Cav's Place

If last week started with highs up to 15°C and ended with temperatures staying below -5°C throughout the day, this one began with a few centimeters of snow on the ground. Not more than that and it won’t last long, as by now it’s already melting and the rain is turning everything to muck, but it counts as a sign of winter, about which I can only say better late than never. However, we may be getting as much as 10°C again next week, so there’s little reason to hope for more at the moment.
Did go out on a good day from this point of view though, as Tuesday I went to pick up the book I won from the post office. Didn’t stay out longer than I needed to, so I was only outside for the half an hour or so needed to get there and back, but at least I used the opportunity to get a little taste of winter before it started warming up again, even if the snow was too soft and too little for the feeling I’m looking for. Wasn’t cold enough to tax my old winter jacket and sweater either, as by the time I got back I was even sweating.
As for the book, I already started it yesterday and definitely mean to finish it next week, hoping to write the review then as well. I’m yet to touch it again today, however, so I’ll be getting back to it after I post this, leaving playing some more Tropico 4 for later, even though I seem to be doing well lately, finishing a mission per day. Don’t see how I’ll maintain that pace today as well though, and that may more or less be the rule until I’ll be done with the book.
Obviously, didn’t run this week and not planning to, but if we actually will get up to 10°C next week, I may just make an attempt then. Not a clear plan, but I’m considering it, in which case it’s a good thing I still didn’t take my running shoes to be fixed. May do so after that, especially since I do have a plan to check a number of stores soon and may therefore get there anyway, but I want to send them a message first and ask for details, to be sure I won’t end up having more trouble than such a relatively easy fix is worth.

This will be quick, but I want to avoid starting the year with a Sunday update, so I’ll just say that I’m still quite in the air when it comes to the antivirus, but largely settled on Emsisoft and am currently exchanging some e-mails with them. Unfortunately, I didn’t exactly like a few answers, but the person who replied said he sent everything to the developers and some of the answers were directly from them as well, plus that the very fact that the replies have been thorough and, well, human, as in obviously written by a real person who read the messages and replied to them individually, not copying and pasting templates, makes them stand out.

Otherwise, went to see the new Star Wars Monday, but wasn’t impressed and don’t think there’s much point in seeing it in a theater at all, so rather feel that I wasted the money and at this point have no intention of making the same mistake with those that will follow. At the moment I am interested in Warcraft, however, even though the story seems to be one that has been done countless times before. If it’ll be done reasonably well and the effects will be worth watching in a theater, which was one thing the new Star Wars definitely failed at, I guess that will be the next one I’ll go see.

As far as games go, playing a little more Tropico 4 and just got to the tenth scenario of the original campaign last evening. Starting a scenario is always the tedious part, as it’s more or less the same struggle to somehow make ends meet and keep people from overthrowing you until you can throw something at least somewhat functional together, which is made even worse since it comes right after enjoying your island working like a well-oiled machine at the end of the previous one, but I’ll take it one by one and see when, or if, I’ll finish everything.
Should also mention that I was given two more games on GOG.com, and even though I also donated two last month it still feels terribly awkward. In fact, I was nominated twice more before, but refused those nominations and eventually accepted Morrowind GOTY Edition about a week and a half ago, if only to have a DRM-free copy on top of the retail one I purchased back in 2007 and perhaps also as some incentive to get back to playing it, as I started in 2008 and then suddenly dropped it, picked it back up in 2012, knowing exactly where I was and what I meant to do next and continuing for a while before once again suddenly dropping it and not picking it back up since, so I guess having another go at it in 2016 may even fit the pattern. The second game, received today, was Lionheart: Legacy of the Crusader, which was in fact one of those I was nominated for before but refused, so I guess it was time to accept it after all, though I have no idea when I’ll actually get around to playing it.

No, I didn’t run again, even though Monday it was still warm. Got colder after that, and these days it’s actually finally well below freezing and we may even expect a little snow, but this won’t last long. Shouldn’t get warm enough to comfortably run again too soon though, so I should see about getting my running shoes fixed, but since I may well not run again this month, and maybe not until spring, I’m in no hurry. May yet fix them myself though.

In the previous post from this series I was saying I was planning to write another by the end of the year and wondering whether I’ll actually manage it. And today is the end of the year, so this is cutting it as close as it can be, but let me see if I’ll throw something together by midnight. Don’t worry; don’t have anything better to do and there are definitely a lot of bands to choose from, the problem being how to select them and then which songs to link to.

