after ending up back here, in March last year, another in late summer, another in November, then things started getting noticeably worse each month and, as of about one month ago, I can say they’re getting noticeably worse each day. I wake up and keep my eyes closed for a moment longer, wondering how am I going to see today.
I saw a doctor about it in January, but got nothing out of that. The symptoms were pointing towards an imminent retinal detachment and it seems that she agreed, as she didn’t even let me finish saying what I’m noticing, checking for that immediately. Was told that’s not the problem, so I calmed down a bit, but I was not told what actually is the problem. The whole thing lasted about five minutes, three of which being spent on determining my prescription for glasses, something I wasn’t interested in at all. Then I was given a prescription for some drugs, not told what the problem is or even what those drugs are, I couldn’t make out anything from her handwriting, so I came out of there none the wiser. No, I’m not taking those drugs. Doubt I even could, considering the way I’m eating, but I want to be able to study what it’s about by myself and make an informed choice, and I can’t do that if I can’t understand what’s written there!
I know I would need glasses, at least for my right eye, but I’ve been seeing that way with that eye ever since I can remember. The changes I’ve noticed lately in that aspect are relatively minor, and my brain seems to ignore my right eye anyway, knowing it can’t rely on it. That said, as long as I can manage without them, they’re completely out of the question! And glasses won’t do anything to solve the problems that I went there for in the first place.
What are those problems? Spots, mainly. Bright white, pitch black, gray… Sometimes even colored, electric blue, red, yellow, dirty orange… Some move, or appear and disappear, some don’t. There is at least one that I constantly see with my right eye, and I’m pretty sure there is another that I see with my left eye. There are moments when I don’t notice the latter, but I think it’s because my brain works around it, since it is there whenever I look for it. I seem to be able to see through them, with the possible exception of the one I constantly see with my right eye, if the object I’m looking at to test this contrasts well enough with the background, but all colors in that area appear close to the color of the spot. There are small black spots that quickly pass through my field of vision. There are lights that slowly pass through a certain part of it and appear to leave a trail that I keep seeing for several seconds afterwards. Sometimes I notice my pupils dilated as far as they can go. It’s like I have spiderwebs on my eyes, but this is not new, just seems worse now. There are also problems with my peripheral vision, the area often seeming dark, like a shadow is covering it. Sometimes I see something that appears to be a mesh of lights with my right eye, towards the right. Plus that sometimes I can’t seem to focus. There is also a strange feeling, like there is something inside my eyes that shouldn’t be there.

I gave all those details about my eyes because it’s what worries me most, and the only problem that I did something about, though it proved to be useless. I’ll now quickly go through the other problems:
I’m shaking badly. Hands, legs, the whole body… There is also a relatively numb feeling and slight weakness in my right arm and leg. That’s not exactly new in itself, as my hands have always been shaking a little and I first noticed the problems with my right leg about 8 years ago, but things are getting worse fast ever since I got here. Shaking is significantly worse than it has ever been and affects way more areas and the same goes for that annoying feeling that I can only describe as a relative numbness and slight weakness. Under certain kinds of effort, the shaking becomes much worse. It’s getting to the point where I keep dropping, or almost dropping, things.
Besides the two new cavities I noticed since I got here, the two old ones are obviously getting worse. That whole area is often bleeding and sometimes swelling and hurting. I’m lucky in a way, since I did go to take care of one of them once, up to a point, so now I have a big hole in one tooth. When it starts to hurt, I squeeze that whole area, spit everything out, rise my mouth well and it gets better for a while once again. It also started to hurt when something cold touches the area, as of a few months ago. And there seems to be a little something grown in between two of my front teeth. At first I thought there was something stuck in between them and tried to get it out, but that obviously wasn’t it, so I’m confused. The area bleeds easily, but I can’t see anything there, just feel it with my tongue, too small. Yeah, I know what I need to do about it, but, if I say I’m terrified of doctors in general… I’ll need an even worse term to refer to dentists, and can’t find it.
My spine seems to dislike me more and more as well. The moments when something seems to go wrong and it starts hurting badly seem to be getting more frequent and last longer. Actually, I’m getting used to that level of pain, you probably wouldn’t even notice that I’m feeling it. Quite annoying…
My balls started hurting about a month ago, so about a week before I started being horny all the time. Shortly afterwards, I noticed something that appeared to be growing on the right one. Now it’s big enough to get a good feel of it and it certainly seems to be the same thing that I have on the left one for about 6.5 years now (but which also seems to have gotten bigger lately). Was told back then that there’s nothing to worry about, it’ll go away on its own. It didn’t… Either way, not exactly worried, if it were something serious I’d have known long ago. It’s just that it bothers. Good thing that it’s hurting less now.
There are also various pains in my lower abdomen, on both sides. Quite sharp sometimes, but thankfully those moments are short.
Plus the little annoying things like having way more zits than before. And all the tiny red moles I keep noticing in various places. A few of those turn pale brown, others stay as they are, others vanish. As I said, just annoying.
There are other things, but they have been there before getting here and didn’t get significantly worse since then, so there’s no reason to write about them here.

