Six…
If in 2006 I said nothing and in 2007 I only said that I had nothing to say, in 2008 I was saying that, in case I’ll live that long, the three years that had passed at that point were likely to turn into six, or nine, or 30. Well, into six they just turned, and everything I said then still holds just as true… With the possible exception of no longer being able to get those passwords right on the first try, but I probably won’t try, or at least not tonight.
More recently, in 2009, I was mentioning things that I thought would have interested her, whether then or back when we were together. All of that still holds true as well, especially since I just visited a couple of such fairs recently, though I skipped the bread one, which just ended on Sunday. And gaming could also always be a topic, despite me playing so little this year and our tastes apparently having very little in common, at least based on what I can see she’s been playing.
As for last year, I was really down and not even looking for fond memories or bittersweet mental links. However, as you can see from the above paragraphs, I wouldn’t quite say that I’m still in that same place. Despite the lack of any reaction so far, the recent events have at least taken me back into a land of memories and dreams, though there’s still no reason for it to also be a land of hope in any way…
I can’t know what will happen next. Maybe it’ll be like I said in 2008, the six years turning into seven, eight, nine… Or maybe, just maybe, someday something will actually change for the better. This is the hope, no matter how fake, that I must keep holding on to. The only other suitable option, as I keep saying, was the one I was too much of a coward to make use of during that first year, when it would have made sense to do it.
