Cav's Place

Two and a half months after the first part and nearly three weeks after the second, it seems that I’m finally going to finish answering these questions. So let’s see how it’ll turn out.

Am I greedy?
Quite the opposite. I tend to worry whenever I get something I’m not sure I need and really try to avoid having any significant number of things that money can buy around me.

Do I sell myself easily?
I don’t sell myself at all. Or at least certainly not for money or various favors. I could do things for friendship of course, but nothing that’d go against who I am and what I stand for.
But love’s a different matter. I did and would still do all I could for the one I love, likely even if it would go against all but one of the things I stand for. I wouldn’t be happy with it, but I’d consider the reward to be worth it, because there’s nothing more important for me personally than to be in a solid and loving relationship that works well. But all of this is purely hypothetical now…

Who do I love?
Andra, obviously…

Who do I want to meet?
Andra again, though this probably isn’t an appropriate answer for this question since in her case what I want is obviously to be together again, so just meeting won’t do that much good. Otherwise, Elena P. and Elena G., at least to have them look at me and explain why they vanished like they did and, in the latter’s case, why’s she ignoring me now. And Alina, most likely, because I’d really want to see how she is in person as well.
If this question actually meant to ask which famous person I’d want to meet, I’m sorry to disappoint, but there is none. I have no intention of meeting anyone I don’t already feel close to, which closeness would likely be the result of talking on-line.

Do I care about what others think of me?
I care what Andra thinks of me, though a better question would be if she ever happens to think of me at all these days, even in passing. Otherwise, I may sometimes care a little about what the few people I consider, or would like to consider, as my friends think of me, but perhaps mostly out of curiosity, since I wouldn’t change anything I do or say because of what they think.
But I think this question is mainly about random people, those I don’t feel close to, in which case I really couldn’t care less. They’re welcome to think whatever the fuck they want.

What’s my talent?
I can’t really say that I have one. I seem to have a knack for getting on people’s nerves by arguing against them, and I could do reasonably well in debates in general, especially if I care about the topic. Another thing is that I think in numbers and statistics and like to work with them, as long as we’re only talking about working with numbers and not significant mathematics. But I wouldn’t say any of these is even remotely close to what I’d call a talent.

Do I use that talent?
No. I don’t use any debate skills I may have nearly as much as I could or should because ever since Andra left I no longer feel comfortable even on forums or discussion groups, so there isn’t that much that I still do “in public” because I tend to move along as soon as a significant number of people get involved even on-line. As for the other potential skill, the only way I can think of using it so I’ll actually be interested in what I’m doing would be game design, creating the units, spells, skills, weapons, equipment and any other systems and mechanics that are part of complex RPGs and TBS games, since these two genres allow for the most complexity. But that would have only worked back when “two guys in a garage” could make a good game, because I obviously couldn’t function in any of the companies that currently create computer games.

What makes me happy?
Being in a solid relationship that works well, with my partner offering me all the time and attention I need. Followed, a long distance behind, by having a couple of extremely close friends, who’d be as open towards me as I am towards them, so we’d spend a lot of time talking about anything and everything, but especially about personal and sensitive topics.
On a lesser level, feeling that I’m actually doing something to make the world a better place, as long as it doesn’t require skills I don’t have or direct interaction with people I don’t already feel close to. Also, winning arguments, in the sense of convincing someone else that I’m right when the topic in question is important to me. And perhaps also fooling around with game design plans, or occasionally even working out the mechanics behind the games I’m playing.
And winter. Actual winter, I mean, when there’s a lot of snow and it’s cold enough for it to settle nicely and stay on the ground for a long time without melting.

What makes me sad?
The lack of the first three things I mentioned in my previous answer. Especially the first one. Also, what humanity has turned this world into, the direction of our society, the way we treat the other species we share this planet with and the environment as a whole and the apathy of most people. And my current living situation.
On a shallower note, since I mentioned winter as making me happy, sunlight usually makes me sad. Or perhaps not sad, but awfully uncomfortable.

What annoys me?
Ignorance, stupidity, selfishness, greed, deceit, people who hurt others without a good cause, consumerism, people who impose their views on others who’re not really hurting anyone with their current behavior… And people who have children of course, but that’s way above and beyond anything that the term “annoyance” could possibly cover. Plus what I mentioned in my previous answer, excepting the lack of the things that make me happy.

What was the most difficult period of my life?
Most difficult in the sense of what I had to do was likely the time I was in school, especially before high school, when I was just living in terror but was forced to keep going and had nothing to hold on to or hope for. But the most difficult period to cope with must have been after I got thrown back here, in 2006, especially while dad still insisted for me to eat with him and shoved his plans for my room down my throat.

What was the easiest period of my life?
The easiest to cope with, since it was the only time I thought there was any point in living, was obviously the time I was living with Andra. But the easiest in the sense of having pretty much nothing to do and people not really having any expectations from me or putting any pressure on me is probably now, for the past year and a half or so, after things finally cooled down with dad.
There was a quote: “I find it far more annoying when the universe makes you work for your damnation. I’d prefer it just gave it to me, save me the effort.” That’s pretty much how it is for me now… Things are bad, but at least I’m spared the effort, unlike before when keeping up with demands and expectations only turned things from bad to worse.

What’s my biggest regret?
This is too easy: Failing to somehow prevent the relationship with Andra from ending. And, since then, failing to somehow convince her to give me another chance. And failing to even figure out how I could have possibly done either of these things.