Cav's Place

This post will start right after the previous personal one, because I mentioned that bite on my shoulder to dad after coming back from the run and he told me to be careful with such things, which got me worried and thinking about tick bites, considering the rash around it. Looked up the symptoms, but since I couldn’t really see that well there either I ended up asking him who could have a look and we went to the infectious diseases hospital nearby. Also wondered what I had exposed myself to while there, with the guy who was there before me eventually being told that he just had a cold but the other one who was getting checked out at the same time I was being worried of hepatitis, but when the doctor had a look at the bite and she said it was just a spider I was embarrassed for having wasted her time, and then even more so when she wrote me a prescription with several things on it anyway. It got even more awkward when the nurse asked for some information to write down and the doctor, who had already congratulated me for volunteering when I said where I believe I had gotten the bite, told her not to register me since they’ll have to charge me and they don’t charge volunteers, yet the nurse did so anyway, telling the doctor that she’ll just tell me to state that I can’t pay and did just that, asking me to write that down and sign.
Since the doctor had said that the prescription was so the effects would go away sooner and not bother me as much, I had calmed down and had no intention of getting those things, thinking to at most use the first thing she wrote, since I knew that we had some already. There was another thing, which she had said was an allergy medicine, which I thought might be a good idea to have around in case of one of those wasp bites I had been warned of, but definitely not to use for this, and didn’t want anything purchased right away. However, dad insisted, asking what I had decided to do when he came back after stopping on the way for a beer but completely dismissing my answer and going anyway despite me repeating that I didn’t want anything purchased, won’t touch any of it if he will buy them and feel awfully guilty about it.
That completely messed me up, I was feeling so terribly guilty for all of it, the doctor’s time, the expenses, creating demand that will justify production that will use even more resources, all of it for no reason, just me getting scared again. So I completely ignored him when he came back with the things and I decided to literally not touch them, not even the little paper bag some of the things are in, so they’re still in the middle of the kitchen table even now, as he’s not putting them away and, as I said, I literally will not touch them for any reason… Not that it helped much, and that night I didn’t even go back to the kitchen to eat, just sitting here rather in a daze, hugging myself, and eventually getting in bed by 4:20 AM, this obviously also leading to Sunday’s post… And also to still doing without something I wanted to ask him to buy the day after that mess, as I definitely couldn’t do that anymore, and still didn’t, and I don’t have enough set aside for it, not to mention it plus any regular purchases that should be made these days, plus that I’m not sure I can purchase it with cash, and while I’m in no way certain about the decision, the matter is quite pressing.

Moving on, since it wasn’t a tick bite, I decided to volunteer at the Botanical Garden the next day as well, again just between 4 PM and 6 PM. Again meant to leave at 3:10 PM and again was a couple of minutes late, but actually got there a bit earlier than last time. Also took a training shirt otherwise worn around the house with me this time, though the pants were still the running ones. And at the entrance I did catch a guard’s eye and told him that I should be on the list, but he told me to tell the one who was next to him, eating in the guardhouse, as he should know better, and that one just waved me through, not checking anything.
When I got to the gift shop, a car was just parking there and a guy started carrying some packages in just as I went to that bathroom to look for gloves, at which point I noticed that Anca was also there, but I got out of there quickly, then had to go back after noticing I had taken two gloves for the same hand, but eventually found a pair and went back out, finding that other volunteer already watering. She handed me the hose again right away though, and went back to cutting weeds, which I guess was also why she was so fast, compared to me actually pulling out the roots. She also seemed in the mood to talk a fair bit until I was getting too far to hear, and after we ended up next to each other again at a later point she eventually said that she’ll let me meditate, since she noticed that I come for peace and quiet and don’t like talking. So I watered the plants up to the point where the two hoses, or more exactly the second and third segments, are joined together, and also quickly washed the legs of the benches and the trash cans, though I couldn’t also wash the solar benches, only carefully spraying the legs of one a bit, since a guy sat on the other all that time and I risked spraying him even if I tried to wash that one properly.
When that second hose, the third and fourth segments, were no longer needed, we separated it and meant to gather it, so I could help as well, even though Anca had said that she’ll help gather it when it’ll all be done. The thing is that the other volunteer said she had no time to gather it properly on her own last time, since it takes a very long time, and she put it in something, which led to Anca getting angry that it’ll get damaged that way, so it seemed a good idea to try to do it this way… And I sure saw how hard it is. Not sure that the way she taught me to do it is the right one, but that thing definitely doesn’t seem to work as you’d expect it to and we couldn’t get it to fit, struggled for a while, then pulled most of it back off, then tried again, saw that it wasn’t any better the second time either and she eventually wrapped what was left of it around the top and took it back that way, which Anca at least said was good enough. My pants were dirty by then, as the hose had rubbed against them, but other than trying to wipe with a bit of water there wasn’t much to do about it. It was 6:25 PM by the time I left anyway, due to struggling with the hose for so long, and I was back here at 7:15 PM.

