The 20th Lonely July 12
I guess you could call this an “indirect” milestone, since the “proper” one would be the day that’d have marked a milestone if we’d have stayed together, the “proper” milestone for this year being September 27, if I’m to take that date as the end. But the 20th lonely July 12 should still count for something… And I wasn’t yet 21 when she left, so I’m approaching the point when the time spent suffering after her will be more than half of my life, though that will actually come in September of 2026, so one more July 12 will pass first… Which means that both dates will be milestones next year, if I’ll still be alive by then, since it’ll be the last July 12 before that point and the first September 27 after it. Though, of course, the truly major milestone will be that actual date.
But, to return to the present, I’m writing this with two incomplete posts remaining, in fact being untouched, the post about the half marathon still containing only the first two paragraphs and the one about the Dream Trek still skipping over the actual run. And a year ago I was in a similar situation with the post about the Dream Trek, wanting to write directly but getting to this point without managing to do so and only having a few rushed notes about the actual run. But, if I was mentioning sleeping badly back then as well, now my sleep debt is quite extreme, and I also made a lot of effort this week, wandering around on only a few hours of sleep on Tuesday and Wednesday, in terrible heat on Tuesday and carrying a whole lot on Wednesday, still getting less than seven hours of sleep per day since then, and running yesterday. So the fact that I’m not feeling well is hardly surprising, but the specific symptoms concern me, since as of last evening there’s a strange taste in my mouth, today I’ve been feeling increasingly cold even though the temperature reached about 30°C, and now I seem to start feeling something in my chest as well, and dad is bringing mother again tomorrow evening and I really wouldn’t want to pass something to her, so I’ll be taking something tonight and I’ll see how things develop.
But this is starting to look like a regular personal update and that’s not right… On the other hand, it’s not like I have anything new to say on topic, and I didn’t even find anything new while searching today. Granted, no news may be good news, and at least it means that she’s still fine, or at least fine enough to keep her position, but it’s not like my worst fear is likely to be something announced through sites that cover professional, academic or scientific activity, and it’s the personal matters that interest me, about anyone in fact. But that first kiss, which I detailed in 2007 and 2008, when I really went through pretty much everything I could remember, was around 11 PM, as far as I recall, and since there’s little else to actually say at this point, this is probably a good time to post this.