Moving on to what I’m thinking… Or, more exactly, to the way my thoughts feel and what I think about this matter specifically.
To put it bluntly, I feel like I’m way past my breaking point. I have already attacked dad once and will certainly do it again as soon as I have the slightest reason to. Can’t stand them around at all anymore and every sound they make is driving me out of my mind. But it’s not just them, even this person who’s been hammering and drilling every afternoon for the past week and a half has some pretty bad effects.
Been having breakdowns pretty much every day for a long time now. I’m past the state where taking it out on virtual foes in a game could solve the problem. Not sure that kicking and screaming would do much good, but I can’t do much of that since parents would hear me and comment on it, making it even worse. I simply can’t stay here anymore, but there’s nowhere for me to go, and I couldn’t handle it even if there were. There are moments when I can’t even be angry anymore, and I certainly can’t cry, so there’s not even a way to react left. I feel I’m about to explode…
There is no solution and there can never be any… I had a life and lost it, nothing good can happen after that. It’s so frustrating to just be alive because you’re too much of a coward to do what you need to do. Or, perhaps, what’s frustrating is to have just that shred of hope left that won’t give you the strength to do anything, but won’t let you say that there’s nothing left to lose either. That’s the worst case, because one can do something crazy when there really is nothing left to lose, and, who knows, something good may come out of it. But this way, I’m stuck here…
I am thinking about those potential signs and trying to see if I can get some hope out of them, but the rational part of me says that I’m making a big deal out of a few coincidences, seeing what I wish to be there instead of what really is. Which brings me right back to square one, the shred of hope and nothing more. Yet that’s all I can do, hope. Hope that one day we’ll be together again. And that this will happen in a way in which he won’t be hurt either, because I certainly don’t want that to happen.
Did find myself thinking about a possible future meeting with her, which was odd. It’s usually memories, albeit modified, not completely new events set in the future. And I mean it when I said I found myself thinking it, I was just walking around the room and the thought struck me. Not related to anything, not looking for it, just came on its own. And it scares me in a way. Partly because wishful thinking can’t make things better, partly because the idea that it might be true someday scares the shit out of me. I can’t even imagine how I could react. Sure, I want something like that, but whether or not I could handle it is another issue entirely.
Can’t I just go crazy, live completely in my own head and think she’s still with me? And be allowed to stay like that if it’ll happen, without anybody trying to “cure” me? Would be too nice, wouldn’t it? That’s why it’ll never happen, because nothing good can ever happen again to me… Probably deserve all of this, just for making the mistakes I’ve made to make her want to leave in the first place.
I’m actually trying to write things here in a way in which they’ll make some sense, trust me on that. My mind’s a complete mess actually. You know what would be funny? If somebody would try to read my mind somehow. Bet they’d go insane pretty fast, without managing to make any sense of anything.
I’m scared. Scared that I really will never be with her again but won’t get the guts to kill myself either, so I’ll stay in this state for who knows how many more years. Scared that I will get another chance at some point, not know what to do with it and mess up. Scared that I won’t even get the guts to strike at my parents again. Scared that I will, but fail miserably a second time. Scared that I will and kill them this time. Scared that they’ll move and force me to move too, therefore losing this room. Scared that they won’t move, and I’ll be stuck here with them for who knows how long. Scared that I’ll manage to be rid of them, one way or another, and end up living alone, knowing that I can’t manage it. Scared that I will end up living with someone, but not her, and that it would turn into a disaster immediately. Scared that parents will at some point get doctors to try to “cure” me, when there are only two possible cures, being with her again or dying. Scared about what’s going on with my eyes. Scared about ending up with her again someday and noticing that I can’t “perform” in any acceptable manner anymore because of what’s going on with my balls. Scared of her reading this at some point. Scared of her never reading it. Scared of surviving, because there’s nothing left but suffering. Scared of not surviving, risking to lose the chance that I might once again have, who knows how many years from now. Scared of losing all control. Scared of keeping in control of myself, only to be aware of how useless and painful everything is. Scared of myself. Scared of everybody else. Scared of the only thing that would make me turn away if given another chance. Just too damn scared…
What’s that one thing that would make it turn away? Children. Their own, adopted, needing to live in a house where somebody else’s kids also live in order to be with her, anything… Wouldn’t make me feel less for her. If anything, it’d be even worse, but that’s the one thing that would make me turn back, the one thing that will never be negotiable, the one thing, short of death, that will mean there truly is no other chance, that I could never again have anything even remotely good happen to me, that nothing could ever have any purpose anymore…
Too much to say, too few words to say it with. And it’s useless anyway, isn’t it? When I met her, for the first time, I truly felt alive… And then my life ended when she left. Don’t be fooled, I’m not alive now, just not dead… I’ll stop here because there’s no point to this. Just a pointless mind dump, and too much effort required for it to make even the little sense that it does make.