The next day I was supposed to buy cat food again, and I did go, but at first I pretty much shut down. I was eating something before leaving when dad asked about the bite and that was that, didn’t answer, didn’t answer his next question either, and was whimpering as I rushed back to my room. So I waited a bit longer than I meant to before going out, but that also meant I was still here at 3 PM, when ESET Antivirus otherwise deducted a day from the time left on the trial, but it still said it was active then, so I hoped it’ll be different on that last day and remain active until midnight… Yet when I got back it said the trial had finished, though it still seems active in itself even now. Didn’t update it since then, of course, and it is the pressing matter I was referring to above, as I rather mean to just purchase it, without also trying BitDefender or perhaps Kaspersky, or even both, but I don’t know what will happen in the end.
Either way, went out the door just before 3:10 PM, but once I was outside I realized I didn’t have a cap on and ran back to get it. Then I first walked to what I consider to be the big Mega Image from the area, where I hadn’t been in a long time, and checked the prices there. After that, walked to that Kaufland, being surprised to see one kind of cat food on sale, though I hadn’t seen it on the site, so I made a mental note to buy that from there, and another one about the price of another kind at a pet shop from that place, considering how much its price has increased in hypermarkets. Kept going after that, walking to the Auchan from that area and finding that second kind of cat food at a slightly better price than at that pet shop, but they seemed to have every kind except one of the two I was supposed to buy, so I bought some of the type they did have, then took the free bus to that Carrefour… After a rather uncomfortable exchange with the driver, even more so considering my state of mind, since when he got in I asked if he was the one leaving then and he rather snapped at me, saying rather aggressively that there’s no point in asking, and when I said that sometimes there are two cars he said it doesn’t matter, each has his own schedule, which was just my point, wanting to know whether he was scheduled to leave then or was waiting for the next listed time.
When I got to that Carrefour, I also checked to see whether they still had the cooking oil that was listed on the site as a limited offer, then went to that farmers’ market and got some cheap plums, leaving apples for some other time. Got a bit confused after that, meaning to go to that pharmacy next but being unable to figure out how and eventually deciding to get back to Kaufland first, walking back there and buying the cat food I could get from there and the other kind from that pet shop. Interestingly, the listed price for those snacks from Kaufland that Liza is addicted to was higher than normal, but when I scanned them they showed up as still being the regular price, and it’s very unusual for the real price to be lower than the listed one at Kaufland, or anywhere except at Auchan for that matter. I guess they’re about to increase the price and somebody changed it too quickly, perhaps.
Walked back after that, finally getting to the pharmacy, going around the farmers’ market since I had wandered around inside it for a while before getting those plums and didn’t want to perhaps appear even more suspicious by showing up again. Then, after getting what I wanted from the pharmacy, went back and into the Carrefour Market that’s next to that farmers’ market, having a look and seeing that cooking oil available there as well, at the same price, even if they just had three packs plus one single bottle and the list left by my mother mentioned two packs. So I bought that as well, then stopped to rearrange everything in the bags, bought a pretzel from a place that’s just there, and walked back, actually managing to only stop twice on the way. Admittedly, took a couple of minutes each time, giving myself a bit of time to recover and rubbing my arms, but it was nevertheless something to get back here with just those two stops, walking what Google Maps says were 1.4 km while carrying a third of my weight, 16 kg compared to my 48, as I weighed myself and the stuff right after getting back, at 7:35 PM.

Saturday’s only notable event happened soon after I got up and could have been ugly, since I again ended up being on the toilet longer than it took the water to start to boil and it ended up putting out the fire. Judging by the smell, the gas was left on longer than the first time, so I was a bit concerned, but immediately turned it off and opened the window, waved the newspaper I had been reading on the toilet around for a while, then just gave it some time and eventually turned the stove back on, carefully trying the electric lighter next to the window at first. Just like last time, after that I also lit a candle and carefully carried it around, raising it in some places around the apartment to check for any small pockets which might have ended up there, but there was no sign of anything, and no real risk of anything of the sort existing anyway.

As for yesterday, I ran, in good part because the conditions were good and the forecast for the rest of the week seems split between heat and storms, but also in an attempt to clear my head to some extent, still being a mess, hiding from dad around here and not wanting to speak, wanting to avoid dealing with people enough to not even have a look at the protests that took place these days, after Alexandra’s murder. I also didn’t do laundry until today, so yesterday I had neither my running pants nor either of the t-shirts I run in, but I just ran in the clothes I was wearing inside then, and it was rather fortunate that I had the biggest t-shirt on and you couldn’t see much of my shorts, because it’d have been rather weird otherwise. And since the “equipment” was so unusual anyway, I also took the regular shoes, not the running ones. In addition, due to avoiding dad, didn’t even drink anything before going, managing to make tea but not getting back in the kitchen to drink, and didn’t eat any of those wheat things either, since I didn’t go there to put jam on them. Even took me two tries to take a shit, as the first time he got out of the living room as I was in the bathroom and went to use the other one and my muscles just seized and I couldn’t get anything out anymore.
Still, got up from the computer at 4:05 PM and went right out. Was a bit worried about the wind on the way to the park, but it died down and there were just a few small places where I felt that I was running against it, and nothing relevant even then. And, even though at first I didn’t really have any target other than to stay under 48:30 and after the first lap I was worried that I may fail even that, I ended up being faster than last week, the time being 47:18.90, with sector times of 4:19.69, 5:04.09, 5:49 (5:48.90), 4:24 (4:23.86), 4:54.24, 5:47 (5:46.31), 4:26.21, 5:03.09, 5:47.05 and 1:45.46, making for lap times of 15:12.68, 15:05 (15:04.41) and 15:16.35.
The keys were one problem, really swinging in the pocket of these shorts, and making the shorts move around a lot as a result, but that didn’t last long, as they fell or flew out before the end of the first lap’s second sector, since I noticed a tear in that pocket but have no idea whether it was already there or they tore through. Either way, after obviously losing a few seconds to retrieve them, I held them in my hand the rest of the way. After that, the next issue was on the second lap’s first sector, when I had to briefly stop and wait for a way to go through, when I was about to go around two people, one holding an umbrella with the pointy end dangerously to the side, just as a cyclist was also going around all three of us and another cyclist and a skateboarder were coming from the opposite direction, and we couldn’t all fit in the same place at the same time. And then, on that lap’s third sector, as I went wide to let three runners coming from the opposite direction stay on the inside, I felt my back starting to hurt in a way that I didn’t think could be fixed while running, by finding a way to snap it. Tried a few times, but had to accept the situation and keep going like that, and while the pain lessened after a few minutes, it still hurts to some extent even now. However, despite these problems, with a lap two that was faster than the first, I realized I could manage a better time and pushed on lap three, not really aiming for anything more than to stay under 48 minutes but realizing on sector three that I had a small chance to even beat last week’s time. I rather doubted it, but just kept pushing, also on that final sector, and actually made it with several seconds to spare.

