Today I found out that Rose is still with that guy, Vali. And I’m going to kill Diana for what she did, talking about him to Rose during the last class today, right there behind me. Good thing Alexandra was sitting next to me and she was nervous because she just met a guy and… You know. So I managed to put my efforts into making her unwind a little. If she wasn’t there I’d have started crying, I mean there were a few tears in my eyes…
Last class was psychology, by the way. The teacher at some point said that people who kill themselves have either lost the meaning of life or are sacrificing themselves for others. Then he asked if we’d sacrifice ourselves if we knew it would help others. Ioana (a girl from our class) said “yah, if there were like 100 others that I’d help by dying then yes”, Diana said “depends how many and in which way I’ll help them” and I turned to Rose and said “depends for who”. Rose looked at me and said “now THAT’s stupid, to kill yourself for someone”. I went REALLY RED and I turned away. I mean I almost told her I’d give my life for her and she said that? I mean it was clear that I was talking to her, I was looking at her, not the teacher or Diana or anyone else!
Then Rose said that she’ll have to go home alone today because Alex had to go do something and Diana’s mom comes to pick her up so they can’t go together on the bus, and she made one of those cute faces that she does… And guess what Diana did? She said “well, call Vali”. I froze! Rose looked down, paused a little (she always does that when she realizes that I could do or say something to let others know what I feel for her)… Anyway, Rose said that she can’t call him today and Alexandra asked who’s Vali. Rose lifted her head up a little, said “somebody” and put it down again. I opened my mouth to say something, but remembered I promised Diana not to tell anybody anything she tells me about Rose’s boyfriend, so I kept my promise. When I opened my mouth Diana looked at me with some laser eyes, I returned the look and just said “eh” and went really red again and turned back. I had to wipe my eyes three times before the end of the class because there were tears. Now what was all that for?
I’m so exhausted! We had the endurance trial today at P.E. and instead of 1000 meters we had to run 2100 (1000 for the trial plus 1100 in total before as warm-up, broken down in 3 parts)! All my body hurts! What worries me (or what should worry me, because you know that I ignore health problems) is that my heart hurts. After P.E. today my left arm went numb! Also my stomach and everything around it hurt and now my left kidney stings… Plus that I have a terrible headache, my legs are dead and I just can’t think straight. If our P.E. teacher will ever make us do that again I’ll simply refuse to take part in the class, I mean I still want to be alive!
My dad said that I can stay home tomorrow to try and get myself back on my feet.
After the endurance trial today, Rose just fell on Alexandra and was having a hard time keeping her head on Alex’s shoulder and she was crying, because of the exhaustion I’m sure. Anyway, I wanted to go to her and ask what’s wrong (I was terrified to do so but I still felt that I had to), but it seems like Alex guessed what I wanted to do and poked Rose, who instantly got her head up, looked at me and in less than a second turned her face color from red to almost white and looked at me like she wanted to say nothing was wrong… What was that all about?
Elena seemed sad today. During one break she was alone, looking out the window at the end of the hallway. Nobody else was on the hallway, all were down in the school yard except me, her and 2 guys that were sitting in our class. Other than us, the floor was empty, so I went to her, looked at her and said “you’re far away again, where are you?”, at which she just cracked and said “Yah! Everyone expects me to always be happy and cheerful! I can’t be! I just can’t be happy now! Why can’t you understand that?” and she ran away. I ran after her, caught her after 2-3 seconds and said “I don’t expect you to always be happy, I just want to know what’s wrong, maybe I can…” and before I could say “help” she turned to me, said “thanks”, smiled and then turned back and went to the window again. I didn’t follow her, but I’d like to know what’s wrong with her, if I could help in any way.
Elena was the first one to tell me that I’m “different from the other guys, in the good way”. What can I say, she knows how to make me feel good and last year she was the most supportive when it came to Rose… She helped me as much as she could, that’s why I want to help her now too. I mean I’d want to help everyone if I could when they’re down (or everyone except one guy, Costache, I hate his guts), especially the girls, but after Rose she’s the one I care most about, because she’s been there for me and everything.
