Cav's Place

Picked up my race kit for Sunday’s half marathon today, and walked there and back, taking quite a significant detour on the way back as well to check out a couple of places I was considering getting something from after finishing, and during which detour a piece of wood, likely from the eaves of the house I was passing by at the time, fell probably less than half a meter from me. Will probably only get a pizza from one of said places though, since I’m too down in the dumps and the money issue exploded again, so I’m just completely out of it and the plans I had to “reward” myself, with multiple “levels” according to the result, went down the drain. Have the money for it now, but no longer want to, and considering how things stand and how much worse they’ll get, with something happening now and the way my parents keep handling things, I can’t waste anything like this. May end up spending on a movie later anyway, which will be an even bigger waste, but there is a reason for it that… Means something…
The thing is that I have been preparing for this since last year, struggled to come out of the winter able to run ten kilometers just fine every week, did the longer runs as well, got good times, struggled to keep at it despite the recent health issues, even looked more into what food should be eaten before such a run and trying to do a little about that as well these days. Actually just eating something I made and which I’d say turned out very well, not that I even know why I still bothered with it this evening…
I had a goal, some motivation, and that’s really rare. I really wanted to do well, though I was increasingly worried and afraid because of it. But always need stability and predictability, and the first issue was the fact that a monthly metro card wasn’t purchased anymore, for the first time in years I think. Now there’s just a ten-trip one dad got, saying he’ll get me another too since he needs that these days, so each trip will count as money spent and the idea of wandering around and checking out several places today and then maybe buying from a few of them Sunday went down the drain. And then buying in general went down the drain since I also needed the money for the “rewards” and had mentioned it repeatedly, yet what I got and the reaction that came with it stunned me. Sure, quite a lot more was given later, but that was after I snapped, which happens when I need to talk about money either way it goes, and after it was too late to do something about what I had already given up on, and the mood was too down the drain for future plans as well.
I’m just too down to care anymore. If the money wouldn’t have been spent to sign up, doubt I’d even be going anymore. As it is, I guess I have to, though I also slept little yesterday and today and also walked quite a lot on both these days, my right foot isn’t happy and a tooth seems to want to start hurting too. But the plans for a great time, and obviously also the chances of it, went down the drain. Maybe I’ll still try something once there, I don’t know, but at the same time I may just take it slowly and at least know from the start that I won’t manage anything. No idea… What I know is that I’ll be completely out of it for quite a while, no matter how that goes. And considering giving up on running for good after this, of course.

Oh, yes, and I also broke a plate Monday. A little one, and I have no idea how it happened. Was washing it and it somehow shot out of my hand with quite some force, flying back under my arm, taking a couple of plastic things that were in the way with it and shattering on the floor. Highly doubt I could have thrown it like that if I’d have wanted to. So, either way, just adds to the things I broke, and keep breaking, or which keep breaking around or on me. Or… Something…

I’m sure there was something else I wanted to write about, and there’s more to say about today as well, and about the mess yesterday, but forgot what that other thing was and the rest is just shut away to some extent. I’m numb. Maybe I’ll remember what that other thing was and get to more of the rest later, or maybe I won’t. Posted a rant that’s pretty much about these issues last year anyway.