As for what I’m feeling emotionally, that should be obvious. But I’ll put it down in writing anyway. That’s why I’m writing this after all, isn’t it? Just to have everything written somewhere…
Love her and always will, nothing could ever change that. I’d try anything, do anything, give anything if I knew it would brings us together again, excepting the one situation that I mentioned above. Nothing will ever change that either.
But, as things are, all I feel is pain and suffering… And regret, so much regret, both for what I did and for what I didn’t do… And I feel that I’m at rock bottom, that things are as bad as they can get, but know that they’ll get worse soon, because they always do…
I feel empty. No hope, no purpose, nothing to live for, nothing to fight for… Yet there are a couple of people that I care deeply about, which makes it even worse because I couldn’t do anything to really help them when they’d need my help… And because of mental links…
Nothing else to say, losing the one you love so much leaves behind nothing but pain, forever stripping you of anything and everything else…

And here I am, at the end. This was last part of this series of posts. There was no point to this… There still isn’t… Just putting things in writing, wearing my heart on my sleeve… I know it’s too long and doesn’t make much sense and I don’t care. It’s not written for you, but for myself…
Yes, there was a point in posting this last part today. Neither of us could ever remember the exact day when she sent me that first e-mail and we started talking, but we narrowed it down to something between May 10th and May 12th. Today is May 9th and I wanted to finish this before that day, in case it was the 10th…

I need somebody to hug tightly and hope I’ll be able to cry my eyes out when I do that… No, of course that’s not what I want, and it’s not like it could solve anything, but I just had to say it, because it’s probably the best that I could ever honestly hope for…
I find myself thinking that all of this is just a nightmare that I’ll wake up from at some point… And then realize that the moments when that seems to be the case are, in fact, the dreams, and that I keep waking up from those, unfortunately. Yet, there can be dreams in a nightmare…

I let some time pass, so people might be a little more likely to think things through, but I’m sure you all know what triggered this. Then again, most people are never likely to think such things through. Or they do think, but, when it comes to solutions, to quote from Babylon 5, “That does seem to be the rule, doesn’t it? Analyze the problem, choose whichever strategy makes least sense and then do it.”