Today the new English teacher asked each of us our hobbies and likes and stuff, and when Rose said she likes dogs he asked if she has any and she said “not at home, my apartment is too small, plus that I have a cat, but I have 3 at my grandmother’s, all wolf dogs”. The teacher was sort of asking all of us to bring him a sample of what we like and, when he didn’t say that to Rose, Diana said “good thing he didn’t ask you to bring one to school”, then she paused a little and said “wait a minute, why don’t you bring one?” and Rose said “yah, I could, if I’d bring As over no teacher will get into the class, guaranteed” and I said “And if Oana will bring her Rottweiler…” and we all started laughing… That would be a nice day, teacher-proof class.
Anyone that reads this, please go to http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/olympics/2000/gymnastics/ and vote “no” in the poll. That’s the least you can do to help this poor girl. She’s just 16 and scared now. She wants to give up on sports forever and she’s afraid to come back home, thinking that people will blame her. But it wasn’t her fault, it was just 2 cold pills that the doctor gave her, and the substance they contained wasn’t on the blacklist of the gymnastics association because it DECREASES performance, but they took away her medal nevertheless because the substance is forbidden by the IOC, so… She earned her medal, why take it away from her now? And for what?
Today something interesting happened. Just when I got off the bus, 3 girls (just about for every taste, one had that cute look, one looked like she could give an erection to an 80 year-old man and the third was well built, like she was in a sport or something) were sitting on a bench and they called me over, asked if I had 2000 lei to give them (that’s about $0.08 or so) and I said no. Then one asked if I was from Teclu (a bad-rated high school around here), I said no, then they asked what school I was from and I told them. Then they asked if I was a nerd (the “hot” looking one was doing most of the talking), I said no, then they asked if I did well in school and I said yes. Next, they asked if I had a girlfriend and when I said no one of them pointed to another and asked if I’d like her as my girlfriend. I said “Please! Come on now!” (I was getting pissed), so the one I was “offered” asked what did I mean by that. I said “Nothing personal, but come on, picked up on the street like this? What do you think I am?”, so they asked if I had a phone, I said yes and they asked me for it. I told them to get something to write, they said they meant a mobile phone, I said I meant a phone number and they said that works too. So I told them the number really fast and they told me to slow down and say it again, which I didn’t want to do at first but eventually did when they asked nicely. Then one of them asked loudly if anyone had a tomato, so I got really close to her and I asked if she meant to paint me red. She frowned and then all of them started asking which one I liked best. I said I wasn’t going to tell (with a certain type of smile on my face) and they started asking which one I’d allow to call me, at which point I walked away…
I didn’t even get 10 meters away from them and 2 guys, both tall and full of muscles, came out from behind a tree and called me over. I thought to myself that I should have given the girls something and wondered how was I going to get myself out of that situation. They asked me if those girls wanted money, I said yes, they asked if I gave them any, I said no and they said “good, they ask almost everybody”. Then I asked who the girls were and they said they had no idea and walked away. I had something to laugh about on the way home.
Rose was rude today! She asked Oana to tell her how something was done at math and I surprisingly knew how it was done… Oana asked me since she had no idea and I turned to Rose to tell her directly. I mean, what was the use of an intermediary? But just as I said “hey, this is not right”, Rose went “hello, I asked her, not you”, so I turned my back to her and didn’t tell any of them anything in any of the classes today. That wasn’t nice to Diana and Oana, but I had to make sure they wouldn’t have anything to tell her… Every second felt like burning, I couldn’t treat her like that again… But today I was feeling really bad and that pissed me off, so for the first time I hold a grudge against her for more than 2 seconds.
And at the bus stop she usually has at least one other girl with her, usually more, but today everyone went somewhere else and she came there alone. I was already there, standing in the place where she uses to stand waiting for the bus (about 2 meters to the right of the little covered thing that is made to wait the bus under). She walked to me, but went a little further, about 75 centimeters or so. I turned my back halfway to her, I was looking at her out of the corner of my eye… Usually she stands with her back turned to the place I am in at the bus stop, now she was like half-turned towards me… But, as hard as it was, I just didn’t pay any attention to her. When the bus came, it wasn’t the one she needed, so I climbed on and she didn’t. Just as I was getting on the bus I turned, looked at her and turned back without any word or other move. Now that sure hurt ME! I couldn’t do that again… Actually, I didn’t mean to do it then either, I was going to say bye to her, but couldn’t, I was too nervous.