Since I couldn’t do it last week, I was left needing to do two runs this week and managed it, with the first one, which was Tuesday, being particularly notable. Not quite notable enough though, since the time matched the 48:42 current record. 48:42.53 instead of 48:42.60, which I know since I took a picture then as well and kept it, expecting that to remain the record, so you can say it is a new record, but such a tiny difference, of seven hundredths of a second, is of course entirely a matter of when I pressed the button on my stopwatch to start and stop it and where I was on the lines I take as start and finish. Sector times were 4:37, 5:13, 5:46, 4:31, 5:07, 5:53, 4:35, 5:07, 6:08 and 1:45, making for lap times of 15:36, 15:31 and 15:50. Note the great time on sector three of lap one, which actually made me decide to try for a record, since I wasn’t completely certain I had fully recovered from last week’s problems and had much easier targets in mind at first. And that was followed by another second fastest ever second lap. But also note the time lost on sector three of lap three, despite then still having enough left for a great time on the final sector.
There was some weaving due to the other people, I may have started the stopwatch just a bit before the start line, not sure if this actually made me lose any time but I briefly turned my head and clapped a couple of times when I passed an old couple wearing equipment from another race organized here and jogging at a decent pace for their age, there was some wind too, and most importantly there were two fire trucks right at the start of the lap, with the whole crew and a pump, probably loading up on water from the lake. Not a problem on the first lap, but start the second and I see a fire truck right across the path, had to go around it, using the base of that slope going up, and at the start of lap three the truck wasn’t across the path anymore but that little train pulled by a tractor was just passing through that spot and the second fire truck was still parked a bit ahead, and I realized late that it’d be too hard to push and clear the train before slamming into the back of the truck, so switched to go around on the outside after I was already just about committed to the inside, and even then had to be careful since someone else was squeezing down that side too. In spite of that, still was 1.50 seconds ahead after three laps, but lost 1.43 on that final little sector. So I know that, considering the conditions and all I had to go around, I was definitely faster, but the final time doesn’t show it.

Today I ran again, mainly trying to see how race morning may go, albeit one hour later, setting the alarm for 8 AM. And one thing I definitely confirmed again, not that I needed to, was that I’ll need to get rid of the bathroom part before going to bed then, because that definitely doesn’t work when the alarm wakes me and I can’t afford the, shall we say, added weight and complications then. Struggled for some 40 minutes this morning and nothing happened, and that also meant I left at 9:30 AM while then I’ll want to leave by 8:15 AM. Also confirmed that, though my right knee, which was hurting a fair bit after Tuesday’s run, got much better after Wednesday’s walk and my right hip and that spot above my right ankle, which had started bothering me more when the knee got better, didn’t seem much of an issue anymore, that leg definitely is not all right, as after the first lap the muscle above the knee felt like it was compensating for something and actually my knee felt like it was going to slide out of place if I wasn’t careful when turning. There was even a moment, close to the end of lap two, when I realized it’ll be hard to keep going like that and I suddenly found myself drenched in sweat, but in the end it wasn’t that bad, and the times say I was learning to manage it ever so slightly better as I went along.
Either way, the time was 50:15, so failed to even stay under 50 minutes, which is disappointing after Tuesday’s run. And this time I really was trying to do all I could, and the conditions were much better, running into a bit of wind at some point but otherwise having no complaints from this point of view, but all I could do today was definitely far from what was needed for another attempt at the record. Sector times were 4:36, 5:22, 6:12, 4:41, 5:17, 6:10, 4:40, 5:17, 6:09 and 1:51, making for lap times of 16:10, 16:08 and 16:06.

Problem is that now I may just be left with this record like this, basically set twice, with this second one I guess the fastest but questionable if you just look at the time itself. I mean, I don’t plan to run again before next Sunday, and the conditions I see wouldn’t normally allow another solid attempt before then anyway, and after next Sunday I may take it a bit easier for a while, and summer will come anyway. And by autumn, well, I’m not getting any younger, and while endurance can keep being improved for a long time, speed over the same distance will drop. Though I guess it’s frustrating enough to make me at least try a few times at some point, to have a clear record set, even if I may just set myself up for a lot of disappointment.

Otherwise, mentioned Wednesday’s walk, and by that I mean walking most of the race’s route. Actually meant to go somewhere else when I went out that day, but then just decided that’d be a better use of my time despite how my right knee felt, just so I’ll have more time to rest later. However, since I didn’t plan to do that, I didn’t write down the route and as a result got confused in one of the areas where it’s different from last year, eventually ending up following last year’s route and leaving me with an area I definitely need to explore, being new. But it’s around the starting area and I’ll need to get there, most preferably next Friday so I won’t go anywhere Saturday, to pick up my race kit anyway, so I’ll have a look then. That part has about one kilometer and I walked a bit over 16, maybe up to 16.5 considering the moments when I got confused, including the bit to and from the nearest part of the route, but that’s because a part of it will be covered twice and I obviously didn’t also walk it twice, just going through a small part three times, to have a good look at the road on both sides.