Something like this happens, and most people start looking for warning signs and pointing fingers. Most people want simple answers to complicated problems, complexity scares them. They are also looking to blame external influences for the very same reason. Saying that he was a loner and depressed, blaming computer games, movies, music, availability of guns or a particular non-mainstream interest, all these things let people simplify the problem. Fooling themselves into thinking they might understand it makes them less afraid. And there is one more reason for these things to be blamed. When the culprit commits suicide, there is nobody left to blame, nobody left to punish, nobody left to take all that anger out on. So, in comes the scapegoat.
But that’s not the only reason. By putting the blame on outside influences when a stranger does this, they create a way out in case themselves or a loved one will ever do such a thing. “But, mom… They made me do it!” Having a way out sure is handy, isn’t it? “Hey, I agreed with you when you said that what made him do it was that movie he watched, why don’t you find something that influenced me into doing it too, so I can dodge responsibility?” I’m waiting for the day when a gun will be found guilty of a murder…

People refuse to see that, while there may be common traits between some of the shooters, those traits are also found in millions of others who don’t go on a killing spree! The sum of the traits of a known school mass shooter won’t reveal you another one. But, by pointing fingers like that, you create a lot of false positives. And this is actually more likely to make the person you blame resort to violence than whatever it is you think might lead them down that path in the first place.
When you know you’re not going to hurt anybody, or at least not anybody who didn’t intentionally hurt you first, yet others think you will and act around you as they would around a time bomb, you can reach a breaking point. You would still be the main culprit if you end up doing it, of course, nobody can make you do something you absolutely refuse to do, but that doesn’t help anybody. Something that wouldn’t have happened otherwise would still happen, and those around you will share part of the blame for what happened to them.

The point is that a game or a movie can’t make somebody reach a breaking point if they’re not already there. (But this is a topic for another rant.) However, the actions of another person can make this happen… This particular case offered plenty of clues before it happened, but in many others it’s the quiet ones, those without prior record of violence, that resort to such acts. The explanation is just that breaking point I mentioned.
Bullying, intolerance, underestimation, these are the things people should work towards eliminating! These are the ways in which a group can attack an individual, but the individual can’t respond in the same manner. I mean, if the group is intolerant towards the individual, the individual may feel lonely. If the individual is intolerant towards the group, the group couldn’t care less. And this causes tension and anger to build up until that breaking point is reached and disaster strikes.

Control is not the way. Control equals oppression and lost rights. That makes people even angrier, even more likely to lash out. Plus that some might even do such things just to prove that they can, once they’re made challenging enough.
What do you plan to do? Ban violent games? Is it better to force people to take their anger out on a room full of real people instead of on one full of virtual foes? Not to mention taking away people’s right to relax in whatever way they deem fit, thus causing even more stress.
What do you plan to do? Install cameras and other means of control everywhere? How many more do you think will reach that breaking point just because of the stress caused by constant surveillance, constant suspicion? Not to mention that placing such challenges in the way might make some try to overcome them just to prove they can. Anything can be bypassed, the robbers are always a step ahead of the cops, otherwise we wouldn’t need cops anymore, would we?
What do you plan to do? Enforce stricter gun control? Do you not know that a kitchen knife or even bare hands can kill just as well? Not to mention that some will resort to homemade explosive devices if guns will become too hard to obtain, and that stopping people from carrying weapons will only ensure that just the bad guys will have them. Just imagine how many less people would have died this time if at least one other person there had a gun and the guts to use it.
Do all those and what will you get? An angry kid who brings various harmless household substances, most likely edible, to school but leaves them around for a while. Then, when it comes to other substances that might draw attention, he could put them in little bags and swallow them. Then, at some point during the day, he’ll rush to the bathroom. Probably after taking some laxatives to make sure things will come out right, if you’ll pardon the pun. Cameras won’t catch anything as he or she will arrange the substances properly and start the reaction that will obliterate a good chunk of the building.
No guns were used. Not even any obviously dangerous substance. The guards watching the cameras had no reason for suspicion. Yet hundreds of people may die. Control is not the answer. Control just addresses the effect, and does a poor job even at that.