As for the clear timed squats during this period, those were on July 24, 2:38, and July 28, 2:21. On July 27 and 29 I tried to time, but there were replays when I finished, and while yesterday it was a short replay and I can say it was about 2:26, give or take a second, the 2:25 estimated for Saturday is quite rough. And I waited to post this after doing today’s squats as well, but once again there was a replay just when I finished, so I again have to estimate and I’d again say about 2:25, probably give or take no more than a second.

The particular event and the particular ways in which it made me feel even more acutely guilty of being alive and of the inherent negative impact of this is a matter for the next personal post, but I kept thinking of writing something about this guilt in itself and this is a good time to try. I’m sure most will disagree, that’s the case for nearly everything I stand for, but I think things would be much better if people in general would feel just as guilty, struggle just as hard to justify this impact, to themselves first of all, especially with the system as it is, without each person being granted their fair share, knowing what that is, without damaging the environment or harming or taking away from others, including other species. Or, of course, in case of the childfree, and even more so in case of those who are militant, without at least knowing what the share they should be entitled to in order to have a comfortable life, a decent standard of living, would be, regardless of the current overpopulation problem that would make offering everyone that utterly unsustainable.

There’s also the fact that life inherently causes pain and suffering and unmet needs, not to mention desires, for the person being alive, all of it getting worse the more that person thinks and feels, but that’s a different topic. This is about the negative impact being alive inherently has on the environment and on others: The resources used, including others’ time and even this completely virtual “resource” called money; the pollution and the harm caused; taking away resources and products from others who may need them more, or perhaps even deserve them more; creating demand and causing even more resources to be used in a certain manner when it might have been far better to use them otherwise, or better yet not exploit them at all in order to allow the environment to regenerate and create better conditions for other species. It’s a zero-sum game and using something in one way, for one person, takes it away from some other potential use, or uses something the environment, other species or other people can’t spare, or at least shouldn’t be made to do without.
This isn’t about any need of “earning a living”, of “being a productive member of society”, in order to somehow earn or deserve to have such an impact, to justify it in such a manner. Quite the opposite, being “productive” generally means having even more of an impact, using even more resources, often generating even more pollution, taking even more away from others and other potential uses, adding together the impact of the product or activity itself, that of recovering from the effort, that of trying to make up for the time used in that manner by saving time when it comes to other things, and that of feeling entitled to gain and use more due to having supposedly accomplished something. This society and this system only worsen this negative impact not only by offering people easy ways to justify it, but by pretty much forcing them to do so, and rewarding them for having an ever greater one, and for competing to take ever more away from others and other potential uses.

Much would be fixed by a different system, one that would determine each person’s share in such a way as to avoid environmental damage and ensure that none would take anything away from another, directly or indirectly, without a very good reason, and that would find the most efficient ways to exploit and use the resources, produce the goods and offer the services in order to maximize each person’s share and cover as many desires as possible, on top of the needs, while minimizing the negative impact in every way. There would still be the problem of numbers, and until and unless that will be solved either the total impact will remain far too great or people will be allocated far too small a share, or too many will be allocated much reduced shares without such a measure being sufficiently justified, or, most likely, all of these will happen at once, but at least it’d be clear what each person’s reasonable, rightful impact should be and those not guilty of adding to the numbers could be allocated that much, while the rest would pay the price for their part in worsening the world’s worst problem until such a measure would no longer be necessary.
As it is, however, challenging people not to find justifications for what they earn, or otherwise obtain by whatever means, for themselves, but to truly see and understand the negative impact they have, what they take from others, what damage and harm they cause, could go a long way. Moving the focus on the negative, on taking instead of obtaining, and on others and the world as a whole instead of oneself, generates the awareness which in turn results in this guilt, at least for those capable of analyzing things to a sufficient extent and of some degree of empathy. And I truly believe that many things would be much better if more would feel this way, as it would lead to an inner drive to minimize one’s impact, make up for the harm you do cause and demand changes to society and to the system in order to ensure that this will happen without the burden lying on the individual.