And… I’m scared. I mean, last year I just threw myself at it, not even telling people before it happened, except of course my parents since they had to pay for it, so there was less pressure and the targets were more like hopes, yet I was still very disappointed and down for quite some time due to failing to stay under two hours. And this year I’m serious about it, saying there are no excuses if I’ll fail to get under two hours as real time and keep dreaming of under two hours as official time as well, despite being aware that the chances of that are tiny. And I’m even worried that I’ll be unable to stay awake there or that something will happen, like the recent health problems, and I won’t manage to finish at all, or even show up at the start for that matter.
Also fear I’ll just panic, with nothing to hold on to while there, seeing as there was nobody I knew in any way that I could support from that part of the entry fee that’s donated to an NGO, unlike last year. It actually made a difference then to find something I knew should be there. Late and after searching for a long time, but at least it was there both before the start and after the finish, and there was someone to take a picture, and while I hadn’t met her before that I knew of, I at least knew of her and we had interacted a little bit on a group, and actually the fact that there was that group may have counted just a little as well, even if just a few messages were posted on it. This year there’s nothing like that, and in fact don’t even want to say what I picked to support, because it was just because I really wanted to select something and the other options available at the end of the “early bird” period bothered me a fair bit, so I’ll be staying clear even if I will see something like that. So nothing I’ll know to look for, reasons to specifically avoid what might be something I could know if I’d care to, and won’t even have a picture taken at the end.

Just leaving a quick note that I switched the site to HTTPS as of today, so in case somebody ends up here and notices any problems, let me know. This applies to all sections, so site index, blog and games played, as well as the fantasy art gallery. In case of the gallery, due to how the script used there works, HTTPS is now enforced, but other sections should work either way at the moment. Considering enforcing HTTPS everywhere eventually, to keep things clear, but not now and not sure if in the very near future, which means I may just forget about it.
When it comes to the blog, the switch also meant checking for posts with internal links and changing them so the protocol won’t matter anymore, and while I was at it I also spotted a few internal blog links that had the full instead of the relative path, so corrected those as well. Though I checked twice, hope I didn’t mess any up while doing that. And hope I didn’t mess anything up in general, of course. So, again, do let me know if anything seems odd, including any page or post except the “life rating” ones showing any warnings that any content is not secure, because that shouldn’t be the case. Shouldn’t be the case for those test results either, but the tiny images used for the colored bars can’t be obtained via HTTPS at the moment.

Sanderson‘s mind seems to work like that of a crime writer, but on a much bigger scale. He’ll take you every which way, whether intentionally or not he’ll leave some things that are easy to figure out so you’ll perhaps miss other clues while waiting for him to finally admit what you knew all along… And then everything will suddenly get turned on its head when it comes to the biggest matters, apparently out of nowhere until you’ll think it over again and realize all signs were there all along, only you didn’t pay attention.
That level of care and that attention to detail make it stranger to see mistakes slip through, yet there are some. Not talking of typos, though I actually spotted a couple, nor about the summary of the first book being placed at the end, nor even about the Ars Arcanum, also at the end, including the new characters but missing new metals. Rather, talking of things like an obviously wrong vote count or more than one instance of Vin burning a metal she should have very clearly and specifically been out of, taking more after that additional impossible burn instead of before. But, while jarring, these are little things, the main frustrating issue for me being how Vin and, to a lesser extent, Elend behaved when it came to their relationship, though that fits their characters and was fortunately stopped just before becoming truly awful.
With that out of the way, must return to the depth and detail, to how pieces keep clicking together as more is revealed, yet this time I’m referring to the world and its history instead of mere action and current events. If I pretty much took The Final Empire as just a book, albeit a good one, after The Well of Ascension I’m wondering how much am I willing to get into the extended lore, starting to dig through things not included in the main books. Not sure whether I can afford to fall into that rabbit hole, but it’s enticing enough that avoiding it may require effort.

