Cav's Place

Many have already pointed this out, some expressing and explaining it far better than I ever could, but I must also add my voice and state that, if we are to remember and learn one thing in the wake of the Paris attack, that lesson must come from the sacrifice of Ahmed Merabet, the Muslim police officer who died defending others’ right to ridicule his religion, his culture, his heritage, from those who wished to make them pay with their lives for it while claiming to share them.
If the world is to pick one martyr of free speech from those tragic moments, it must be this man, even more than the targets of the attack themselves. If we are to remember one lesson from that tragic day, it must be this: We all have the right to free thought and free speech, and to freedom of expression in general, and one only truly stands for those rights while protecting others who say that which they disagree with from those who wish to silence them. After all, everyone can fight for the right to express that which they agree with, but the true test is whether you’re able to still firmly support these principles when they are used in ways that inconvenience, bother or even downright infuriate you.

When thoughts and speech and other forms of expression turn to deeds, or to laws and regulations, entirely different rules apply, but as long as they do not… Well, there was that saying, usually, and wrongly, attributed to Voltaire: “I do not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” It’s something we must all keep reminding ourselves of, even those of us who are fighting for these freedoms, or at least like to think of ourselves as doing so.

The three days mentioned in the previous post are now over and, at least so far, things seem to have somewhat worked out, so at the moment I’m not quite so panicked anymore. Of course, the mouse still needs to actually be fixed and keep working after I’ll get it back and it’ll only take one significant issue caused by the newly installed programs to get me in a far worse state, plus that I’ll need to switch one again after a month, since I’m only using it as a trial and asking for it to be purchased in that version under the current circumstances would feel like too much to me, even if dad would perhaps agree.

Sunday evening I went to Altex as planned, but all that happened was that I was told I’d better take the mouse to the service myself, since they have an inventory this week, then once that’s done they’ll have to sort out what is to be shipped and where, then the delivery company will need to deliver it and then bring it back after it’s fixed, so there may be several days lost which I’ll be able to save that way. The employee I talked to also seemed very surprised when I said I had read on-line that scroll wheel issues are common for this model and, just like the other one did when I went to sort out the warranty certificate issue, said they didn’t have a single Kone XTD fail under warranty so far even though they sold plenty, so I must simply be very unlucky.
Probably worse, since I was there I then went to a nearby hypermarket, different from the one I usually go to, to get yogurt and some tea, and all I accomplished was to spend slightly more than I would have otherwise, since I could have very easily picked those things up the next day, after the movie. As such, there was absolutely no reason to go there at all that evening and things could have ended up worse, since there was a moment when I stopped outside the hypermarket and stared blankly at my money while switching things around, my mind simply deciding to take a break after needing to talk to people, but thankfully the only thing I seem to have lost then was the receipt.

What that meant was that, instead of a day meant for unwinding, Monday was stressful and particularly tiring as well, since I could only drop the mouse off before the movie, and also had to go early enough to also be able to return here in case that’ll prove impossible or I’ll actually have it replaced on the spot. To cover all possibilities, I simply had to find a way to fit going to some place at the outskirts of the city that’ll require a fair amount of walking from the nearest metro station, spending some time there, coming back here, heading to the movie theater and actually arriving there, all by 1:30 PM, and the only way to do that was to hardly get any sleep, waking up at 7:30 AM.
In fact, I woke up around 7:20 AM, after maybe about an hour and a half of sleep, my internal alarm clock “ringing” first, managed to be out the door around 8:45 and arrived there at 9:50. Thankfully, it was easy to walk most of the way from the metro station, my concerns about potentially missing sidewalks proving unfounded, but those last few narrow streets were unpleasant, especially considering the snow and the dogs barking and snarling from behind rickety fences, though I guess it was rather funny when the guy who had been walking a few steps in front of me stopped right on a street corner to pull his dick out of his pants and take a piss, without even taking a few steps aside.
Once there, I found that there were two people before me, so waited for a while, but when my turn came things went well enough, with the exception of the e-mail, which does tend to be an issue when I have to say it instead of writing it. Spelled it out, but the guy seemed to miss one of the numbers and I only noticed it when I read the document he gave me, after walking outside. They do have my phone number as well and what I understood was that they’ll send both an SMS and an e-mail, but I still went back and waited again for a little while, until the other person, who was free, thankfully asked why I was back and said she can change it for me. So let’s see if she did it right and how long it’ll be until they’ll say I can pick it up, assuming they actually will fix it and not refuse for who knows what reason.

