Writing this while I still have Internet access and scheduling it to be posted at 11:59 PM on Friday, since if I won’t find a suitable replacement by then, I highly doubt I will over the weekend and want to make sure I’ll still have two posts this week. If I will find a suitable solution, I’ll obviously edit it to add all of that and post it at that time, but if you’re reading this now, it means that didn’t happen and it’s a good thing I scheduled it. And I’ll be scheduling two for next week as well, though the first is really broken off the previous post and the second is that one I’ve been scheduling at 11:59 PM on Sunday for a long time, moving it forward week after week, modified to say that now the lack of Internet access is the most probable reason why it showed up, not the fact that I’m either dead or in hospital, but that will definitely remain a possibility as well, especially after two weeks without suitable Internet access at that point. Will be leaving that other message in it though; it should get posted here again anyway…
That said, should start with the Internet situation, and that’s unchanged at the time I’m writing this. Dad talked to the few other networks I had found and that larger provider that’s still at least not among those big ones, but they all said they don’t cover this location. That network that used to be located nearby, and which is now moving away, didn’t answer his calls, but I sent them a message on Facebook and they did reply the next day, though only to say that moving doesn’t mean giving up on the network in this area, since that had been my first question. However, they completely ignored the other one, asking whether they could make a connection here in case they don’t abandon the area. So I asked again, and waited out the free days, but when they still hadn’t replied on the afternoon of January 3 I repeated the question, and that evening they did finally reply, unfortunately only to say that they can’t make a connection here because of NetCity. But I really don’t think what I have now is through NetCity, so there must be a solution, and I told them that, again suggesting that they try to talk to the network guy, and also asking what else can I do to convince them to try to work something out, other than finding more clients for them here, since I can’t do that. And the next day, after again getting just a few hours of sleep, spending a long time trying to plan it and having to rush to the bathroom after sending it, I also sent the guy an e-mail myself, asking whether he could help them or offer me any other solutions. But I don’t even know whether that address I have is actually his, or whether he’d still check it now, considering his situation. Either way, at the time I’m writing this I have no reply from either, and in case there will be replies after I’ll lose access I won’t be able to see them, which I pointed out in both cases.
Other than that, with the deadline for the minimum fee being the next day, on December 30 I struggled and somehow held it together long enough to fill things in on his computer and ask dad to make the payments for this year’s half marathon and marathon. On top of no longer having a field for choosing an organization to support, nor one for the name to be printed, the form doesn’t ask the best time achieved over that distance during the past two years anymore, but the expected time, so if the sectors will be determined based on that I’m guessing the first ones will be overcrowded as well and it’ll be quite a mess, but let’s get there first. I wasn’t even sure that the payment went through, since they do say that it can be made in RON as well and there’s a rough conversion displayed when you select the race, but on the payment page just the EUR price was listed, dad can’t use his card to pay in foreign currencies and also didn’t receive any alert, though it should have happened. He said he was going to check at the bank, but since I didn’t speak to him after that by choice and he didn’t include that information among what he forced at me, I’m still not really sure. I did receive some confirmation e-mails, but I seem to remember three e-mails from the previous payment processor, one to confirm that the request was received, one to confirm payment and another, right after that one, as the actual, final, confirmation, with more details, and this time there was just one, and the organizers again didn’t bother to reply to the message I sent about it so far. Can find my name if I search the list though, and also access the entry with the provided password, though only the one for the half marathon seems to allow edits.
Since I mentioned the stuff dad forced at me, I’ve obviously been a mess, hiding away, not talking or not making sense or lashing out. Holding it together enough to write these posts is quite a struggle, and personal blog posts should be a relief… But that evening he insisted to keep calling me until I hesitantly poked my head out of my room, then he started with something else, which he had no reason to need to tell me face to face, then just threw the fact that he had spoken with those providers, except this one network, and all refused, leaving me a complete mess as he went out, nauseous, shaking… Just managed to eat a tiny bit that night, without making salad or touching what I had actually planned to eat then. And no, he didn’t mention anything about the payment, so I was still just as worried about that as well, but that was obviously nothing compared to this.
Oh, also on December 30 I again saw no visits in either view. But the next day I received another game, or more exactly a package, one I chose myself, though that of course made me feel bad yet again, for even more reasons this time. That guy who donates so many on the GOG.com forums had that game running for months and those who participated and managed to escape the dungeon by the end or obtained at least one achievement along the way could ask him for games up to a certain value determined by their achievements, and he rushed things quite a lot at the end to make sure that pretty much everyone who made at least a bit of effort and didn’t just give up on the way will manage to escape. The game ended at the start of the Winter Sale and I was told at the time that I could pick games up to £20, according to the price he’ll pay during said sale, at any point until the end of the sale, which was on January 2. So I took my time, waiting to see whether anything else will be added, either to the discounts or to the catalog itself, knowing I wasn’t going to pick any of the games that were going to be removed from the sale earlier, but in the end stuck with what had been my initial pick, after just quickly going through things once, and that was the complete Age of Wonders III package, so the Deluxe Edition, Golden Realms and Eternal Lords.
So, on top of simply receiving a game, and in fact actually asking for one, and also of the fact that Golden Realms and Eternal Lords were half the price last January, it was something with pricing that includes some regions paying more than the base price, which I was saying I’ll never purchase or cause to be purchased in such a manner. That increase is very slight in his region for the Deluxe Edition, but it does exist, though it’s also possible that at that 75% discount it worked out the same as if the price would have been rounded up in the local currency, which they normally tend to do. Interestingly enough, he’d normally pay slightly less than the base price for Golden Realms and Eternal Lords, but of course that no longer applies in case of buying gift codes, so he paid the base price for those and that possibly slightly higher price for the Deluxe Edition of the base game. On top of that, it is, after all, the first game GOG.com released with regional pricing after dropping their flat pricing principle, adding another huge reason why I didn’t want to cause it to be purchased.