Should probably also mention that, perhaps paradoxically, this guilt for being alive does not lead to one wishing to die. Definitely should make everyone want to not put another in this position, which obviously means not have children at least until and unless all those changes would be implemented, and possibly not even then, but when it comes to one’s death, on top of the fact that we can probably agree that it, and the process of dying in particular, is in itself generally undesirable once one is alive, this guilt makes the prospect of dying even more disappointing, for lack of a better term. For the individual, there may perhaps be ways to make up for the pain and suffering and unmet needs, not to mention desires, that are inherent to being alive, to say that it was all worth it, even if that’s only true for very few. But there’s no way to make up for at least some parts of this negative impact, for some of what one took away, and while it’s true that being alive longer will almost certainly only worsen this balance, dying while being aware of it means dying with the terrible guilt of not having done more, for the world and for others, and thinking that maybe you would have found ways to do more if you’d have had more time.

Wrote most of this Monday, but since I didn’t finish it then, waited until today, to be able to post today’s run as well. Had some of those wheat things to eat before going again, and the conditions seemed good enough, with a reported temperature of 28°C and not too much wind, but it’s really sunny and it felt hot, and there were some areas where I had to run against the wind, feeling it a bit at the start of the first sector, mainly on lap three, at the end of the second on lap two and, most notably, around the middle of the third, on laps one and three. And there were also some people to go around and a few cyclists rather getting in the way, especially a guy who turned right in front of me on the first sector of lap two, forcing me to briefly stop and sidestep. And I also wore that regular t-shirt I used to run in, since the running one is still in the laundry, and I’m also noticing that my right running shoe is getting increasingly worn at the back, so I guess it won’t be too long before these will start causing some problems too, but I don’t know what to do about that, seeing as it’s quite clear that my right foot is a bit smaller than my left and will cause this to happen if the shoes are the same size.
Either way, the time was 47:25.25, with sector times of 4:10.06, 4:59.88, 5:53 (5:52.39), probably 4:21.16, probably 4:59.40, 5:51 (5:50.44), 4:29 (4:28.80), 5:05.47, 5:55 (5:54.81) and 1:43 (1:42.84), making for lap times of 15:02.33, 15:11.00 and 15:29.08. I believe those times on sectors one and two of lap two are correct, but after finishing sector two I found myself uncertain about the first, not sure whether the 21 I had in mind meant a 4:21 sector time on the first sector, so a 19:23 total time at that point, or a 19:21 total time, so a 4:19 sector time. The first option seems more likely, so I’ll go with it, but I’m not sure.
Didn’t really have a target other than the usual 48:30 at first, especially after I noticed how hot it seemed, but did mean to try to stay under 48 minutes if I’ll manage a 15-minute first lap. And since it was close enough, I went for it, having some doubts after sector one of lap two but thinking that the second sector made it quite clear that I’ll manage it. Did spend much of sector three of lap two wondering about those times for the first two sectors and somehow ended up with the fastest sector three time of the day in spite of that, so on lap three I just meant to maintain a good enough pace… Until I saw how it worked out after sector two, realizing that if I really gave it everything I had a chance to even stay under 47:30, so I tried that, pushing hard on sector three and thinking I was just short of what I needed at the end of the lap, but continuing to push on that final sector and managing it after all, with a few seconds to spare too.

But enough about that, as the truly notable run was last week’s, on July 16, when I managed a new record on ten kilometers! The time was 46:09.15, with sector times of 4:08.57, 4:50 (4:49.68), 5:40.00, 4:17.43, 4:55 (4:54.48), 5:38.18, 4:17 (4:16.84), 4:52.34, 5:47 (5:46.92) and 1:45 (1:44.71), making for lap times of 14:38.25, 14:50.09 and 14:56.10, so I have no new lap or sector records, but could keep it up, this also marking the first time other than when I set my record for 16 kilometers when I managed to cover three laps in a row in less than 15 minutes. And that run’s also the one I really have to compare this one against, because my record for ten kilometers might have been 46:32, but I clearly covered that distance faster that day, the problem being that 16 kilometers mean five laps while ten mean three laps and then that final sector, to the exit, so I didn’t actually have the time at that point and could only estimate something around 46:24, give or take a few seconds. But since this is 15 seconds faster than that, it’s clearly the record.
The thing is that I didn’t aim for this at all when I started. I mean, after getting under 47 minutes twice last week and considering the good conditions, it was a possibility, but I was content with those two times, there was some wind as well, plus a few spots where I lost a bit of time due to other people, and I didn’t think of it until lap three. I did decide to see what I could do on the first lap, but had no real target until I saw that it had been the third fastest I had ever managed, at which point I decided to aim to get under 47 minutes again. It was only after sector one of lap three that the idea of a new record really got in my mind, and after sector two it was quite clear that I was going to beat that 46:32, but I needed to get below 46:20, if not even 46:15, to be really sure that I had a “real” new record. The time shows that I was starting to tire on sector three, and I was actually still on sector two when various things started hurting more, but I just pushed through it, sector three was good enough and I could also still push on that final sector, ending up with this safe margin over that estimated time… And also close enough to 46 minutes to think that a time under that may also be possible, though I don’t know when and I’m definitely not getting any younger.
At the end of sector two of lap one, under the bridge, there was a moment when I was about to pass a kid on a tricycle, who was on the bike lane, with I guess his mother taking up the space to the right of that, but a cyclist came from the opposite direction just then, going off the bike lane to go around the kid and taking up the left, leaving me to need to squeeze past on the very edge of the path, careful to avoid stepping on the sloping area leading into the water. And there were a few other places where I had to go wide to get around people, including at the very end, when going around four people walking in a line meant I couldn’t get my steps right for that sort of jump I tend to make to what I consider the “finish line” to be. Other than that, the wind was getting poplar fluff in my nose even when it wasn’t strong, and there were a few stronger gusts, I’d say most notably on sector two of lap three, maybe the start of three as well, when it suddenly got cloudy too and the wind picked up more.