I’ll start with what truly is a new find, which is a Romanian band called Adastia. They seem to have been founded very recently and only two songs are posted, To the North and Nightforge, but those sure show a lot of promise. Great, powerful vocals, nice songs overall and even more notable for me since there are few metal bands with female vocals here and even fewer that don’t feel a need to ruin everything by adding growls. Or at least they don’t seem to feel that need based on these two songs, but the other members of Adastia, with the exception of the vocalist, are or were in Avatar, which as you can see is listed as death metal, so there is reason for concern even if Avatar’s vocalist isn’t included.

And now I’m just going down the list, skipping plenty for various reasons, and stopping at EnkElination, or EnkeliNation, as they spell it when they mean to point out that it comes from “angel” in Finnish and not only from the vocalist’s name. They’re definitely not a new find, but I guess it’s simply their turn to be mentioned in one of these posts, though I definitely have no idea why it took me so long. They have videos for Tears of Lust and for Last Time Together, but if you want to listen to all of their first and so far only album, also named Tears of Lust and released last year, you can do so on Bandcamp.

Another band whose turn definitely came is Elvellon, though I’m actually not sure how long ago I first bumped into them. Their first video, for Born from Hope, was released after I wrote the previous post in this series, but I’m quite sure that wasn’t the first time I heard them and their EP, Spellbound, was released back in January. Contains only five songs, but you can listen to all of them on Bandcamp and I added bands based on less before, even in this very post, and some were definitely less promising than Elvellon.

Moving on, Gibraltar isn’t exactly a place where I’d expect to find such a band, but that’s where Angelwings are from. There’s not that much to listen to at the moment, but they’re saying their first EP, titled The Edge of Innocence, should be released in early January. Until then, they recently posted Wonderland, while the song that first made me add them to the list was Memories. Definitely like those two, though overall they seem to be a mixed bag from my perspective, as I’m not keen on the other two posted so far, which sound quite different.

And while I’m at wings, let the fifth band I’ll add here be Metalwings. They seem to have been around for a while, but what I’m seeing seems to indicate that they were mainly singing covers, with a first EP mentioned as supposed to be released in 2015 but not actually listed anywhere, so may not have seen the light of day yet after all. Still, they have a video, for Crying of the Sun, and a few other full songs on their various profiles. The most are on SoundCloud at the moment, so I guess that’d be the place to check to get a better idea, but I must say I was stuck on Second Chance for quite a while, and twice, if not actually three times.

I seem to have managed to get to five bands added faster than I initially thought, mostly because my picks made selecting what to link to easy, and for a moment there I was considering to add a couple more, but better play it safe and stop at the usual number. What’s somewhat interesting is that only one of the five, Elvellon, even has an entry on Metal Archives, and while the lack of actual releases means that’s exactly as it should be for Adastia, Angelwings and probably also Metalwings, the lack of such an entry for EnkElination is definitely surprising. Guess I wasn’t the only one who for some unexplainable reason hadn’t gotten around to adding them somewhere yet…
But to get back to this entry and this series of posts, there are definitely many more bands I should add at some point and the list will only get bigger with time, with so many undeservedly ending up forgotten there for years. As such, with only four months between this post and the previous one, I’ll set a clear goal of two more for next year, and a tentative one for three, or for two bigger ones including a total of at least 15 bands. Seems like a tall order, however, though I’m not exactly sure why.

Writing this now because I can’t sleep, and the reason why I can’t sleep is that what should have been the last, or next to last, antivirus switch failed. With this last trial of Kaspersky Anti-Virus expiring and seeing that it was quite heavy on resource use and made it particularly difficult to watch live streams in Firefox, I’m quite sure I’ll choose Emsisoft Anti-Malware next month, so the first plan was to try to see whether I can activate a third trial of that as well and then simply keep using it once a license will be purchased, while if that failed I meant to give F-Secure Anti-Virus a chance as well. But neither worked.
Though the previous trial started on version 10, updating to 11 when that was released during that time, Emsisoft said the trial was already used and only gave the option of activating a freeware mode that allows scanning but offers no active protection. And I guess I may yet decide to do that, but at the time I quickly moved on to F-Secure, registering for a trial and waiting for an e-mail with instructions that never arrived, the only one I got asking to verify my address, which I did with no result. So I then tried to download an installer directly, hoping there will be an option to start a trial, but there was no such thing. Then I created an account and checked what options I had, noticing that it was saying I had 29 days left on a trial for three computers and the download it offered had what looked like a serial number in the name, but entering that at the prompt the first installer threw at me didn’t work, while running that file seemed to try to install F-Secure SAFE, which said it was going to uninstall Comodo Firewall if I proceed. Not a suggestion, not an option, but that it will do it, so I closed it and then uninstalled, as it was showing up as installed already.
So now I’m rather up in the air. I can install Emsisoft in that freeware mode and make do with it in order to not have to switch again, I can try one of the other products I was considering but discarded, or I can install one of the free ones that exist, but at the moment I’m waiting for some reply from F-Secure, since I sent a support message and also posted on the boards. Of course, considering the holidays and the weekend, that reply is not likely to be quick, and if it comes it may say that the simple Anti-Virus isn’t available anymore, since it seems relegated to less visible parts of the site and on the Romanian version it’s not even listed at all, or it may say that the installer will force uninstalling other security products anyway, in which case it’s obviously not an option. But I can probably give them a few days, though I’ll be quite worried and more than a little scared during that time, no matter how careful I usually am.