Oh, one more thing today at school. Rose was looking out the window and some guys were playing soccer and it was raining and she said “oh, it’s nice to play in the rain”, at which point Oana said “maybe, but it’s nicer to have sex in the rain”. Me, Diana and Rose all said “whoa, how do you know?”, Diana adding “did you try it?”, so Oana said “well, I know from that song, you know, by No Comment” and we all tried to remember the song title. Finally, I was the one who did, “Goi dansam in ploaie” (Naked We Dance in the Rain). Then she said something about an American song about sex in the rain, then Rose looked a little pissed and she said “you can think this, but you are not allowed to talk about it”. Oana looked puzzled, I looked at Rose puzzled too and said “here they come with the beep”, Diana asked me “what? huh?” and I said “the censorship, they came”. Diana looked first at me, then at Rose… Then up at the ceiling and didn’t say anything after that. I kind of put her in the middle there, didn’t I?
Guess what, one of those 3 girls who stopped me on the street was a redhead. I’m suspicious of all of them ever since I know that Simona is a redhead… Guess what, out of nowhere Simona sent me a message today saying that she saw me today. I asked her how come she knew me and where exactly did she see me but she didn’t say, all she did was ask me if I’d like to meet her in front of the school tomorrow. I said no, she asked why, I didn’t reply, she left… That happening today could have been a plan!
The Olympics have started. This has to be interesting, some part of it at least…
I’ll be 16 in exactly 1 month… For some reason I don’t want to be 16!
Nothing important happened at school today.
It’s this strange feeling I get on weekends, first I say “YEY! No school for 2 days!” and get happy, then I go “Ugh… That’s 2 days of not seeing Rosemarie” and get all sad…
Who else had a strange dream last night? I did, and so did everyone that I asked so far (3 classmates, my mom and somebody I know on-line).
Ok, my dream. Notice that I dreamt it between 5:45 and 6:45 AM. I woke up at 5:45, then went back to sleep and I dreamt it then, so that’s how I know. They say that the dreams you have after you wake up and go back to sleep, not more than 2 hours before you wake up for good, are much more likely to actually mean someting. Maybe… It’s even more interesting that I still remember the important parts of it, although many hours have passed. You know what it was about… Here’s how it went:
There was this party at my place and I invited Rosemarie, Diana and Alexandra (the third person in their little group). Rose wasn’t too willing to come at first, but Diana convinced her. I talked to Diana and she promised that she and Alexandra would do EVERYTHING possible (and impossible) to make Rose want to be my girlfriend before the end of the party. Then there were some meaningless (bad) party images, then, before I knew it, it was night already and they had to spend the night over at my place.
But somehow we all managed to get really dirty, but I didn’t see how in the dream, nor what exactly that stuff that was all over us was… We all had to take a bath, we couldn’t stay like that. By this point, Diana and Alexandra disappeared from the dream. Then my mom appeared, saying that only one more person could take a bath because something was wrong. Naturally I let Rose go first and I went to my room to think (by this point I was confused even in the dream). After Rose got out, my mom called me from my room and told me to go and see if I could wash too. When I got to the bathroom, I noticed it wasn’t the bathroom from my place, so I was very confused. One thing that was clearly wrong was that the toilet was simply pulled out of its place and moved to another place in the room. Anyway, somehow I managed to wash too and went to the living room to dry off.
Diana snuck out of my parents’ bedroom and told me to be patient because they’re “working on it”. Easy to say! I couldn’t stay in one place for more than half a second! I walked around the room and hallway for what seemed to be hours, but later looked at the clock and realized it had only been around 15 minutes. Then Rosemarie came out of my parents’ bedroom, went into my room and asked me to come over, so I did.