After leaving at 3:40 PM, I was back from the run at 4:50 PM and then left again just after 6 PM, to a reading event in Cismigiu Park. There are also some activities scheduled, generally having to do with creative recycling and most being mainly intended for children, plus live music and documentaries, but those are only every Friday, Saturday and Sunday during this period, Monday to Thursday the area simply being open in the evening if people want to come and read there. So I wondered what that’d be like and found the place at about 7 PM, after looking around for a bit at first, since I was uncertain of the exact location, and it was 7:06 PM when I sat down and started reading the book I had brought, after glancing at the books available there, being a bit surprised to also see a few in English and French, though otherwise unsurprised that most were either meant for children or nonfiction, and old and worn.
I obviously picked the one corner without children, and the three people sitting next to me quickly got my attention, as I noticed two of them speaking French, with the other girl talking to them in English. I’m not entirely sure the guy knew English, or how well he knew it, since I believe I heard him say a few words at some point but the English-speaking girl mainly just talked to the other and there was a moment when the French-speaking girl was talking to both and switching languages just about every sentence as she alternated between them, with a fluidity that was actually rather impressive. Either way, when the obvious couple, as in those speaking French, gave up on the idea of reading, got in a tickle fight and were growling at each other and what not, they ended up making more noise than all the children, prompting me to look at them with raised eyebrows and a smirk and the other girl to point at me after she told them that they’re scaring people and was asked which people. Was tempted to tell them to find a room, or at least a bush, but of course I didn’t and they settled down after a while, the other girl calling them “kids” before starting a rapid-fire chat with the other girl that included a variant of “fuck” every third word or so from each of them. As that was going on, the guy got a call and walked away to speak, also in French, and when he got back it seemed that he had been told they had to go, the English-speaking girl quickly putting her stuff away, getting up and firmly repeating that they had to go as the other was making quite a show of being reluctant to get up.
At least it was easier to read after they left, though I didn’t stay much longer either, leaving at 7:50 PM and getting back at 8:35 PM. But they seemed rather fun, with the English-speaking girl seeming to be the “adult” of the group despite appearing the youngest, possibly even still in her teens. The whole thing also made me wonder at their relationship, whether it was a couple visiting a friend or they were a triad, the couple visiting another partner. And I actually started wondering about that quite quickly, so when, possibly even before the tickling, though I’m not certain anymore, the two French speakers tried to get a foot behind their neck and then the other girl did the same, saying that she used to be so close while seeming to me that she still was just short of managing it, I was tempted to comment that the flexibility may come in handy when they’ll get home. But I of course stayed quiet then as well.

The next day I went to make another deposit, exactly six months after the first one. It was just as small, since that was the amount I had managed to set aside again, and the original idea was to make it for just six months, to withdraw both on the same day, but considering how things look right now, I doubt that the components I’d want to get will be available at the start of 2020, some rumors stating that some may even be delayed to 2021, so even if support for Windows 7 will end in January, I’ll stick to it and to this computer a while longer anyway and could therefore get a little more from the interest. For that matter, considering the increased interest, it’d have been better to not make that first deposit and just deposit the full amount now, but the difference is negligible and the interest for six-month deposits may increase until January too, as the plan is now to make another deposit then, out of that first one and what I’ll set aside until then, just for six months, to withdraw the full amount on the same day.
Had asked dad whether he’ll come with me again and he said yes, if we’ll be back by 5 PM, but the day before he said some things had changed and we’ll have to leave at 2 PM, and to be awake and around earlier so he’ll be able to let me know if things changed yet again. So I set the alarm to 1 PM but eventually got up one hour earlier, after sleeping poorly, after 10 AM or so also due to noise from outside… Only for him to only wake up just before 2 PM, when I was all ready to leave, and when I reminded him what he had said he also reminded me that he said that things could change and told me not to pester him about being on time. So I read nine pages while he got ready, then we left and made the deposit, and while I was there I also noticed that the bank also still uses Windows 7, or at least that’s what the lock screen I saw looked like. After that, since he had given me the metro card, I went straight to the Carrefour and Kaufland at Obor, having a list of things to get for my parents and getting them, along with a few things for myself, including some cheap corn and some green onions as I went through that farmers’ market on the way back.