At that point it was around 10:15 AM and I was already heading back, eventually reaching the mall where the IMAX theater is at 11:30, leaving me with quite some time to kill. Of course, there are plenty of stores there, so I could look around for a while, but I wasn’t looking to buy anything and I see no reason to even enter the higher end clothing stores, of which there are plenty there, so even if I didn’t rush at all I was all done by 1 PM and didn’t feel like picking up my reserved ticket so early. As such, I wandered around aimlessly a little longer and eventually picked it up around 1:15, then simply sat on a chair until 1:30, when I moved to one of the two tables that are in front of the entrance to the IMAX hall. A girl was sitting on the other side of it, busy writing some things down, so I only sort of sat on a corner of the other small couch, to avoid any impression of getting into her personal space, and only quickly wished her good luck with the work over my shoulder when they allowed people to enter, as she quite clearly didn’t seem to be waiting for the movie.
Plenty of others were, however, and I think about 80 seats were taken when it started, which is quite different from the 11 of us that were there a year ago. Somebody sitting next to me was actually commenting on that, saying that it can at times even be hard to find tickets still available in the evening or on weekends, at least if you don’t count the first few rows, but he also went earlier on a weekday not long ago and there hardly were 15 people, so this was rather unexpected. Even more so since people should have known not to expect much from The Battle of the Five Armies, I may add, but it was good enough if you didn’t demand more than, well, exactly what the title says you’ll get.

Now I also wanted to add what happened yesterday to this post, regarding the antivirus mess, but the word count says I’m at about 1200 already and I’ve been writing it for quite a while, so I’ll stop here and perhaps get back to that later, when I’ll have more things to say as well, as at the moment I just know that nothing got obviously messed up right away on either computer… And that my first impression of Comodo Firewall is that it’s awesome.

Tomorrow I’ll have neither the time nor the state of mind for a post, plus that I don’t want to start the year with a personal one posted on a Sunday, so I’m throwing something on here now instead. Since I woke up early today and most probably won’t be catching up until at least Wednesday, meant to take a nap first and then try this later in the evening, but the priest from the nearest church is supposed to come by, as they do at the start of every year, supposedly to bless homes, obviously in exchange for “donations” that people more that willingly offer, and didn’t yet.
This definitely makes for awkward moments ever since I made no secret that my beliefs, inasmuch as I still have any, are in the general area of Neopaganism, but I said I’ll take positive energy regardless of where it comes from. As such, I told dad the guy can enter my room if he doesn’t mind being ignored, as I won’t cross myself or kiss icons or crosses or other such things, so I’ll simply sit at the computer and let him do what he wants for those few seconds, since he’ll wake me up when he gets here whether or not he’ll actually enter my room and therefore I can’t go to bed before then anyway. Now let’s see what will actually happen, since on one of the previous occasions when I said the same thing they decided telling him not to enter here at all, same as they did when I had actually told them I don’t want him around.

But this post was about my plans, which obviously need to start with taking the mouse back to the shop to be repaired or replaced tomorrow evening and hoping I’ll somehow manage to do things right and not end up losing it for good, or not getting something back, or otherwise messing things up even worse. Right now, I estimate the chances of that happening as minimal, the question only being how badly I’ll screw everything up, but I guess I’ll see what happens. At the moment I still more or less manage to ignore it all, because my mind definitely can’t wrap itself around the concept of actually going there and doing what needs to be done for this.
Since I’ll be back to my old Logitech MX518 for the time being, I was sort of thinking of opening it up to see whether something could be done about the wheel and the two buttons that were causing issues, but after somehow managing to get a fair amount of dirt out from under the wheel it at least seems to rotate better now, so let’s see whether it’ll actually work better as well or not. Should probably still open it at some point, if only to clean it better and just get an idea of how it looks inside, but I doubt I’ll be in the right state of mind to do so too soon.

Monday I’ll definitely try to unwind between two very stressful days, so I made a reservation for the last Hobbit at the IMAX theater we have here. Not expecting much, but I said I might as well see this one there as well, so I’ll need to be there by 1:30 PM to actually pay for the ticket and pick it up, but could also go earlier and take some time to have a quick look through some of the shops in that mall as well. Then I may well continue browsing stores after the movie as well, but I won’t have any money to buy anything and, either way, the discount season should start on the 15th, so that will be just a way to identify some potential targets, since I need a few things that I’ve put off buying long enough.

Tuesday will mark the day when, as far as I can tell, my antivirus will expire, and I definitely can’t continue using the old version I’ve been using anymore. That means I have a choice between switching to a more recent one and trying something else, and that first option isn’t exactly an option because I find their last four versions pretty much unusable. It also means that I should install the new version on dad’s computer as well, so he’ll be able to use the license he received for free about a year ago, which may or may not cause problems, but I’m far more worried about my computer.
The current plan is to try to combine Comodo Firewall with the basic versions of several security suites, likely still starting with BitDefender but then moving on to Kaspersky and Emsisoft, and possibly adding others in between, before deciding which one to purchase. May also give a try to the same version of BitDefender I’ll install on dad’s computer, if that license will be valid for more than one, but I know I won’t deal well with that, so I seriously don’t know what I’m going to do and, either way, this is likely to mess many things up, so it’s another thing my mind can’t wrap itself around and largely still ignores.
I expect I’ll be a complete mess because of it as of Tuesday, and also expect that situation to continue for months to come for this reason alone. And then, once I somehow will reach a decision, there’s also the matter of figuring out how to pay, since some of those that currently appear to be the better options can’t be purchased from stores here and would need to be paid for on-line, and I have no way to do that myself and dad will refuse to. Some may allow bank transfers, which I guess may be an option, but I have no idea.