When I got in, she was on my bed and told me to lie down next to her, so I did. She then put one arm around me, I put one arm around her (by this point I was no longer able to think about what I was doing in the dream, everything seemed just too wonderful), and she told me that, after what her friends just told her, she wants to give me a chance. I didn’t know what to say or do, I started giggling and crying at the same time, I hugged her tight and kissed her, then we just sat there hugging like that for a long time.
Then we got out of the room and… Something terrible happened. I couldn’t even see what, it was just something terrible out there. And, not realizing what it was, I did something that made it even worse. She started crying her eyes out, ran to the living room, got something to drink (that bottle hadn’t been there before in my dream) and got drunk in seconds! Then a lot of guys from my school and from my old school, plus some that I didn’t know, came in. You could see they were at least a little drunk, and with them there was this girl from my class, Andreea, who was really drunk and they bragged about managing to get her drunk like that. They asked Rosemarie to go with them when they saw that she was drunk too and she agreed. I knew what was going to happen, but there was nothing I could do, so I just fell to my knees right there in the hallway and cried until I could cry no more, then I just sat there and sobbed.
Then the guys brought the two of them back to my place. Andreea just stood there next to me and Rosemarie stood in front of me. Andreea didn’t look too bad, but Rosemarie looked like a wreck. She was crying, had black around her eyes (but seemed like they were like that because she was exhausted, not because she had been beaten) and she couldn’t even move anymore. One of the guys told me, with the clear intent of hurting me, that “Andreea did it with 4+1 of them and Rose with 4+5”. Now that’s 5 and 9, but what’s with the addition and the number 4 repeating there?
Anyway, the guys left, I kneeled before Rosemarie and started crying my eyes out again, couldn’t stop, I was just crying, hugging her feet and repeating how sorry I was for whatever it was that I did until I was simply exhausted because of this. She didn’t move, not even a little bit, all this time. Then I looked up at her and she wasn’t crying hard anymore, just a little. So I just looked into her eyes, took her hands in mine and, still kneeling in front of her, I said: “I don’t care what you did so far, I don’t care what you did with those guys or why, I love you no matter what and I always will and I promise I’ll always help, comfort and protect you… Will you marry me?” She looked at me for a few seconds, smiled and nodded her head as yes. And that’s how the dream ended.
Just to make it clear for everybody, there was no sexual content or nudity in my dream.
I had a similar dream 3 times over the last 4 months, this was the 4th, but each time I started dreaming it so far my dad woke me up during those party images, so that’s before the actual action of the dream. Notice another repetition of the number 4 there? The other 3 times I started dreaming this, it wasn’t exactly the same, but up to the point where my dad always woke me up it was very similar.
What do you think?
Had stomach problems today, I hate it when this happens! Didn’t go to school.
Anyway, something that happened yesterday: We got moved to a new classroom because Oana (a classmate that wanted to move out of the school) came back because the school didn’t let her move out and our old classroom was already packed full, there simply wasn’t enough room for another desk. In this room the desks are different so we can all fit, but these desks are REALLY uncomfortable! Our butts and backs hurt! We have to do something to get our desks back and find a way to make them fit in this room, the old desks were comfortable!
You know what amazing thing happened? These are 2-person desks and I sit with Oana in the desk which is nice because I get along great with her. AND Diana moved in the desk right behind us and took Rosemarie with her! I owe her big time for this. The 4 of us sat there and talked for 2 hours straight yesterday (our chemistry teacher didn’t do the lesson, he just babbled about stuff nobody cared about), I was like on cloud nine!
Hope I’ll be well tomorrow and all will go well at school too.
You know that girl that I wrote about on August 17th? The one that said she’ll “get friends with Rosemarie and fight against the guys that like them”? All I know about her is that she’s in my school and she has red hair. Well, Wednesday a red-haired girl came up to the floor where our class is, took 2 girls from my class, looked around in all classes, then rounded up almost all the girls around her (acting cautiously I kept Oana, Diana and Rosemarie away from where she was) and talked to them for about 10 minutes, and during that time one of the girls stared at me in a strange way, I think a few others looked strangely too. If that really was her, I might be in trouble soon!