Rating: 4/5

Tuesday seemed to have started well enough, though I was still a bit disappointed in the end. The plan was to run five laps around the lake, so 16 kilometers, on little sleep and not just managing a better time than the 1:24:45 managed for the first five laps two weeks ago, but also covering each lap in under 17 minutes. And after first waking up at 7:05 AM and going to the toilet, I said I’ll spend a few more minutes under the blanket and ended up falling asleep again, waking back up at 8:20 AM. Then I ate a bit, didn’t manage to take a dump as well despite trying, yet the time was 1:24:06 despite the, shall we say, added weight, plus gas and some cramps and heartburn. Sector times were 4:46, 5:32, 6:24, 4:50, 5:34, 6:33, 4:56, 5:27, 6:29, 4:55, 5:34, 6:22, 5:01, 5:27, 6:16, making for lap times of 16:42, 16:57, 16:52, 16:51 and 16:44. So I used the first two laps to set the fast and slow limits, then pressed the pedal a bit more with each one that followed, ending up just two seconds shy of the fast first lap on the last one, and with the fastest sector three and joint fastest sector two on that lap as well. The disappointment was due to the fact that I was quite close to getting under 1:24 as well, but didn’t.

The problems started after that, and yes, this post will be a case of too much information, as I had taken a shower and was reading when the symptoms announcing something seriously wrong with my digestive system hit in force. More gas, worse cramps, chills, headaches, that feeling of my whole flesh hurting, getting somewhat dizzy and feeling increasingly nauseous. Still, tried to pull through and even got to making myself something to eat after dad left, but could just barely manage to hold on there in the kitchen until I was done, then left the food there and went to the bathroom, trying to get stuff out the rear end, though I had already taken a dump before showering, and admittedly there had been some reasons for concern then already. But then again, had noticed a few things not quite right on previous days as well, and knew that my grandmother, mother and cousin had had some pretty bad problems of that sort after Easter and my mother had come back from there still pretty much like that and had brought some food as well, so it seemed likely that I was next in line to be affected by whatever that was. Of course, the effort may have been the cause as well, or at least a part of it.
Either way, as I was sitting there, not managing anything, I realized my digestive system was pretty much locked down, and I had turned very pale and my fingers were turning purple. And when I checked, I saw that it was happening at least to my big toes as well. So it was clear my body was acting as if poisoned and I had to stop resisting and do what it wanted me to, therefore threw up everything I could, finding it interesting that for example each slice of the orange I had eaten right after coming back from the run came back out exactly as it had gone in hours earlier, and also that I apparently just swallow said slices pretty much whole.
After that, crawled in bed and noticed that it was manageable as long as I was face up and pretty much not moving, other than maybe to massage my stomach, and that led to mostly getting rid of the chills and to my fingers no longer being purple. Rolling on my right side was sort of all right as well, but I didn’t dare stay like that too long. Turn on my left, however, or try getting up, and stuff started bubbling around and I suddenly felt very nauseous again. So I pretty much just stayed there, unable to at least sleep, until some time after 8 PM, when I tried to go to the toilet again. No luck that time either, so I listened to my body again and really tried to throw up all that was left, seeing some greenish-black, or very dark green, stuff that I couldn’t explain over everything. Looked like dust if you ignored the color.
After that it seemed sort of all right to sit as well, so I could read some more and get on the computer. And after finally managing to nap a bit, something seemed to get moving again, so I could get some stuff out the rear end as well, albeit only a little at first. A second attempt, at night, after more napping, seemed to have pretty much cleared everything out though. And I obviously wanted to make sure it stayed clear, so didn’t try to eat anything that night, and I didn’t even drink again until late, and definitely not enough even then.

The lack of drinking was obviously a problem, and would have been even without this additional loss of fluids, as I hadn’t had enough to recover even what was lost due to the run. I mean, I don’t usually feel thirst and drink a fair amount less than they say you’re supposed to, but besides pissing dark orange I was quite clearly feeling dehydrated, on top of obviously weak due to the lack of food. Still, other than that and some headaches, things seemed more or less all right the next day, and I even managed to squeeze a few tiny bits out the rear end that were actually rather solid. Not that I was about to risk anything, of course.
Did mean to make myself more tea and try some toast with some cheese after waking up, but dad came just when I was in the kitchen, brought some things which he started throwing here and there, then my mother woke up as well, kitchen got crowded, a part of a small bag dad threw on the table ended up on the plate I meant to use, he again showed his disregard for food hygiene when I complained, and I got annoyed and just left, only taking the tea I had left from the previous day, which I had just heated again. And my mother pretty much stayed in the kitchen after that, so I only got back there around 10:30 PM, when she went to shower, at which point I did quickly make and eat that toast while also making the tea.
Still, maybe it was better that way, giving my body several more hours, because I didn’t feel anything wrong after the toast, but after I ate more or less normally, minus the salad, that night, that changed. But while there were signs that my digestive system couldn’t quite deal with the food yet, those bad symptoms hadn’t quite returned, so pretty much as soon as I finished eating I took some gum which I kept chewing until I went to sleep, spent some time in bed before getting back to the computer for a bit, and massaged my stomach pretty much constantly until going to sleep. And that seemed to have been enough to keep it under control.