No, nobody has an excuse for doing something like this. When you can’t take it anymore, lash out at those responsible, not at innocents. If you can’t do that, just walk, or run, away. I don’t think that getting “help” in order to increase your coping skills can help, it just delays the inevitable if the situation continues. I also don’t think that trying to conform is the answer at all, people should be allowed to be who they want to be, as long as they don’t step over dead bodies (literally or not) for it. From my point of view, the solution is to know what your breaking point is and not let yourself get there. Just say you can’t take it anymore and bail out while you can still control your actions.
As for what can the rest of us do… Maybe we should start pointing those fingers towards ourselves. Maybe we should take responsibility for our own part in it and try to fix what we can fix. Listen to people more carefully, take them more seriously. Realize that a good idea is good in itself, regardless of the age or credentials of the one expressing it. Be more tolerant. Focus less on what sets us apart and more on what brings us together. Reject power plays. Protect those that are oppressed without just cause. Show understanding and support for those who would rather make their own path instead of continuing on the beaten one. You might even learn something from them, if you pay attention. Let people walk away when they realize they’re one step away from their breaking point. And, though I know the stuck-up morons (which is to say, the vast majority of the human race) will be up in arms about this, let people die when they want to, instead of trying to “save” them. Figuring out the correct cause leads to the solution…

No, even doing this perfectly won’t completely prevent such things from happening in the future. Some are simply too deranged, in a way that makes them a threat to others. Some don’t know what their breaking point is. Some do, but are either too proud, too afraid or simply too stupid to walk away a step before reaching it. But there will always be risks, all we can hope to do is reduce them and spare those that can be spared.

I recently stumbled upon a site called Idopia. Yes, I know the choice of name is poor. The goal was something that expressed “utopia of ideas” and I think Itopia, Idetopia or Idepia would have done that far better, Idopia sounding more like “utopia of idiots”, but don’t let that stop you from paying them a visit. It’s founded by a couple of Google employees and, despite being in early beta stages, it shows great potential.
When I first saw it, I wondered how come nobody thought about this so far? A way for people to express their ideas about the world, be them good or bad, see what support or opposition they get on them from others and discuss possible outcomes. People can also form groups (called “bunches”), which others can also support or oppose, and members themselves can be supported or challenged by others.
They say they aim further, not stopping at letting people put their ideas out there, but looking for ways to help those who discover that they have common goals work together towards achieving them. I wonder how they plan to do that, but hope they’ll find a way, because it truly is a great concept.

So pay them a visit, see what the few members it currently has have to say, and speak your mind. And help them out if you can, they’re looking for bug reports and development ideas. The only requirements are to correctly answer two of the three simple questions the GateKeeper will ask you, and to be open for discussion, because it’s almost certain that at least one person will oppose anything you have to say.
Who knows, it might just work, if enough people will join and strive to make it work, and the world certainly needs a lot of thoughtful people. It will be interesting to see where will it be a few years down the line.

As the title says, Telford United promoted to the 6th league (Conference North/South) in England. You can use this link to get the quick facts about them, if for any reason you’re interested.
Why am I interested in them? Simply because Telford United (the old club, now bankrupt) was the team I managed every time while playing Championship Manager. When I first played CM ’98, I simply picked a team from the lowest league available in the game at the time. Since it had a 5th league (Conference) available for the English championship, that was it, and Telford happened to be the team. When the CM team split and the actual coders moved on to Footbal Manager, I meant to switch as well, so I did.
That didn’t go well, as I noticed I couldn’t choose to manage Telford anymore and was very disappointed. But I saw that FM had the team listed, even knew all there was to know about it, staff, players, everything in order, but it was listed as being in a lower division than the game supported. Since FM supported up to league 6, I was confused, since I knew they were in 5th the year before and I didn’t see how they could relegate twice. Then I looked up the info and found out that the club went bankrupt and this was a new club born out of it’s ashes, being enlisted in a lower division.
That explained things, but it didn’t make me feel any better. Tried managing another club, but I just got bored quickly, so I said I won’t get another CM or FM game until they promote to a division that it supports, to be able to play them again. Now they finally did, took them only three seasons to promote twice.
So, when the next FM will appear, if I’ll still be alive, sighted and with a better computer, I’ll probably try my hand at managing them all over again.