Since I mentioned dad, had another annoying talk with him on July 11, after I again stopped the water flowing in the toilet after he flushed. There’s also a problem that makes some water still flow all the time, and occasionally a lot of it even if you flush properly, so you have to wait to see what happens and know how to stop it if needed, but he obviously flushes in some way that causes that to happen most of the time and doesn’t care, so there are times when it keeps flowing at full force even for hours, until I get out of my room and hear it. Well, that time I told him that he needed someone to go after him and stop the water and, correctly assuming that I was referring to the environmental impact of wasting so much water in that manner, he replied by saying that there was an idea that used to be quite appreciated, that the planet’s just fine and it’s humans we should worry about. I tried to say that humans are great at making others pay the price for their actions, so by the time humans will go extinct most other species will be gone and the planet will just be a wasteland, but he just kept saying that the planet’s been fine for billions of years and will continue to sort itself out, if species vanish others will take their place and it’s only the good of humans we should think about. He was walking out of the kitchen after that, but I snapped back to say that humans are only useful if they’re good for the planet and he threw over his shoulder that what I think is my problem, that’s what he thinks and he’ll only do what’s good for him.

Getting back to the chronological order, I had scheduled myself to volunteer at the Botanical Garden again on July 18, after having been told not to come the first time, two weeks earlier. Just one other person was also scheduled, unlike that first time when there were two, but that person was that older woman who seems to be the most experienced and dedicated volunteer, as she seems to come from 3 PM every Thursday, making Thursday afternoon a very good time to go and help with whatever she needs help with, knowing that she knows where everything goes and what needs done, will usually stay later and put things away and should also have a better chance to sort things out if something doesn’t go right. For that matter, unless she’ll remove herself from the list later today, mean to do it again tomorrow, again staying only until 6 PM.
To get back to that day, meant to leave at 3:10 PM and was a couple of minutes late, but still got there a couple of minutes before 4 PM and could just walk in. Didn’t take a backpack or even my phone, choosing to wear the running pants and therefore having much less room in pockets, but had my ID card and the small badge from the inauguration of Magnolia Alley, and even one of those passes received for volunteering there before, in case that won’t be enough to get me in, since I was worried about that, not knowing what I should say or even if I’ll manage to say anything at all and not just freeze if confronted. But I just walked through the gate while a group that included someone with a t-shirt with the name of an NGO was there and just kept going, pointing in the general direction of the gift shop and telling nobody in particular that I was going that way, and nobody said a word or moved to stop me.
After reaching the gift shop, I looked around for that other volunteer and she just came out of a toilet right after I passed by it, so I asked how I could help, prompting a confused reaction, as she later explained she first thought I was the biologist. But after I said I was also a volunteer, she took me to the gift shop’s bathroom, which is actually a storage room with two sinks, not toilets as well. There, she gave me gloves and asked if I was protected, and when I pointed to my shirt with long sleeves she pointed out that she had a jacket on as well, despite the temperature, and explained that it wasn’t because of mosquitoes, but because of wasps, which had stung her badly and caused such swellings that people were running away when they saw her. I hadn’t thought of that, having just sprayed myself with that mosquito repellent before leaving, so that made me quite worried, but the wasps were fortunately not a problem that day, at least. Something did bite me though, and I have no idea whether it was a mosquito or something worse, because it’s on my right shoulder, so between the areas I had used that repellent on, and it still itches very badly and quite a large area around it is quite red. It’s also possible, in fact quite likely, that there are multiple bites close together, which may better explain the reaction.
Either way, she had laid out the hose already, having worked out a very good route for it, so it easily reached all the way to the other corner and there were still a couple of meters to spare even though Anca had said it might be a bit short and a bucket might be needed for the last couple of plants. So we turned on the water and then she showed me the shortcut to the other end, so we actually ended up beating the water, but then also realized that the pressure was very low, so I went along the hose to look for spots where it was twisted and found one, but she gestured to say that it was only so and so after I straightened it and asked whether that was better. Kept going as a result, but couldn’t find any other such spot, so even took out the other end, and then also separated it where the first two pieces are joined, to make sure that water got that far, but after struggling to put it back with the water flowing and pushing the parts away from each other, I decided to run back to her before trying the other two spots as well, and when I got there she said it was flowing normally, so I didn’t need to check any more, though I have no idea what I did to fix it.
After that, she let me use the hose, telling me how and to also wash the leaves a little to get some things out of them, and later to also quickly wash the legs of benches, and the solar ones completely, and the trash cans as well, plus a pile of rocks that’s also there, she said in order to make it more likely for something to grow between them. As I did that, she started pulling weeds out and digging around the plants a little, easily staying ahead of me, so she was past the central area when I got there, just when some people came, that guy with that t-shirt with an NGO’s name among them. Nobody had been there until then, yet they came just when I needed that place empty, so me and the other volunteer exchanged some looks and gestures, then she came to tell me to at least water the flowers around the central magnolia, then move away until the people leave. But they left right after that, so I could wash the benches and move on, and a bit later she asked to switch, so I got to dig up weeds while she watered the plants… And I was obviously really slow. I was also thorough, and she pointed out that I was really pulling out the roots, but she was quickly catching up to me and I only cleared a few meters before leaving.
It was just before 5:45 PM when we heard some music from somewhere and she asked whether there was a concert nearby, possibly thinking that it was the reason why I wanted to leave at 6 PM, telling me that I should go if I wanted to, but I said I’ll stay a little longer… Only for her to tell me again that I could go almost right away, when the alarm she had set at 5:45 PM when I first told her I’ll stay until 6 PM rang, but I stayed until 5:55 PM. Was feeling increasingly awkward though, since she kept praising me, and I understood that others which had listed themselves even failed to show up, or didn’t do much when they did come. Was about to tell her that she risked having it go to my head, but I just rather awkwardly said goodbye and went back to the gift shop to leave the gloves and wash my hands.
While I was in that bathroom, I heard the employee telling someone she was talking to on the phone something that made it seem that she was falling for a scam intended to get access to her card or account and I again wanted to say something but didn’t. She was still on the phone when I got out of the bathroom anyway, and in the other room, so I just walked out. Did have a look at a yellow cherry plum tree on my way out of the Garden, again thinking to pick some fruit, as I had kept thinking on the way there as well, looking first at the trees on the way to the metro station, but decided against it every time and came right back. Had also considered taking some money to get some apples from that farmers’ market on the way back, but had given up on that thought before leaving.