The original plan was to run again Thursday or Friday, since I want two more runs before the race, but don’t want to run that week and next week seems somewhat more windy, so the conditions would have been better for that additional run now. That was obviously out of the question, leaving me checking the forecast every day to see when I should try to schedule two runs next week, but at this point it’s still a matter of making sure I recover and that the problems won’t reappear, because I definitely need to be in very good shape two weeks from now and can’t afford anything like this. I mean, I have a goal now, which is rare, and I think I may actually have a chance to achieve it, which is even rarer, so I need things to get aligned right, and having something like this happen sure got me right back to worrying and fearing and thinking it may just all fall apart and maybe I won’t even be able to take part, or at least that I won’t finish.

Still, Thursday after waking up I had yogurt and cereal again, as well as some of the cake dad had brought the day before, and then I did go out, leaving around 2:30 PM and only getting back for good around 10:20 PM, though I dropped things off twice in between. Went to buy some things and checked out three hypermarkets, going to two of them twice, to squeeze out every last bit of the money I had been given, as after setting aside a small amount I’ll need for something else soon, I returned with all of 0.01 RON, and that was after finding two such coins on the floor of one hypermarket, which actually only made it fair, as the cashier had rounded the change to the nearest 0.05, which they tend to do, giving me just 0.02 less as a result.
As for how I felt, it was more or less all right when I woke up and then it stayed that way during the day, as I wouldn’t have done all that otherwise. Still had gas, after waking up there was still a slight feeling of something coming back up and the taste of garlic and, oddly, of the tea, if I was making a bit more effort on the way, such as sprinting to catch a green light, there were some brief light cramps, and there was even more gas after having an orange and a bit of some organic carbonated apple juice dad had brought after I got back in the evening, but didn’t actually feel nauseous again and other symptoms didn’t return. Something definitely didn’t feel all right after I ate that night though, obvious signs that things still weren’t functioning as they should, but it was significantly less bad and easier to control than the night before.

One problem left until today was that things still didn’t seem to be moving through the digestive system all the way, so I was increasingly bloated and hadn’t managed to shit again after those few tiny bits from Wednesday, despite actually trying a couple of times. What’s more, not even gas seemed to be going that way, almost all tending to choose the upper way out. So when I managed a more normal fart last evening I took it as a very good sign, despite the utterly rotten smell. And that improvement seemed to continue as several others like it, including the smell, followed last night, and then I finally managed to take a dump again today, and it seemed quite normal. Also, while it’s not all quite right yet, can’t say that things felt particularly wrong after eating last night anymore, nor after what I had after waking up today. So this at least seems significantly less serious than what I experienced back in 2009. (By the way, that post even now remains the most popular by far…) Now let’s hope it stays that way, as in that it really is getting cured now, and that it’ll be cured completely and not return.

Otherwise, after Thursday evening I was fearing I’ll fall behind and not manage to finish it Saturday after all, I actually pushed a bit yesterday and finished The Well of Ascension then. Minutes before midnight, in fact. Didn’t also try to write the quick review for it then though, the initial plan being to do that today and give in and end up with a Sunday update after all, but then I decided to keep avoiding that and write this now instead, leaving that for tomorrow, just so I’ll have it as this week’s second post, obviously on a different day than the first one, as the rule is. Hope there will be nothing preventing me from posting it then, as I want to do what I usually do, post it here and on Goodreads at the same time, so can’t write it now and just schedule it to be published tomorrow. Plus, my brain doesn’t quite want to try to handle that now as well, right after writing this.