But at least I managed to finish Heiress of Magic on Wednesday, and then also reviewed it last evening. Actually started writing that on Thursday, and it’s in good part based on messages I had sent while reading, but that didn’t make it less difficult to write and the timing didn’t help either. It was already 11:45 PM when I finished reading it again for a few final changes, so I cut it very close, needing to immediately get to uninstalling Kaspersky after that, as the trial was expiring at midnight, and then to the rest of the mess mentioned above.

Otherwise, had a cold last week, so I delayed running until Sunday, when I took it slowly. The target was still 10% above the record and I was closer to actually being that slow that time, but it still went well, the time being 22:04, with intermediate times of 4:52, 10:31 and 17:06, respectively. Then this week’s run was Tuesday, when I pushed just a little more in the middle portion after losing a few seconds when I had to run back and grab the keys which had fallen out of my pocket shortly after starting. You can see that in the times, with 21:52 at the end while the intermediate times were 5:00, 10:33 and 16:52, respectively. And then I ran again Thursday as well, since it was as much as 15°C outside and I wanted to make sure I get the 40th proper run in by the end of the year. Breathing was better, though I still had to breathe out through my mouth almost since the beginning to avoid pretty much blowing my nose whenever I tried to breathe out normally, so the result was 21:27, just missing out on being only 5% slower than the record. Intermediate times were 4:40, 10:13 and 16:35, respectively.

Let me start this with what I can say in a rather clear and coherent manner: Heiress of Magic is exquisitely written, brilliantly descriptive and brimming with emotion and enchantment and thrilling action scenes. Reading it transports you into its world, into that time and those places and into the lives of the characters. It lets you… No; it makes you see, at times it makes you smell or taste, but most of all, it makes you feel. And you will feel its impact, punching through your guts all the way into your soul, tearing through everything in between.
So you see why this is difficult to write, and why the book itself was difficult to read, especially past a certain point. Wasn’t so bad at first, when the characters were simply infuriating and I went from frustration to anger to occasional bouts of raw rage, but then that fury became more and more of a defense mechanism, occasionally getting out of control mainly to mask the fear it was eventually overpowered by. And that fear was at first for those same characters, as I was starting to truly care for them despite continuing to wish them eternal damnation, yet as I kept reading I was more and more afraid for myself as well, noticing how it was affecting me. As I approached the end, I was getting nauseous, even had bad dreams about it, and it became truly difficult to persuade myself to read the final chapters, knowing that there was at least one scenario, and possibly two, which may well have resulted in me huddled under my desk, hugging my knees among dust bunnies and maybe a few bugs, completely broken.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. This should be the part where I pick at flaws, yet what could I say? That there seems to be an overabundance of magic which is at times abused, wasted or used in too flashy a manner? Perhaps, but it makes sense within the world created and, either way, it contributes to the sense of enchantment, though the cartoon kitchen scene may have been just a bit too much. Then, maybe that a few things are a tad too convenient? Possibly, but probably less than the norm and usually when the matter would have been settled one way or another anyway, so it may be a matter of a few simplifications which may well be welcome among everything else. So should I then highlight the one moment when a sex scene seemed pointless at first? Not at all, since even that made sense later, and otherwise every single one served a clear purpose, aiding character development and being crucial in establishing the emotional connection between the reader and the characters. Which probably leaves me with rolling my eyes at a couple of “power of love” moments? But even those fit and not having them would significantly lessen the whole. So, maybe just that everybody has quite a sweet tooth, noticed almost whenever food is mentioned? I guess; may that be the problem.