After getting back that evening, at 6:50 PM, I boiled that corn, and later I wrote the quick review for the book, which I had finished the day before, again having the version on Goodreads in both Romanian and English… And, in between, had another LED tube from the bathroom burn out. It’s the older one, not the one I recently got as a replacement, so maybe there was something wrong with that lot, but I’m also thinking that there may be something wrong with the wiring there. I had noticed something with the switch which dad said he fixed, but that might not have been the only problem, or it’s possible that it had damaged it before being fixed and then it failed for good a while later. The thing is that I had first noticed a problem with it on July 10, which was actually after a few days of getting the impression that there was less light there, what I had noticed then being that a small part of it, right in the middle, was dark. I really didn’t dare to go back there and ask for another replacement so soon though, so I hoped it’ll last a while longer… And it didn’t, and now it really burned out, as in I heard a pop and there’s a black spot there, and it really smelled of burned plastic when I took it out, so I highly doubt they’ll replace it either way. Dad told me to just buy another, and one more as a spare since they’re cheap, but I for one won’t put another one there until he figures out how to check things to make sure nothing’s wrong, so for now we’re left with half the light, and hoping that one won’t burn out as well.

The following day I got up at 9:40 AM and decided to go to Auchan early, since I really needed tea and wanted a better chance to find some of that bread too. So I quickly grabbed something to eat and was out at 10:25 AM, taking the free bus, in which one woman seemed to be coughing her lungs out, so I hope I didn’t catch anything. Either way, did find tea and bread, and some of those wheat things at a good enough price again, and then walked to Supeco. Didn’t find what I was looking for there though, so I then went to that store from that farmers’ market, trying to go straight instead of taking the longer route that I knew and actually managing to end up exactly where I wanted for once. Still didn’t see any more of that bio (organic) yogurt though, so just got the regular one again, then walked back, getting back here at 12:40 PM.
Less than three hours later, a bit before 3:30 PM, I was going out again, with a list of things to buy for my mother. Checked prices on Auchan’s site first and a few things did end up being cheaper there, but only slightly and since I hadn’t been given the list in time to know about those things when I had been there earlier, I took the recyclables out and just went to Carrefour and Kaufland, getting everything from there. Also got two expiring small yogurts of a kind I hadn’t seen before from Carrefour, since I was curious, but when I looked it up I saw that they’ve been around for quite some time, just that major stores don’t carry them, Carrefour supposedly being the only one, though I can’t say I recall having seen them there before either. Either way, was back around 5:50 PM, but only crawled in bed for a nap at 8:10 PM and barely got one hour of sleep even then, getting up to pee at 9:15 PM and then still feeling like I needed to go, which sometimes happens when I’m exhausted. Stayed in bed, but there was no way to get back to sleep, so I eventually got up after some loud noise from outside, seeing that it was 10:17 PM when I did so.

As for July 20, there was a weird issue with Vivaldi, when I was using it to open a number of sites for that day’s post and it again stopped loading pages at one point, and it wouldn’t start again after I closed it directly, without first closing the tabs, not even the one that refused to load at all and the one that was probably partially loaded. Been doing that recently, no longer loading until I closed it and opened it again, but it hadn’t done it for several days at that point and it definitely never refused to start after doing it, though I believe I always got it down to a single blank tab, since it wouldn’t load the homepage either, before closing it. Either way, when I tried to open it again after that, I saw many processes, more than normal, starting, but nothing appearing except an empty window outline. Eventually fixed it by downloading the installer again and running it, which it recognized as an update, so it’s possible that it was a good thing that I hadn’t installed the latest one before then, and after that it started normally again. Interface language was oddly set to Afrikaans in settings, but everything else seemed fine.

The timed squats during this period were 2:30 on July 9, 2:27 on July 11, 2:25 on July 14, 2:37 on July 15, 2:24 and 2:30 on July 17, since I had skipped the previous day, 2:29 on July 18 and 2:33 on July 21. And since I’m going quickly through days in this paragraph, I’ll also mention here that on July 9 I noticed a couple more double middle clicks, but that it was the only time I noticed that during this period, that Google Analytics again reported no visits in either view on July 17, and that I tried that game on Carrefour’s site again on July 10, the last day of the campaign, and it worked again, actually allowing me to use all receipts I hadn’t been able to play with, recognizing which was which, replacing the zeroes with the scores obtained then and only marking them as used after that, but I still didn’t win anything anyway.