But it worked out to about, or maybe just under, £19, and I had no other ideas that were less troubling. I mean, he would have paid clearly more than the base price for most other games on my wishlist from there, so those were clearly out of the question, and I also wouldn’t even be able to try most on this computer, while this might just work, and I really think I should at least try a game I specifically ask for, without it having already been purchased and placed on a list. Of course, there are the old games as well, but those also tend to be cheap, and possibly either at least without higher prices anywhere or, in a few cases, even flat priced, so I’d rather leave them there in case I’ll actually want to purchase them myself someday, plus that I’d have needed to ask for many of them to get to that amount, and that didn’t sound right either. But, of course, this is all a rather poor attempt to rationalize being a hypocrite and slipping on another of my own principles just so it won’t worsen my already poor mental state even more at this point, or at least not by much.
Last week’s run was right on January 1, and relatively early. Got up at 9:35 AM, after waking up to pee, getting back but then deciding to actually get up after all, hoping I’ll avoid the worst of the crowd if I’ll go earlier. Had the usual stuff, with the exception of a spiral doughnut that was stuffed with something, probably vanilla cream, as something sweet, and wore the training shirt again, but only the running t-shirt underneath, with the jacket also on as I walked to and from the park and then of course tied around my waist as I ran. Despite the wind, with a reported temperature of 5-6°C when I went out, at 11:55 AM, and 7-8°C by the time I finished, that meant I was overheating from lap three, probably enough that I should have just had the t-shirt on at that point. Did have gloves though, and that was probably a good choice, and also once again that thing to cover my nose. That obviously made it much harder, but I’d still say it’s a necessity at this point, even more so considering the wind, plus that when I woke up I was sneezing, there was stuff in my nose and my throat felt somewhat irritated as well, though that was also possibly because I’ve been hugging the teddy bear Andra gave me while trying to sleep these days, and it’s likely dusty.
Ran 16 kilometers again, since it was obvious that the time would have been awfully embarrassing on ten, and I only managed 1:19:48, with sector times of 4:28, 5:14, 6:06, 4:34, 5:15, 5:59, 4:36, 5:16, 6:06, 4:35, 5:16, 6:13, 4:44, 5:22 and 6:04, making for lap times of 15:48, 15:48, 15:58, 16:04 and 16:10, again making a point of not remembering exact times. So I was over a minute slower than the week before, yet it was really all I had. That last time I controlled my pace very well, knowing that I could push if I needed to and ending up faster than initially planned, being fastest at the end, but this time I had to give everything to just stay under 1:20, using every shred of energy left on the final sector to manage even that, and it was the fourth slowest time over this distance. Tried to aim to stay under 1:19 again at first, but already knew on lap two that I was going as fast as I could, and lap three made it clear that I was only going to get slower and that target was out of the question. For a while I considered going for a half marathon distance if I’ll get to over 16 minutes per lap, but on sector two of lap four it felt like my heart was giving me a warning, so I decided to give up on that idea if I’ll at least manage to stay under 1:20… And by the end I wasn’t even sure I’d have stayed under 1:50 for that half marathon distance if I would have tried it, considering how exhausted I felt.
Of course, there are various elements which can be used as excuses. First, standing in an odd position as I looked at something on the computer before leaving, and possibly also in front of the bathroom sink after that, did something to my leg muscles and they felt heavy and hurt a bit even before I started, only getting worse as I went along. My right knee gave me a few warnings early on as well, but that got better later. Other than that, there was of course that thing protecting my nose and making it a fair bit harder to breathe as well as I needed to, even if it didn’t feel that my nostrils were closing that much because of it anymore. And then there were the people, not as many as I feared at first but the park getting more and more crowded as time passed, and there were obvious roadblocks on sector three of lap two, sector three of lap three, sectors one and two of lap four, and no less than three of them on sector two of lap five, the last one of them alone, under the bridge, clearly costing me a couple of seconds. And there were a few other minor ones as well, and a lot of weaving and picking my way through in general. And there was the wind as well, with occasional gusts all along but picking up quite a lot on sector two of lap four, staying that way for some of the next sector as well, then picking up again on sector two of lap five.
Since I’m writing this on the evening of January 4, this is pretty much all I can say at this point. And I’m quite out of it anyway, and can only hope that the chills and exhaustion and nausea and foggy mind are caused by the lack of sleep, bad mental state and constant anxiety, or even actual panic, and I’m not adding a flu on top of it. Not that it’d be surprising, as I tend to get one around this time of year, and dad definitely has been having something for quite some time again, and he obviously doesn’t even care to at least try to avoid spreading it, so the fact that I’ve been avoiding him for these other reasons probably only goes so far. But maybe I’ll somehow avoid it this time around…
I guess the last thing to add has to do with the plans for the future when it comes to writing here, or somewhere, if I won’t get suitable Internet access again. I already said that I should have scheduled posts for next week as well, but if I won’t log on here again, there obviously won’t be any others after that. Still, if I will still be around and have some access, on whatever plan dad will get for himself, I may end up posting stuff on that old LiveJournal account. And if I’ll read something the review should also be on Goodreads, and if I’ll finish a game I’ll review it’ll likely be on MobyGames, though it may take weeks or months for it to be approved over there. May also log on to the GOG.com forums, but I’m more uneasy about that if I don’t feel comfortable with the connection. And I’m very uneasy about logging on to Facebook under such circumstances, though I guess that’s also not impossible. But what I’d probably actually feel the most uncomfortable doing until and unless I’ll be in such a network again is checking my regular e-mail… But who knows what I’ll end up doing if no such solution will present itself.