Initially meant to list my plans for the next couple of weeks as well, but this rant already has over 1000 words. Besides, the priest finally came and then my parents immediately left to go to the dentist, so I quickly made myself a salad and brought it here to eat alongside some steak before finally taking that nap. As such, taking a break and continuing this after I wake up, which was what I initially planned to do, probably wouldn’t work as I probably wouldn’t manage to finish and post before midnight if I tried that.

Here I am, on New Year’s Night, sitting alone in my room, in front of my computer, wondering how long it’ll be until my parents will go to bed so I’ll be able to go eat something, and writing this post. Well, writing this post while mentally switching between worries about current issues, memories of better days and fantasies of a future worth living in…
With every passing day, month, year, it becomes more and more clear that the only way I’ll live such a future will be to become so insane I’ll completely lose any touch with reality and be convinced I’m living it even though I’m not. And yet, I of course have to keep telling myself there is hope, if only because I couldn’t kill myself back when it had a point and there’s no other way to rationalize the fact that I’m still around and using this world’s already all too insufficient resources.

Otherwise, yes, did decide to keep using the mouse as it is this week and take it to be serviced when there’s a better chance anybody’ll actually look at it within a reasonable amount of time. I still can’t actually imagine myself doing that on my own and doing it right, and the fact that I’m in this situation in the first place proves what happens when I try, yet at the same time I still didn’t even tell my parents about it, so I have no idea what will happen. The only clear thing is that I made a big and expensive mistake that, unless I’ll somehow get very lucky with the replacement I’ll receive, will probably keep haunting me until I’ll decide to give up and try something else, hoping it’ll at least be reliable even though I’ll have to give up on many of the functions I’m already getting so used to.

There are other scary things I have planned for 2015, most of them out of necessity, some requiring me to act as soon as a few days from now, but what doesn’t frighten, dishearten or even completely crush me? I mean, yes, there definitely are things, some that aren’t only completely desirable on their own but may even help me cope with some moderate problems to a certain extent, but it’s been far too long since I’ve actually experienced any of them and it keeps getting harder to hope that I ever will again… Or even to trust my memories and believe that it was ever possible to experience them in the past.

Still, this is the first post of a new year, so I guess I’ll end it by stating that my wishes for 2015 are to be at least as healthy as in 2014, and preferably even more so, and to get the things I wished for during 2014 as well and didn’t get then. On a strictly personal level, that means more good books to read, a new computer, though I have changed my plans for that at the moment, the motivation, strength and equipment needed to become slightly more active and efficient in various ways, a true close friend that I’ll also be able to actually spend time with, and… And another chance with her, and the strength, wisdom and opportunities to make proper use of it for the rest of my days. Otherwise, that counter will reach the double digits this year.

Some three weeks ago, I was wondering whether not returning my new mouse was the right choice. Well, as of yesterday, I know it wasn’t, as the scroll wheel pretty much gave up on me for good just as I was writing the previous post. One moment it was quite fine, and in fact I had noticed the wheel issues so rarely since I had stopped paying such close attention to the matter that I was actually meaning to set up gaming profiles including wheel functions right after finishing that post, and the next it simply stopped working. Though definitely not reliably, it may still scroll up in the normal position when it feels like it, but to scroll down I need to tilt it left and keep it pressed that way while scrolling, and even then it doesn’t work every time and I doubt it’ll be too long before this will fail completely as well.
Incidentally, yesterday marked 31 days since I bought it, so can’t return it anymore and now it’ll be a matter of taking it back to be repaired or replaced, waiting for who knows how long and then seeing whether the replacement will be any better. However, since I can, with some annoyance, make do with a mouse without a functioning scroll wheel for a while, I’m wondering whether I should wait until January 5, or perhaps the evening of January 4, since the shop itself is open every day, before taking it back, so it will be sent for repairs or replacement at the start of a full week of work instead of simply sitting there over the free days coming next week.
Did send a support message to the store as soon as it happened, but seeing as I only got a reply to the one about the missing warranty certificate after some two weeks, after solving the issue myself by going there, and the people I spoke to while there told me to just go directly if I’ll ever have another problem, since the support department is such a mess that not even employees get answers, much less customers, I’m not expecting much. On the other hand, I did already get a reply to the message I sent to ROCCAT support, being told to take it back to the shop to have it replaced with a new one under the terms of the warranty, and of course that they admit that the Kone[+] had scroll wheel problems but those have been solved in the XTD, but it’s impossible to ever be 100% certain there will be no issues when it comes to electronic products. Waiting to see if he’ll reply again now, after I pointed out the significant number of people who have this complaint about the XTD as well and the fact that some identified exactly why it happens, and that it definitely seems designed to fail, though in these cases it’s obviously a matter of it failing far sooner than desired.

As I was saying in that post I wrote some three weeks ago, I guess I committed to this mouse now, and I’m getting used to a very good thing as far as shape, button placement, surface material and customization options go, so can only hope it’ll be replaced quickly and it somehow won’t fail again for quite some years to come. If so, what I now see as a poor choice may turn out to be a pretty good one in the end, while otherwise it’ll become a truly terrible one and, considering how I react to computer issues, it will spell trouble in more ways than one.