There’s little point in writing another post on this topic today, but I’ll nevertheless add at least a quick one to mark this anniversary of 50 years since what may well be mankind’s greatest achievement yet. Those looking for details, whether about the actual events, the celebrations or even plans for the future, such as they are, can easily find them elsewhere, obviously starting with the dedicated section of the NASA site or just the articles posted there yesterday or today, but I also stumbled upon the content package on Smithsonian, and there’s of course the long piece in this month’s issue of National Geographic. I also found National Geographic’s documentary, made only with material from back then and without narration or new interviews, quite interesting, pointing out both the good and the bad.
That should be quite enough for the links, but I will add one more, to an article on Space.com that quotes someone very correctly pointing out that the Moon landing may be the most important event yet if it’s a step towards something greater, but that’s very much in question at the moment, and has been starting almost immediately after it happened. After all, while that sort of dedication and determination to achieve something that seems pretty much impossible is an example of what’d be very much needed now as well, for quite a few issues in fact, it was done for completely wrong reasons… Which is just as true for the current plans for exploration, motivated by the inflated egos of certain wealthy individuals, the search for profit of some private companies, the desire to obtain resources from other celestial bodies in order to continue consuming in this manner despite draining this planet, or even that to establish a second home to escape to once we’ll destroy Earth.
Was also saying these things after the Cassini mission ended, and before that, mentioning our great failure five, and seven, and eight years ago, with quite a number of other links in those posts as well, for anyone interested. Admittedly, a little more than eight years ago I was also saying that putting humans on other planets is quite pointless and may even be dangerous, making it even less likely that we’ll learn to live in harmony with the one we’re currently on, again referring to the wrong potential motivations for such attempts by stressing that space exploration “needs to be a scientific endeavor in the purest sense, not concerned with short-term practical applications or any direct relevance to our current life on Earth, and certainly in no way connected to any economic interests“. Didn’t take egos into account back then, nor a possible new space race prompted by a new and different sort of cold war, but those additions just strengthen the case against just getting actual people to Mars or, eventually, beyond with things as they are right now, while at the same time in no way negating those in favor of both putting far, far more efforts and resources into sending machines to explore ever farther and in more detail, and getting people back on the Moon, this time permanently.
We need to advance science, advance knowledge, by going out there, and while, at this moment, there’s little practical reason for people to go to Mars or beyond and many reasons not to, many of the important ones not having to do with technology and actually being able to get and stay there in the strictest sense, humans do need to go to space. That’s also because there are things actual people still need to do out there for science, but even more so in order to inspire others, and for that change in mentality generated by looking at Earth from somewhere else. After all, “we went to the Moon, and we discovered Earth“… And how we have forgotten it after we stopped going. We now have much more information about Earth than we did half a century ago, but at the same time we have forgotten Earth itself.
We need a handful of scientists, or at least people with enough of a background in science, on space stations, and more and bigger and better space stations for them. We also need them on the Moon, in a permanent settlement, and possibly on a few missions on some asteroids that happen to get close enough. But, above that, we simply need people, human eyes and human minds and, if I may use the term, human souls, to get out there again, far enough to see all of Earth against the blackness of space but close enough to still make out details without the use of any aids, and preferably while standing on a celestial body that is nothing like Earth in terms of supporting life. We need them there to see and think and feel and truly understand, and we need them to communicate all of that to those still here, from the most powerful to the masses.
Chris Hadfield showed that a small part of that can be achieved even from a space station, but it’s far from enough. We can’t do that from a space station and we definitely can’t do it from Mars. We need to go back to the Moon to discover more about the universe, but even more so we need to return to the Moon, for the right reasons and with the right mindset, to rediscover Earth. Some can be sufficiently aware while still down here, but most obviously can’t, and it must be done before it’s too late, and we must stay there once it is done, considering how quickly most forget. The Earth itself, not to mention the other celestial bodies, will carry on just fine whether we do or don’t, but for most other at least relatively advanced species we currently share this tiny oasis with, as well as for the tremendous majority of humans, it may well be the last chance. The efforts made down here definitely don’t seem to be getting anywhere, or at least certainly in no way fast enough.

Still reads quickly, I finished it in three days without really trying, but mainly what saves this book somewhat, and what made me give these three stars, albeit under protest, is the action and some twists that have clearly been planned ahead and well. There are some moments that’d probably deserve more praise, if I could separate them from the rest.
The problem is that said “rest” is a bigger part and means that I still didn’t care in the least about the characters and, if angering me isn’t really the case anymore when I got to the third book, I’d rather say that it downright sickened me. Obviously, this starts from the focus on having children and their importance and that of the act of having them in the story, with “extra nausea” added by how much Roxana wants a “flock” and how she sees a child, so I return to the choice words for the one who recommended the series to me though she should have warned me away from it, knowing how I see this.
Then, if some would say that the above is strictly subjective, the magic system would still deserve many details but they’re not offered, the love stories between the characters still come out of nowhere and leave me cold, everyone’s fate is I’d say actually embarrassingly good, there are slips even in that action and those twists that I said are the good part, how what happens at the end actually happened isn’t explained at all… And it’s not just that somebody should fire the proofreader, but I’d be embarrassed even to post a random comment written like this, even if I’d be terribly sleepy for example, not to mention publish a book, and a second edition, with so many mistakes. Not that there wouldn’t have been plenty before as well, but in the last chapter and the epilogue I tended to count a few on each page.

Rating: 3/5