Still, those would be the potential minor issues I may mention while nitpicking. The major ones have to do with the supposedly positive characters, whose mentality, choices and behavior are responsible for a large part of the grief caused to themselves, each other and plenty of others, and for nearly all of that experienced by you and me, the readers, while reading this. In fact, as my frustration was increasing, the first thoughts I spelled out were that they wouldn’t be worth the spit if spat on and that, if they’re the ones who may save that world, and for whom it may be saved, it definitely shouldn’t be.
Repressed, infuriatingly obedient, suicidally kind to enemies while at times frighteningly hurtful and simply dangerous to friends and loved ones, and overall often making the wrongest decisions, acting in the wrongest ways and yet claiming and believing it was right, and that what would have been right was wrong. Out of all of them, probably only Olsen and, most notably, Falavia may save things somewhat, and I laughed out loud at the first section featuring them, but their particular predicament restricts what one may truly learn about them.
It’s difficult to go into more detail without spoilers, but I find myself feeling the need to, so… First things first, why was Ithar still alive two seconds later? And then to say, and to suggest, and… I can’t even picture him without a few additions such as being burned, skinned and butchered alive and eventually hung with his own entrails, and even that may be too little. Then, is that Jolina giblet for real? I mean, seriously? And Essence, such a waste of all that power. And all the parts with and about children, which anger me for different reasons. And then, of course, the heartwrenching yet even more infuriating trio of Lysium, Loren and, perhaps for rather opposite reasons, Lothram.
Plus, in a more specific yet at the same time more general sense, I can’t not point out the fact that many male characters go the way of the caveman when it comes to romance and it seems to work. I was actually making a note rather early on that there seems to be a lot of raping, of various sorts, going on in this book and the outcome often goes along the lines of “a no is really a yes in disguise”. But, based on anecdotal evidence of what sells in recent years, this seems to be how things go and I may be the unusual one for being bothered by it, especially since I’m a man myself.

Despite all that, it’s obviously not a matter of not being affected by or invested in the characters, as they definitely got powerful reactions out of me all along, nor is it a matter of not caring about them. May have been at first, when pretty much the only reaction was anger, but then, with every chapter, every page, maybe even with every sentence I read, I did grow to care for them more and more… While at the same time continuing to wish for someone to beat some sense into them and still thinking they deserved nothing short of eternal torment for what they did, or didn’t do, or said, or didn’t say.
There are some redeeming qualities here and there, for some more than others, but there’s far too much to redeem and I was torn more and more between those opposites. Torn between caring and hating, which isn’t too strong a word in this case. Torn between gloating over their pain and suffering, feeling it was still too little compared to what they deserved, and desperately wishing to support, help and protect them, more often than not from themselves… Which was, of course, impossible, since I was just reading a book.
And the thing is that I don’t usually get particularly invested in individual characters. I can sort of like some, not stand others, prefer some things, get somewhat angry over others, but in the grand scheme of things they’re not real and even if they’d be I don’t know them; it’s the battles with the fate of the world on the table that get to me. But here it was just the “fate of the world” part that I sort of shrugged at, while the characters… They’re not real and I don’t know them? Well, tell that to whatever it is inside me that sure made it feel that they are, and I do, and they’re important and we’re close and whatever happens to them reaches inside and tears me apart or puts me back together just as well. Which makes this one of the best written and, well, simply best books I’ve ever read… And at the same time something I just can’t deal with, now or ever, as it tore away at what frayed bits of sanity and control I had left, trampled all over them and ran away with whatever pieces remained.

Yes, while the anger and frustration were generated by all, nearly all the heartache, but also nearly all positive emotional involvement of any sort, came from Lysium’s story. But that is more than enough for all I’ve already said and more, as it’s so exquisitely delivered and so completely overpowering in the parts written in the first person. This is the core of this story and its impact relegates anything and everything else to the periphery of your awareness. This is what made me keep coming back and continue reading even when I said I’ll stop for the day, even when I said I’ll do something else, even when I was truly frightened due to the effect it had on me and knew I needed to tear myself away, literally for my own safety.
If somebody’d have told me that this was what this book was about and I wouldn’t have simply picked it up when it was temporarily made available for free, curious after having won Heiress of Healing on a Goodreads giveaway and reading it back then, I certainly wouldn’t have spared it a second thought. And while I can’t say whether that’d have been better, it’d have definitely been safer, and I believe I have already explained at length exactly why. I mean, I’m almost crying even now as I write this and, unlike most, for me it’s next to impossible to cry when I’m alone, so the fact that tears don’t actually break free of my eyes doesn’t mean much. It’s the fact that they almost do, and yet might, that does.

In the end… I might use all I said about the characters to justify taking away that last star, but in truth it’s mainly a little petty way to “punish” the author for what she did to me. That said, I truly don’t know whether I can in good conscience recommend this book to anyone, definitely not because I have any misgivings about its quality or value, but just because of this tidal wave of emotion that will slam into you if you choose to read it, taking your breath away and tearing your heart from your body to smash it into jagged cliffs of agony. Because, while the good news is that it’s not just about a love triangle, the truth is that it’s about souls skinned alive and roasted on a spit. And yours will be too if you read it. You have been warned.

Rating: 4/5